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Strollerderby
Life is going to knock us down, in ways we won't see coming.
Yesterday, I read Katy Read’s “Regrets of a Stay-at-Home Mom” piece on Salon.com, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. She writes the article as a “warning to new mothers,” describing her own experience of how she opted-out of full-time work years ago to focus on her family, and now, after a divorce, is “permanently, financially screwed.”
I feel for her. She did what she thought was best for her family, and now she feels that she’s paying the price for it. Regret is a heavy burden. As I sat there reading her piece, I thought: “So, what’s the takeaway, here?” I mean, I may as well be Katy Read, in the years before she wrote this piece. When my oldest was born, I opted to forgo a full-time job with benefits in order to be at home more. I’ve been working in contract jobs ever since, taking on as much work as I can, while still trying to strike that balance between having time for the kids and all the things that need to happen for our family and our household to function. I have the sweetest, most supportive spouse. I believe that our marriage is strong, and I’d like to think that it will last ‘til death do us part. But, Katy thought that, too.
In Salon this week, essayist Katy Read offers a provocative piece called, “Regrets of a Stay At Home Mom,” in which she fondly remembers her years spent out of the paid workforce, while at the same time pondering whether because of that decision to stay at home with her kids, she is now totally screwed financially. She recounts her story of how she gave up a successful career as a full-time newspaper reporter to be at home with her young sons, and work part time as a freelance writer - as mothering permitted. Now, post-divorce, with two adolescent sons to care for, no job, no job prospects and a seriously dated resume that looks less-than-stellar in the middle of a recession, she’s realizing that “opting out” might not have been such a good idea. Continue reading »
It’s a new twist on the old “Mommy Wars” story. This time, instead of the working mom vs. the stay-at-home mom. It’s the work outside the home mom vs. the work at home mom.
The problem? Apparently, moms who work from home are fed up with being asked favors from moms who work outside the home.
The Wall Street Journal recently published a story about how people who work feel as if working parents are taking advantage of their flexibility. The story focuses on both genders, but I know firsthand (anecdotally) that people are more likely to ask work-at-home moms to help out than dads. Continue reading »
Love O magazine. Not loving Dr. Phil.
From this month’s O Magazine, perhaps the most off-base advice Dr. Phil has ever given. To a SAHM unhappy without her career, Dr. Phil says, in essence, tough. “Bloom where you’re planted” has never sounded so patronizing.
A mother of two writes in, saying that she and her husband agreed, before having kids, that she would stay home until they were in full-time school. Now that the kids, aged 2 and 4, are actually here, demanding snacks and generally absorbing all of her energy, she’s realized she can’t actually maintain her career as a freelance web designer when she’s “running after the boys all day.”
She wants to go back to work. Her husband wants her to stay home. And Dr. Phil comes down firmly on the side of the “deal.” If your husband (oh, lord and master) won’t alter the “terms of your agreement,” he says, that unhappy SAHM should “stick it out” for another four years.
Anyone else want to tell Dr. Phil where to stick it? Read on for the full exchange. Continue reading »
When it comes to “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” or “Desperate Housewives,” being a housewife isn’t so bad. But outside of TV, nobody wants to be called a “housewife” these days.
The New York Times recently featured a column by Katrin Bennhold about “The Stigma of Being a Housewife.” Bennhold writes about how in Sweden and Norway, housewives are just about extinct. I’d say the same is true in North America. Just try calling a stay-at-home mom a “housewife” and see how she reacts. And most stay-at-home moms these days feel they must justify their existence by volunteering, taking classes, or taking a job they can do from home. Paradoxically, while “housewives” get no respect, moms who decide to work are equally vilified. It seems sometimes that moms just can’t win. Continue reading »
Much has been written about how hard the life of a stay-at-home parent is. It’s widely reputed to be about the hardest job out there.
CBS’ Early Show host Erica Hill has some interesting things to say about the challenges of being on the other side of that divide. Her husband stayed home with their son for two years while Erica continued working. Being the breadwinner meant giving up a lot of time with her family, and also a lot of control of their home life.
While Hill’s husband juggled changing diapers and social scorn for his decision to stay home, she got a heaping helping of mommy guilt. Shouldn’t she be at home with her baby?
Finally, a revelation has formed from all these dedicated Sunday night watchings of Mad Men. I wouldn’t mind being a stay-at-home mom if I could do it the Betty Draper way.
Take Sunday night’s episode (very, very minor spoiler here): her housekeeper doesn’t just clean the house and make dinner, she offers Betty a chance to go back to bed after a rough night with the baby, AND manages the “I don’t want this, I want that” arguments from the kids at dinner time. Continue reading »
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