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“Suburban Kryptonite” and Other New Names for Girl Scout Cookies
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It’s that time of year again. No, I’m not talking about the Super Bowl or that long stretch of winter that makes you feel like it will never end. It’s time for Girl Scout cookies, or as we say in my house, “Suburban Kryptonite.” Those most delicious treats that are almost always timed to arrive in your house just before a snowstorm, so that you find yourself eating an entire sleeve of Thin Mints and then pretending you have no idea what happened to them.
I’m on both sides of this thing. I’m both a dealer and a user. My daughter, a Brownie scout, and I have been successfully moving product for four years. The selling process is supposed to instill young girls with the entrepreneurial spirit and teach them about business, sales, and supply and demand. What it really does is prime them for future disappointment because there is no other legal product that sells itself the way that Girl Scout cookies do. If you sell these things outside a Walmart, people will literally throw their money at you.
I get it. The addictive quality of these treats is such that I’m actually relieved that they’re only available to me a few weeks a year. So in honor of the very special relationship I have with Girl Scout cookies, I’d to like to offer up some suggestions for what I think they should really be called, because their current names don’t do them justice.
Wired magazine’s September edition. (via I Love Charts)
Read more from Julie at her blog Rants from MommyLand. Follow Julie on Facebook and Twitter for additional goofy nonsense at no extra charge. You can catch up on her posts for Strollerderby, too – where she is often slightly less stupid.
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14 Comments
Claire commented on Jan 25 12 at 10:16 pmBefore reading this tonight I truly, honestly almost assaulted my husband (not in the fun way) because I thought he ate the rest of the Somoas. I believe I called him a thief after ransacking both our cars and all the cupboards. Thanks for at least making me feel slightly less insane…
dana commented on Jan 25 12 at 10:19 pmThanks for the shout out on tastycakes…too bad anyone other than us in Philly or Jersey or those originally from there may not know about those…I love mom meth, too true….and me eating a box of PMS pleasers explains a lot…good job…
Greg Walker commented on Jan 25 12 at 10:34 pmIt’s Kryptonite. Nope, not a nerd at all.
Tyra commented on Jan 26 12 at 12:23 amOh I really miss Girl Scout Cookies. Specifically the Mom Meth and the PMS Pleasers. They don’t have those (or anything anywhere close to those) here in the UK. One of the drawbacks to relocating. *sniffle*
cdnkaro commented on Jan 26 12 at 5:32 amDid you know that in Canada, Girl Scouts only sell two kinds of cookie, and it’s only every other year? One year it will be something similar to your thin mints (which are the favourite here as well), and the next year it will be vanilla sanwiches (like oreos) and chocolate sandwiches (one row of each per box). I’m feeling a little deprived over here, I have to admit. Those samoas look GOOD.
Kim commented on Jan 26 12 at 7:41 amDid you keebler owns one of the two bakeries? Did you also know that they make thin mints, tagalongs, and samoas under different names? It’s like girl scout cookies have gone covert.
Brianne commented on Jan 26 12 at 8:24 amMy favorite part of girl scout cookie time is that Edy’s makes girl scout cookie ICE CREAM with tagalongs, thin mints and samoa flavors. I hoard that worse that the actual cookie. It’s like heaven!
Jrseygirl in VA commented on Jan 26 12 at 8:53 amThin Mints are my absolute favorites but then I am one of those people who like the odd ones. I love, love, love the Lemon Chalets (old lemon cookies) and am so sad they replaced them. These new lemon ones just seem so odd, triagle cookies????? I also love the shortbread (Trefoils) as I love dipping them in my tea and they get all soft and basically melt in your mouth.
And originally being from South Jersey I love the shout out for Tastycakes! Just to let you know some of the Sheets and other gas stations do carry them around here in NOVA. You just have to look around and you will find a local supplier of your Tastycake habit.
admin commented on Jan 26 12 at 1:34 pmJulie, this is HILARIOUS! Totally brilliant. ~Dara
kristin commented on Jan 26 12 at 4:26 pmI always call Samoas “caramel fat bombs of love.’ it’s kinda long, but incredibly descriptive. Love. THEM!
Maria commented on Jan 27 12 at 5:59 amI’m the odd one out who loves the lemon cookies. I liked the sandwich cookie ones they sold last year. I LOVED the powdered sugar covered ones they sold a few years back (I’m really hoping these new ones are super-lemony like those were). Since I have no willpower, my mother stockpiles them for me and randomly mails me the occasional box throughout the year; I do the same for her and Samoas. There’s nothing like Girl Scout cookies for Christmas morning breakfast.
Lisa commented on Jan 28 12 at 8:55 pmMy husband’s favorites are actually the do-si-dos so I always get him a couple and then I become obsessed with finding every girl scout around and buying a couple of boxes from each so they do not realize how many I have in my pantry to make it till next year. I LOVE samoas but will not turn down a thin mint, trefoils or the new shout outs!!!
Heidi commented on Feb 01 12 at 12:43 pm10 boxes of Mom Meth please!
Deanna commented on Feb 01 12 at 12:50 pmThe person who normally sells Girls Scout cookie was not selling them this year…I was in a panic….my co-workers and I found another person “dealer”…I was sooooo happy…I ordered 7 boxes
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