Toddler Times
Will You Tell Your Child About Santa Claus?
Let's hope he ends up liking Santa, at least.
Recently, I have read manifestos of parents denouncing Santa. There are various reasons — religious, financial, but the underlying theme seems to be that they do not wish to lie to their child or be deceptive.
I get it.
Kind of?
Okay. I don’t get it.
When I think about growing up with Santa, I think of that magical feeling throughout the month of December. That sweet anticipation that seemed to glimmer with the Christmas tree & add a little extra sweetness to every bite of Christmas cookie. I remember spending the night on the bottom bunk of my older brother’s bed, staying up late & watching for Rudolph’s red nose. We swore we saw it so many times, even when we were old enough to question why Santa would be flying over North Carolina at 8:30pm. I remember that bubble of joy in my belly, sitting at the top of the stairs in pajamas & then racing down to see what Santa had brought. Piles of toys & treats, spilling out of stockings & the smile on my parent’s faces. I think of how my mother sat down with me beside my dollhouse & helped me arrange the furniture perfectly while still admiring my brother’s ability to put together his new Legos. The joy, the surprise, the anticipation…that’s what I remember.
I don’t feel resentment, even when I think about the day I realized there was no Santa, no flying reindeer. To me, it did not take away the thrill of Christmas…it merely added to the magic, knowing that the presents would be there, acts of sacrifice & grace from my parents to their children. Knowing that my mother, not some stranger at the North Pole, carefully selected each doll placed under the tree with me in mind.
So yes, we will tell our son that there is a Santa. We will help create magic & anticipation & the feeling of grace in the 24 days leading to Christmas & I hope that on Christmas morning, I share the same knowing smile that my mother once wore.
How will you approach Santa? Will you celebrate him or do you view it as deception?
Beth Anne writes words & takes pictures on The Heir to Blair.
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20 Comments
Leslie commented on Dec 05 11 at 9:49 amSanta was a huge part of Christmas for me growing up. I can’t imagine not celebrating him.
Sarah commented on Dec 05 11 at 9:58 amI agree w you! Totally hub bub when parents say its lying. I don’t remember feeling anger when I found out the truth. I love this season, and look forward to seein the joy on my daughters face Christmas morning.
We are also limiting Christmas gifts to align w the birth of Jesus. Lil will get 3 gifts from us and then a big gift from Santa and her stocking!
bethanne commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:10 am@Sarah, I LOVE the three gifts – I have heard of that often, three gifts to symbolize the three wisemen. We don’t do that, but we do try to keep our religious beliefs as the purpose of Santa – basically, a story of grace & gift.
bethanne commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:10 am@Leslie, I am so with you. I just…can’t imagine it. & although Harrison doesn’t understand Santa yet, it’s still SO MUCH FUN to start pretending & telling him that if he wants XYZ truck, he should tell Santa.
Nicole commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:18 amWe are doing Santa at our house and the Elf on the Shelf (a new family tradition). The magic of Santa and the holiday season is a bright spot in the year.
Amanda commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:21 amI am totally with you on the magic of Santa! Let them be little! Leslie, I love the three gifts idea :) Merry Christmas!
Erica commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:22 amI don’t get it either. Kids should have magic in their lives. They will have more than their fair share of reality medicine later on. Viva la Santa!
Karli commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:23 amI totally agree. Santa is a magical part of this amazing season. I’ve read so many stories that compare him to Christ and how you can incorporate those things into your family traditions. I always believed as a child and don’t remember when I stopped, but it was still magical. My 18 year old sister still writes a letter to Santa each year and my dad still writes back. Pretty cute. I was the oldest & loved getting to be “Santa’s helper” each year after I knew. It’s just part of the wonder & excitement. Feeling no deception here.
We do the few gifts/stockings from us and then Santa brings a family gift in a special Santa bag. Usually includes a game, movie, and book that the whole family will enjoy together. I LOVE this time of year & having 2 littles makes it all the better. Our elf on the shelf, Wally, has just improved the spirit of Santa in our home, too. Can’t wait to go visit him in a few days!
