I think it’s cute! However, I am partial to elephants. It’s Kindergarten, so I think he’ll be ok…but I’d get a new one before 1st grade.

The fact that you are worried that his backpack might get him bullied is offering a legitimacy to bullying that doesn’t exist. Bullying is wrong, period. So is making fun of people because they are different. I think it is pretty sad that you seem to think that your son needs to somehow conform to some imagined “safe” standards of what an acceptable backpack looks like.

Kim- He will have his big brothers! And he is quite sure of himself EXCEPT FOR WHEN HE IS NOT. He loses it. And is very sensitive. OY.

Nicole- good point! I should definitely follow this up. Deep breath!

Steph

I faced this same question last year with Sage who was going into Kindergarten. She would be at a charter school with kids in her class grades K-5. She chose the Skip Hop mouse lunch box. I bought it for her & then had second thoughts days before school was to start. I bought a plain one to send with her & just told her it’d keep the food colder. Maybe not the most honest or upfront reason but I was hoping to delay her ‘age of awakening’.

What do his brothers think? They would be the “experts” regarding elementary school and riding the bus. I’d ask them.

I don’t think older kids would pick on him as a kindergartner. Most students I taught tended to adore the little ones and would have agreed that the elephant backpack is adorable.

-Abby

Reading all of these comments makes me want to cry. Are we really all that afraid of bullies that we are willing to have our children change their tastes and behaviors because we are afraid that some narrow minded elementary schooler might say something to hurt their feelings? Then the bullies have already won.

Steph, I don’t mean to be harsh- I am sorry. It certainly was not my intention. I just don’t want us to be inadvertently teaching our children that we need to change to suit others.

I love it and think it’s super cute. When Owen went to kindergarten, he chose to bring his dad’s old purple Northface backpack from college. (Yes, it was still laying around and in great shape! Go Northface! haha). Anyway, purple was/is his favorite color, and he took it and some girls in his class told him purple was a girl color — not really bullying but certainly mocking. We just talked about how silly that was – aside from the whole falsehood of there being boy or girl colors (are their boy or girl letters? numbers? see how ridiculous that is?), we talked about how different people like different things and how boring it would be if everyone like the same thing and had the same thing and how much less fun we’d all have if we only wore/played with/etc whatever we thought everyone else thought was cool. It’s like the Sneetches, by Dr. Suess. Pretty soon no one knows what they really wanted in the first place or who they’re trying to emulate or where the whole crazy business got started.

Now I know I just went a little off track, but I think you’re hitting on a bigger issue than getting bullied over a backpack and that is the whole pressure to conform. I am a full supporter of letting kids wear/play with what they like and express their own individuality, even if they get a hard time for it. My opinion is that if we show uncertainty about it as their parent, they may lose some of their confidence that it’s OK to express who they are. That being said, there have been days I’ve cringed internally when Owen left the house for first grade wearing bright green fleece pants with *the same shade of green* shirt. Hilariously dorky, but he thought it looked nice so who was I to say my fashion sense takes rank over his. ;)

You’re a good mama, wanting to protect your little guy’s feelings. But he will be fine with the cutie pie backpack. He really will. I love your honesty, as always, my friend.

I showed only the picture to Adam and asked if he thought this backpack was too babyish for a kindergartener. He was really unsure and finally said “it’s 50/50, I’d wait and see what all the other kids are wearing and buy a backpack the second day of school.” Cracked me up because I hadn’t even told him about the article :)

That said, bullying exists at all ages… I have encountered some harsh kids!! If a loudmouth doesn’t like something they will be sure to make it known. I hope that when this happens to my kids down the road I have taught them an appropriate retort, like “I’m sorry you don’t like my backpack, I LOVE it!” or “good thing you don’t have to wear it!” :)

I too would worry about my sons being picked on for any reason and don’t blame you for analyzing the backpack situation. I like the idea of asking your older boys….they will probably have a good idea of what the bus climate is like!

