My OWN mother tells me how easy I have it!

My MIL told me that when she was a new mom, she would have LOVED to have all the help she could get, not turn it away, so I should appreciate what she offers to do.

…or I could appreciate the offer and still say, “No, I don’t want you to run the vacuum, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer and television at the same while I am trying to nurse my newborn to sleep.” Amazingly enough, I am perfectly capable of doing all of that while the baby sleeps.

Before my son was born I had two miscarriages.. and my MIL knew it. So why at a familiy reunion where everyone of my husband’s relatives (sister, cousins, etc..) were carrying their babies did she think of saying… “You two better hurry up and catch up with them in starting a family!” It is not like we didn’t want to!

If Strollerderby is going to insist on pushing this stupid slideshow format despite getting only negative feedback, can you all at least put a slideshow warning in the header so we don’t waste our time clicking on this crap?

Well, i always keep in mind that my kids do not need to spend any time with someone unless i agree to it. So, not nice MIL does not see grandkids or son for months if she cant behave. She does now, but was sometimes rude before the kids. My husband tends to avoid her if he doesnt have to see her, so she really depends on my good opinion.

Hugging me after my wedding, my mother-in-law whispered, “He may be your husband now, but he will always be my little boy.” Great, good to know. Another gem: insisting on inviting his ex girlfriend(s) to the wedding. That was awesome. Want one more? After telling her that I come from a tight knit, Italian-American family, she replied that it was a shame. Her ideal daughter-in-law would be an orphan so that she could truly have a mother-daughter relationship with her. Eeks.

My last words with my MIL were over a year ago (thank goodness) where she proceeded to tell me all the wonderful things my hubby said to her when we were having an argument. Now what type of person tells their son’s wife things he told her in confidence?? Granted we all say mean things when were mad and complain to our moms, but they aren’t supposed to go back and tell the other one! What a nutcase.

What about “I can’t believe you would dare take my grandchild out of my arms!” — after over an hour of holding my newborn when I needed to FEED her. Oh and then there was “just give her a bottle like we did, that way I can feed her.” She didn’t like that I was breastfeeding, mainly because it was a loss to her somehow.

Where should I begin. When I became pregnant with my first son, it was as if she was pregnant with her first son. She purchased every single item I purchased. She registered at the store and even had a baby shower. She sent out birth announcements with her picture and my son on them. When I was 9 months pregnant with him, she was already planning what he would wear for his 1 year photos. She demanded he wore a certain outfit. If I resisted she pushed harder. Once he was born it got worse. Everything I did, she could do better or different. She always went above and beyond to make sure she did the opposite of what I wanted. If I said not to feed my son a certain food, she made sure that was at the top of the list to buy. I said no more dessert, she gave him 2 more. Finally after 4 years, she has backed off a bit, but still makes it a habit to annoy me.

@LS I have kind of the same situation but it’s with my future MIL. She always comments on my fiance’s ex’s facebook pages telling them things like she wishes she was their MIL and that she loves them like daughters and one of his ex’s neither one of them has ever met. What’s up with that. His other relationships didn’t even last as long as ours and the other girl he was engaged to left him while he was at work and sold her engagement ring what a bitch. I don’t understand ppl these days. My future MIL calls all the time asking to speak to my fiance and she goes on to tell him I’m talking to and messin with other guys when I’m always with him or at work. I wouldn’t dream of cheating or talking to another guy like that. That is nasty. This woman needs to grow up

My MIL hasn’t commented BADLY about the way I look but there have been times when I’ve had my hair done at the salon (which I change my hair frequently) and she’s said things as “I liked your hair better…”
My MIL DID though once (after she was a little sauced) proceed to tell me to be a stay-at-home mom (which is none of her business anyhow) when I tried to explain my side to her that I had worked really hard putting myself through college and pulled out “x-amount” in student loans, she replied “I’ll give you a check in “x-amount” and you can give me your son.” Are you out of your fucking mind? Who says that?? What a whack job. I’ve been passive aggressive since and I NEVER speak to her on the phone. And that’s just what she’s said to ME. Not to mention the amount of times I’ve been humiliated in public with her because she can’t shut her gob up. She’s VERY patronizing to people on an almost SHOCKING level. :( And it makes it worse because her and my husband are very close, but he knows I don’t care for her. He just kinda plays referee which I feel bad for but I just try to avoid her altogether when she comes to visit. The less we say… the better.

