Toddler Times
Anderson Cooper, I Am Disappointed.
oh, Anderson. I used to swoon daily.
Dear Silver Fox,
For so many years, I swooned over you, applauded you, admired your journalism, & calculated the many ways to seduce you. You are a smart hunk of fine man-meat. But I think I’m going to end this relationship and trust me, it’s you. Not me.
Listen, this horrible battle between stay-at-home mothers and working mothers is just old and pathetic and so message-boards-circa-2009. Nobody wins that war — we all just end up with cat scratches and hurt feelings to lick. Then you had to sensationalize it by adding the title, “Are Stay-At-Home Moms Lazy?” and I swear, chunks of bile rose in my throat.
Anderson speaks with a mom who works outside the home who shares her extreme point of view, claiming that moms who stay at home are just lazy. Anderson and a panel of moms discuss the brand new controversial study that says moms with jobs are healthier and happier, and debate the issue of who is actually happier. ~AndersonCooper.com
In my best momma voice, I say, “ANDERSON! What were you THINKING?!”
For heaven’s sakes, man. You are an award-winning journalist! You can do better than this!
I think back a few months ago when you asked me to participate in your new show, to enter stage left and discuss my reputation as a former internet mean girl. I hesitated and eventually turned you down, knowing that I was also turning down any chance to entice you into a green room; not out of fear for owning up to my mistakes, but rather the risk that you only needed me for a sensational story, not a woman who seeks to deliver sincere apologies.
According to the platform for this mom versus mom war, I chose well by saying “no.”
I beg you to think outside of the Jerry Springer box and stop pitting women against each other. Stop initiating the tear-down and guilt and heartbreak that we all face and instead, give us programs that bind us together. Help American mothers to better divide their time and energy between home and the office. Focus on ways that mothers may become more involved in the community, or give them resources to assist in our education system to help it grow. I know it’s hard work, but we can do it.
We mommas, all of us, are used to hard work.
Love,
Beth Anne
Beth Anne writes words & takes pictures on The Heir to Blair.
You can also find her on the Twitters & Facebook.
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48 Comments
Misty commented on Jan 09 12 at 4:22 pmTotally agree with these sentiments. We do a terrible enough job of judging each other and tearing each other down without some cable talk show host (I really loved you, Anderson Cooper. I am disappoint.) egging it on. Here’s hoping more women will see this show for the sensationalistic BS it really is.
Elizabeth commented on Jan 09 12 at 5:10 pmPardon me while I stand up and applaud. I was so pissed off about this the other day. I was thinking about doing a vlog, but you? Have said everything perfectly! :
Jill @BabyRabies commented on Jan 09 12 at 5:18 pmYes, you indeed chose wisely. Love this!
Carolyn (temysmom) commented on Jan 09 12 at 5:46 pmBrava! I think it’s high time we just leave the entire SAHM v. Working Mom thing in the past where it belongs.
Katie commented on Jan 09 12 at 5:52 pmAMEN! I am so disappointed in AC. He just got sort of ugly-looking.
Michell @ Girl In Air commented on Jan 09 12 at 6:07 pmWell said!
Lazy?? OMG! I quit my 10yr career to stay home because I didn’t want to miss a minute with my boy….trust me when I say it would have been MUCH easier to keep my job and deal with passengers and shorter days!
Working or staying home is a choice and I don’t think ANY mom takes either lightly
Alana commented on Jan 09 12 at 6:07 pm::slow clap::
Tragic Sandwich commented on Jan 09 12 at 6:13 pmHonestly, who has time for Mommy Wars? Aren’t we all too busy doing our best for our families–depending on what our particular family needs? I know I am.
Lucy @ lucilleinthesky.com commented on Jan 09 12 at 6:43 pmGood God. Is there really a universal answer that works for everyone? Is there really a point in discussing this question of who works harder? It’s not easy to stay at home and devote your life to your kids. It’s also not easy to leave them with another caregiver for most of their waking hours. It’s not easy paying bills. It’s not easy cleaning a house. It’s not easy being a woman, and it’s not easy being a mother. We are expected to do it all, all the time. I am a work-at-home mother, and some days, I wish I could focus on my work all day and not worry about the toddler. Other days, I wish I didn’t want to work, and I could focus on the toddler all day. Since I can’t bare to stop working, or to leave my baby all day, I do both, with occasional help from my mother and a babysitter. Being a stay-at-home mother is more than a full time 40 hour per week job, it is a full LIFE, 24 hour per day job. I don’t know Anderson Cooper, but he has certainly left a very sour first impression.
