I get where you’re coming from, but a few of these seem like blatant reflections of the stereotypes placed on younger mothers–stereotypes that Michelle Horton often works to strike down in her writing. Financial, marital, and career stability are not functions of age but of personal ambition and hard work. As a 25-year-old first-time mom I was (and am) in a strong marriage with a successful career that helped put us in great financial shape, and have maintained all of those things as our son grows up. I am not the exception to any stereotypical rule. I think it should be possible for all of us to celebrate the season of life in which we chose to become mothers without putting down anyone else’s–and unfortunately, I think the implication that 20-something moms are financially unstable, underemployed, and in tumultuous relationships does just that.

I agree with Sarah. I met my husband when I was 20. I completed a B.S. in Physics at 22 and we were married that summer. I then compelted M.S. in Engineering at age 24. Before graduating I already had a high paying, full time, full benefits job lined up for when I did. We had our kids when I was 28, 30, 32, and 34, so I’m not fully a 20-something mom but close to it. I did have financial, marital, and career stability in my 20′s and still do at 35. I also actually find that for the people I know in real life, the younger parents have more patience than the older ones.

Thank you Manjari. You got the point perfectly.
- Katherine

Sarah’s experience, while lovely, is of course anecdotal, so it tells us nothing about society as a whole. Statistically, younger motherhood IS correlated with less marital and financial stability. This has a lot to do with class. The relationship between age of first motherhood and class is such that if these same women did decide to wait until they were older, they probably wouldn’t be much more stable, financially or maritally.

I am a mother of 4 grown children have a grandaughter 3 yrs. of age witch i have custody of now have been the primary keeper since she was born love her to death. Never had really planned to be mom at the age of 51 but i am going do whatever needs to be done for this baby she is a special needs baby very smart but a little slower than your normal 3 yr old. There has been many issues with the mother as she is diagnosed with mental retardation. I feel very cruel sometimes with what i have to do but it is just lookin out for a baby that can not do for herself. All i should need to say is if you are not ready to be parents or are not stable please do not bring these babies into this world if you can not take care of them it is not there fault because you do not want to deal with the consequences . Your life is no more important than theres they are human to . Your fun jepordizes there lives !!!!! Just a word of advice. I got pregnant at 15 lost my baby at 7 mnths. i was ready to be mom it tore my heart apart married at 17 had baby at 18 and 3 more after was a stay at home mom always had nieces and nephews and who knows what other kids i had living with me but that was ok i knew where they were and that they were all ok. Now i have 8 grandchildren and will watch when ever they call the need for me . This is what great parents are guarenteed it can take a toll on you but you can always make it through life is good babies are good i hope this can be of some good to someone just remember life is what you make of it if you are not ready to comit to babies then think !!!

You forgot one! I became a new mother at 42 and so my friends that became moms in their 20s had daughters that were my baby sitters !

I was 39 when I had my son. I loved the life I had before him, I lived in NYC and London and travelled a ton! We had to do IVF so the struggle & sacrifice was greater. I wouldn’t want to be a young mom, and many of my friends are the same age as me with young ones!

“No competition” – reason enough to celebrate my 40s! I’d much rather be a little tired and feel like I’ve had enough of “my” life with no regrets rather than be my age and wish I’d done something else when “I could” (a situation my same age sis in law is in – with a 18 year old kid, me with an infant).

I married a US Marine at age 21, and I had my son at 22 almost 23. I went to college, got my B.S., and definitely had my “fun.” I don’t feel as though I missed out on anything because we decided it was the right time to start a family. I am a stay at home mom by choice. Mainly because we move around a lot and it’s hard to start a career in my field while constantly moving every few years, but like someone stated above, it is a personal choice. Nobody is wrong for having a child in their 20s 30s or 40s and so on. To each his own! But, I do remember a post about “The 10 reasons I love Being a 20 Something Mom,” so it’s nice to see different perspectives at different ages :)

That being said, If you have a kid in your forties, I don’t think it’s the end of the world, I just don’t see they advantages of it over being a young parent. Im almost 29 and I feel like I’m on the older side now! Especially in playground and stuff. I couldn’t imagine being 40+ bringing my kids to preschool with all the mothers in their mid twenties! I’d feel so weird!

