Do marriage vows matter for parenting?

Many people believe that parents should be married. Raising kids together is such a big commitment, it stands to reason that you had best be committed to each other before you launch into that high-stress period of your lives. Traditionally, kids follow marriage, and a lot of people still feel that’s the best, maybe even only, way to do it.

Yet over 40 percent of kids today are born to unmarried mothers. Clearly, plenty of people feel fine about having babies out of wedlock. Lots of kids are being raised in loving homes by parents who, for whatever reason, haven’t gotten married. Maybe they don’t want to. Maybe they haven’t done it yet. Maybe they’re a same-sex couple and can’t marry in their home state. Maybe they’re single parent households. There are as many reasons as there are families.

Are kids born out of wedlock missing out on something?

A new British study says no.

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If you’re married now, you’re more likely to stay that way than you would have been a generation ago. The divorce rate is falling slightly. About 35 percent of women in their 40s have ever been divorced. At the peak, that number was 40 percent.

Marriages may be lasting in part because women are marrying later. The typical age at first marriage for women has jumped from 20 to 26 since 1950. Early marriages tend to be fragile; age at marriage is one of the strongest predictors of whether or not a couple will divorce. The younger you are when you get married, the more likely your marriage is to fall apart.

In addition, all marriages are more susceptible to divorce in their early years. About 10 percent of all marriages end within five years. The median length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.

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Normally, I want to kick Camille Paglia but she might be onto something with this essay in the New York Times.

The FDA recently rejected one effort to market Viagra to women, but several research teams are racing to find a magic cure for women’s lackluster desire. Paglia argues that lust can’t be bottled, and the folks trying to create a pill to solve this problem are looking in the wrong place.

Instead of insufficient body chemistry, Paglia goes after her favorite sacrificial goat: modern family life. White, middle class professionals have erased gender roles to the point where sex just isn’t hot anymore, she argues. Affluent white parents spend so much time supporting each other’s careers and co-parenting, they just aren’t different enough to create sparks between the sheets.

There’s a flaw in her thinking, though. Recent research shows that parents across ethnic and class lines all give up on sex about equally.

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180 alert!

Less than a year ago, parents were buried under an avalanche of studies that concluded kids don’t make you happy. In fact, these studies showed that people raising kids reported lower levels of happiness — life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and mental well-being — than their childless counterparts.

Oh, and that lower level of happiness? Never. Goes. Away.

Okay, but now out of the U.K., the Journal of Happiness Studies reports that not only do kids not lower their parents’ level of happiness, they actually raise it — a little bit with the first kid. Even more with the second. And (I’m looking at you, Baby Earl!) significantly more with the third!

There’s a catch, though. Continue reading »

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