babble » blogs » Strollerderby
Strollerderby
Gwyneth Paltrow Has Lots of Free Time, Offers Inane Tips to Cure Hangover
How can someone so perfect suffer from something as unseemly as a hangover?
In my next life I want to come back as Gwyneth Paltrow’s free time. Because she seems to have an awful lot of it.
No matter that she’s an Oscar-winning actress, wife and mother of two. She still finds time to offer utterly condescending lifestyle tips to the .0000000000001 percent of the people who can afford the time and money to live life like her — via her Goop website.
This time Gwyn-Gwyn is offering hangover cures (which we read about first at Café Mom). Get your pen out (not to mention your wallet, medical dictionary and extra Tylenol — you know, for the headache you will incur as a result of her pretension).
If you have a hangover as haughty as Gwyneth Paltrow’s, she suggests (among other stupid things) that you buck the classic greasy breakfast, dark shades and trashy TV in bed. Here’s what she would do if she were you (but of course she’s not — she’s much, much better than you):
- Drink a very special Bloody Mary
- Drink a very special sangria
- Indulge in anti-bacterial agents (fun!)
- Rebalance your system and replenish your body’s calcium and magnesium
- Take OZ Brain Enhancement Sticks (at something ridiculous like $60 a box)
- Eat Umeboshi Plums
Or—here’s an idea, although it’s regrettably not on the list—don’t get drunk so you can avoid her list altogether. Ding ding ding!
Would you like Gwyneth Paltrow to resolve to STFU in 2012, too?
Image: Wikipedia
Lori Garcia 
Joslyn Gray 
Amber Doty 
Julianna Miner 
Monica Bielanko 
Sierra Black 
Meredith Carroll 
Carolyn Castiglia 
Sunny Chanel 
Madeline Holler 
Rebecca Odes 
Danielle Smith 
Danielle Sullivan 
Katherine Stone 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
0