@JBoogie RIGHT? Let’s wait until she’s in a tiny dressing room with a pissed off toddler who isn’t shy about letting the world know she is SO over mama’s shopping trip.

@LS – You misunderstand. I am not calling them out for their opinion or parenting choice of not letting their child watch television, I’m calling them out for their attitude about it. For lording it over those of us that do let our kids watch TV. That ain’t cool.

We are a TV family all the way. My kids, now in college, are super-smart, well adjusted people who are kind, caring and generally better human beings than I ever was. If smart phones had been around back in the day they would certainly have had access to them, with our blessing. Their friends are pretty much the same as them – except for those who grew up in highly regimented, super strict households. Those kids? They are off the rails now that they are out from under mom and dad’s rule. They can’t seem to focus on studying, get to class or move through life with any apparent common sense. Barney, I still love you.

Actually I don’t have a tv anymore. But I do watch lots of videos on my computer including many tv shows. We haven’t had a tv for quite a number of years. I just couldn’t stand the commercials any more and my computer has higher quality video and sound.

I don’t have children but I do take care of toddler twin boys part time. They are in love with elephants and we watch YouTube elephant videos sometimes.

And no, I don’t watch a single reality show. Guess I am too old to “get” those.

I don’t know, Monica, reading the actual quotes I don’t get the sense that anyone’s “lording it over” other moms who do let their kids watch television. They’re simply explaining their own parenting practices. If you do see that implication, it might suggest that moms (in general) see judgment of their parenting EVERYWHERE, which isn’t that far off from the sad reality, but assuming an implication that the speaker might very well have NOT intended isn’t fair to the moms who are simply stating what they choose to do.

Absolutely – it’s a simple fact of life that some things that must be done, and they are boring – for me, and my 20-month-old. I happen to have the self-control not to throw a tantrum, but it would be unreasonable to expect my toddler to understand that grocery shopping/getting gas/driving long distances must be done. I have no problem handing over an entertainment device in those circumstances – he has plenty of healthy, active ways to amuse himself when possible, but it’s just not always possible. I get the fragile argument, and we don’t hand them out around water. My husband’s iPhone is wrapped in some magical, can’t be destroyed case (he’s the SAHD so he encounters this more often) and let’s just say I hope he breaks my blackberry so I can get an iPhone. Although, he’s already smart enough to pass on the blackberry for an Apple device any day, plus apparently you can drop it on the concrete and it does just fine. Bummer :)

The tv police parents are the same ones who look on in horror when you let your child have a sip of a soda. It doesn’t bother me terribly because I’m pretty comfortable with myself and my mostly conscientious parenting choices. In fact, when the fellow mother at a baseball game gave me a LOOK as I let my 3 year old have a sip of soda (that I let my 9 year old run off to the concession stand alone to buy.. the horror) I realized that I didn’t really want to make friends with her anyway. She’s probably a real pill.

Screen-based entertainment is part of the culture, and I don’t think it’s that realistic or effective to try to shield your kid totally. On the other hand, there is not a single thing on TV (qua TV) that I have any interest in watching, and so we don’t have a TV. (We had one when I was a kid, which I mostly ignored, and my husband bought one briefly also for when his parents were staying with us but then we got rid of it because it was boring and expensive. I kind of have a hard time believing I’m alone in this – Really? What is the appeal exactly?)

I don’t have a smartphone either (regular cell works fine for me thanks). I’m totally fine with some catchy YouTube videos for my toddler when I need to make dinner though. I’m tail end of GenX FWIW.

Can’t there be a middle ground? I feel like so much of parenting today is turning into an ‘us vs them’ mentality. Yes, I let my toddler watch TV. Yes, I let her play with my smartphone when I’m desperate to keep her busy, as several PPs have mentioned. Having said that, I do limit both, because I’ve read the research and happen to believe it is correct. I’ve been an elementary school teacher for 15 years, and there is a HUGE difference in attention span and sticktoitiveness in today’s kids. But like many other Mommy War topics, I fall somewhere in the middle and believe in everything in moderation. I try to do organic foods, but I also let my daughter eat the blue cupcakes at the birthday party. I did use cloth diapers, but I also supplemented with sposies. I am really coming to realize that my parenting philosophy is ‘live and let live,’ and I just try to tune out the haters.

LK-I totally agree with you. I always laugh when pregnant mom’s discuss their parenting philosophies for their first child. They have no idea what they are in for. I was once one of those annoying pregnant ladies too. I would have been horrified at the thought of my precious baby watching tv. Now my toddler has my Ipad in the stroller while I am shopping. This expensive gadget is covered in drool and snot. But if I can get 45 minutes of uninterrupted shopping done, so be it. She plays interactive counting games and watches Dora. But some people totally give me the stink eye for it.

