Toddler Times
Never Apologize for the Parent You Are
Someone please tell me why (oh why) people care so much if a random 4 year old is in a stroller or if a 3 year old still sucks on a paci?
Who freaking cares?!
I know, I know, a paci is bad for speech (I think) and maybe oral development (or did I make that up?).
All I know is this: I don’t really care how you parent, but for some unknown reason, lots of people do.
So long as your child is loved and cared for, why should anyone care if your toddler eats standing or plays with toy guns?
I wrote about the fact that my toddler has a TV in his room and I’m not sorry. Wow, people cared. I guess I was flattered even if some of the comments were pretty harsh. For the record, I’m still not sorry.
Find what works for you and use it. If you live to regret the parenting decisions you’ve made and have bad habits to break, so be it. We all have ‘em.
I have made and will continue to make plenty of questionable parenting choices, but it’s me who has to live with them – no one else. Like starting the habit of cinnamon roll Sundays? My idea. My kids love it, my ass hates me. Or the habit of a toddler in my bed when he can’t sleep? My toddler loves it, my husband doesn’t. We each have the right to raise our kids with the best of intentions.
You know your child and you know what works. Good, bad or indifferent, these are our choices to make for it is we who suffer the consequences and reap the rewards. It’s all about practical, livable parenting within the confines of the values your family personally holds dear. Your parenting choices are for no one else to judge so stand true to what works for you and thank everyone else for their concern.
Somewhere along the way we lost the humor in the absurdity of our everyday: our kids freaking out, poop on the floor, boogers on our shirts – come on people, this stuff is ridiculous and all together awesome. Bottom line: We’re all just trying to survive and embrace the crazy in our own way. Who said parenting had to be so serious all the time?
We each have the right to raise happy and healthy kids our own way so parent on with your awesome self.
Never ever be sorry for the parent you are; your child wouldn’t want you any other way.
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19 Comments
Elizabeth commented on Sep 08 11 at 8:09 amAmen! Spoken like a proud member of The Mom Pledge Community! And I’m so proud you are! Not only that, I’m proud to call you my friend. Go on with your mom self, sweetie! :)
Brianne commented on Sep 08 11 at 8:23 amVery Well Said!! I wish everyone would mind their own business. yes you are entitled to your opinions but like your momma said “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!”
However I’d like to point out a favorite phrase from a very good friend which is
“Your “bad” parenting is none of my business until it affects my kids”( -S. Britt.) in which case if you are truely a bad parent and it is affecting my child then I will be all up in your business!
Amy @ MomMeTime commented on Sep 08 11 at 8:26 amRock On!
I concur ~like 1000 percent!
MB commented on Sep 08 11 at 9:20 amI concur to a point. I’m sure you have heard it all, but if a person’s parenting choices are clearly beyond-question endangering that child, as a considerate person I have a responsibility to step in and do something. I once reported a friend of a friend for routinely driving drunk with her infant in the car. I’m not sorry for that and would do it again. That’s a parenting choice she made that she should be sorry for.
Monica commented on Sep 08 11 at 9:25 amI do agree, as long as a parent is not being abusive (that includes verbally) it’s none of our business. But just want to say one line in here did not sit well with me. And I swear I’m not trying to be snarky or judging it truly just didn’t sit well with me. “I have made and will continue to make plenty of questionable parenting choices, but it’s me who has to live with them – no one else” Your children do have to live with them too. And I’m sure you knew that and that’s probably what you meant. As I said I’m not trying to be judgmental it’s just that line did not feel right to me. Everything else, I’m spot on with though ;).
Mom-Friday commented on Sep 08 11 at 9:30 amI love everything about this article! We do what we can to best of our abilities. Let’s not be judgmental of other parents, to each his own.
