I agree wholeheartedly. I grew up playing with Barbies, hosting fake tea parties and wearing dresses. Then I went through a tomboy phase. Then when I started working, I really got into doing my nails and make up. And I had a fantastic career, my ‘princess’ side never getting into the way.

I say, let girls be girls.

I’m expecting my second child at the end of Feb. and don’t know if we will be having a girl or a boy. However, if it is a girl I just want to strike a balance. Like Suri’s heels, most little girls would love to wear that out in public, but you have to consider health!

My son has blocks and balls but some of the balls are hot pink b/c he picked them out in the store. He also likes to smack things with sticks, get his hair fixed by Mama, and cuddle with his stuffed rabbits. I’m glad he has balance but I have to let him discover for himself what he wants. And when he wanted the sing-along Elmo then he got a big fat no. Simply because I wasn’t listening to the damn thing.

I figure you can’t blame lego, their job is to make money not parent our children. If you think the pink legos would be harmful to your kids then don’t buy them. Last time I checked I still had the debit card. Well unless McClain has decided to play with my purse again.

Well said. This is just perfect. I too get on the “well my girl (hypothetical at this point) will play with dinosaurs and black too because I hate the princess stuff but I am a cheerleader if my son wants to twirl to Tangled. I am setting up myself for failure. Kids like what they like. You are exactly right and none of it is weak. I mean did you see Rapunzel with that frying pan?

Why can’t they be feminine AND strong? They could have ‘girly’ Legos while still using their brains- my only real issue is that the stuff is pre-built. It’s not just giving girls what they want, it’s implying that they are either a) too lazy or b) too weak to build their own nail salons, etc. If Lego stuck to the same model as usual while prettying up the pieces, I’d have no problem with it. I’d still show my daughter all the options and let her choose for herself, but if she chose the pink stuff, so be it. A well-written post!

Thank you! Great post!

Maddie has trucks and fairy princess stuff. She likes the princess stuff more. It’s just what she likes and I’m totally okay with that. Just like if we had a boy I’d be totally okay if he preferred trucks OR if he wanted to play with the princess stuff too.

I agree with you! I had hoped my daughter would bypass the pink frilly princess phase but she didn’t. She’s four now and pretty much an honorary Disney princess with all the toys she has. I realized early on this is building her creativity and strength because she sees how these princesses battle evil without brute force. Using wits and smarts is far more successful than guns and swords (even Captain Jack Sparrow teaches that!) and I support that wholly!

I am a firm believer that gender stereotypes are something that have evolved over time…on their own. I have a 3 year old boy who loves to fight, kick, play super heroes, and play catch. I was one of the people who believed we wouldn’t have guns in the house or swords given at birthday parties. Until he got the hanger and made it a gun, and he picked up the woodchips at the play ground and started playing swords with them. I found myself playing catch with anything that could possibly be thrown, and being shot at by imaginary bullets. Instead I had to change my frame of mind and make sure that we don’t shoot people and we only sword fight with people who also have swords. We once showed him a doll, just to see how he would react. He was about 18 months old and absolutely terrified of it. He wouldn’t even walk by it in the hallway or through the door out of the bedroom if it was anywhere around. Now it’s a matter of appropriate fighting and gentleness when necessary. I don’t think it could have been avoided, no matter how hard I tried.

I remember back in the day playing legos with my brother at daycare and they put out a new set. It was primary colors but had flowers, bushes, doors, windows, and other cool things. I loved making towns and houses. It still had police people, bikes, and fire hydrants. I wish lego would make more sets that appeal to both genders so that girls can choose. Maybe we would see more dinosaurs wearing tiaras.

Thank you! I can’t get behind the hate for letting girls be girls. My son has his nails painted purple and I’m a hero for letting him be himself. My daughter wears a princess dress and I’m told I’m letting her grow up to be weak and she’ll think she needs a man to take care of her. Please. Kids like what they like and if your kids are growing up to be vapid princesses, that’s a parenting fail not an outcome of too many Disney movies.

This is a very well-written and thoughtful post, Ilana. Love it.

My daughter (whose blog name is…the Princess!) definitely has her princess obsession. She loves her Easy Bake Oven and her tea set. She also loves her scooter, her t-ball set, and her trucks. They love what they love and the best we can do for them is teach them that whatever they ARE, whatever they love, whatever they’re good at, is OK. Strength is not about what color your shoes are. It’s about what’s inside you.

I honestly don’t get all the drama over the new blocks. Kids will become who they want to be, no who we, as parents, want them to be. My girls love things that are pretty, pink and sparkly but they also like playing football with their brother. I’m not buying them not because of how they’re marketed, I’m not buying them because I don’t enjoy pulling one out of the heel of my foot.

