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Strollerderby
Me, at home with my daughter, Violet
For the past decade I’ve worked as a producer in local television news. I’ve covered a lot of amazing stories during my career including the kidnapping and unbelievable return of Elizabeth Smart, the 2002 Winter Games in Salt Lake City, and some pretty high profile murder cases.
I loved it. I was never bored. And then I had a child and I hated it. The guilt over not spending more time with my daughter was crippling. She bonded more with her dad than with me and I felt left out. I determined that it would not be the same with my second child.
I gave birth to Henry a little over two months ago and was able to quit my job to become a freelance writer while on maternity leave. I am now a stay-at-home-mom who works from home. Guess what? The guilt is the same. I feel guilty I’m not entertaining the kids enough or that they may be watching too much TV.
The whole experience made me wonder: are working moms more prone to depression than those who stay at home?
I have an answer.
Life is going to knock us down, in ways we won't see coming.
Yesterday, I read Katy Read’s “Regrets of a Stay-at-Home Mom” piece on Salon.com, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. She writes the article as a “warning to new mothers,” describing her own experience of how she opted-out of full-time work years ago to focus on her family, and now, after a divorce, is “permanently, financially screwed.”
I feel for her. She did what she thought was best for her family, and now she feels that she’s paying the price for it. Regret is a heavy burden. As I sat there reading her piece, I thought: “So, what’s the takeaway, here?” I mean, I may as well be Katy Read, in the years before she wrote this piece. When my oldest was born, I opted to forgo a full-time job with benefits in order to be at home more. I’ve been working in contract jobs ever since, taking on as much work as I can, while still trying to strike that balance between having time for the kids and all the things that need to happen for our family and our household to function. I have the sweetest, most supportive spouse. I believe that our marriage is strong, and I’d like to think that it will last ‘til death do us part. But, Katy thought that, too.
In Salon this week, essayist Katy Read offers a provocative piece called, “Regrets of a Stay At Home Mom,” in which she fondly remembers her years spent out of the paid workforce, while at the same time pondering whether because of that decision to stay at home with her kids, she is now totally screwed financially. She recounts her story of how she gave up a successful career as a full-time newspaper reporter to be at home with her young sons, and work part time as a freelance writer - as mothering permitted. Now, post-divorce, with two adolescent sons to care for, no job, no job prospects and a seriously dated resume that looks less-than-stellar in the middle of a recession, she’s realizing that “opting out” might not have been such a good idea. Continue reading »
Working mothers aren't hurting their kids.
For some women, one of the most difficult decisions they will make after having children is whether or not to return to work. Whether the desire to work outside the home is based on financial need or not, leaving your young child in the care of someone else is just plain hard. Not only do working moms worry about what they are missing at home, they often feel guilty about how their absence may negatively impact their children’s lives down the road.
But for those who are second-guessing themselves and feeling guilty, there’s some good news. According to a review of over 50 years of research on the subject, most children of working mothers tend to suffer very little – if at all – academically or behaviorally. In fact, researchers say that in some cases, having a working mother is actually beneficial to a child. Continue reading »
A new study out of Osaka University of Commerce in Japan has found that when moms are paired with helpful, competent dads who really care about child care, their self-esteem takes a direct hit.
Yes, I know, I laughed to. By all means, change the kid’s diaper. My ego can take it.
But this study is serious. It says that though moms are out in the work force bringing home their share of the bacon, their self-worth is tied to motherhood. And when that is threatened, so is their self-esteem.
In what appears to be a deliberate attempt to fan the flames of the mommy wars, a psychologist has declared all working mothers to be child abusers.
Jeffery Fine, Ph.D., says that babies need unconditional love and moms who work outside the home can’t possibly provide that. Continue reading »
The New York Times set off a firestorm of criticism in the blogosphere this weekend with a snarky little piece titled, “Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand“.
The article, written by Jennifer Mendehlson (herself a mommyblogger), skewers moms who blog for being too focused on the professional potential of blogging and not focused enough on…something else. Maybe the social aspects? Maybe their kids?
Likening mommyblogs to the Tupperware parties of our mothers’ day, Jennifer breezily mocks the women who gather at conferences like Mom 2.0 and Bloggy Boot Camp to learn “the latest must-have skill set for the minivan crowd.”
Lori Garcia 
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
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