I don’t think #2 is rude… just unfortunate. I was asked this 4 days after having my baby… while HOLDING said baby. The woman who asked it (who by the way was about 300 lbs) certainly didn’t mean anything by it, she just had a dumb moment, caused by baby! BABY! excitement. I LOOKED pregnant 4 days after giving birth. I was a tiny bit hurt, but not terribly offended. I knew I looked pregnant. I certainly wouldn’t have been offended to be asked that question 4 months earlier… which is about how pregnant I looked.

As for #5, I think the best answer (assuming child is not adopted) would be a long, complicated, boring an accurate genetic explanation.That’s about the politest way I can think of to call someone an idiot. I can’t even conceive of why someone would ask that question. There is NO other implication beyond were you cheating on your husband. Before our baby was born, and in the first few months, everyone was speculating on what color his eyes would end up… then they almost immediately concluded, “oh wait, you both have blue eyes, so he has to have blue eyes!” I was totally paranoid that he’d end up with brown or hazel eyes, because it’s actually not that simple!

My sister is married to a Fillipino guy. They have two daughters who are clearly “AmerAsian” When my sister is alone with the girls, she is often asked pointedly rude questions about where they got their girls, China, Korea, Vietnam?! It has even happened when a child was at her breast nursing. Adopted or not, it’s just rude!

i had 3 kids in about 3.5 years and i kept and still do get asked when someone asks their ages and i say 4, 3 and 2 (#1 and #2 are 20 months and #2 and #3 are 13 months apart) if i know what causes them….yes, i do know what causes babies..geeze…..

“Are they your children or your grandchildren?” For pity’s sake, I’m only 41. And I look even older when I’m sobbing, so don’t make it worse, OK? But I don’t think it’s rude to indicate that children are not invited to certain events. In fact, traditionally the rude thing is to assume that your children are invited when they haven’t been mentioned. “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it,” is a perfectly acceptable response to an invitation.

#1 and #10 don’t bother me. I am happy to tell people I am one and done and if they don’t want me to bring my kid to X event, then I’d rather know it in advance so I can either get a sitter or decline rather than have them be irritated. The other questions ARE actually rude, but I don’t think 1 and 10 have to be, if in the right context.

Maybe it’s because I’m from the home of fake niceness, but I’ve never had any of those questions asked of me and I’ve never asked any of those questions. The only thing that I’ve ever been asked that I found borderline offensive is whether I’m vaccinating my child and if I say, huh, what? They explain that either vaccines will kill or retard my child or they say that kids that aren’t vaccinated are walking time bombs. I usually just smile and nod and make a comment about how much I really like squirrels.

I have twins, so I got to experience a whole extra set of dumb/rude questions.

Has anyone ever heard of a dad getting offended over even the most intrusive parenting questions? Getting offended seems to be something only women will waste mental energy on.

Questions like “when are you due & are you finished” are fine with me. They are just part of normal conversation. If someone assumes another person is pregnant and she isn’t, it’sprobably more embarassing for the person asking the question (although it can be insulting for the “unpregnant” woman).

As for #10, I do like to have my “adult” time, and I enjoy “kidless” functions. Some activities “family oriented” and some are not. That’s perfectly fine.

What annoys me, is something along #6. People trying to guess “WHY” my baby is crying: he’s tired; he has colic; he’s hungry…. Look, he’s a baby. Babies cry; some more than others. Sometimes I know “why”, sometimes I don’t. But if I don’t, I’m sure you don’t either!!!

i’ve been asked several of those, some i mind, some i don’t. but the most recent is ‘that’s a boy? are you sure?’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! so what do you think i’m lying or that i don’t know the gender of my son!?! i know that he has very feminine features and he now likes to wear his hair in 2 curly puffs, so his father and i don’t mind being asked ‘is that a boy or a girl?’ but when i say ‘he’s a boy!’ don’t question me further like i’m giving the wrong information! that’s just RUDE! }:-(

An example of #10 that really ticked me off (and I have no problem with adults only stuff) was my cousin’s wedding a few years ago. They sent evites, so they weren’t addressed to anyone specific and as it was a family wedding, we naturally assumed that the kids were invited as well. Nowhere in the invite did it say or imply that this was an adult’s only affair. About a WEEK before the wedding I was informed in an email “oh, BTW, don’t bring the kids”. I politely sent our regrets as there was no time to get a sitter at that point and I was angry that no one had told us this before.