Shannon commented on Dec 05 11 at 10:55 amI totally agree with you BA. Santa is a wonderful concept to incorporate into a holiday. Part of the wonderment of childhood is imagination and fantasy, and what better way to build on that than Santa?
Anna commented on Dec 05 11 at 4:01 pmSince everyone who has written so far DOES “do Santa” with their kids at Christmas, I’ll add a different perspective. I’ve never taught my kids that Santa is real, although I’m not at all against people who do. From everything I’ve read, most kids who believed in Santa don’t feel betrayed when they find out that he isn’t real, and grow up to share the idea of Santa with their children, as all of you have done. For me, though, Santa was never a part of my Christmas celebration as a child. I mean, I knew who he was and all, but I was taught that he was “a story that people like to tell at Christmas and make-believe about.” I knew that my presents came from my family and friends, and as far as I can tell, my Christmases were just as wondrous and magical as anyone else’s. I suppose that since I wasn’t taught that Santa was real as a child, I don’t really know how to present Santa as truth and NOT feel like it’s lying to them. I know that people who incorporate Santa into their Christmas traditions say that it’s not at ALL the same thing as lying, and I’m totally willing to take your word for it, but I just don’t personally understand, and feel a bit uncomfortable at the idea of telling my children that something is real, when it isn’t. I can “kind of” understand in that I DO sort of talk about the tooth fairy, but the difference there is that I’ve told my daughter straight out on several occasions that I’m the one who takes her teeth, but we still continue talking about the tooth fairy as if she’s real, just for fun. I guess I just don’t understand why people would rather have their kids believe in Santa than not, especially knowing that there will come a time when they’ll learn the truth (I teach my children to never, ever tell other kids the secret, by the way. I certainly don’t want them being “those” kids! :). Like I said, I have nothing against people who DO teach their kids that Santa is real, I just don’t personally understand the tradition. I loved Christmas as a child and still do, and my own kids love it as well, so I guess I don’t see that the holiday is any “less good” for them because they don’t believe in Santa. Maybe it’s just one of those things that you only really understand if you were raised that way…
Laura commented on Dec 07 11 at 2:40 pm@Anna—wow! I could have written this post myself. Verbatim. We are doing Santa with my girls because my husband is all about it–and that is ok. I am finding it really hard for me to talk about it though, because I DO feel super guilty! I know it’s all in good fun, but because I never believed I think it’s just different for people like us, ya know? We are hammering Baby Jesus into their heads like woah, and I’m hoping that will stick as the true meaning of Christmas and not just SANTA! PRESENTS! ME! ME! ME! :) We have an Elf on the Shelf as well but my kids know I move it every day. Maybe one day I won’t feel that twinge in my gut when we talk about Santa but this is all still pretty new to me. I do have to say, I swell up with joy when they get excited about it and it does bring happy tears to my eyes when I see the magic of the story come to life for them. Kids are just amazing. Either way people celebrate it, Christmas is just a magical time of year filled with absolute wonder and joy. I love it.
Mrs. MidAtlantic commented on Dec 08 11 at 12:09 pmSanta totally exists! I still believe!
molly commented on Dec 08 11 at 12:16 pmSeriously? Get out of my head. I’ve been mulling over writing a somewhat controversial post on Santa. You see? We just don’t know what to do about Santa. I grew up as a loving believer of the old fat man but I can honestly say I was DEVASTATED when I found out he wasn’t real. And it did take away from the magic of my Christmas. I remember the exact moment when my older sisters finally confirmed it for me and my little sister. I don’t want to do that to my kids. I really don’t.
I don’t care what other people do. It’s up to them. But I am just so conflicted about this.
Krista commented on Dec 08 11 at 12:28 pmWe will do Santa. Santa to us is very real in that he embodies the spirit of giving, the magic of believing in what you can’t see, faith in something bigger than yourself, an idea of goodness and wonder.