Mommaexpat commented on Jan 09 12 at 8:53 pmLet’s be honest, don’t the dads work wayyyy harder than any SAHM, WAHM, or working moms?
Erin commented on Jan 09 12 at 10:02 pmThis would have been a legitimate story if it were newsworthy to argue it out between stay-home-dads vs. working dads. It’s not and is obviously an archaic debate intended to knock down all women. Seriously, you call that journalism? Seriously?
Laura commented on Jan 09 12 at 10:22 pmBravo! Extremely well said!!
Beth commented on Jan 09 12 at 11:10 pmAnd… Michell wins the prize for starting the war right here. MUCH easier to work, honey? I think not. They both have their struggles, and to imply that it is easier to be a working mon is just as bad as saying SAHMs are lazy.
Tracy @Liberating Working Moms commented on Jan 10 12 at 1:07 amYou know I 200% agree with you. I’m trying really hard to boycott watching it…but another part thinks it would make great blog fodder for me..you know ;)
Kristen commented on Jan 10 12 at 7:47 amI agree that the mom wars are pointless and dumb, but I don’t see the reason for the fury at Anderson Cooper here. The sensational headline clearly comes from the mom he interviewed (as the explanatory paragraph says, *she* thinks SAHMs are lazy – Anderson himself didn’t say that). Maybe you’re mad at him for giving her any sort of platform to share that ridiculous thought, but it says he’s discussing it because of the recent study about WOHMs being happier or whatever, so it’s news. I 100% feel you on being sick of this dumb debate, but I don’t think it’s a good enough reason to go from A.C. lover to hater. I can’t believe you turned down a chance to go on his show. Oh, and you know he’s on Twitter, right? Did you consider tweeting at him with the link to your angry rant? Maybe he’ll do some sexy apologizing for offending you.
Adam @ Hanging with Dad commented on Jan 10 12 at 8:03 amRemember, this is the same man who recently got a spray tan with Snooki. Me thinks his requirement for news is somewhat low.
bethanne commented on Jan 10 12 at 8:37 am@Adam, touche. I fear my expectations of him are far too high for where his new show is reaching.
bethanne commented on Jan 10 12 at 8:38 am@Kristen, I just expect MORE of him, I suppose. I’m upset that as an award-winning journalist who many follow & look up to, he gave something so ridiculous a platform & voice rather than taking on a real matter.
Diane commented on Jan 10 12 at 9:02 amTo be fair, the topic is timely because that study is recent and has been in the news. It is his job to pique viewer interest by presenting extreme viewpoints on the subject. I get that you are irritated by sensationalism and that Anderson Cooper is playing a part in it, but the fact is, it is a talk show that is put on for entertainment, this is not a news broadcast. He is going for ratings and sensationalism sells. Hate the game, not the player, yo!
Kristen commented on Jan 10 12 at 9:16 amYeah, I get that. I think a lot of people have been surprised with some of the stuff he’s covered on his new daytime show (see spray-tan with Snooki comment above). It’s a different type of show and a different audience, and I think he’s still finding his groove and trying to walk a line between cheesy/sensational daytime show fodder and serious Anderson Cooper-worthy journalism. He does occasionally go too far toward the cheese or Jerry Springer-esque stuff. I’m not going to give up on him just yet though. :)
Kristen commented on Jan 10 12 at 9:16 amDiane just said exactly what I was trying to articulate!! Thanks, Diane.
Amanda commented on Jan 10 12 at 9:54 amWell said!
The Many Thoughts of a Reader commented on Jan 10 12 at 10:41 amWow. I think he should have just stayed with his old job.