I love seeing the different perspectives on this, and I think it’s important to find the pros in any situation, no matter when and how you decided to have kids. (I wrote the 20-something post.) And while I do think so much depends on your personality and individual lifestyle, I will say that the “relationship stability” has to be, in my opinion, the biggest perk on your side. It’s very difficult to learn how to be a wife and a mother in the same breath. But yes, I think we’re all incredibly lucky — no matter the age.

@Susan, I don’t know. Based on what you’ve written here, you don’t sound particularly mature or insightful, both qualities which I value in other parents. I was brought up to value higher education, so when I was 26, I was finishing up up my master’s degree and planning my wedding. Among my demographic and peer group, the 20 something year old mom with preschoolers would be more unusual than moms who had children in their 30s and 40s, which is not to say that I think older moms are better in any way. At any rate, be assured that regardless of your age, your teenaged children will find plenty of things about you to be humilaitingly embarassing. That’s just the nature of being a teen, and it’s certainly no reason for healthy people not to reproduce.

I loved both the 20-something and the 40-something articles. Neither one mentioned that being 20 or being 40 is better than the other. There was no judgement. Neither author said that one of there reasons couldn’t possible be true of the other age group. Motherhood is complex. I don’t think any mother, in the midst of sleep deprivation, tantrums or teething stops to think, “but hey, it’s not so bad! At least I got to go to France. Or at least my body will bounce back.” Get a grip people. These authors are looking at the positives to their situations, not comparing. How could anyone who is an attentive reader glean that perspective? Why are Katherine Stone and Michelle Horton looking at the positives? Because motherhood is hard (and of course lovely, and joyful and miraculous) at any age. And they are writers. And that’s what writers do. (I wrote the “7 Things never to say to a mom over 40″ and wow I couldn’t believe the comments. It’s humor, people! Write, submit and publish your own essay and see how it feels!)

I am just a little (okay a lot) upset with the “eww” comment made by Susan. That hurt and was extremely insensitive and immature. What would be your suggestion for women who – for one reason or another – had their children in their 30′s or 40′s? Instead of becoming mothers, what should we have done? Shriveled up and died? Be put out to pasture? Do you know how many women you are referring to? Do you know how many fewer children there would be in the United States if women in their 40′s didn’t have children. I’d love to write more but I have to bring my flabby 48-year old butt to pick up my 4 year old from preschool.

Lauren,

You truly are an embarassment to womanhood. Ewww! is what you can come up with! A woman has a child whenever she finds fit. Who would be embarrassed of thier parents at any age? My father is 72 and I am 39 and I would never ever think to say something like that. U and your friend sound like you were made for each other. At any age. Go figure! Blech, you are one sad person.

**now see it was none other than Susan who wrote it

I’ve heard all of these arguments from all sides and nobody wins because women, by nature, are competitive, petty and judgmental no matter what. With that being said, I have 5 wonderful kids and life couldn’t be better. I had my first at 26 and my fifth at age 37. There is a big difference believe me but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. We waited 3 years before having our first. Time to mature, time to be prepared, time to enjoy being a couple first. It worked to our advantage. We both earned college degrees before marriage and I think that makes for a much more stable foundation for a family. The financial part was difficult at first but none of our kids were ever in a daycare, as either myself or my husband cared for our children. I took 10 years off from my career to do the stay at home mom thing. I never regretted that decision. And when it came time to go back to work, we were financially stable and all the kids were in school full time. I don’t see the benefit of this whole ‘young mom’ vs. ‘older mom’ argument. We are all moms regardless. Age is just a number, some older ones chronologically act like teenagers and some 20 somethings act very mature, it depends on the person. I used to be in mom’s groups but they were so petty and judgmental I walked away from most friendships with moms. They were very superficial to begin with. I have very few mom friends and that is how I prefer it. My oldest is 20 and in college and my husband and I have been happily married 23 years. Having few or no mom friends means I don’t have to explain myself to anyone or prove myself to anyone. My family and I are happy, healthy and content. We have never needed anyone’s approval. We get enough flack just for having a lot of kids. People judge regardless. Just try to be the happiest person you can be with your family, stop with the age stigma already.