What, when, and how should kids learn about sex? There may be as many opinions on this subject as there are parents. Seriously, even people with seamlessly aligned child-rearing philosophies can find themselves at odds on this highly emotional — and anxiety-producing — issue. The root of the problem seems to be the fear that teaching kids about sex will put ideas about sex into their heads. This theory has basically been disproven, at least anecdotally. But that doesn’t stop people from worrying about it.

Mostly, I think people are just not comfortable with the idea of their kids even thinking about sex, never mind doing it. Teaching sex ed in school forces parents to accept that their kids know about it, and maybe even to feel somehow responsible for this knowledge. For most of America, the question is whether or not teenagers should be learning about having sex at all. But at one school in Philadelphia, teens are learning things that would probably make most of America completely freak. Things I can’t write here, because they’d attract the wrong element in Google searches.

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Nurturing a child's interests is great. But you don't have to nurture them all - or all at once.

In our household we have fairly strict limits on how many activities our kids are allowed to participate in at once, but it was different when my two oldest boys, now 11 and 13, were preschool- and early-elementary-aged. Back then I felt a lot of pressure to “expose” them to many different kinds of activities, and we spent our days driving from art lessons to karate to baseball to piano lessons. It was not only a serious drain on the family budget, but it also turns out that I don’t relish living in my minivan and actually cannot be in two places at once.  When every day is booked solid until 8 or 9 PM, there’s little time in there for eating a good dinner or just hanging out at home, both things my family enjoys.

But I admit I’ve wondered sometimes – if my kids are home cracking wise around the dinner table while all the other kids are off learning tae kwondo, figure skating, gymnastics, and guitar  – will my kids get “left behind”? Are the kids who take part in all those activities more likely to wind up happier, richer, or more well-rounded? Continue reading »

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The Gray Lady should apologize for its terrible coverage of Cleveland, Texas assault

Like Carolyn, I’m glad the New York Time’s has finally seen fit to respond to the public outcry over its terrible coverage of the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in Cleveland, TX.

I’m not particularly happy with the response from the paper, though. Earlier this week, the New York Times published an article about this shocking and awful crime that focused on the impact the crime had on the small town where it occurred.

The story included details about what the girl wore, who she spent her time with, and how she was supervised by her mother; all seeming to suggest that she was somehow culpable for the crime committed against her by 18 men and boys who brutally raped her. Quotes from the community members focused on concern for the perpetrators, not the victim.

There was an understandable outcry over this blatant example of rape culture.

The New York Times public editor responded today with a thoughtful essay about the problems with the original article, but he doesn’t go far enough.

The public editor’s response was pretty anemic, saying the story “lacked balance” rather than “promoted a totally reprehensible viewpoint without critical commentary”.  It also made it seem as if the failing was largely in the reporter’s failure to seek out victim’s advocates or legal experts who could speak in support of the girl.

It’s true that the absence of these voices, or of sympathetic voices in the community, was a striking failure. But it wasn’t the only one, or the most important.

The reporter himself made numerous egregious errors in the article, choosing to paint the girl as being somehow responsible for her own assault and humanizing her assailants with sympathetic details while ignoring similar details about the victim and her family. The reporter chose to refer to a 19-year-old suspect as a “boy” rather than a “man”, while pointing out that the girl wore clothes “more appropriate to a woman in her 20s”.

This story wasn’t just poorly reported or unbalanced. It was biased and victim-blaming. I was heartened to see in the public editor’s response that they are working on a follow-up story, but the NYT should apologize more directly.

Photo: Joe Shablotnik

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The inside of the trailer where the 11-year-old Texas girl was raped.

Thanks to a change.org petition and an outpouring of criticism from Times readers and bloggers alike, the New York paper has issued a contrite response to their initial coverage of the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in Cleveland, TX.  Public editor Arthur Brisbane wrote in an online-only column Friday, “My assessment is that the outrage is understandable.  The story dealt with a hideous crime but addressed concerns about the ruined lives of the perpetrators without acknowledging the obvious: concern for the victim.”

Brisbane notes that the one-sided reporting by the Times “led many readers to interpret the subtext of the story to be: she had it coming,” something a defense attorney in the case is still arguing.  Moreover, Brisbane conceded that the Associated Press “handled the story more deftly” by offering various perspectives from the community, quoting a local resident as saying, “She’s 11 years old. It shouldn’t have happened. That’s a child. Somebody should have said, ‘What we are doing is wrong.’” Continue reading »

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Ask the New York Times to issue an apology.

An 11-year-old girl in Cleveland, Texas was gang raped by a group of 18 boys and men, up to the age of 27.  This is an irrefutable fact, as the act was taped with one of the perpetrators cell phones and shared among students, presumably at both Cleveland Middle and High schools.  The New York Times reported this week on the incident (which took place back in November), noting that “a rape had taken place” and that the victim “was ordered to disrobe and was sexually assaulted by several boys,” adding, “She was told she would be beaten if she did not comply.”

But the Times article isn’t a piece of unbiased reporting.  Author James C. McKinley Jr. shows his true colors when he asks how the criminals could “have been drawn into such an act.”  He then answers his own preposterous question by accusing the 11-year-old victim of dressing “older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s.”

In other words, she asked for it.  An 11-year-old.  Shockingly, though, not only do McKinley and contributing reports by Mauricio Guerrero blame the victim for her horrific assault, they also blame her mother. Continue reading »

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Oh dear. The New York Times promised in a headline to show us how elusive the American Dream is for this generation of college graduates. Instead, we see a portrait — a cautionary tale, really — of how kids who are never exposed to risk, are never expected to do for themselves, and have never acted outside the confines of a structured program (pre-paid registration required!) will turn out.

Summary: not good.

The Times visits with Scott Nicholson, a Grafton, Mass., 24-year-old who graduated from Colgate and can’t find a job. Well, he can’t find one that he wants. He’s turning down an insurance company, which offered him $40,000 for a very entry-level position. His brother’s making $75,000 per year. That’s more like what Scott has in mind. Continue reading »

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Living in the city cheaper than living in the suburbs? Could it be?

When I saw the headline in the Saturday New York Times, I was convinced my salvation was at hand. This New York City native has many days where she would like to bid adieu to suburban life, to say sayonara to the land of manic gardeners and never ending school board fights. Never mind the fact that my two boys, used to making as much noise as they like and running out the door at will, would sue to terminate my parental custody at once. I was ready to call the moving vans.

Then I read the article. Sad to say, the New York Times, in an effort to prove it costs 18% less to live in the city than in the ‘burbs, loaded the deck in favor of their (and my) hometown. Continue reading »

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