These are nothing compared to the stories I’ve heard and some of the gems I’ve lived. I think my personal favorite was at a time when I was struggling with depression and had asked our family members to pray for me, admitting that I was entering therapy to work through the rough time. When I next saw her, she asked if my psychiatrist had recommended medication. I was dumbfounded. What an inappropriate question! I was so shocked, I actually responded with an answer (my bad!). I said no, he had not recommended meds, as we had discussed them and decided they were not the best treatment method for me. She said she thought I needed meds, and that her son’s happiness was at stake, so I needed to do absolutely whatever the doctor told me to do. My husband was standing right there, in disbelief with his mouth handing open (literally). We left. :)

My second favorite of all time… She screamed at me for not allowing her to make decisions about our wedding, saying, “You act like this day is just about the two of you!” Umm, ya think?

And my fave related to my kids, “There’s no need to go over the timeout rules with me. I would never discipline him for anything.” Great. Excellent news.

(I agree with Linda and Kate, this format sucks very un-user-friendly.)
My mother in law is trying to get my husband & his ex back together even though we have been together 11 years and have 2 kids. She invites the ex to mother daughter banquets and calls the ex’s kids (no relation to my MIL or my husband) her “grandkids”.

oh gosh,my mil is noting like that with me.i hardly speak to her and my daughter didnt seem to take too well with her last few times went vacation and saw her dont know why.but she keeps herself.im the type person if something said to me inappropriate and out of anyones line i will say something back and it wont be nice i dont care whom it is!!what goes on in my house wiht my kids and husband isOUR buisness noboudy else’s point and blank.And even if she was to live with us,i wouldnt take that crap at all,am not a stress my life out cus of that..

I love my mother in law. :)

@Wendy I’m not married yet but I’m going thru the exact same thing you’re goin thru. On top of that I’m pregnant and trying to stay stress free but it’s hard when relitives want to try and cause more drama. We’re suppose to be adults but these MIL’s are all acting like children.

I have the leech of a MIL. Every (EVERY) time my husband gets deployed she has to fly across the country to be here when he gets back. Not even giving his wife and kids time ALONE to be a family again. Then she doesnt understand why shes not allowed in my house anymore. LEECH-O-RAMA.

I have a great relationship with my MIL, but I”m sure my husband would have some choice words about his MIL. He could have a few lines to share here..

I must be really lucky, my MIL has never said any of this to me! My own mom, on the other hand, wouldn’t hesitate! Luckily she adores my husband and has never said anything mean to him.

@Chicworkingmom Your baby bird comment made me laugh out loud. I totally hear you! And thanks for posting!

My mother in law is awesome….My STEP MOTHER IN LAW IS PLAIN MEAN!!!! She said that she always liked me but the rest of my husbands family couldnt understand why he married such a nothing person. A person with no personality and not intelligent and nothing to offer. She also told me that things could change anytime and she has always loved my husband and I was a passing thing. Also she made fun of my father who is a vietnam vet and suffered from alocoholism and severe PTSD, for divorcing my mom. I dont think she understood she was a STEP mother or that she didnt come into the picture until my husband was an adult. So she never raised him…. Theres so much more but I dont want to horrify people.

My MIL is pretty good. I had little to complain about over all, but she did tell (about a DOZEN times) that she hated the name I picked out for our son! I finally had to tell her she had the opportunity to name three boys of her own and I didn’t need her input in my child’s name. And it’s not like we named him anything offensive… his name is Max! lol

my ex mil refused to babysit 1 hour a day so i could go to work, which i needed to do out of necessity. she told me a mother should always stay home and take care of her children. she never worked a day in her life since every time she married it was for more money than the guy before.

I guess with the rest I’d say pay attention to the age group and generation before assuming the worst and just be aware or educate yourself a bit on their language/communication as well maybe how they may have been raised to deal with certain things that happen to many in life and if you don’t want them trying to change you and accept you as is, then don’t try to teach or change them…I have found watching them interact with those that have been in their lives a long time helpful as well literature that was perhaps the “in thing” back in their day helps to sorta break through the codes;) Each generation “to me” seems to feel more and more comfortable speaking very openly about many subjects as well “to me” becoming more and more direct and blunt leaving little to nothing to guess or analyze as to how they feel and about anything, yet that’s not always the case with those older than you & more especially women so perhaps don’t immediately read/hear their own words/statements like you would yourself or perhaps someone in your age group or maybe just someone you know well in life period. EX: MIL that said something about catching up baby wise at a reunion with babies after miscarriages. See, I would interpret that as her sensing that perhaps being around all the new babies was uncomfortable or discouraging for you so it was maybe her way of saying “don’t give up hope or she’s not giving up hope;)” and “without” bringing up the miscarriages at all or in front of others period…she probably was raised to not speak of those life tragedies at all or at least not so openly, therefore probably had no idea how to handle any discomfort you may have been having or she sensing you might be…so unless she is in general “known” by all around her to just be mean spirited or hateful period, then I’d interpret just that…she didn’t know exactly what or how to say, yet not ignorant to the fact that being around young children and maybe even other parents was having an impact on you. I’m 38 (so not old) there are some people I say exactly what’s on my mind no guessing and I mean it and how long I’ve known them does not always matter… and there are many that I keep all very light hearted, simple, and/or stay very surface level with and nothing should be read into what I say in private or out loud if/while around them…and there are groups I stay very quiet in and would probably be in disbelief if you said I said anything out loud;) I’d worry about my convos with whoever I was with and my children…all else I’m not going to say does not matter at all or not important…just is not worth losing a lot of sleep over “to me.”

