“This isn’t Handy Manny, this is life” — I almost spit out my drink! LOL! :)

I’m with you 100%… I’ll add that Howard Markman has some great things to say about marriage and relationships and, in my belief, would have also thrown up a little in his mouth over this article. Just in case anyone was wondering. :)

OMG. Those bulleted tips…passive aggressive much?!?! But believe it or not, this article is all kinds of reflection on my ex-marriage and the communication dysfunction. Ex equated reminders to nagging. I tried asking him and thinking of other ways I could approach him so that he wouldn’t see it as nagging. Ex came up with nada. Ex became increasingly eye-rolly and dismissive. I took it personally. How could I not? So yeah, eff you, WSJ!!!

“…nagging can make him feel like a little boy being scolded by his mother.” However, he’ll feel like a mature, responsible adult when you he finds your post-it notes adorned with hearts and smilies!

Yeah, I guess asking my husband to stop drinking was really out of bounds. Trying to figure out where the THOUSANDS of dollars disappeared to was out of bounds. And I guess I really was out of bounds to be upset when I found condoms in his pocket and to call him out on that. And when he blamed me, I guess I should have accepted that since I’m such a nag instead of walking out on his ass and taking my children with me.

of course, I have since then learned he was having sex with men, that he has lied about EVERYTHING for a decade but maybe… just maybe.. if I hadn’t nagged, we would still be together.

“Passive-aggressive behavior involves two people. So does a marriage.”

You’re so right. My husband actually appreciates it when I remind him to do things because…get this…he works really hard and is just as tired and forgetful as I am and knows that sometimes THINGS NEED TO GET DONE.

Oh, and he has to remind me about crap just as often. And even when it DOES bug me, I know it’s not nagging. It’s working.

Oh, and if what LITTLEFROGS said is actually true and not an exaggerated example, I vote that we buy her a margarita and she gets to punch that writer in the face.

Oh, Little Frogs, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.

Just want to add that when it’s men doing the nagging, it’s called “having high standards” or “being organized.”

“•Ask yourself: Rather than lazy and unloving, is your husband overworked and tired?” I dunno is he? I’ll ask him when I get home from work. He’s already home becuase he didn’t have to work a full day and I have some errands to run on the way home anyways that will delay me. Then I’ll make dinner and do chores and probably let him skate by for the rest of the evening because it’s easier than “nagging” him to do anything. Jeez, like only one partner can be “overworked” and/or “tired”.

Kate..

It isn’t an exaggeration.. honestly, that was only a tip of the iceberg. In fact, for the last two years of our marriage, I did 100% of the child raising because he wasn’t safe to be left alone with the children and I worked full time as well. Plus I did a majority of the laundry, cooking, shopping etc. I took my eldest to speech therapy and OT every week. I did all of the communication with school, all the IEPs, everything. Plus take my husband to his therapy appointments.

I would have to ‘nag’ him for WEEKS to mow the lawn on his riding lawnmower. Sometimes it was all he could do to walk down the stairs. Frankly, all he did do was take care of his legal obligations due to his DUI after he crashed the car for the second time in three months. (Mind you, the first was one week after his first detox).

But in his eyes, I”m the bad guy because I stole his children and he was a good father because he rough housed witht he boys.

Nagging is a symptom of a deeper thing women want — connection and attention. When women feel they don’t have another way to have their desire or needs heard, they resort to nagging or complaining in the hopes that it will garner more of a response(i.e attention) from their partner, even a negative one. I work for a company called OneTaste, where our mission is to help people create deeper connection through the practice of orgasm. We see this type of dynamic in our married clients all the time. When a woman is nagging her partner for something that seems trivial in his eyes, what she really wants is to to be heard and acknowledged for what she wants. It boils down to the idea, that at a core level, women want attention from men, and men want approval from women. Women can learn to speak their desires in a way that communicates approval , and men can meet those desires and give the attention and connection she is seeking. When a man can show up to meet a woman’s desire and a woman can show a man approval, an entirely new world of marriage and partnership is possible. How do we encourage a more open dialogue between men and women around the REAL needs? Where does that begin?

Suzie,

What makes you think that the naggers for no reason are any less of an outlier than the drunk, cheaters?

I am a new wife my husband and have a daughter and she is going to be one in 9 days. I work 40-50 hrs and go to school and he just sits at home with his homeless friend that moved in and eats and plays video games . He won’t even bath our child . He also won’t ever clean the house and when I ask him too he says stop nagging . So when I come I’m thinking I’m stepping into a clean house nope it is dirtier then before wtf. He also won’t make any phone calls or pay his own credit cards online he makes me do it. So any advice would be great .

Now, I want you to listen closely: not everything is an attack on women!! Get over it. I haven’t read the article yet, but from the way you’re going on, geez. It sounds like the article was written by a woman, for other women. No, she’s not addressing the husband’s role in it, because she’s speaking only from her experience, in the wife’s role! Have you ever thought about that? Or do you automatically jump to the conclusion that anything aimed at just one gender is misogynistic? Really?
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How about this. If this were an article in, say, a men’s magazine, it would be totally one-sided, but from the opposite perspective. “Men, shape up. Your wives are nagging you because you don’t freaking listen! This is disrespectful and you need to do a better job. It’s your responsibility to change the light bulb when she asks — or better yet, if you notice it needs done — so she doesn’t get frustrated.” Now, would you read that and think that the author hated men? NO!!! So why do you read this article and conclude that the author hates women and therefore is ‘setting back’ feminism? I AM SO TIRED OF THIS LINE OF THINKING!!!!
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The absolute truth is, both men and women are at fault here. Women shouldn’t nag, and men should get off their (potentially) lazy butts and do what needs done. But, see, if I were writing advice, I’d write — surprise!! — from MY perspective as the wife. I’d let my husband give advice to the men. That is ALL this is, and you are getting your panties in a twist over absolutely nothing. Grow up — the world isn’t out to get you.