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Strollerderby
Do marriage vows matter for parenting?
Many people believe that parents should be married. Raising kids together is such a big commitment, it stands to reason that you had best be committed to each other before you launch into that high-stress period of your lives. Traditionally, kids follow marriage, and a lot of people still feel that’s the best, maybe even only, way to do it.
Yet over 40 percent of kids today are born to unmarried mothers. Clearly, plenty of people feel fine about having babies out of wedlock. Lots of kids are being raised in loving homes by parents who, for whatever reason, haven’t gotten married. Maybe they don’t want to. Maybe they haven’t done it yet. Maybe they’re a same-sex couple and can’t marry in their home state. Maybe they’re single parent households. There are as many reasons as there are families.
Are kids born out of wedlock missing out on something?
A new British study says no.
What compelled you to get married?
For me, it was a simple decision: I was pregnant, and my boyfriend wanted to marry me. I’d been against marriage, but he made a persuasive case based on details like sharing health insurance and being able to make medical decisions for each other. Yes, we could have recreated a lot of the benefits of marriage without tying the knot, but marrying him was a simple, practical solution to a host of problems I had little energy to solve while battling morning sickness and making ready for the huge change a baby would bring to our lives.
In other words, it was very pragmatic. There was little romance to our quiet elopement, no fancy dress or giant cake. I never got the big white wedding little girl’s often dream of, and I minded only a little.
For other women though, apparently, the need to be married can take hold with a fever akin to baby lust. They become irrational with the burning need to Get Married. Baby lust I understand. There’s a biological drive to reproduce. Bridal fever, though, is beyond me.
Think you’re happy living with your partner? Don’t see any reason to get married?
Survey says couples who share housekeys but don’t tie the knot aren’t quite as happy as their married counterparts. At least the women aren’t.
A worldwide study of 22,000 women showed that married women are a little happier than those who live with their unmarried partners.
Why the difference? The correlation between a wedding band and extra joy was strongest in countries with strong, traditional views on marriage. This leads researchers to think women are happier when they feel like society approves of their relationships.
180 alert!
Less than a year ago, parents were buried under an avalanche of studies that concluded kids don’t make you happy. In fact, these studies showed that people raising kids reported lower levels of happiness — life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and mental well-being — than their childless counterparts.
Oh, and that lower level of happiness? Never. Goes. Away.
Okay, but now out of the U.K., the Journal of Happiness Studies reports that not only do kids not lower their parents’ level of happiness, they actually raise it — a little bit with the first kid. Even more with the second. And (I’m looking at you, Baby Earl!) significantly more with the third!
There’s a catch, though. Continue reading »
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