I had been nesting like crazy the week before my son was born. I had cleaned the house from top to bottom. I had cooked meals in advance and frozen them. While I was in the hospital recovering from the delivery, my mother in law came into my room and said “Nancy (sister in law) and I stopped by the house and straightened up for you, so the baby will have a clean house to come home to!” I was LIVID.

My MIL is a real catch. We do not speak and I do not have the energy to go over all of it, but here are my three favorites:
1. When we met, I had severe Mono. Even making the 3 hour trip there was dificult and yes I spent most of the time asleep. She was aware of this. Most of the family hates me because she told them I locked myself in the bedroom and would not come out for the whole visit.
2. They got us a puppy without asking. The appartment didn’t take them, he terrorized our cats and destroyed everything. We found him a new home and when my Hubby explained to her that he was destructive and annoying she said “So is your wife, but her parents kept her.”
3. my favorite? She tried to pay one of his brothers to get him drunk and find a girl to hook up with at the bachlor party so I would call the wedding off

My MIL doesn’t so much say anything, it’s what she does or doesn’t do. When I was getting my son off bottles (except for bed time) she baby sat for us and I told her that he wasn’t to be using bottles anymore (my kids rarely stay the night there). But when I got home from work there was a bottle sitting on the table filled with juice. As soon as I said “why is there a bottle on the table?” she responded (trying to joke) something around the lines of “oh he’s not ready to give up the bottle” while giggling. She also has bought him new clothes even after I have specifically asked her not to, that we didn’t need anymore. She just plain doesn’t respect me as the mother of her grandson (I have 2 kids, but my daughter isn’t her “biological” granddaughter, but my husband has legally adopted her. She even refers to my girl as her “step-granddaughter” when she talks to other people). She doesn’t seem to think of/see neither my daughter nor I as part of “her” family, and makes me feel like I can’t provide my son with the necessities (clothes), or that what I do buy him isn’t “good enough” for him so she needs to replace them. Needless to say, so far I have kept my mouth shut (for the most part), but am losing patience to where I am eventually going to blow and it won’t be pretty.

My mom and my SIL have words from time to time. I would NEVER tell them this but they’re so alike I think it’s partially the reason. Which seems a bit odd but it’s true!

I’ve caught my SIL on more than one occassion bad mouthing my parents in front of her children and called her hand on it. Yet, I’ve seen my mom say some not very nice things to my brother or SIL. I tell her to stop as well.

I was married, I’m divorced. My MIL was OK. My big complaint was she would show up at our door with furniture. She would just go buy a couch, or a chair, or a table and just show up at my house with it. Mind you this wasn’t the best of furniture. Most importantly I’d like a say in what goes in my home. Better yet, I’d like to buy my own things; I don’t need her money nor did I ever want it.

I wish i can my MIL is great but i would be lieing!! this women likes to make herself at home when she is over. But my husband is no help, She barged in our room while we were sleep. In a way i was hoping hubby and i were haveing sex just to give her the clue to next time knock. I am very OCD in my kitchen but this women leave RAW chicken in my frig not even coverd!! UGH! we have 1 girl. She puts her 2 sence into it she had only boys 3, i have a girl totaly different from boys. cuz of her hubby doesnt want anymore kids cuz i dont listen to her, on her advice. I SAy cut the cord let go of the boob!! be a man and put guidelines for mother dear!! B4 I FLIP OUT ON HER!! ANY ADIVICE!? on how to deal with a MONSTER In-Law???

My favorite: “Money doesn’t grow on trees, it grows on my son’s back”. This said after I had told her that her son wanted to give them our fine working dryer because theirs broke. She had asked what we would do. I told her (HE) wanted to get a front load washer and dryer that he’d found for an excellent deal. It all of a sudden seemed to be implied that I was the one sitting on my butt all day long and demanding nicer, finer things. I was deeply hurt by that one. I have long list of hurtful things that have been said as well, from my post-prego body to my parenting to what she thinks is wrong with my children. That is also the most hurtful. When she thinks that because your 2 year old isn’t talking clearly that there is something wrong with him.

