From the minute you see the sex on the ultrasound, it starts. Even if you don’t tell anyone,  there’s the internal monologue: Will my son be good at sports? What if my daughter isn’t pretty? For many people these worries feel natural and not unpleasant. They can be a part of the excitement of imagining your child and your life as a parent. But some parents would rather just say no thanks to the whole predetermined gender situation.

You might think it’s impossible to reject the rules of something as basic, and biological, as gender. But it turns out that gender is actually not biological at all.  Sex is  biological, determined by our chromosomes and hormones.  Gender, on the other hand, comes from the culture, its ideas and expectations.

So how do you go about raising a gender-neutral child…and is it even a good idea?

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Hey, parents out there who are worried about gender stereotypes! The past few weeks have been rife with depressing news about the ways in which girls and boys are pigeonholed. But here’s something that might make you feel better for a change.  Mom Becky Sayers found this on her 10 year-old daughter’s bulletin board this morning. She said it was an “editorial” in response to those mini-interviews in the Mini Boden catalog. Here’s an excerpt from her rant,  published on Jezebel:

Dear Boys from around the World,

There is just one ting I have to say before I go on. STOP BEING SO STEREOTYPICAL! . The reason I have to let this is out of my system I am yet to tell you. So today I was reading a Mini Boden magazine ( some place in Sweden), and the magazine people asked questions to the kids who were modeling. The one question that ticked me off was this question:

“What is the biggest difference between Boys ( That means you Boys) and Girls?” Here are some answers that were in this “magazine”. Kian, age 6, “Girls Like dolls, and Boys don’t”. Oh okay I know what you’re thinking “Oh he’s just six!”. Well you better listen to this. Stefano, age 7, “Girls wear pink, and Boys wear blue and green.” Okay you’re probably thinking the same thing. “Oh he is just 7. Well here is another one. Aiden, 6, “Girls like nail polish; Boys like Soccer Balls.’ Yeah I know he is six too. But getting closer to the older ones. Asha, age 8, “Boys are rougher and stronger.” Yeah he’s eight. Not six, or seven. He’s eight. He’s got a brain. He’s smarter than six and seven yr olds. It’s kind of old to me, because I am turning 11 this year. Okay so now that I have listed those Boys’ opinions, I am going to list the reasons why I think they are stereotypical.

#1 Hey I’m a Girl, and I HATE dolls! I also hate Barbies, pink, my little ponies, and glitter is okay I guess. But I don’t love it like boys think all girls do. But that’s just my opinion. Well let me give you a quick lesson. Not all Girls like prissy stuff including me…Give it a ponder.

#2 Like I said I HATE pink. I despise it. HACK See I spat on it. That’s how much I hate pink. Hey guess what Stefano, age 7, I wear blue, green, orange, and white about everyday like every other kid in America ( and for this kid in Sweden). I like just about every other color in the rainbow. Except for Pink ( the color not the singer). and purple. So Stefano, I think you have learned an important fact that not all Girls like pink.

Okay, this is just about the greatest thing I have ever read, and I wish I could post the entire thing for you here. You should really go to Jezebel for the rest of it. And then you should read it to your daughters.

Also, Boden might want to take a note from J. Crew. Sometimes it’s okay for a boy to like pink. And nail polish.

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Do scout manuals perpetuate gender stereotypes?

Here’s one for you. University of Maryland Sociology student, Kathleen Denny, reports that a study she recently conducted found that the Scout manuals for the 5 million American kids who are active Girl or Boy Scouts deliver messages that are full of gender stereotypes. The study concludes that Girl Scouts are steered away from scientific endeavors while the boys are steered away from artistic pursuits.

And here I was thinking that it was all about the badges. And it is. Well, kind of.

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One guy says keeping up with this little fellow is no big deal.

Okay, people. Before you zip down to the comment section and rip me a new one for the title of this post, please note the quotation marks I used. You know why I used them? Because those aren’t my words. They’re the words of a “community columnist” from my local paper named David H. Howell.

Howell is presumably a smart man. At least that’s what I would gather given that he’s taught philosophy at Pellissippi State Community College since 1988. Howell is also presumably an in-touch man. At least that’s what I would gather given that he was a stay-at-home dad for two and a half years.

All that said, his “community column” read like a smugly written open letter to anyone who has ever complained about how difficult it is to be a full-time parent — its primary message as unmistakable as it is direct: “Oh, please. Get over yourselves, people.”

And such a message strikes me as neither smart nor in touch.

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Typical!

My husband and I make a pretty good team. There’s not a lot of bickering about whose job it is to do what to keep the house running smoothly. We negotiated all of those things years ago and, without any rancor, we’ve refined it as we’ve added more kids, crap and jobs to our lives.

Absent a personal chef, live-in nanny and on-site domestic help, we have to do it all ourselves and, while I don’t think the split in any given week is 50-50, I think if we tallied it all once our last kid leaves home, it will have worked out to something approaching 50-50.

What I like best about our arrangement is that we sort of play to our strengths. I cook and do laundry since I’m better at both. He’s dishes, kitchen and floors because he’s got a knack for getting that bright shine on even the dullest pans.

What I hate about our arrangement, though, is that all the rest of the jobs fall ridiculously along stereotypical gender lines. For example: Continue reading »

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That's Dad, not the manny, engaging in unpaid labor. (He's probably Danish.)

What makes a good dad? Lots of things, not the least of which is participation in the daily grind of life. But a lot of men who may even be considered great dads are let off the hook in their countries, creating a huge gender gap.

A new study on the so-called unpaid economy (aka: housework and childcare) found that  in all of the 29 industrialized countries considered in the study, women do more of everything at home than their male partners. On average, women spend almost 2.5 hours more per day on tasks like childcare, laundry and making dinner.

The good news for some countries,though, is that the amount each gender takes on is becoming more equal. The bad news is that there’s still room for lots of improvement in terms of equality (especially if you’re South Korea!). Continue reading »

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Moms are having kids later in life.

A post from Babble Senior Editor Mira Jacobs:

Kicking off Women’s History Month, the White House today released the first really comprehensive report on the status of American women since 1963, detailing how we’re faring in terms of family, employment, education, health, and crime. While none of the information released was out-and-out shocking (and most has been published previously in separate reports), when taken as a whole, Women in America paints the picture of a rapidly changing social and economic landscape.

The most “surprising” thing you already knew? Women are having their first kid later in life. In fact, a whopping 24 percent of women today are having their first child at age 30 or older — that’s six times as many as were doing so in the 1970s. While it would be easy enough to argue that we’re just following men down the rabbit hole of “old new parenthood,” Acting Deputy Secretary at the Department of Commerce Becky Blank pointed to a few other factors. Continue reading »

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