I’m hispanic (brown hair, brown eyes) and my husband is white. My daughter has blond hair and blue eyes… I get asked if my husband is white. I finally told someone “no but the mailman is!”

HOW OLD ARE YOU?
My husband and i are asked this question all the time (its more the tone when being asked then the actual question) and if we arent asked directly its even worse when we over hear someone talking about it! My husband and I both appear very young and guess what we are! being 25 and 21 with a 2 year old and an infant often leads to the assumption that we are irresponsible and so the question arises of how old are you…
It bugs me because whose business is it anyways, and the common assumption that follows that we arent married and just living the life off the government programs really bugs me as well. Just because were young doesnt mean we didnt get our S*&% together when we got married and had kids!

#1 – This doesn’t have to be a rude question. I’ve been asked several times even by people I barely know and have no trouble answering it. (FTR we’re expecting our 2nd child in 3 weeks and we’re probably done, but I’m not getting my tubes tied and my husband won’t even consider a vasectomy, so who knows?)

#2 – Nothing wrong with this question unless, as in the example given, the woman is not pregnant. I have the opposite problem–my body hides the pregnancy until my 3rd trimester, so if I want to talk about it I have to bring it up in conversation. Personally I never ask anyone when they’re due until she’s crowning or being prepped for a c-section.

#3 – This one I wouldn’t ask. As long as I’m not paying for your child’s formula it really isn’t any of my business.

#4 – I wouldn’t ask this one either, again not my business. If I’m asked I’ll tell the truth–that for our family I believe in child-led weaning unless there’s a damn good medical reason why we have to stop. Whether you don’t breastfeed at all or breastfeed for 5+ years, somebody’s going to have a problem with your decision. That’s their problem.

#5 – Not sure how I’d handle this because my son looks like both of us–my husband’s features with my coloring. We’ll find out in a few weeks if our next baby bears any resemblance to either family. I wouldn’t ask this one, partly because it’s rude and partly because you can usually find out the answer by shutting up and listening to the child’s mother.

#6 – Again, you can find out the answer by listening to the child’s mother. If little Johnny has recently been diagnosed with something or they suspect an issue, shut up and be the sympathetic ear this beleaguered mom needs. If you’ve just met these people, give them the benefit of the doubt. Too much sugar or too little sleep can turn even the best-behaved kid into a clinical case.

#7 – Yeah, this one’s kind of rude. Either they want another one or they don’t. Maybe they’re trying and you don’t know because you’re not paying the in vitro bills. Or they’ve decided one child is the best fit for their family’s needs. Or they’re open to having another one but want to wait.

#8 – All children are “real” whether they’re biological, adopted, step, foster etc. If the relationship is anything but biological you’ll find out in due time if you just listen.

#9 – Not an issue for our family. Some of my friends who have biracial children fret that people think they’re the nanny or something. Again, you can generally find out the answer by listening.

#10 – Not all events are kid-friendly, nor should they be. If I really want to go to an adult-only gathering either the kids stay home with their daddy or we find a sitter. Or I skip it. Either way I don’t take it personally or assume the host/organizer hates my kids or kids in general. Yes there are many fun events that are not appropriate for kids, and I often find out about them when it’s too late to arrange childcare. So I can’t drop everything and head to a free concert that’s too loud for babies, and I don’t call the radio station to win free tickets to anything happening that night, no matter how much I’d enjoy it. So what? I had that freedom for the first decade of my adulthood and had a lot of spontaneous fun. But ultimately I wanted marriage and family, and I accept the many responsibilities and sacrifices that come with the package.