Steph, we dealt with this as well when Tyler took his Diego lunchpak to school in kindergarten and then STILL wanted to take it in first grade. He’s a sensitive guy as well but loves animals and LOVES that Diego is an animal rescuer, so even though Diego is a preschool (much younger) show on TV, we let him take it. He did get picked on a bit, but he let it slide off his back pretty well. I told him it was fine if he liked Diego but not all the kids will. Tyler is NOT into superheroes or anything that’s more “safe”. You never know what might hurt their feelings, though, so your concern is legitimate of course. The backpack is so cute, but it’s also very unique and you must have picked it for him for a special reason! Give Gray something to think about that makes an elephant unique, like its strength, so he could always have that in the back of his mind. I doubt they will pick on him anyway, but he’ll do fine!

I think the backpack is cute and perfectly appropriate for a kindergartner (my son just finished kindy and his had lizards all over it AND he went to a K-8 school with much bigger kids). Personally, I think it’s downright idiotic to try and and pressure a child about their taste or interests based on how other kids might react or what they might think it “cool.” Who. Cares? If you don’t even have the confidence to teach a five year old that it’s okay to follow their bliss, how are you ever going to manage with a teenager?

@Linda – namecalling? You’ve just taken on the role of an aggressor. Is this something you would say to Stephanie’s face if you met at a party? Just because there is some anonyminity on line does not give anyone the right to call others names or make overly harsh statements. Rreally, would you have said these exact words to her face? There is a person at the other end of all these posts. Let’s not get into the habit of attacking anyone. Let’s be good role models for our children, whom, we certainly don’t want acting aggressive towards others.

And, furthermore, if you read the actual thread, I think it’s clear that I’m not even commenting on anything Stephanie said. She said she was going to hold her tongue and see what happens, which is clearly sensible.

After reading this thread I fear some mom’s more than bully’s.

I actually like the backpack. My son has the Skip-Hop Monkey backpack.It never crossed my mind that kids would tease him about his backpack or his clothing. I was teased in school because I didn’t conform, but I still had many close friends. And I went on to be much more successful than many of my classmates who were afraid to wear, read, say or do what they wanted because they needed the approval of the “cool” kids. I let my son pick his clothing, and I don’t push him to “cool” clothing. So if he wants to wear a Woody from ToyStory shirt or Curious George or Elmo or LightningMcQueen, that’s fine with me! He has lots of friends and seems happy…and I’m going to let him be a kid.

Also, I don’t quite understand why the Skip-Hop lunchbox is “too young” for kindergarten. If we were talking about 4th or 5th grade, I’d understand. But kindergarten? Those are five year olds. If they can’t carry an elephant backpack, who can? The whole conversation makes me sad.

And it reminds me about how I know 9 and 10 year old girls who pretend that they don’t like dolls in front of their friends even though they secretly play with them in their room. That just makes me sad too. Why does our society pressure kids to grow up?

Does it matter more to you that you child find his own voice and feel good about who he is and what he likes, or that he worry about what others think so that he can always fit into the group (whether it is the best choice or not)?

I have a 6yo son who dances ballet, an 11yo daughter who loves mismatched socks and a 9yo son who is the size of the average first grader. They have all learned that it is more important that they be happy and comfortable with themselves than worry about what others think. Amazingly, they are all very well-liked, very kind and as successful as any other kid on the playground.

I think it’s cute that his name is Gray and elephants are gray. Maybe that’s why he chose it. :oD

My 2 boys (7 1/2 & 3 1/2) like nail polish. They like it when I paint their toe nails & finger nails. They generally choose black and blue – recently I got the new cracked black polish and they thought it was really cool and wanted their nails to look like erupting volcanoes with red underneath. When my 7 1/2 yr old went to camp the next day I reminded him that the kids might make fun of him and helped him figure out what he would say and how he would react when it happened (I knew it would). I also gave him the option of removing the polish but encouraged him to keep it on if he liked it and told him that I was proud of him for wearing what he likes and not worrying so much about what other kids might think. They did make fun of him and it hurt his feelings but the polish stayed on and after a few days they stopped.

I appreciated this article’s question, and I’m surprised at the polarizing comments suggesting (directly or indirectly) that kids (and grown-ups?) should never consider social norms when choosing how to express themselves. I think the writer is a good and thoughtful mom for considering the question. I’m a developmental psychologist who studies peer relations, for what it’s worth.