Nice piece Ilana and I like a lot of your points. But I don’t think it’s about denying girls the lovely right to play with princess toys and fairy wings and all things sparkly and pink. I think it’s about offering choices. And right now, there’s very very few choice for girls–the inundation of marketing and cultural messages from princesses on diapers to t-shirts that read “I’m too cute to do homework” is a tough thing for parents to try and counteract. Ever try and find your daughter Diego underwear? I have. I failed.

I’d urge you to read Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein. It’s amazing (and totally non judgy and her daughter likes nail polish too). But it made me think differently about statements like “Lego is just giving young girls what they want” – when the truth is, what they want has been defined for them by marketers and media and continually reinforced all around them. There is nothing wrong with fashion and baking! There is nothing wrong with pink or purple or rainbows or unicorns. But I believe there is something wrong when girls are being taught that those are their only options.

For what it’s worth, those of us high powered, salon-loving execs who were raised in the 70s had the same LEGOs the boys did. And our Big Wheels weren’t pink.

Thank you so much for writing what I have been thinking since this whole thing came about! I was baffled at why these “girl legos” infuriated so many people! What is so wrong with little girls who like to play “bakery” and “fashion designer”?

To me, it seemed like those that are up in arms are saying that little girls who like they girly things are somehow “less than” the girls who would prefer to build a Lego pirate ship.

My girly girl is also a black belt in karate…just sayin’….

I’d like to think the girly stuff can be a gateway to the wonderful ness that is Lego–especially for a girl who hadn’t explored her engineering side before. We skipped Duplo and my so has just aged into big kid Legos. Guess what? The ‘boy’ toys are deeply themed and also come with a lot of prebuilt stuff, or with pieces so specialized for the particular theme and model as to be useless in general Lego building binges. Any child with a mechanical inclination soon grows tired of the themed sets and craves as many buckets of plain blocks as they can finagle their grown ups to supply. Those not inclined, doesn’t really matter what colors their first set was.

Great article Ilana. I think it really embodies what we strive to be as a parent is open minded and encouraging of our children’s exploration of the person they want to become. I think sometimes we want our children to define themselves far from the stereotype, and we discourage them from doing what they truely enjoy. And letting them experience everything available to them is the best way for them to learn about their true self. Thanks for writing!

I don’t particularly blame Lego, or other parents or kids It’s hard for little girls to go out or get dressed or anything these days without being surrounded by the Pink Princess phenomenon. I’m sure there were plenty of plain, non-pink, non-frilly things around when I was a little girl, but these days they’re few and far between. Of course kids are going to respond to that.

I get it, really I do. They are a big, successful company. I am confident they did loads of market research on this before deciding on what to release.
It rubs me a tiny bit the wrong way, but…then again…

I have a boy & a girl. My 4.5yo girl plays with all my son’s Lego’s, making rockets she says will fly to Star Wars The Clown Wars as well as towers for her tiny animal/princess/creature toys to live in.

I am adamant that my son and my daughter know they can play with anything. There are no toys off-limits to girls or boys. But I don’t do the filtering for them. They decide.

I’m a girl and I play with every toy and game in this house and garage and yard, equally. I model for them, remind them that they make the choice. Stuff can be put on shelves, marketed any way the companies want. But it’s up to me to raise my kids to see each other as equals, toys as just things, and playstuff as a gender-neutral opportunity to let their imaginations go wild.

Agree with what someone else said: it’s not the color pink as much as it’s the fact that it’s pre-built. I bought my daughter the Lotso dump truck (Toy Story 3), and we worked hard putting it together. We can build the nail salon, thank you very much.

Btw- I LOVE the princesses. 3 year olds don’t glean the anti-feminist message from those films that adults do. They see pretty dresses, shiny hair, magic wands and fun songs… and that is IT. You can watch Cinderella and grow up to kick ass at Harvard.

Great article! Lego shouldn’t get a backlash bc they are offering what sells, but I agree with cdnkaro, it would be nice if the pink set didn’t come completely per-assembled.

@Heather, my four year old has said to me “I can’t play with that one–that’s for boys.” Because she sees it in an aisle marked BOYS. That’s where they get it from. The cashiers don’t stop me from buying Tinker Toys for them. But it sucks as a parent to have to convince them that no, the store made a mistake. They’re for girls too.

Ilana, as usual, you hit it square of the head. I’m not a hater for Lego trying to build business by creating something that they have tested to work. Girls will always choice what appeals to them first. Its nature vs. nurture. We can’t make girls like pink. Sometimes they just do.