Megan commented on Jan 10 12 at 1:19 pmI know, I can’t wrap around my head he is such a good journalist and is resorting to talk show smut. Give me that audience and that topic and I’d do way better. Thank you for saying it so eloquently Beth Anne,
Amy commented on Jan 10 12 at 1:49 pmI am a previous working mom who is now a stay at home mom. I can tell you that staying home is extraordinarily challenging. I love my children more than life itself, but I have absolutely NO help and this job is HARD! I have heard of the recent study that supposedly shows that working moms are happier. That may be because they do not work as hard as stay at home parents. SAHP are required to entertain, teach, and please their children nearly 15 hours per day. It is exhausting. We do not take naps or breaks…we work all day long. I feel for mothers that work. I know they covet staying at home. But before people make judgements, they should live a day or week in a SAHP’s life. Families with only 1 income must be very prudent with the funds they spend. There is often not extra income for babysitters or pre-preschools or activities. Long story short…Anderson Cooper does not know what it is like in the real world…and that is too bad. I know better.
bethanne commented on Jan 10 12 at 1:57 pm@Amy, to be fair, I think that this statement from you – “I have heard of the recent study that supposedly shows that working moms are happier. That may be because they do not work as hard as stay at home parents.” – is just as rude & inflammatory as the lady on Anderson’s show. I appreciate that staying home is challenging but I can assure you that I work my tail off for my company. & that my “breaks” more often consist of working through lunch with a Lean Cuisine at my desk or grocery shopping for the week.
& if you’d like to see me working “all day long,” please click here:
http://blogs.babble.com/toddler-times/2012/01/07/day-in-the-life-of-a-working-mom/Also, the comment “I feel for mothers that work. I know they covet staying at home.” is so off-base for many working mother’s that I am borderline chuckling. While I personally would find satisfaction doing either, I have many friends that choose to remain in the office.
Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie commented on Jan 10 12 at 2:20 pmI’ve never understood why people feel the need to divide mothers. Stay at home? Work at home? Work outside the home? Who cares? Operative word that describes ALL 3 = MOTHER.
Paula commented on Jan 10 12 at 3:44 pmWhy don’t they study whether the KIDS are happier when mom stays at home or works?? Isn’t that what we should be most concerned about?
OK anyway…this is just absurd. Each woman makes that decision based on their own family’s needs, and what works for them. You can’t make a blanket statement about it.
BTW I am a SAHM and I am soo happy to be home with my daughter…but I can tell you it is absolutely HARD work. Harder than when I worked outside the home, to be sure. That is my experience though, not every woman would feel the same- so I don’t judge anyone whether they are at SAHM or not. And of course, not every woman even has the choice to stay home. I feel very lucky that I do.
JJ commented on Jan 10 12 at 4:07 pmThanks for setting the record straight. I’ve been on BOTH – in fact, all THREE sides of the fence – work at home, work out of the home, and stay at home – and they all have their pros and cons. They’re all hard. The fact is they all end in “MOM” and that’s where the joy and challenge lies!
Steph commented on Jan 10 12 at 5:51 pmI work 2 days a week, and I think for me that’s perfect. I don’t have the exhaustion of working 40+hours a week and trying to keep up with everything, yet I get just enough time away from my toddler(and her drama! Oh the drama of a toddler girl!) that I enjoy my other 5 days a week with her.
But the best mom is the mom who KNOWS what is best for her and her family and makes it work.
I wonder what Anderson’s momma thought of that show??
MarMat commented on Jan 10 12 at 9:42 pm:Stands in ovation:
bethanne commented on Jan 11 12 at 8:25 am@Steph, an excellent point on Anderson’s momma. I wonder if she stayed home or worked?
Rachel commented on Jan 11 12 at 8:39 amWow, way to generalize and stereotype an entire group of women!
Never mind the fact that my duties include keeping up with all inside and outside chores, budget planning, meal planning, helping our elderly/sick relatives, nursing a 19 month old, etc. Yes, very lazy and unfulfilling life over here :)
I’m going to vomit on my computer if I have to hear this debate/fight one more time! There are lazy sahm and lazy working moms! But let us go ahead and assume MOST are doing their best and trying to find their happiness. Any mom can feel down and wonder if she made the right choice or what the other life would be like.
Rachel commented on Jan 11 12 at 8:58 amAlso, I’m totally with you that I would be fine either way. I happened to get laid off when I was pregnant and didn’t find a job for 2 years. We’ve decided to stick to our tighter budget and live in a smaller place but I could easily be a working mom if the right job was presented. I don’t feel superior or that I do more than a hard working momma! Some previous commenters were assuming working moms put in a half ass 40 hour work week. That is just as wrong as saying a sahm sits around eating bonbons.
Sara commented on Jan 11 12 at 4:19 pmYou guys know who his mom is, right?