My mother in law wuld come to my house and start cleaning immediately.. My ex husband wrkd and when he came home he would sit on the couch and watch tv and expect me to have the house clean and dinner ready for him when he got home. I had school and didnt want to spend my “free time” cleaning. She wuld tell me i needed to fix this or that..y i didnt have the house clean. and if something was broken and needed to be fixd she asked ME why i didnt fix it. Uhh it aint my job. My x was also abusive and when i was gettin my stuff out of the house she told me i had no reason to be afraid of him and that i was being a baby about it and he wasnt as mean as i think he is. Whenever we would go on “vacation” it was to his parents house..hardly ever got to spend time w mine. but i dont have to deal w her anymore and am very very thankful for that!

OMG! u people havent heard anything! i’v been married for 20 yrs… raised my husbands son from the age of 4. His real mother never was in his life at all.never even seen him. My wonderful MIL decied when my son was 22 to go tell the mother her son wanted to see her. well now he is 25 and im the stepmother now!! well aint that a ..itch

After reading some of the negative comments, DIL’s may I make a suggestion to you?

Next time your MIL tells you that you are horrible in one way or another – let them know that —- ***no one*** marries **beneath** themselves!! That if **their** son was so much better than **you** – he would have been able to marry **better**.

AND since your MIL is HIS parent, perhaps HER mothering skills need to be honed a bit!!

If she doesn’t shut up and learn to appreciate you – You can always start making her life hell. Go visit her, complain about everything. . . no don’t do that, it will pull you down to her level.

By all means, God bless you who have MIL trials here on earth!!

Effe

the MIL has alot of power dont forget it!! she has alot more experience and knows your husband “her son” in ways you will never!!! she has been there and done that already!!! can help you very much!! dont be jealous of her!! she can be your best friend or worst enemy!! and try to remember your husband was and always will be her “baby” and she needs to have some “alone” time with him!! he’s still her “little boy” soo.. and thats really all she wants is him to be happy!! same with a daughter or son!! dont try to come between them a daughter is a daughter all of her life!! a mother will move over if she knows her son or daughter is truly happy!! include her .. welcome her advice.. you will need someone you can expect the truth from even if it hurts!! she will be there for both of you if she trusts you!! goodluck! from a MIL !! :3

And what about the DIL who thinks (and shows by her actions) that her parents are the only ones who count and that her in-laws couldn’t possibly be good people and deserve equal treatment? My DIL was all broken hearted and crying and carrying on about what a great guy her father is because I hurt his feelings (I didn’t mean to, and felt terrible and made amends with him ASAP). Yet, when her mother stabs me in the back, there is no mention of amends, no compassion, nothing. My husband and I broke off relations with my son, DIL, and the whole rotten bunch 18 months ago, my life has been bliss ever since. So don’t go thinking that you are the only winner when your in laws aren’t in the picture, your in-laws are probably just as happy to be done with you.

I have one brother and its sad to see how my SIL keeps my brother from our family and causes my mom endless hurt.Daughters in law should also be mindful of causing hurt to their MIL.After all, we all know what a bond of love with our child/ren is like and the amount of sacrfices we make for said child/ren.It’s therefore cruel to be deprived of that child’s love and company when they are grown.My MIL and i relate very well after some initial incidences with establishing boundaries but i try to remain mindful of influencing my husband in ways that could be detrimental to his relationship with his parents.I know that one day, i may be on the receiving end of positive/negative treatment by my future daughters-in-law or son-in-law.I come from a culture and religion which places great emphasis on respect for parents and I can truly say its been a quality which has brought countless blessings to our 15year marriage.

I WISH my MIL would say some of the things in the post. My nickname from her is “Jersey Cow” because I’m very large breasted. She has told me she put the gris-gris on me (cursed me) so I can’t have kids. She’s constantly telling me what I should do and how I should do it. When I’m at her house, not only do I have to tend after everyone’s kids, I have to tend to the men too, because that’s what a woman is supposed to do. She’s another one of those who has given us a house and now assumes she can rule my life. Smh. I’m all for respecting the elderly (she’s 65 this month) but give me a break lady! There’s a reason God didn’t give you girls (she had all boys)! That’s another thing….she thinks baby girls and young girls are disgusting because they get their menses. She says “I’m so glad I never had any split-tails (her derogatory term for females) because they would be in a chastity belt from the time they were born.” What the hell is wrong with this woman?

My mother in law is actually pretty great most of the time. She truly treats me like family and I really appreciate that considering I didn’t come from a great mother/ daughter relationship at home.

Lately though I really want to try to get pregnant and she is hurting my feelings. She says things like “maybe you’ll never have a child” “we were married 8 years” “spend more time with your husband” etc.

The other thing is that I’ve opened up to her about my anxiety problems and ever since then, she constantly brings up the only two people she knows with those problems and proceeds to tell me how they are ruining their families lives and are so selfish. I feel like she thinks I make it up?

I had just come home from the hospital after a nasty miscarriage in the 4th month of my first pregnancy. My MiL was helping in the kitchen, when she commented on the big pots I used to cook with, “Well, you’ll never need those family sized ones unless you can do better than THIS time.” It has been 25 years and I can still literally HEAR those words.