Two come to mind:

I was 23 when I had my oldest daughter. A man I had just met asked me, “Aren’t you pretty young to have a baby?” I was shocked! I tried to laugh and said, “I’m 23. I’ve been married for 2 years now.” He went on to tell me that I looked 17. Now, I’m not condoning teen pregnancy but, even if I was 17, what concern would that be of his?

The second happened just the other day. I was at my sister-in-law’s baby shower where my two girls were playing but, very much behaving themselves. My aunt asked if I was going to have more kids. I didn’t mind the question at all. It was the eye roll she gave when I told her I’d like to have one more. What was that about!?!?

The rudest question I’ve encountered was while I was pregnant, I was suppose to have an amnio done ant 36 weeks, because I had had a very difficult pregnancy and developed some serious issues while pregnant and the chances of loosing my baby greatly increased after 36 weeks. I told a friend about the amnio and her reply was “why don’t you just kill your baby now!” I had no clue where her hostility came from and still don’t, I had done all the research I could on amnios and my dr.s had gone over the procedure with me several times, because this was my first pregnancy and naturally I questioned everything more than once. I ended up not needing the amnio though because my daughter was born at 34 weeks and she was perfectly healthy.

How is #10 rude? It’s perfectly fine to want some events to be adults only. And it’s perfectly fine for you to decline if you don’t want to (or can’t) go without your kids

My least favorite comments are ” oh, wow! Youre fourth?! I only had one.” What should I do for you, clap? Its great you had your child, yet why does that mean my fourth is any less valuable to me that your only is to you?
” Will you be having any more”? 1) that seems to assume that I will be having my tubes tied/ go on the pill/get a future abortion. NOT EVERYONE agrees with those dangerous and drastic decisions! 2) because it seems like a large number to you, why would that affect my desire to love any and all of my children? 1-21, I dont care what number, I will have whatever comes and love them all equally!
And ” You have your hands full! How do you do it?” If we have the time, I can tell you the schedule for my day, my diet, my sleeping patterns, the kids naps, etc. No one seems interested enough to stick around and hear the answer. So, should I just assume the intention is to tell me I have an overwhelming brood? Hey, at least SOMEONE is willing to do it! ;)

ps-Im not sure where the overpopulation concern emerged from but what I have been made aware of is the underpopulation we can SEE happening ( ie- families are smaller than they were in my grandparents’ day!) Here is one article that I am aware of that talks about how we are not growing sufficiently enough to replace AND grow our species! In the next 100 years we will see enough decline to eliminate current cultures/countries! http://www.lifenews.com/2011/02/23/baby-number-seven-billion-not-an-overpopulation-concern/

“Did you deliver vaginally?” I have no idea why complete strangers feel comfortable asking this question…

I wouldn’t take any of these offensively per say..but I know my smart-mouth comes into play a lot of times I’m asked questions like these.
I agree with julie..I get so irritated when people are guessing why my baby is fussy! Even more so when I go to do something like change his diaper and they go oh no that’s not what he wants.. Obviously it’s probably not what he wants right this second but it has to be done.
As for no-kid events.. people know I’m a single mom and assume where I am he is. This has its draw backs though, such as not being invited to a lot of things.

I was at the grocery store with my husband and child. A lady came up to me and told me my son was very cute. then she went on to say that her grandchildren were mixed also, and that they are the worst kids. I thought she was joking, so I laughed. She then said ” no seriously they are the worst kids”. Ummmm thanks for assuming/telling me that my child is going to be bad just because he is mixed. May not be a question, but defiently a rude statement.

I’ve gotten asked #2, #3 and #7

#2 Was easy to get over, I had given birth less than a week before and I admit I could easily pass as still pregnant. lol

#3 Is probably the most hurtful of the 3, just because I tried so hard to breastfeed and I myself felt so guilty that my body just did not cooperate and when you get asked it’s almost in a judgemental way as if you chose not to do it.

and #7…is the most annoying. Yes, my child is an only child and shall forever be an only child …mine and my husbands choice and I don’t need to explain it to anyone…are you going to pay for my other children if I have more? no? then…you have no say. My child will not be a social outcast, nor will she be the worlds biggest nightmare…that is all down to parenting and not how many kids you have.