Toddler Times
7 (Not So Serious) Stages of Speech Development
I am no child expert. I do, however, HAVE a child. Therefore, please keep in mind that the following information is limited both by my lack of knowledge and my test group of one kid. Her name is Mazzy, she’s pictured left and she recently turned two.
STAGE I: FOR THE LOVE OF ELMO
With the exception of Mazzy’s first word (“hi”), her next few words all reflected the greatest loves of her life. Her second word was BOO (her blankie/second appendage), and her third word was DADA. Obviously. Then, somehow, without ever seeing a lick of Sesame Street, Mazzy mastered ELMO. (Are kids just hardwired for Elmo devotion?) This was all months before she even attempted MAMA. For this reason, I have alternately entitled this stage: “The Baby Hates Me”.
STAGE II: THE SURVIVAL KIT
Once Mazzy got beyond the three loves of her life, she moved onto basic survival skills. This included BABA (bottle), BA-BA (pacifier) and NANA (banana). After these three basic needs, came secondary necessities like BOOK, BALL, and BABY (most often used to refer to herself in the mirror).
The word iPAD showed up in this stage as well. I fault my husband for that one. I am convinced he fed it to her because he thought it would be hilarious if she said iPAD before MAMA. I should tell you that my husband doesn’t fully understand the word “hilarious” and regularly confuses it with the phrase “heinous act committed against thy wife”.
STAGE III: IT’S ABOUT TIME
At about a year, Mazzy finally said MAMA. Since then, MAMA has become her most frequently used word. It is particularly endearing when screamed at the top of her lungs in the hours between 5-6am.
STAGE IV: THE HUMAN SPONGE
At first, Mazzy was just saying words that we were actively teaching her. Names of animals and their sounds. Names for her toys and different foods. But at about 15 months, she began busting out random words that she had overheard. Words that were more complicated like TISSUE, DOCTOR, and KNAPSACK. This is the point when you realize your toddler is listening to every word out of your mouth and you must stop all forms of swearing whatsoever. SHIP!!!!
STAGE V: THE BROKEN ROBOT
This stage started at around 18 months. Mazzy had quite a few words in her vocabulary and when the moment struck, she liked to name them in quick succession. But since so many things had entered her brain at once and she often picked up speed as she went, she would start to mix all the words up and get them wrong. She’d point to a BOOK and say NOSE and then point to her EAR and say MOO and then point to a BLOCK and say AVOCADO until she started to resemble Rosey from The Jetsons having a meltdown.
STAGE VI: OLD SCHOOL SNUFFALUFFAGUS
Nowadays, it seems like everybody is fully aware of the existence of Snuffaluffagus. But back when I was a kid, everybody thought he was Big Bird’s imaginary friend. I wanted so badly for the rest of the gang to know Big Bird wasn’t making Snuffy up. And it was always so close! Snuffaluffagus would go home to get his toothbrush and then two seconds later Maria and Gordon would show up and be all like “Big Bird is such a liar!”
This is how I feel now when I try to introduce THE INCREDIBLE TALKING TWO YEAR OLD to friends.
“She can speak in full sentences, I swear!” “You can practically have a conversation with her!” “Go ahead! Ask her who she is voting for in the next election!”
Without fail, Mazzy clams up and acts all REGULAR TODDLER on me. And then everybody is nodding, like mmhmm, just another crazy mommy who thinks her kid is so freakin’ special. Which is ridiculous. I don’t think that at all!!!
STAGE VII: THE HARVARD DEBATE TEAM
Mazzy hasn’t reached this phase yet but I am certain it is right around the corner. You should have heard her arguments for bringing her sippy cup of milk to bed. She almost won! But judging by the tantrum that occurred when she didn’t get her way, there’s a small possibility that she’ll go in a different direction.
YALE DRAMA CLUB. Here she comes…
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9 Comments
Brittany commented on Jan 17 12 at 1:57 pmI have two girls. One is 4 and the other is 2. My olest speaks very well and will tell MANY stories about her day, the dream she had last night, whoever’s birthday party is coming up (even if it is 3 months away) pretty much everything. My 2 year old thinks that she speaks just as well as her sister and also loves to tell MANY stories, except her’s usually consist of words, I have yet to understand, spoken very quickly with the exception of words I do understand like EAT or SISSY. Her conversations to us usually end in frustrated tantrums because after repeated 20 times fast we just do not get it.
Marlana commented on Jan 17 12 at 4:11 pmstage IV was fun, My oldest daughter is 4 now but I remember waking up from a nap when my daughter had just turned two only to find her and my husband sitting on the couch. Only problem she was repeating “WTF, WTF, WTF” (not the letters the actual words) like a broken record. I looked at my husband with a WTF? look and he says “I tripped over something it was an accident.” For about 6 months i had to fear taking her into stores because I just knew she would start yelling it as soon as a group of people were around. lol
Lisa commented on Jan 17 12 at 4:36 pmThose are DEF the stages. Right on the head!
Kristin commented on Jan 17 12 at 10:03 pmVery funny. What I am loving right now is the toddler accent. The lisp and R becoming a W are so cute.
And I’m with you on how they manage to shriek MA-MA. Maaaaaa-Maaaaaa. MAMA! at 5 am. No lisping-accent there. Just clear, loud speech. Sigh.
Samantha at ShesNotBroken commented on Jan 18 12 at 9:40 pmWe’re right in the middle of Stage VI. Thank god, my housemate has heard her and can collaborate! Or conversely, we both just look like loons.
cheylene commented on Jan 18 12 at 10:00 pmI love this, very funny, good job! when you said broken robot i thought you meant : “mommy I want milk, mommy I want milk, mommy i want milk…….” over and over again until your head explodes…or she gets milk whatever happens first!
pickymommi+2 commented on Jan 18 12 at 10:27 pmStage VI is great!!! My freakin 3 year old is kinda still in that stage….tells the most amazing stories about….anything on the top of is head, then when I want him to tell someone else its all….uhhhh. Yeah, I look like a nutjob sometimes, cuz I’ll burst out in random LOLs….but its worth it.
Kerry commented on Jan 18 12 at 11:13 pmgreat article…..i was giggling (alone in the kitchen) the entire time…looking forward to experiencing it firsthand…for now, our 13mo Tuck’s favorite words are da-da, dada, daaaad…you get the jist…only says ma-ma…when sad, angry, mad…but it makes my heart melt every time i hear it <3
Maryeah commented on Jan 19 12 at 10:19 amSo true. Especially “The Baby Hates me” bit. My son will laugh and squee and anyone but me, I swear.
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Mary L Weimer 
Beth Anne Ballance 
Ilana Wiles 
Natalie Holbrook 
Monica Bielanko 
Emily McClements 
Danielle Elwood 
Naomi Odes Aytur 
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