Children take up space in our hearts and minds once used for other things.

There’s a phenomenon I’ve been trying to name that I think all parents, no matter how savvy, can relate to. It has to do with the way parenting simultaneously slows life down and speeds life up. The way getting sucked into the vortex of diaper changes, breastfeeding, playdates and school life prevents us from keeping pace with our former selves, no matter how hard we try. I’m a pretty savvy person: I’m not someone who subscribes to the idea that we must all become crazed, harried people who haven’t showered in days and are always on the edge of a nervous breakdown. What kills me, though, is that no matter how diligent I am about trying to stay one step ahead in life, I still feel like I’m showing up a day late and a dollar short. Life changes when you run on “parent time.” Here’s how: Continue reading »

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It's all happening.

There’s a particular pressure we Americans feel, I think, to be happy all the time. To prove to others that we’re “just great!” and that nothing, no nothing gets us down. Maybe that’s one reason why so many people are clinically depressed in this country – because they feel like they need a doctor’s excuse in order to be unhappy for a while.

Not only do we feel like we have to feign happiness at all times, but we have to appear productive all the time, too – especially in a place like New York where everyone is either an obsessive overachiever or a chronic underachiever trying to tap into their blocked potential.

So my heart began to sing and my head began to nod in agreement when I read Glennon Melton’s essay Don’t Carpe Diem over on Huffington Post. In it, Melton admits that (of course!) she doesn’t love every second of every minute of her life, and more importantly, she doesn’t feel pressure to.

While describing the mind-numbing chaos of every day parenting, Melton suddenly turns and says: Continue reading »

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When is it time to put those babyfeeders away?

Listen, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been made fun of by more than one long-time associate over my penchant for walking around my house naked.  My mother always walked around naked when I was a kid (tho thankfully my father never did), and I know I’m not alone.  I can think of a few comedians with stories about seeing more of their parents than they wanted to whilst growing up.  Seeing your parents naked can be jarring, it can be scarring, but is it inappropriate?  Experts have mixed feelings about letting it all hang out in front of the kids. Continue reading »

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Rachel Anne Hachero

17-year-old Rachel Anne Hachero pistol whipped her mother in the head with a 9 mm gun, then pointed the weapon “at her mother’s head and stomach and told her she was going with her to the Nissan dealership in Fort Myers, Florida,” to sign for a new car for the teen.  Hachero’s mother complied because, she told police, her daughter told her if she didn’t, she’d be shot.

But here’s where the story really gets bad: Mrs. Hachero didn’t want to press charges against her daughter because she didn’t want to ruin her chances of attending one of the multiple Ivy League universities that accepted her. Continue reading »

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Peter King

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear
You’ve got to be taught from year to year
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made
And people whose skin is a different shade
You’ve got to be carefully taught

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people your relatives hate
You’ve got to be carefully taught

Rodgers and Hammerstein debuted those lyrics in 1949, and it seems little has changed from the time South Pacific hit Broadway over 60 years ago.  Today, Congressman Peter King is holding a House Homeland Security Committee hearing on the “radicalization” of Muslims in the U.S., contending that despite public outcry he has the full backing of his Long Island district, where the families of many 9/11 first responders who lost their lives reside.

Famed counter-terrorism advisor Richard Clarke told the LA Times, “To the extent that these hearings make American Muslims feel that they are the object of fear-mongering, it will only serve Al Qaeda’s ends.”  Not only do I agree with Clarke’s assessment, I’ll add that King, coming from an area so close to New York City – arguably the most diverse city in the nation – should be ashamed of himself for fueling a culture war that has finally almost cooled a decade after the World Trade Center attacks. Continue reading »

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More fuel for the breast vs. bottle debate.

Okay, calm down.  Calm down.  Yes, I know you’ve been crying all day because your baby won’t latch and your nipples are bleeding but you’re putting yourself through hell anyway because “breast is best.”  BUT – a new study shows that while “breastfeeding definitely has protective benefits for baby’s immune system… The caveat is that these benefits diminish if a baby isn’t fed breast milk exclusively for the first six months of life.”

Dear scientists behind this study: on behalf of every mother out there, I salute you.  With a giant bird. Continue reading »

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Intense punishment has a lasting effect.

Researchers from the University of Montreal “are studying how harsh parenting can impact the emotional development of a child.”  Scientists believe that “harsh parenting methods may lead to anxiety disorders such as social phobia, separation anxiety and panic attacks.”  As someone who has dealt with both anxiety and harsh parenting, this connection seems pretty logical to me.  It stands to reason that if a child doesn’t feel safe at home, they’re likely to feel threatened by and/or fearful of the world at large.

Françoise Maheu, lead investigator of the study, notes that several studies have already proven that “coercive parenting practices are linked to anxiety,” but she hopes to detail specifically how the anatomy or physiology of the brain is affected by aggressive parenting, in an effort to curb anxiety in children before it becomes acute. Continue reading »

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