In the meantime, I’ll be over here playing Hello Kitty with my son.

@Cloud Thank you for giving more insight into the actual toy and not just what it says on the commercial and can be gleaned from the box.

I will say however that aisle placement in chain stores is determined by the brands selling there, not the stores themselves. There is a ton of research and money spent by the companies on where their products are placed in-store.

To @Mom101′s point, if Lego put the pink legos with the rest of the legos, that might go a long way in stopping her daughters from identifying any of the lego sets as “boy” or “girl” just by virtue of it not being specifically in a “boy” or “girl” aisle. Maybe that’s actually a good solve for them?

On aisle placement- the articles I’ve read (and the insight I got from one of my commenters, who works with retailers from the side of a publisher), the power dynamic has changed there. In this case, it is the big retailers who have decided to segregate the Friends sets from the other sets. It would be interesting to know how they are placed in actual LEGO stores, though- I’ll have to check that out sometime, but my nearest LEGO store is at Legoland, an hour from my home. So no time soon! In the store I bought mine, though, it was next to the Star Wars sets, at the front of the store, instead of in the back with the other LEGO stuff. I’ve heard, but not directly witnessed, that Target and the like plan to put it in with their other “girl” toys instead of with the LEGOs. I don’t much like the big toy retailer, anyway, so mostly I either buy online or if we’re in one of the neighborhoods that has one of the smaller local chain toy stores, I buy there. They have all of their LEGO sets all together.
I think @Mom101 has a good point, too. My 4 year old tells me that some things are for boys and some are for girls, and I think that is sad and something to try to fix. But I think that is going to take more time than my daughters have, so we’ve taken the approach of contradicting the stereotypes but also focusing on finding toys that stretch her skills even if they are pinker than I’d really like. So far, we’ve been able to convince her to ignore the stereotypes and she happily plays with a mix of toys. I even convinced her that she could indeed have the Pink Floyd t-shirt she saw at the store, even though it was in the boy section. It has a rainbow on it, afterall.

When did it suddenly become wrong for girls to play with “girl toys”? When I was a little girl I would have very much enjoyed pink legos, with little dolls, and what not because THAT IS WHAT I LIKED. I had no interest in playing dinosaurs, or policeman, or race car, etc. These days it seems more and more people are trying to turn their kids into some “social experiment”. (i.e the parents who decided to keep their kids gender a secret from everyone because they wanted “it” to be able to… hell I don’t even know the point of their experiment and I wont pretend I do.) My daughters’ clothes are bought in the girls section because surprise they are girls, I buy my clothes in the womens department so why would I feel the need to let my child choose whether she wants to dress like a girl or boy? You can not choose whether you are a girl or boy. Does my daughter have toy cars and what not, yes she does if that’s what she happens to pick out but I do not go out of my way to avoid things that are clearly aimed at girls. That’s just stupid, I see nothing wrong with my daughter dancing around in a tutu or pretending she’s a princess and I see nothing wrong if my daughter grows up and wants to stay at home in an apron baking cupcakes for her family if that’s what she chooses to do. it would make me just as proud of them as if one of them grew up to be the first female president. People need to stop experimenting on their kids, while you might think you’re helping them you may just find out later in life that you confused the hell out of them and they need therapy.

I’m gonna have to disagree. The problem is not that they’re pink or bakers or whatever (the legos) it’s that they’re “bigger and easier to put together”. I have no problem with girls who want to be ballerinas and bakers and beauty shop owners… I just hate that our current culture tells us that’s ALL they can be. Shit, make a hot pink operating room or a lavender carpentry lab. And a navy blue beauty shop. I just think that toys need to be toys. My girls like blowing stuff up as much as my son, and my son.. well he thinks Barbies are stupid and he’s right.

The Legos are insulting. They took a cool toy, and after marketing it towards boys for YEARS, are shocked that they lost the girl market, so they paint it pink and dumb it down and tell girls (or parents of girls) BUY OUR STUFF.

@Marlana, I don’t think anyone is saying that it is wrong that girls play with “girly” toys, just that it is wrong that our culture gives them so little choice about how to be a girl. I know that we all think our kids come to their interests “on their own”- but I seriously doubt there is some sort of “princess gene.” Our daughters love princesses because our culture has taught them that this is how to be a girl, and the drive to associate with your gender is strong (and culturally reinforced). THAT does bother me- I just don’t think the Lego Friends do that. I am also concerned by the fact that the traditionally “girl” toys do little to help girls develop the skills that will set them up to succeed in math and science. No, not everyone has to go into those fields, but frankly, that is where a lot of the well-paying jobs are. And with the increasing prevalence of computers in all walks of life, I think this is only becoming more important. The Lego Friends sets stand a good chance of getting more girls the chance to grow those critical skills. If they have to put them in a purple box to make that happen, then I can live with that.