I don’t understand why saying, ‘we don’t let our children watch TV’ is smug. I don’t let my toddler watch TV – that’s my choice. I also work in digital media, but I rarely let my son play on the computer or my iPad. It doesn’t make me a hypocrite – I’m 35 and he’s 2 – what’s best for me and best for him is not always the same. Why can’t people just make their choices, or say their choices, and be left alone and not told to ‘shut up’.

Full disclosure: I haven’t read all the previous comments, so forgive me if I’m repeating anything. I’m a Gen X mom (born ’74, had my 1st child 16 months ago) and I will admit that I’m way uncomfortable with my kid (not anyone else’s, just mine — he’s the only one for whom I am responsible) spending a lot of time in front of a screen. That being said, I am totally not above resorting to an episode of Calliou or Blue’s Clues for a desperately-needed break on “one of those days” (you all know what I mean). And, although I stupidly never thought of it before this post, I am sure there will come a time in the not-too-distant-future when I will resort to YouTube or other app-related bribery to get through a shopping/errand trip (especially if yesterday’s trip to the grocery store is any indication)! Finally, if someone else chooses differently for their kids, they shouldn’t take flak for it — dammit, ladies, this mothering gig is HARD (really effing HARD!) and we should all just try to be a bit gentler with each other and our choices.

Di are we friends? This is exactly what happens with me. ALL THE TIME. I have lots of reasons for choosing not to let my young toddler watch tv or have other kinds screen time. He’s barely more than a baby and you’d think I was on the rampage about it. I try never to mention it because it always gets people all riled up.

My family is constantly berating for our choice and trying to convince me that I’m being silly. But I never tell people they have to do what we do. When my sister is telling me about how much her daughter loves this or that show, I just smile and ask my niece about it. I have lots of nieces and they all watch tv and are very bright lovely girls. I’m just choosing to do a few things differently with my parenting. And just because I’m a little paranoid and hardline on this one issue, doesn’t mean I’m hardline and strict about everything. I hate it when people assume everyone who has a different idea about parenting is a control freak.

If you’re ok with your kid watching tv, that’s fine by me. I may not agree with your underlying assumptions and I certainly disagree with nearly everything she said about the value of screen time in this article, but I’m not out to convert anyone to my way of thinking. I’m trying to do what every parent does – be the best parent I can be. For me that means no tv yet.

I cannot stand the smugness of people who say that they don’t own a TV. it seems like they try to direct the conversation that way just so they can say it.

even worse, so many of these supposed anti-TV folks log in so many hours watching movies on their computers, or surfing the web (but not in an educational way). um, I’m sorry, but you’re still zoning out in front of a screen like a zombie.

you don’t have a TV? fine. keep it to yourself, everyone thinks you are an uppity snob.

@Gretchen Powers, I was right there with you until your last sentence, when you took a snarky swipe at working parents. (Next you’ll posit that parents who work don’t actually “raise” their kids, I’ll bet.)

But yes – while our (now 15 YO) son did watch some tv (Nick Jr, PBS, etc – loved Arthur and Magic School Bus and Blue back in the day :-) and DVDs/videos when he was younger, we did make sure that he didn’t become permanently glued to the screen. Any screen. (And parenthetically, the center-based childcare we used part-time did not include tv watching in their day at all.) We thought that it was really important for him to learn to engage with the world around him, as someone previously mentioned … and we also think it’s important that kids learn how to amuse themselves without the constant default of screen time. Learning to deal with being bored is a huge life skill, and a lot of kids just don’t seem to be building those particular “muscles”. (And, FTR, my experience is that the kids of FT-SAH parents are no better, and may often be less adept, at figuring out how to deal with boredom.)

In our particular case, my son also has ADD/HD, and we’ve noticed a direct inverse correlation in the amount of screen time he has and his mood and ability to focus on other things. More screen time, in our case, also tends to mean more prickly behavior and less of an ability to be able to attend to other things for any length of time, without being distracted by the latest “shiny object”.

We played a lot of word games in the car or while waiting in doctors offices, “back in the day”. We also sang songs along with the CD player or radio, made up our own songs, played “I Spy”, my son colored or played with a magna-doodle, he read books or (in the car) played audio books, and we talked to one another. At the supermarket, I’d have my son look for specific products we needed, or count boxes of a certain color that were on the shelves; as he grew a little older, I’d have him figure out how much two cans of something would cost, and talk about package labels and advertising and how companies try to persuade us to buy their products. At the doctor’s office we’d read books, or maybe play tic tac toe or dots or hangman – he learned to play those games at a really early age.

