babble » blogs » Strollerderby
Strollerderby
Gwyneth Paltrow: Like you, only better
We all can’t be lifestyle leaders. And we definitely can’t all be Gwyneth Paltrow. There’s just no one else quite like her. Thank God.
The queen of all things better than you and me hasn’t done so well on the silver screen in years, so she’s taken to our computers, book shelves and PBS specials to make our eyes and ears bleed with her very unique brand of pretension. Sure, you can try, but you’ll just never be thinner, healthier, more yogic or a better mum.
But about the latter, a funny thing happened recently. Queen Gwyneth signed on to endorse SPAR Veggie, which is an Austrian frozen food brand, according to Yahoo Shine. “In terms of food quality, Spar is the equivalent of a convenience store attached to a gas station. You might buy gum there, but you wouldn’t buy Spar-brand gum or Spar-brand anything for that matter,” said a Yahoo source.
So the super woman who Yahoo Shine says once said “‘would rather die’ than let her kids eat a cup-a-soup” is now hawking processed food? You can’t make this stuff up.
You're not doing anybody any favors, Gwyneth.
I love Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve said it before, even as I’ve openly mocked her in post after post. I mean, you can’t not get a kick out of someone whose life revolves around fashion shoots and interviews and red carpet events but who is still JUST SO DAMN DOWN TO EARTH. And by “so damn down to Earth” I mean “such a wealthy, privileged hippie.” She’s the perfect combo of well-meaning and oblivious, which is what makes her as adorable as she is annoying.
In her latest spread for Harper’s Bazaar, Paltrow looks incredible. Too skinny almost, but super-duper muscular in a dress with so many cutaways it would make Nicki Minaj blush. Justine Picardie is kind when she writes, “As she falls naturally into yoga stretches during the course of the conversation, supple as a cat, you realize that this is a woman for whom working out has become essential.” A lesser journalist may have penned, “This bitch cannot sit still!”
In the piece, which is so flattering to the 39-year-old Oscar winner it’s nauseating, Paltrow says she doesn’t like Botox but she admits to getting laser treatment. (Quoth Jezebel: “That’s cool. I’m sure they’re organic lasers.”) She talks about adopting a clean living philosophy as a result of her dad’s cancer. I can relate, tho unlike Gwyn, I’m not on a “no gluten, no dairy, no sugar” diet. But most importantly, Gwynny dishes about her favorite subject, her family life. She says she gets up at 7 every day with the kids and brags that either she or her hubby Chris are always the ones to do the school run, despite the fact that they have a nanny. I gotta give her props for that. I also love the fact that she admits she always thought her daughter would be a “really cool butch lesbian,” but alas, she thinks if Apple is gay, “she’s a lipstick lesbian.” All this retro terminology makes me miss the 90′s!
The striking thing about this profile, in fact, is that it proves just exactly how retro Paltrow’s views are. She’s sure to set an alarm bell off in any modern woman’s mind when she says, “I have little kids in school. I want to maintain my marriage and my family, so I have to be here when (my husband) comes home.” Later she adds, “Gloria Steinem may string me up by my toes, but all I can do is my best, and I can do only what works for me and my family.” Continue reading »
How can someone so perfect suffer from something as unseemly as a hangover?
In my next life I want to come back as Gwyneth Paltrow’s free time. Because she seems to have an awful lot of it.
No matter that she’s an Oscar-winning actress, wife and mother of two. She still finds time to offer utterly condescending lifestyle tips to the .0000000000001 percent of the people who can afford the time and money to live life like her — via her Goop website.
This time Gwyn-Gwyn is offering hangover cures (which we read about first at Café Mom). Get your pen out (not to mention your wallet, medical dictionary and extra Tylenol — you know, for the headache you will incur as a result of her pretension).
It's a tough job being a six-figure tutor for the kids of a Renaissance woman, but someone's got to do it
I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: Gwyneth Paltrow’s tutor.
Well, not her tutor, but the tutor for her kids with husband, rock star Chris Martin. Apparently they’re looking to hire someone for $98,000 a year plus an all-expense paid, free apartment in West London and free travel with the family as they amble around the world.
The commitment isn’t ideal — between 2 and 4 hours a day — since I had been hoping for just 45 minutes to an hour, max. But I’ll deal.
The greatest mother that ever lived? She thinks so.
I’ve made no secret of my dislike for Gisele Bundchen, she of the super sanctimommy variety.
Remember this? “Some people here think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think, ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child, when they are so little?’ There should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.”
Oh, it didn’t stop there. About her home birth in a bathtub, Gisele told People, “…it wasn’t painful, not even a little bit… The second day, I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen,” she says with a laugh.
It’s celebrity moms like Gisele that do a disservice to mothers everywhere. Does she have absolutely no concept of how sanctimonious she sounds? Guess not. Neither does Gwyneth Paltrow who, on her website GOOP, dispenses a wealth of advice for the world’s wealthiest 1%. Continue reading »
I'm my father's daughter, too. I'm great at re-heating leftovers someone else cooked.
“I’m not gluten free but I like gluten-free food.” That’s a quote from Gwyneth Paltrow’s eldest child, Apple, in Paltrow’s new cookbook, My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipies Celebrating Family and Togetherness. We already know Paltrow (who, despite her obliviousness, I admit I have a soft spot for) to be totally obnoxious when it comes to her holier-than-thou approach to – ahem – “working” motherhood. If you’ve read her online magazine GOOP, you’re aware that Paltrow pays homage to the average working mom by flaunting her $3,606.50/day lifestyle in what Videogum’s Gabe Delahaye describes as a “faux-populist” style.
Eater reviewed the cookbook this week, saying, “We can go on and on how this is a vanity project from a rich person completely unafraid to casually boast about her life of privilege.” Instead, they chose to cull their favorite quotes from the book. Here are a few of them, along with some hilarious commentary by the always irreverent MK of dlisted: Continue reading »
Things get sticky at Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP.
The Internet is up in arms about a recent installment of Gwyneth Paltrow’s lavish lifestyle site/newsletter GOOP, in which she purported to be your average harried working mom. In response to a reader who “emailed GOOP about finding a good balance between having a career and being a mom,” the Oscar-winner and wife of a rock star detailed a day in her life, including trying on dresses for the Country Music Awards, returning phone calls while she’s chauffeured home from the gym and baking gourmet cupcakes for a charity fundraiser with her kids.
Gabriel Delahaye at Videogum does a laugh-out-loud good job of lampooning Paltrow’s newsletter, and ABC News estimates that even a portion of a day living the GOOP lifestyle will cost you $3,606.50. I have to say, I have a soft spot in my heart for Gwynny, even when she talks about her favorite fishmonger in London (yes, she has a favorite fishmonger in London). Let’s bear in mind that Gwyneth is a child of privilege; her mother is the famous actress Blythe Danner and her late father the director/producer Bruce Paltrow. All things considered, I think she’s pretty normal – for a perfect person.
Her friends, on the other hand – fashion designer (and daughter of Paul) Stella McCartney and venture capitalist Juliet de Baubigny – engender no warm feelings from this work-a-day/work-at-night mom/entertainer. McCartney is laughable when she describes a YSL beauty meeting as “hard-core.” She writes, “They have come over from Paris and we have an agenda from hell.” What is so hard-core and hellish, you ask, about a beauty meeting?
Why, approving the design of a perfum bottle, of course! Continue reading »
Lori Garcia 
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
9