I love Cloud. She always brings so much to every discussion.

I agree, my problem is not the theme or color (some girls are just really girly no matter what, gosh knows I fully encouraged my little girl to be a total tomboy, very ender neutral toys, etc. but she is mostly very girly haha), its the fact that the products are pre-built. They are taking the creative aspect out of legos, and there are so many developmental advantages to building toys like blocks and legos that girls would be missing out on.
Aslo as far as marketing, and saying that girls don’t like pirates and such, I don’t think that’s true. Maybe they should try a purple pirate ship with a female crew instead of a pre-built kitchen set.

why do people always have to find something to complain about? why cant we just let our kids like what they like and play with what they like and just freakin let the toy companies made and sell toys they think kids will like. it doesnt freakin matter if its “suppose to be a boy toy” or a girl toy. who cares. just buy your kid whatever they like. stop worrying about gender neutral sh*t! get a freakin hobby people.

I’m all for letting kids being who they are, and I understand Legos’ strategy, but why do those sets have to be all pink? Why are they pre-built if building with Legos seem to help develop certain skills? Why not just have sets that have a mixture of colors that appeal to some girls that have themes some girls like that they have to put together? Plus, why the totally different Lego people? Just give them the regular ones with the designs to fit the theme! *That’s* what I dislike about the new Legos, and for that matter the whole marketing to specific genders thing. Why not make toys more accessible to both genders? I mean, sure, have some things pink for the kids who like that color, but don’t color the aisles in certain colors, or completely separate the toys by gender. I mean, baby and toddler toys aren’t separated in that way, so why are toys for older kids?

I think the anger over these girl legos, is ridiculous! As a girl, my sister and I had loads of legos and were forever trying to make a suitable looking house out of them. I would have Killed for these growing up. All these parents have to do is buy some regular legos and the girls legos and mix them together. The point is to be creative with them, right? As for forcing kids into stereo types, that is also ridiculous. After two children, and six years of daycare I can tell you that is not possible. When children are in a room filled with toys for both genders they will gravitate towards the toys they like and no insistence from grown ups will change that. The boys in my care played with the baby dolls, only they carried them around by the foot and hit things with them. Stereo types exist for a reason, and with any common sense you know them to be generalities. Most, not all, girls like pink and girly stuff. Most boys, but not all, like cars and tools. But all we have to do is look at how we grew up and what we like, to know that even if you Really like pink you probably still like a bunch of stuff that is not pink. I Still love pink and my dd Hates pink but loves doing her nails.

Adrian (girl), likes everything. She likes dress up, dino, yo gabba gabba, blues clues, olivia, and backyardigans. She loves to have her nails painted and play with cars. I feel like a parent is suppose to open doors and if the kid goes in go with it. There are things she likes that i don’t (painting nails).

My daughter wants the vet set for her birthday. Because it’s cool. And when the horse stable sets come out she’s going to flip. She likes purple, and horses, and dinosaurs, and princesses, and trains. I think it’s ridiculous that this is a topic of discussion. LEGO has been heavily geared towards boys for ages. Why can’t there be sets geared toward girls? I get that some companies have gone nuts with the pink, but there’s nothing inherently evil about pink.

I like what you’ve said and how you’ve said it. I think you have a fantastic attitude and a great approach to fostering Mazzy’s interests. We don’t prevent boys from playing with “masculine” toys. We shouldn’t feel pressured to prevent girls from playing with “feminine” toys.

That said, there’s a prickly sensation I get every time I encounter girly toys for my three girls. I let them play dress up, wear princess clothes, pretend to give each other fun hair dos. They are happy, engaged in using their imagination, and working in concert to play out a make believe fantasy. Good times all around. Their little brother throws on some plastic high heels, a sparkly bag, and some play bling and gets in on the game, too.

But the other day he said something the girls have never said. He said, “I’m going to work, like Daddy.” I don’t work outside of the home (although I once did); my husband does. Because my son has figured out both intuitively and overtly that his main male role model is Daddy, he’s started playing at being Daddy. The girls like to model the things I do: cook, clean, volunteer, and care for kiddos.

In that moment I realized that princess crowns and Easy Bake Ovens are still great. I just need to work extra hard to expose all of my kids, gender aside, to men and women working across the traditional gender roles of generations ago. I need to be sure at they know what the possibilities are. Male nurses; female doctors. Boys who bake and girls who build.

Then I’ll feel good buying the girls whatever pink toys they like, as long as they know they have to share them with their brother just as much as he shares the imaginary car they all use to commute to their pretend day jobs.