No one is perfect and I think often people choose to have their feelings hurt. If your inlaws are generally good people who’s filters have been removed, be kind and forgive. For those who do have truly cruel inlaws, limit your time around them and always be polite, even if that means politely gathering your family together to leave early. That being said, my in-laws are FANTASTIC (for those poor girls reading this fearing that there are no good ones) My mil was actually there when my son was born (stood by my head the whole time except to cut the umbilical cord because my husband thought it was too gross) and was a huge help while my own mother made me cry the day I got home because I didn’t “want” her there (she got that because I told her that buying a ticket months in advance was probably not a good idea. Turns out I was right, my little angel was so overdue that my mom would have had a great time sitting around with a hugely pregnant me. Buying a ticket “last minute” was just not something my mom wanted to “deal” with).We don’t get to choose our families, so we either have to learn to live with it or severe ties. I call my fam on holidays and bdays and feel lucky if they remember mine (btw, I have a twin who is “best friends” with my mom and still lives at home) and am slowly trying to not be hurt by their indifference to me and my son (their only grandchild). It’s a tough road

I am so tired of these type of stories, yuck tired!!!!! They are unfair. I am a dil and a mil neither job is easy, but grown-ups deal with the rough edges and try to keep their families together. I would NEVER, i MEAN NEVER stop my children from having a relationship with their grandparents simply because I was angry, that is childish and mean to me. What goes around comes back around. Also to be fair there are just as many Momma girls in the world, women who run back to their mothers for any and everything. If his mother can’t be in the family then neither can hers. let’s be fair, let’s let the men talk about our mothers also, but usually they just give in to us because they love us, we should try that also. Try loving the woman who birthed our husbands instead of hating them.

My MIL use to invite my husbands ex-wife and current husband to all the family gatherings. Yes my husbands kids we with them but we live next door and it was very uncomfortable. The worst comment was about 3 months before we married someone made a comment about the ex-wife and my MIL saw me roll my eyes. She looked straight at me in front of my family and the rest of his family and said “(Ex-wife name) is a good girl”. I walked off embarrased. The best revenge is mine in the end when the ex was arrested for embezzeling alot of money from a non-profit childrens group. Now who is the good girl!!!

My mother-in-law told me at my brother-in-law’s wedding rehearsal that I “actually look pretty for once.”

hi all im a grandmother of 6 im doing something wrong because i feal like the daughter in law i help with all my kids and grandkids sometines well most of the time its starting to become overwhelming i raised my first granddaughter since she was born now shes 7 and i try to watch some of the others but it begainng to become hard and i dont see any respect from my daughter in law where did i go wrong

My MIL wrote “Dust me” on a bedroom dresser when she was visiting.

She also told me after I had a car accident (which was not my fault) “I was going to tell you to be careful, but I didn’t think you would listen to me.”

Because she was mad that I told her not to — In front of my five-year-old she talked about a news story re: a mother killing her child.

She was going to buy me a jacket and told me to choose a larger size ( I was a size 8 at the time.)

When I wasn’t a size 8 any more, she bought me an itty bitty crop top for Christmas.

I had a suspicious image on my mammogram. She told me she would give me all her books on cancer — even though I was not diagnosed with cancer and told her I was trying to remain positive.

Before I gave birth to my first child, she told me how horrible it was when she gave birth and how she almost died.

At her house, my husband asked if we could have lunch before we left. She gave us one sandwich and split it. I was pregnant at the time.

Now, I know this sounds like I must be a Jerry Springer type of person to have had a MIL like this, but I’m really not!! My ex wasn’t either, but my ex-MIL sure was!!!
She was a real charmer. We stayed with her for a few weeks once, in between apartments. I worked 2nd/3rd shift and would get home about 1am, but she insisted on waking me up every morning at 7am, screaming at me about what a “fat, lazy b****” I was to sleep all day. I wasn’t allowed to bring dinner to work from her home because “If you can’t bother to be home at dinner time, you don’t eat,” (I was working!!), but yet it was my job every morning to do the dinner dishes from the night before. Then she proceeded to kick me out (just me) 3 days before we were to move, because she always liked my (now ex’s) ex-girlfriend better, and was trying to get them back together (she had run into her at the grocery store that day). She told me that she knew her child would stay with her and never leave her. We both moved out. LOL!
Oh, and then there was the time she and my now ex (her child) got into an argument, and even though I was literally not involved at all, she pressed criminal harrassment charges on me for it. I was at work at the time, and she admitted in court that I wasn’t involved, but that she was “mad that I yelled at her once six months ago”!! Luckily, the judge told her just how crazy she was, and actually warned my now ex that “I recommend you stay away from your mom. There’s obviously something seriously wrong with her.” The sad thing is, she isn’t certifiably crazy or anything. In fact, most people think she’s a loving, caring, intelligent person, until the see the “Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde” act first-hand (most never do). I swear she’s a sociopath.
That courtroom incident was 5 blissful, wonderful years ago, and I haven’t seen that terrible woman since. God willing, I never will!! :-D

