I miss my body.

I also miss spending money. I feel like money has been tight forever. But when I think about life before kids we had money for going out to eat and random shopping trips. Now … with $800/month going to daycare and all the other things we pay for the kids, we really have no money.

I also miss sleeping in and also sleeping through the night. The little one sleeps through the night, but nowadays, I am such a light sleeper that the cat sneezing wakes me up….LOL. But the lit up eyes when you go to get them up from bed, totally makes up for it, and more!!!

Happy Hour!!

I just said the other day, that I totally miss my sassy yellow convertible mustang.

And lazy evenings/weekends when the work week has really taken it out of me.

But the trade off is definitely worth it and those twinges are very few and far between…truth be told they happen about as often as the babyfever happens so it all evens out as neither will be happening in the near future. LOL

I miss SLEEP. Plain and simple. I miss being able to wake up whenever I wanted to without a care that anything in the house required my attention. I also miss being able to go out to dinner with my friends without having to beg for a babysitter…I miss being able to do college homework without somebody trying to lick my arm lol. And the sex…Our sex life was abundant, and now we have to consciously work on it (the quantity part, not the quality lol).
I would never, ever go back though :) Thanks for being honest BA! I absolutely have those days where I wake up feeling like the wicked witch of the east for feeling that way…

there are days where i am so worn down, that i would love to just come home, throw on my pj’s and watch a marathon of some trashy tv, or read a whole book in a night. and usually, those are the nights where b is her crankiest. they are few and far between, but when they come?? so help me…….

but what i really miss the most?? a clean, uncluttered house and car. and the ability to go to the gym whenever i want to.

but i wouldn’t trade one second. wait….except this one….i smell poop.

I miss spontaneous weekend getaways with my husband. We’ve tried it with kids. I assure you it’s not quite the same.

I miss being able to take a trip and not have to plan who is going to watch the boy or whether we can actually pull it off with the amount of driving.

Going out to eat. At a Real Live Restaurant. With cocktails, without high chairs. When we do get to have the occasional baby night, this feel like the biggest luxury. And I miss living in my city. We moved to the ‘burbs for the kids, and it’s fine and we’re a happy family there. But the second the kids are in college? I’ll be happy to move to a smaller space in the city where I can walk to all the local fun!

There are moments where I miss my “Carrie Bradshaw” days so much it hurts. I lived for the glamorous single life in the city, with wild nights that would be talked about for weeks. I miss heading out at midnight to check out the next hot bar, restaurant, lounge, play, theater troupe, etc. before the city guides got to it. I miss spending hours by myself at a bookstore, flea market, vintage thrift shop or wherever *I* felt like being with no one to account to. I miss brunch with the girls, the scandalous gossip sessions, and those wild and amazing work days and assignments that made me pinch myself and say “I can’t believe this is my life!”.

After coupling up – spontaneity in any form! Wild, bed shaking adventurous sex without worrying about who might hear. I miss being in tuned with what was going on in the world – from politics to pop culture to entertainment to local city life. I miss the courtship, the “us against the world”, staying out all night or sleeping until noon (or later). I miss the countless concerts we’d go to on a whim, or couples night out.

I miss who I was sometimes – cutting edge fashion, expensive haircuts, everything plucked, groomed, polished, waxed. Mostly, I miss carrying on intense conversations long into the night about anything and everything with a broad spectrum of friends.

Things are certainly different these days. The old crowd has moved on – new jobs, new locations, families of their own. Babysitters cost a fortune and frankly I am not the most trusting person so I avoid them whenever possible. We never go out together on “dates” and when we do we talk about our son. I go out with my graying hair, glasses my boy has twisted one two many times, and makeup left over from those “girl about the city” days. My Betsey Johnson has long been replaced with Russel sweats (or Levis if I’m dressing up!). Our house looks like a medium security prison thanks to the many gates around, and we’ve surrendered our living/dining room so my guy can have a place to play. I’ve had to make new friends – and they all are of the “mommy variety”. As for the old ones… the uncomfortable periods of silence seemed to get longer each time. You can only play “Does so-and-so still work there?” for so long.

I know I lost “me” in the mix, and honestly I resented it for a long time. I had to mourn who I was, what was gone. But I eventually realized time tends to makes the bad memories fade and the good ones shine.

These days, I wouldn’t trade my life (and my 2 year old tornado!) for anything in the world. Sleep is great – but giggling with my son while we watch Elmo is even better. The “mommy” friends I’ve been meeting are actually pretty awesome. And there’s something freeing about being who you are – the natural, back to basics you – rather than a carefully constructed character you develop over the years.

Even though we’re facing an uphill battle for the next few years due to severe developmental delays – and our lives revolve around therapy appointments and Early Intervention meetings – it made me realize what really matters in the end. It’s not getting into clubs or celebrities or countless concerts, but the hugs and kisses I get from someone who I know loves me more than anyone else on earth ever can and ever will. Watching him make progress each day is the most incredible gift anyone can be given.

So screw the Cosmos… I’ll take wall drawings, restaurants with paper hats and spilled milk on every surface any time!

Not having play-doh in my rug.
Not having syrup on my pants.
Getting 1 person ready for work in under an hour.
Smoking (yup, I loved it even though it was killing me).
My husband.
Killer heels. My feet just don’t go in them anymore.
My boobs. Thanks, nursing.
Money.

I have to say we’re extra super fortunate because we have two sets of grandparents happy to take her for 4-5 days every year and we sneak away for a “pre baby” vacation… I LIVE for that!

i don’t just miss my old life “sometimes” — i miss it all the damn time.

I miss being alone and attending to my needs only. These days I’m always feeding somebody, cleaning up after somebody or checking somebody to make sure they are alive still.

My kids are well past the toddler stage, the youngest is 10. But every now and again, that ghost of who I once was flickers by, maybe in the scent of Red perfume or Aussie hairspray or Peach Schnopps, maybe the passing of a black Camaro, or the glimpse of a couple in a restaurant that are obviously just getting to know each other, or catching Taylor Dane singing “I can’t get enough of your love, baby” or Aerosmith singing “Two Princes”. The strongest ties are the faded photographs and ticket stubs dated 1990something. Seemingly so far away, seemingly just yesterday. I closed my eyes and 20 years passed me by. I miss feeling young and invincible, like my whole future was wide open before me, with many paths. More than anything though, I miss my kids baby and toddler and preschool years, much more than my “me” years. So those that are there now, don’t mourn too much, you are in the very best stage of life:)