I love this !!! And truth be told my oldest went to get his toes done with me just b4 I had his baby brother. He makes cupcakes and cookies with me and made 27 pink heart covered envelopes for his class valentine party. He does tell me that he wants to get merge ‘girl legos’ I don’t see a problem in this. If the girls want the traditional Legos get them if they want the link one get them. Let you children do what feels good for them and stop trying to push them that is what makes an intapendant strong minded individual :)

I used to trade barbies for tonka trucks with my brother so he played with barbies I played with trucks I’m still not into beauty or fashion although I do occasionally like to bake I’ am a vary independent woman who often becomes the one who takes care of and supports my boyfriends I have still not gotten married and if this last one does not work out I wont be I am a single mom who takes care of my daughter with little help from anyone except when I go to work she is mostly into stuffed animals baby dolls and things she can chew on but I plan to offer her a variety of what society has deemed “girl’s” toys as well as “boy’s” toys so they she can make her own educated decision and who knows maybe she will be like I was eventually and put the barbies in the driver’s seats of those tonka trucks and let them wear hard hats and jeans and maybe the GI Joe dolls (I used to play with them too) will wear dresses and high heels and that will be ok too but can we get some purple or blue or something besides bubble gum pink?

FINALLY, someone that sees that sometimes girls really do like girl things without being forced! Honestly, everyone’s so worried about not pushing gender roles, but really is it so bad if someone likes the gender role they’re in? I have two girls… One’s 16 and an anime nut that wears only jeans and baggy t-shirts, she’s confident as a girl that isn’t girly. The other is 12 and every inch into fashion and teddy bears, but still likes to climb trees with the boys. Do I force either into their roles? Nope. Do I encourage them to be girls, but by their own rules? Absolutely. They ARE girls, after all, best they realize that, then make that fact fit THEM. No amount of advertising molded them, and if it did so what? Sometimes you don’t know what you like till you see it, and if a child never sees anything but neutral how does she know whether she likes girly (or in boy’s case, cars etc) or not?

Not all girls are girly, and for those girls it’s really upsetting to constantly have pink things bought and marketed for them when what they really want are the trucks, pirates, and dinosaurs. And some boys want to play with princesses. Personally, I feel that the Princess thing is pushed on girls at an earlier age than when I was growing up. I don’t remember being into princesses until I started going to Disney movies in grade school. My daughter is 3 1/2, and she is already familiar with all the Disney princesses from her peers at day care and preschool, even though we don’t have any of that crap at home. I don’t have a problem if some girls want pink stuff, and my daughter is already way girlier than I was, but they should have alternatives. So, fine, if most girls want pink stuff, then make pink stuff, but don’t ONLY show girls playing with pink stuff and ONLY boys playing with trucks, pirates, and dinosaurs.

I also don’t think this stuff is as entirely organic as we want to believe. Children imitate what they see. Show children Angelina Ballerina and Transformers. Kids twirl around; Grandma says to the girls “Aw, aren’t you just precious? You’re such beautiful dancers.” At best, boys get silence, but most likely derision from at least some of the people in their life. Then watch them stage a battle against Decepticons. “Settle down now. Good girls don’t fight.” vs indulgent smiles and “They’re all boy, aren’t they?” (Another pet peeve: boys who don’t act this way are only part-boy?). Even if you make a conscious effort to react neutrally to everything they will still get positive reactions to making gender “correct” decisions from grandparents, other relatives, friends’ parents, teachers, etc.

Certainly some children naturally go one way, but you’re not also raising them in a laboratory and even if you are as neutral as you believe, outside influences play a part. Even if you scrupulously keep them away from TV, there’s still Grandma, Mr. Jones next door, their cousins and friends who do watch TV, etc.

No one is saying girls SHOULDN’T be interested in baking and ballet, (or that boys shouldn’t either. What we’re saying is that for a major toy producer, once famous for its creative building sets which were marketed to boys and girls, to reverse direction, neglect girls almost entirely, focus on racing, science fiction and war toys and THEN suddenly come out with an entirely separate “Girls” universe focused on cooking, baking and puppies is sexist. Children are being told, both by LEGO and toy store displays, that science, magic, exploration and aggression are for boys; and art, music, cooking and caregiving are for girls. Of course parents and children are free to choose whatever toys they want, but it is naive to ignore the influence of marketing, TV, peers, etc.

Before making up your minds, I urge you to take a look at the Feminist Frequency’s excellent 2 part video series on LEGO’s appalling track record on marketing to girls: http://www.feministfrequency.com/2012/02/lego-gender-part-2-the-boys-club/