what does it matter? Mother im laws are disliked before They are even known, so Whar does it matter what You say. My son and I were very close untill He fot married . I tried not to interfere in Thier lives. They got divorced.Now I really miss MY daughterin law Who was more like my daughter , I dont have anything bad to day to Her Never did, I used to say that I dont know howYou do it Meaning Being a Mom of five, She is a wonderful Young women and no divorce could make Me love Her any Less, niether can any one else take Her place In My heart. I hope She finds a happier Life.

I’ve been a MIL for 11 years. I’ve employed both of my “kids” and most of the friends and family. Some may say I am manipulitave…but they sure took the $$$$ when I had it. Many of us MIL are disliked – before we are understood.. My mother gave ME the best advise…His Mom will always be HIS MOM…and I need to show her that respect for his sake. She did not show her affection, but at her death – all her friends said she liked what I was doing with her son and the grandkids….did I agree with her – most the time NO…she food poisoned me at my first meal…but at the end…I was her advocate as she was dieing of cancer…..don’t hate your MIL…try to get to understand her perspective. My son in law is pretty good about that…am hopeful that my son and DIL will let me watch the kids for more than a day some time. It’s actually more difficult to be a MIL than people realize….we really really try to be helpful..and we want to be a part of our son’s life as well…well that is apparently dissapating with time…not the way I want it to be…but it seems to be their way.

My MIL is a step-mom to my husband’s family. She is younger than their father and closer to my husband’s age than his father’s age. Before my husband and I were married, we were visiting their house for a birthday party and the MIL liked to drink. She was getting her buzz on during the party and at one point a few of us were in the pool. She started talking about the amount of men she had slept with and her final comment, directed right at me was, “yes, I’ve slept with a lot of men… but I haven’t slept with my husband’s son yet!” Then she winked at me!
My jaw hit the floor because she meant it! Although, I have to say that it’s been over 20 yrs now and she still hasn’t slept with him and it’s not gonna happen!

Sarah- you sound exactly like my sis Aerial. Hold up is this Aerial, Sarah

I am a spinster and never had children so you should all be grateful for having a MIL and children. Be thankful. If you have sons – wait and see what it will be like to be the MIL ! Remember – what goes around….comes around.

Sally – If you’ve never been married nor had kids, then what are you even talking about? How about you live the life before you try to give out the advice, m’kay?

My MIL takes the cake! I’ve been married to her son for 37+ years and she still drives me nuts. We are going to see her tomorrow and I know it’s going to be a stressful visit. We have to drive 3 1/2 hours to get to her house, be expected to bring a cake and do house and yard work as soon as we get there. I did not go on the last trip but my daughter and DIL both went and told me she was super-bossy to them the minute they arrived, no ‘hello! how are you?’, just; ‘are you here to work?’. she’s never been close to her grandchildren, all adults now. None of her 4 DIL’s like her. Her only daughter, now 50, is starting to mimick her annoying ways. MIL always takes verbal jabs at me when my husband is not around, but I just brush it off. We’ve had wordds in the past and she knows how much I’ll put up with, but what bothers me the most is the way she treats her grandchildren, like they are the hired help. She seems to think that if any of her children or grandchildren are around she does not lift a finger for anything, she justs tells someone to get her this or that. And she is never polite or ever says please and thank you. I try to be the best MIL to my DIL, she’s sweet but strong and intelligent and I know my son is in good hands.

Holy Lord!! MY MIL IS A SAINT!! She is absolutely wonderful. She doesn’t pry, sometimes she says things I don’t agree with but I don’t fault her for that. And she’s too nice to be snarky with. It’s my hubby who I don’t think appreciates his mom (my MIL). I make sure we all get together and he calls her to thank her for doing nice things for us or in general. I was thanked by MIL for doing this. My MIL told me she liked me at beginning of our relationship because I was independent, strong and stuck up for myself..I take those as compliments and she’s just like that. She’ll tell it like it is and she tells me to shoot it back at her. Of course, I never have anything to fuss with her about. But I like that she’s open with me. I even meet up with her for shopping and drinks. It’s nice my MIL is about an hour away as my own mom is almost 2 hours away so it’s like a second mom who is just as supportive as my own.
I only hope my other siblings don’t have any of these horror stories when they marry.
For all those ppl struggling with MIL, best of luck and I hope you eventually find some common ground.