Krista commented on Jan 11 12 at 4:44 pmI work 4 days a week, and think that’s perfect for me. Just enough money to support myself and my family, and also alot of time spent with my family. My boyfriend works full time so i dont have to work as much. He loves his job, and i love my 2 jobs. My employer, and my children. We all have our opinions on this, and quite frankly i think we all need to stop being so judgemental of others.
cindy w commented on Jan 11 12 at 4:49 pm@Bethanne and @Steph – Anderson Cooper’s mother is Gloria Vanderbilt. So, yeah. She was/is a working mom.
Elizabeth commented on Jan 11 12 at 4:57 pmI am a working mom – working outside the home – I hate acronyms – I manage a busy 24 hour Starbucks store and bust my tail 40+ hours a week, but still somehow manage to get my 2 year old daughter to speech therapy 3x week, and volunteer in my son’s class once a week. Its all about your priorities in life. You can have a great work/life balance if you so choose – which I do :) – I still have to come home and clean, do laundry, cook and bathe the children – I still don’t have alot of extra $ lying around to have babysitters for the weekends that I do get some time off work – It isn’t a choice for me to stay home due to the needs of my daughter. Would I want to? hmmm maybe/maybe not. Depends on the day/week I’m in. Its tough no matter what your “working” status may be. Is my house messier than some of my Stay at home mommies? perhaps – do I leave dirty dishes in the sink some nights as a trade for snuggles with the kids ? yes I do. Find your own balance and happiness and stop judging others. Its super annoying no matter which side of the triangle you sit :) just my opinion!
Lynett Haag commented on Jan 11 12 at 4:58 pmI was a stay at home mom enjoyed it for the most part but there is no time to be lazy!!!!!I was also a stay at home Nana and enjoyed it immensly but there still was no time to be lazy!!!!Anderson Cooper IS NOT a MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shantel commented on Jan 11 12 at 5:03 pmAt the end of the day, whether you are a SAHM, a WAHM or a work outside of the home mom, we are all still MOMS. Being a mother is the most challenging and the most rewarding job all of us are blessed to have. This debate is ridiculous. Shame on anyone who thinks a specific “mom job title” is harder than the other.
Marah commented on Jan 11 12 at 5:09 pmI agree with Kristin and Diana – the headline is sensational and written to grab attention. For you to write off a journalist because of a piece you haven’t even seen yet is kind of a bad reaction. I mean, really, do you know what they’re going to say? Are you Suuuuuuure that they’re going to trash the SAHM community? Likely not. I’d actually expect AC to give them props to gain followers.
Second – you couldn’t seduce Anderson, he’s gay! Come on – you should know better than that. It is a nice fantasy, though. I’d hit that.
nicole commented on Jan 11 12 at 5:20 pmWhat about mothers that work from home really not lazy, they stay home work a job and take care of thier children
c mom commented on Jan 11 12 at 5:26 pmtake it easy folks- he was doing 2 sides to a story. just like shows do. he wasnt saying stay at home moms were lazy. just like yesterday he wasnt saying pushing your kids to dance was the right thing to do. he is still a beautiful hunk of man meat and has an amazing show. lighten up people.
AC commented on Jan 11 12 at 5:31 pmWas just watching it for a second and was so annoyed that he was engaging in that same ol same ol tired battle between SAHMs and WAHMs. I would have thought that he was more progressive but unfortunately he is just like the rest of the media mob – pls pls stop w/this topic already. Its not better one way or another for goodness sakes there are different challenges and rewards on both sides and who cares really as long as u can take care of ur family.
Dolores commented on Jan 11 12 at 5:42 pmJust let AC try to be a stay at home mommy for a while–then see if he wants to use the “lazy” label=/
Morgan commented on Jan 11 12 at 9:35 pmDid you really expect something different?
BTW – unless you have a penis you have no hope of seducing Anderson Cooper.
S H commented on Jan 12 12 at 12:59 amI am actually a working Mom. Let’s face it giving up your life for your child is a wonderful thing and I admire SAHM’s for doing so. At least, I am out of the house for 8 to 10hrs a day yes, working my butt off as a nurse. But, I can have adult conversations, go to lunch, laugh with co-workers etc. So, even though I am a working Mom. I know what SAHM’s give up. And, if I had it to do over I would of stayed at home….you miss so much, I think. And, I am not saying being a WM is easy bc it’s not. I just think SAHM’s sacrifice more than I do.
bethanne commented on Jan 12 12 at 10:29 amsigh. People. I know he’s gay.
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