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5 Benefits of Spacing Out Your Kids
The gang.....each spaced exactly five years apart.
According to the research paper “Birth Spacing and Sibling Outcomes” by Kasey S. Buckles and Elizabeth L. Munnich of the University of Notre Dame, spacing siblings more than two years apart results in better scores on reading and math tests for the older children. The news is making the rounds of the blogosphere this week since so many parents want to do everything they can so their child can have an advantage.
While the news doesn’t really surprise me, I can’t say the spacing itself is the sole reason for the spike in test scores. I have three kids, each five years apart, unintentionally. They all do very well in school but so do many of their friends, and some of them are only children or siblings spaced close together. I tend to believe that the parent’s educational goals and imposed study habits combined with a child’s natural ability and quality of teachers will largely determine a child’s educational outcome.
In our hyper-driven educational system that often cares more about tests scores than actual learning, I wonder how much it even matters. Still, I have to say there are some definite advantages to spacing siblings widely apart.
Here are my top five:
Individual Attention
With each child, I had time alone for them when they were a baby and toddler to focus on them for many hours a day. By the time another baby was born, the baby prior to that was in school, so I happily devoted time each day to playing, teaching, and enjoying the new addition. It was lovely.
Never Diaper Train More Than One Child at a Time
My hat is off to the many moms who pull ‘double duty’ and potty train multiple toddlers at a time. I don’t believe I’d ever have the patience to pull off such a feat.
Stagger Out Tuition
None of our kids will ever be in college when another is, and that realization is huge. I especially recognize this perk since our oldest started college last year.
Live-in Babysitters
As your oldest gets more mature each day, he/she can be a big help in watching the younger ones. This privilege should never be abused, of course, but sometimes having your ten-year-old watch her younger siblings so you can finish dinner, help another with homework or take a shower can be purely joyful.
Prolong Having a Baby in the House
By the time my oldest was no longer a baby or toddler anymore, I was pregnant again with another. I was lucky enough to have a baby in our home for many years. Now that it’s over (since my youngest is 8), I can’t explain how much I miss it. Last year when the baby urge hit an all-time high, we adopted an adorable black lab. Coincidence? I think not.
Are your kids spaced widely apart? Would you do it again?
More on planning for a baby: 5 Signs You’re Ready For Another Baby
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16 Comments
goddess commented on Nov 23 11 at 11:50 amWell, there was space of 9 yrs between our first two and last two kids. Loved it. It really gave us a chance to know how to appreciate things with the 2 younger ones=- hindsight learning, KWIM?
daria commented on Nov 23 11 at 12:32 pmMine are nearly 5 years apart, and I agree about the benefits you listed. I’d add reduced competition too — at least for my two.
CW commented on Nov 23 11 at 12:54 pmHaving the older sibling be more self-sufficient before the new baby arrives is the big one for our family. My kids are each 3 years apart and if we have #4, that baby will be at least 4 years younger. I wouldn’t change a thing!
Andrea commented on Nov 23 11 at 8:26 pmI have four years between the first and second and three years between the second and third. One thing I have really noticed is that we have virtually zero physical fighting in our home, whereas EVERY SINGLE ONE of my friends who have children close in age have to deal with their children physically beating on each other. Just too close in age developmentally and too evenly matched, I suppose. Mine are 10, 6, and 3 and they can snipe at each other, but they are physically peaceful.
jaina commented on Nov 26 11 at 11:51 amMine are 18 months apart and so far it’s been great. I think there are probably advantages and disadvantages to both. I know that while we’re really gratefull for my first two being so close in age, we’re waiting a little longer before having anymore. Even so, I don’t think I would want my kids to be more than 3 years or 3&1/2 years apart.
Ruth commented on Nov 26 11 at 11:52 amMy boys are 364 days apart. NOT planned at all!
MommySaidThis commented on Nov 26 11 at 12:30 pmMy 3 kids are VERY close in age. We didn’t actually plan it this way, but we are thrilled. It took 7 years to get our oldest. 17 months later her sister was born followed by another 2 years later. It has been difficult at times, but my children are friends as well as sisters.
I have siblings much younger than I am. Some are 10+ years younger. It is as though we have grown up in different families. I barely know them. I am grateful mine will not feel that way. They will probably have other complaints. ;)
Timing of children is a personal decision for each couple. Every family is capable/comfortable with a particular parenting set up. This is what works for us. We would like to have one more child & really like the 2 year span. We will be trying for that again. Good post!
Phoenix (40be440 on Twitter) commented on Dec 01 11 at 11:46 amMy eldest is 19 years old, my youngest are boy/girl twins. They are 2 years old lol. Mine are 17 years apart. As for potty training two toddlers, I doubt we will have a choice.
Kristina commented on Dec 01 11 at 11:53 amI have two going on three kids and my son is the oldest at 3 1/2 (turning 4 in Feb), my daughter just turned 2 in August and my next daughter is due in Feb. So, the spacing with mine is 18mos between the oldest two and 2 1/2 yrs between the youngest two. We did not plan to have them this close together by the way, but we are going to wait at least 4 years before having a fourth child. My son and daughter are best friends which is wonderful because they keep each other pretty entertained. My son just started preschool and the teachers say he is doing great! Preschool is also nice for him since I am a stay at home mom and the main interaction he gets with peers is just sissy, so school helps him to learn how to interact with other kids too.
Charlene commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:01 pmI had one boy, 4 yrs later I had another one, 15 months later came the third boy and 2 1/2 yrs later came boy #4…..The Closer they are the easier they are…They fight terrible but They also can enjoy each other more…
Sarah commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:03 pmI have three girls. They are between my oldest and middle child are 18 months and between my middle and youngest are 20 months. I would not change it for the world. It was expensive when all three were in diappers.
Dawn commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:09 pmMy two kids are exactly five years and two months apart….yes i did not want two in diapers….I agree with you 100%….phew what a challenge….I had my daughter in august of last year and two weeks later my son started kindergarten full time….so again, I lovedddd having that bonding time one on one with her…while getting to still enjoy my big boy….If there should be another along the way, there will also be a gap…i love spacing! And it does help to have the extra hands of the other child….they appreciate their siblings more and can interact more at an older age….
Faith commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:27 pmMy two are 7 years apart, when my eldest was 3 I went off the depo shot and it took 4 years to get out of my system, Which in hind sight was a good thing, my hubby lost his job and got one out of state so I would have been by my self for a year After he got back home he found a job close to home, his insurance kicked in and 2 days later I found out I was pregnant. :)
christina commented on Dec 01 11 at 12:49 pmmy oldest is 4 years and 3 weeks older then my second, my second and third is 9 months then my third and forth is 4 years and my forth and fifth is 13 months
JT commented on Dec 01 11 at 1:06 pmmine were 18 months apart. I feel I didn’t get a chance to enjoy my first baby as much, I wasn’t ready to let her go when the second one arrived. It was a very difficult time for me. Although they have each other to play with now and that’s great. But my next one definitely will be spaced further apart.
April commented on Dec 01 11 at 3:12 pmOur oldest is 9, then 5 (soon 6), then 1. I wanted the younger two to be closer together, like the oldest and middle, but it took a year and a half to get pregnant. It’s nice though since both older kids are in school, I can enjoy baby all day.
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