When my MIL found out that her son was cheating with his married secretary, she told me to file for a legal separation, make him pay support, and when he filed for divorce, she told me to take him to the cleaners. (I didn’t take her advice–wish I had, though). When she was dying of pancreatic cancer, I discovered that she had listed me as “next of kin” after my FIL, not her 3 sons. When she died, my FIL, the parish priest and I were with her. I loved her dearly.

How about, “When are you going to finally give me grandchildren?” and telling us what we should name said grandchildren. Asking my husband, “Why are your shirts always wrinkly?” when they’re not. Mentioning that my husband has lost some weight and then asking if he’s eating well at home. And the occasional, “I’m going to have to come live with you someday, you know.” Yeah… I don’t think so.

My MIL not only said almost all those things, she also said to my face and my mothers ( while we were planning the wedding) that she wished my husband married his ex gf bcuz that girl actually loved her son..(like I didn’t love him?) then when we had our first kid she told me to give her the baby and go back to school and when she said give she meant let the baby live with her and I move away. And when I told her no in a very nice way, she kept insisting and when I kept insisting no she went and told EVERYONE that I hated her and didn’t want her near my child.

it takes 2 to make a mother-in-law daughter-in-relationship. as long as the girls love my sons and both are happy, i.m happy. remember there are 2 sides to every story.

the most memorable thing my MIL said to me: (she is devout Christian and I am a lousy Chrisitan) while we discussed something about Christianity
“oh, that’s enough of our discussion. I am not going to throw pearls at the pig”
Amen.

My MIL and i used to be so closed , after our son was born , she changed , and 2 times she called me that i am such a bad mother and that i changed her son now . So that was it .. that’s way out of line .Just because i don’t raise my son the way she wanted me to , doesn’t make me a bad mother !

After 28 years of marriage, there are so many stories; too many to count. My ML has done so many of the things mentioned and then some. She took our wedding pictures after we were married and said she paid for them. Had them posted all over her house, and we didn’t have any! When we didn’t go to her house on our son’s first Christmas, you would have thought the world was coming to an end! She disowned my husband and stared me down. This went on for almost a year. We lost a daughter prematurely and she brought Christmas gifts to the memorial service. She has overstayed her welcome on way too many occasions and I came home early from work one day after they were supposed to leave. She was digging up seedling trees from my yard and taking them. Very needy, selfish woman. She is mean enough that she will out live us all.

Well, as a mother-in-law myself, I have to tell you that there could be an equally horrible list of things that a daughter-in-law can say to a mother-in-law. Sometimes we only see things from our own perspective but it goes both ways.

My daughter in law (11 years now) is cold, aloof, and barely talks to me. About 75% of our get-togethers to see them and our grandson are canceled by them on the day of the planned get-together, or they show up hours late without even a call.

Everything I say is misinterpreted and twisted around to the point where I only talk about safe subjects (sports and weather) and measure every word that comes out of my mouth for fear of how she’ll misconstrue or twist it to make me the villain.

For example, when my stepson (her husband) graduated from college (an older graduate, obviously), we were taking his picture in his cap and gown. My husband said jokingly, “put your cap on so everyone will believe that you really graduated.” Amazingly, she told us later that night that it was really mean and hurtful that we didn’t really believe that he graduated college. Okay, nut case, it was a joke. Is there anyone who would have taken that seriously and been hurt by it? This is why I say every word out of my mouth has to be measured.

She has recently unfriended me on Facebook and hasn’t returned my last 2 calls about my grandson’s birthday. I have no idea what she has misconstrued this time, but once again, I am the villain. Sometimes you just can’t win. So as you see, it’s not always mothers-in-law. It’s probably just as often crazy daughters-in-law.

My mother-in-law came to visit three months after my mom died. She told me that I needed “to get over it, three months is plenty of time to grieve.” She has said many things, which I have forgiven and made excuses for her, but I am still angry with her for this one and it has been two years now.

As a MILmyself, I am inclined to agree with the good intentions of most all your suggestions for “don’ts” but I was frankly appalled by one example you casually threw out, when you said a MIL should refrain from commenting even if she saw the grandchildren “throwing darts at each other.” SURELY you didn’t really mean to imply that a grandmother should smile sweetly and stand by watching her grandchildren engage in play activity that could result in serious personal injury at best? I think you could have found a more appropriate example. It’s all too easy, unfortunately, for a parent to be distracted and unaware of potentially dangerous situations. It would be reprehensible for any adult to simply ignore a situation they see which could result in harm to a child, relative or not.

My mother-in-law was great, unfortunately my mother isn’t. My mother and I have always had a slightly rocky relationship but this pushed it over the edge.
After finding out my wife was pregnant with our second child my mother told her if it was her she would of had an abortion.
My little girl is tied with her mother in my heart and the light in her papa’s eyes.