Anne commented on Sep 08 11 at 10:14 amNope, sorry, if you do everything right–according to my standards–you will be able to train perfect children through the sheer force of your parental will. Everything shy of perfection IS my problem, as a member of society who may one day actually encounter your child among the billions on this planet. /sarcasm
Dainty Mom commented on Sep 08 11 at 11:52 am“Embrace the crazy in our own way.” — AMEN to that.
You’re right about finding what works for you and your kid. It’s like that with me! Some people may question why I make certain choices as to how I raise my kid or how we do things as a family, but I don’t let it shake me from what I believe (and my husband, too) is right for us.
I think the most important thing in parenting is seeing eye-to-eye with one another, both with the kid(s) and your spouse, and coming to an agreement about one thing: That we will love each other, support each other, and do whatever is necessary to keep the family happy together.
MichelleC commented on Sep 08 11 at 10:04 pmThank you so much I needed to hear that right now.
I think your articles are great!
Just Jennifer commented on Sep 08 11 at 10:09 pmAbso-freaking-lutely! You are obviously talking about parents who love their kids, are meeting their basic needs and not abusing or neglecting them in some way. DUH. People need not worry about all the other stuff that we parents have to wade through.
Paula @ Simply Sandwich commented on Sep 08 11 at 11:16 pmYou go girl!!! Love it Lori! :)
NotJustAnotherJennifer commented on Sep 09 11 at 10:47 amYay, yay, yay, YAY for you. Well said.
Cyndi commented on Sep 10 11 at 2:51 pmOkay, so I blogged about parenting and judgments and all that jazz too, and I added your blog post to mine (I hope that’s okay?). My sister, who is 25 and childless responded:
“why do i care how you parent your child, cause they might grow up, go postal and murder me”
and
“well…..”but its me who has to live with my parenting choices” yeah for a while. til you release them into the real world and they kill me
then i have to live with your parenting choices
or not live with them, cause im dead
cause your kid killed me”Paranoid much?
mommyfriend commented on Sep 10 11 at 3:07 pmFirst, thank you for linking to me (love that)!
Second, wow. I think we can all agree that we make the choices the work best for our families and if those choices are made responsibly with love, nothing else matters.
Natalie commented on Sep 10 11 at 4:00 pmI say that it depends on context. You are blogging on a parenting site. You brought up the issue of a TV in your toddler’s room. I think that’s a terrible idea. If I knew you personally, and we were friends, I probably wouldn’t say anything unless you asked me. But I don’t know you, and were not having a friendly, personal conversation. That’s not to say that I’m trying to be unfriendly right now, but this is not the context of a friendship. Aren’t we here on babble to discuss parenting philosophies, techniques, frustrations and current issues? That’s what I thought, but it seems that everyone on babble, commenters and bloggers alike want to be patted on the back for every decision they make. Apparently all parenting decisions that don’t involve abuse or neglect are the “best for my family”, and I call BS on that. If people don’t want to be contradicted, then they shouldn’t engage in discussion in a public forum. These sites become so bland and pointless when everyone decides that everthing is worth cheering. We can discuss and disagree without being unkind, but we shouldn’t just cheer for all things.
Rahel commented on Sep 11 11 at 4:38 pmYou are so great. This was exactly what I needed to read this evening. Thanks!!
julie commented on Oct 24 11 at 10:09 pmLOVE IT!!!!!! right on
lira commented on Nov 19 11 at 5:16 pmIf your child never leaves your home, you’re right–you’re the only one who will have to deal with the consequences of your decisions. Since most children don’t grow up imprisoned in their homes and do eventually join society, however, parenting decisions generally affect the rest of the world.
That’s not to say that there’s one right way to parent. Absolutely not. But as an elementary school teacher, I can tell you that some decisions parents make–like teaching their children that it’s okay to be rude or aggressive, or that if they throw a big enough fit the adult will always give in–make my job very difficult, and affect the children your child interacts with. Parent your way, by all means, but remember that your child will one day be an adult, and you want her/him to have the tools and skills to be a healthy and happy individual in society.
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