I also made sure not to come swooping in with a three-ring circus to entertain him every time there was downtime at home; I wanted him to learn how to occupy himself for a block of time without my help, using whatever resources were at his disposal – legos, blocks, art and craft materials, etc – as well as his imagination … and to learn that not every minute needs to be “exciting”. Or we’d sort the socks that I’d just taken out of the dryer, or he’d swiffer-dust the furniture (which he loved for some reason). Sometimes being bored and just taking time to take in the lay of the land or daydream is okay!

Were there times that he was antsy? Well, sure. Everyone gets antsy, I’d imagine. But those times became less and less frequent, and he learned a lot and engaged a lot as well. When my son was young, smartphones weren’t very common and tablet computers were a non-issue, but a lot of parents did use portable DVD players and gameboy-type devices to (pre-)occupy their kids in the car or while out to dinner; we never wanted to do that in large part because we thought it was a slippery slope (there are kids who can’t even manage a 5-minute ride to the store without popping in a DVD for the road or playing a game on the smartphone!), and our son learned at a pretty young age how he was expected to behave when he was out and about in the world.

I’m a tail end ‘Boomer, so I’m sure that informs my opinions in this regard to some extent. While I did grow up with TV – complete with first run Brady Bunch, Mr. Rogers, and those ubiquitous Saturday AM cartoons – it was pre-cable TV, pre-DVD, and the choices were much more limited. So I watched a decent amount of TV, but also did a lot of playing outside, and I did a lot of coloring and writing stories and other things that involved using my imagination. I guess that’s the balance that my husband and I tried to maintain for our son as well. And even now we probably watch less TV than the “average” US family – it’s just not our go-to default the way it used to be years ago. So evenings are much more likely to find us babbling with one another, or reading, maybe watching a movie together sometimes … and not so likely to be sitting and trying to find something to watch.

And as far as learning colors and counting in Spanish … it’s great that Dora and Blue work on those skills, but it’s also possible for kids to pick up this info and so much more – in a fun way – without any electronic assistance. And it’s interesting … although at 15 YO now my son has much more latitude with computers and other electronic media – and he texts and hangs on Facebook like most other kids his age – I’ve noticed that he’s much more likely to play his guitar or go for a run or read a book or hang out with his friends than to flip on the TV and veg. He will sometimes watch a movie on DVD if he’s in the mood, but he virtually never turns on the TV “just to see what’s on”. (And yes, he keeps up with the popular culture of his peer group just fine!)

Standard disclaimers: YMMV, and everyone needs to do what’s best for their own particular family situation.

I own a tv, but we don’t have cable and it’s great. Yeah, we watch tv shows (on DVD) and movies and I don’t generally limit the amount of screen time the children have, but the best thing is since we canceled our cable, the amount of crap my kids ask for has decreased dramatically. Of course, I can’t ever say, “We don’t have cable” because of all of you asshats who assume I’m being smug and uppity. We have a phrase for that in New York. It has two words, and the first word starts with an “f”.

No TV here, but on the computer or my android almost constantly. I’d like to keep the baby off media for the recommended two years, but I’m not going to beat myself up if it doesn’t happen. Netflix streaming keeps me sane through the marathon nursing!

I don’t let our 15 month old watch TV. We have a TV, but rarely have it on for us adults in the evening. (Mostly because we are too tired to finish a show these days!) But I do watch Netflix instant, and oh boy is my child exposed to my itouch.
But I feel like I want her to be comfortable and familiar with screen culture (TV, computer, itouch, ipad) but I only want it to be a small percentage of her world. She’s got plenty of time for that.
I’m a Gen X, born 1977, and we didn’t own a TV in my house until 1992.
Frankly, I don’t see it as a big issue at all. It’s just not a big part of our world.

We don’t let our kids watch TV, and I’m not smug about it. I didn’t have any commercial TV growing up, and I really appreciate that now that I’m parenting. I think most network TV is dumb, especially programming for kids. Add to that the negative impact of advertising, and the decision is done. I record stuff onto the DVR that we want to watch later and we have our PC hooked up to our projector along with the DVR so we can browse together on the sofa. My 3 & 5 yo kids each have an iPad and they share a touchscreen computer. It’s awesome. For us. I totally get it that other parents do it differently and feel differently about TV and technology.

sadly smartphones aren’t a reality for me, but hells to the yes if I had one I’d hand it to my son all the time in stores etc when there was a meltdown crashing down on me any minute! Sure beats letting him play some toy from the store then having to tear it away from him before we get to the checkout so I don’t have to buy it (what? is that just me who does that?)