How many of us are really engaged in the mommy wars?

Moms versus moms. So tiring. So tiring I hardly want to write about it. Not tiring for television talk show producers though. Oh no! They rub their hands together in glee anytime they think they can produce an on-air cat fight.

I wonder if anyone has ever done the research into the demographics of daytime TV talk show producers. Are they in their 20s? Do they have children? Do they harbor grudges against their own mothers? There must be some common characteristic they share that spurs them on to continue to push the “mommy wars” agenda.

Of course, it’s our own fault because we pay attention to these shows and then we talk about them. A lot. Like I’m doing right here, natch.

This week, it was working moms versus stay-at-home moms on Anderson Cooper’s show. One guest had the audacity to call another mother on the show “lazy.”  What?  It really gets my goat when someone makes a snap decision about someone else like that, without any knowledge of what that other person is really like.   Continue reading »

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What's the one thing working mothers and SAHMs worry about? You won't believe it.

Working Mother magazine released a study this morning called What Moms Choose: The Working Mother Report, “a survey of 3,700 mothers nationwide reveal[ing] surprising insights into the differences and similarities between moms who work outside the home and moms who stay at home, as well as the factors that influence their decisions.”

As mothers, we’re all aware of the hot-button issues that make us feel divided and judged by our peers, and working vs. staying at home is certainly near the top of the list.  Each lifestyle choice brings with it its own set of guilty feelings, sense of inadequacy and source of pride (sometimes verging on arrogant righteousness).  So, besides caring for our children, what do working mothers and stay-at-home mothers have in common?  It turns out, there’s one thing both groups of women worry that they’ll be judged on, and it’s honestly so hilariously, ridiculously sad and retro that you’ll laugh when you read it.

The one concern both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers have in common is… Continue reading »

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A.P. rules! No it doesn't! Yes it does!

Here I go, again. Disagreeing with one of the wonderful and talented bloggers here at Strollerderby. Maybe it’s a gender thing. Or maybe I’m a touch ornery. Or maybe I’m a contrarian. I could be any number of things, when you think about it. Except for two, that is.

100% right or 100% wrong. Allow me to explain.

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Have you been involved in Mommy Wars?

Cloth or disposable, breast or formula, and intact vs. circumcision. There is no secret mothering today has become an all out war in real life, and on the internet. In recent weeks we have seen the fall out from an attack on attachment parenting, which for me sparked a flame inside of me as someone who practices several aspects of attachment parenting. Although what plagues me the most is the way we are treating each other.

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To binky or not to binky? That is just one of many questions that can drive Mommies apart.

Anyone who’s ever read a Mommy blog or looked at parenting network threads knows how viciously women can judge one another.  But as USA Today points out, mothers often criticize each other’s parenting skills face-to-face as well. 

Stephanie Bello, 31, a stay-at-home mom from Alexandria, Va., hits the nail on the head when she says “modern moms are commonly denounced for being overprotective, but you’re looked at as a bad parent if you are in the ER with your kid.” Exactly. If you hover over your kids at the park, you’re smothering. If they fall off the swing, you’re incompetent. There’s no way to win.

Parenting rifts can be caused by generational differences, too. “By the time a mother’s kids are in middle school, much of what she knows about baby care may be considered out of date — or even dangerous,” says March of Dimes blogger Andrea Moleski. Ten years ago, “parents considered themselves progressive if they gave their kids apple juice instead of soda or Kool-Aid.” But pediatricians now recommend cutting juice with water or avoiding it altogether. Continue reading »

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Let the daycare battle begin…again.

The latest report from the long-running U.S. National Institutes of Health study about the affect of daycare on kids is sure to add fuel to the so-called Mommy Wars.

Depending on how you spin it, the study, which was published in the journal Child Development, is either good news or bad news for working parents with kids in daycare.

Reuters emphasizes the upside of daycare: children in high-quality childcare scored slightly higher on measures of academic and cognitive achievement years later as teenagers.

But the Los Angeles Times highlights the fact that at age 15, the kids who spent long hours in day care as preschoolers are more impulsive and more prone to take risks than teens whose toddler years were spent largely at home. Continue reading »

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Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat, Pray, Love” and contributor at O, The Oprah Magazine, has written a piece in which she urges women to just stop.  Stop stressing about the things we think we should be doing.  Stop comparing ourselves to each other.  Stop second-guessing ourselves.  In other words, lighten up.

Instead of counting all the ways in which we think we are failing as women and mothers, she suggests we give ourselves a break and recognize the fact that we are all forging new territory.  There’s no road map that tells us where to go and how to get there and the only rules, restrictions and expectations are the ones we impose upon ourselves. Continue reading »

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