We will be doing three gifts, unwrapped, laid out before the tree on Christmas morning, in addition to filled stockings.
We will leave homemade cookies and milk. And one day when we are asked if Santa is real, I will tell my son (and any siblings he may have) he is real in your heart, and the spirit of santa is magical and wonderous. That at one time, there really was a Nikolaos of Myra (aka St. Nick) who secretly gave gifts in the 4th century and his spirit of giving and good deads live on in the magic of Christmas time. To Believe in that goodness and spirit all thier lives just as we believe in Jesus and his ultimate gift of dying for our sins.
Misty commented on Dec 08 11 at 12:52 pmI think it ultimately comes down to what is right for your family. For us and with our child, we feel like we can better build trust by not telling him things like Santa and the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny exist. I also don’t want him believing he only gets gifts if he’s good enough or that Christmas is just about presents. If “do-ing” Santa is right for your family, great. But it’s not right for ours.
Alison commented on Dec 08 11 at 4:11 pmMy trust in my parents greatly diminished when I found out they had lied about Santa. Maybe because they really tried to make it seem very real. Something in my heart hardened towards them for a long time after I found out. While we have a perfectly fine relationship now, I still kind of hate the holidays. Oh, and it greatly contributed to my path towards atheism (if Santa wasn’t real, maybe they lied about god), which I am now grateful for, but that was not their goal.
I get that most people don’t feel that way, but you never know how a kid will react. We are taking Anna’s approach with our LO. Hopefully that works for us.
Mama Durso commented on Dec 08 11 at 7:07 pm@Anna: DITTO!!! I feel the same way about Santa and my parents and… everything you wrote. I remember the other kids in my class telling me that Santa wasn’t real and then I would VEHEMENTLY deny their reasoning. And then my mom told me that Santa wasn’t real… and I felt like a complete idiot. For so long I had made a fool out of myself by being so trusting in my parents and defending them to others only to find out that they were lying to me for their own sport. Obviously, it wasn’t supposed to be like that, but that’s how it ended up for me. If you want to tell your kids about Santa, go for it, but it’s not something I can do after what happened to me.
Sarah commented on Dec 08 11 at 9:21 pmHave you read this: http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa
My husband and I debate the Santa, Tooth Fairy thing…I was not going to to it but after I read this- I see where you and him are coming from. I love the way this gal explains the magic and belief that only a child has the innocence to allow……
Check it out…
Christina commented on Dec 09 11 at 10:54 amfor our family, I don’t want the memories of Christmas to be toys, gifts, presents. I want it to be everything you described right up until you got to the materialistic details of stockings over flowing with toys and dolls. I want my kids to believe in magic, in compassion, in the human spirit. We have “santa” in our house, but santa is more of a frame of mind than an entity to fear should you not make the “nice” list. I don’t threaten them with ‘santa is watching’. I try to encourage them to be kind to others and give from the goodness of their heart and in the spirit of St. Nick, to give from your heart.
It’s a tricky slippery slope. I am very against the commercialism of christmas and I feel that when we discuss “santa” not St. Nick and not Chris Cringle, but the commercial version of SANTA at the mall with a cheesey backdrop and 19.99 keychain 4 photo package, we’ve taken away ALL the magic we are so dearly trying to preserve.
Vanessa commented on Dec 09 11 at 7:59 pmAt first, I really debated about doing Santa, because I didn’t want to encourage my daughter to believe things that weren’t real or feel that we were lying to her when she found out the truth. Then, I read this article, about how Santa can be a great tool to developing critical thinking. Basically, we’ve decided to let other people do the story telling about Santa (friends/family), but when she comes to us with questions, we’ll answer with questions. (“How does Santa fit down the chimney?”, “I wonder how too! What are some ways you think he could fit?”) It makes me feel less guilty about lying, and it’s fun :)
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