I am in the same age range as Mrs. Bourne so I can speak to this generationally. As I was brought up, it was reinforced to me that it is the height of foul manners and incivility to ever criticize another person’s manners! According to my grandmother, such behavior stems from a person’s own conceit and desire to put themselves to the forefront as being superior to someone else.

My feelings of sympathy go to the young couple. Best of luck to you both!

I was married for 16 years, 3 daughters, living with my MIL and her son. Her son lost his job and I was the main breadwinner for 5 years though I had always worked full or part time. While working (leaving home at 7am, coming back home at 8pm) I would come home to a kitchen without any food, my kids saying they were hungry (MIL insisted they refused to eat what she made – she had a tendency to serve spoiled food so in a way I believed her though she and her SON were both always fed), no grocery store open at 8pm, and that frozen meat I had stocked up used and gone, and wondering where that 500 dollars I left her for food went. I would sleep in on Saturdays to have her send the kids to my bed to wake me up because “they were hungry” (my husband was watching TV, or asleep – poor poor exhausted boy – yuck)

After years of this, I decided maid service was much better and divorced my MIL. Her son? Well he was hiding out upstairs, too afraid to say No to his mom.

I will never ever be like that to any of my SILs, just like I swore I would never became an abusive parent like my father was.

It’s important for all of us talking about our MIL that we remember what we experienced and not pass it down to the next generation. Break the chain!

God bless!

When my husband and I got engaged I turned to my MIL-to-be and said happily, “Now I can call you mum”. In which she turned to me as angrily as she could and spat back at me, “I will never be your mother!”. That was just the beginning…..

My MIL forced me into be estranged from my husband’s family by always directing criticism toward me whenever I would try to visit their home. From the beginning, she was competitive. If I had a hobby, she would decide to take up that hobby and show me how she could do it better. When her daughter had a child, it was the golden child and my kids were black sheep (how can people be cruel to their own grandkids?). She compared my kids unfavorably to her daughter’s child in front of them, made efforts to let me know the great gifts they bought for the other child while giving mine tokens on their birthdays, etc. It goes on and on, how mean and hurtful she has been. My husband, in the middle, never had guts to make a stand for me and his own children. It caused great turmoil in our marriage. I got the similar letter as the MIL in question. Of course, she is the perfect one who knows it all. For self-preservation, it got to the point to where I just stopped trying to visit to avoid conflict. In effect, she ousted me from her family that way. Looking back, I’d never go through it again and would’ve gotten a speedy divorce, which most likely what she was lobbying for all along. She made pain in my husband’s life, mine, and my childrens’ lives all because of her selfish, mean and childish ways. I cannot understand why someone would choose to be so hurtful.

She invited me to follow her to the back room as she had ‘something to show me’. She put the family diamonds in my hand and explained to me that she, not her son, was to choose his wife. She couldn’t believe that he had already bought a ring and asked me to marry him. She quickly snatched the diamond rings from my hand as she said, “It’s really too bad”.

As for my “MIL” the only time she calls & wants to speak to her son (my husband) is when she needs money…..usually she gets me on the phone……and I hear the sound of “QVC” in the background…..one time we bought her a nice appliance & she called us 6 weeks later to “Thank us”. She has also told me to my face that “IT IS MY JOB” to make sure that my husband (her son) has a nice dinner waiting for him on the table when he gets home from work……she got in my face again & said loudly ” IT IS YOUR JOB !!!!!” Oh & one time while visiting her she cooked a great meal & served her son (my hubby) & herself & not me……she said you know where the plates are & you have two legs so if you are hungry……GET IT YOURSELF !!!! No more visitations for me !!! I am happy for my husband to go see his Mother…..not me ever again……I now live on the other side of the U.S. for her & I plan on staying that way !!!! His sister hates me too…….she is a clone of his mom……the two of them loathe me……..funny I have hardly ever spent any time around either one of them……too weird for me !!!

My mother-in-law and i were best friends. I nursed her for the 2 months before she died of liver cancer. That was 30 years ago and I miss her to this day.

I lived with my MIL for 71/2 years and during those years, I was so miserable. She hated me for taking her son away from her even though we lived with her and made sure everyone in the family hated me by telling lies about me. Eventually, my brother in law’s wife, who is best friend with my MIL, realized I’m actually a decent person and we became best friends, 7 years into my marriage. My husband and I paid for everything for the house but it wasn’t enough, I was still not good enough. My husband stayed out of it because he was a mama’s boy, I stayed quiet for 71/2 years. The last straw was when she told my husband I beat our son when in truth I tried to pull him out of the car (he was throwing a tantrum) only. I told my husband the story and he said he believed me; however, when my mother insisted I beat our son and after listening to her, my husband asked me, “Did you beat our son?” I knew then my marriage was over, there is no way I can stay in a relationship that is polluted by mother in law and husband who wouldn’t even trust his own wife on something so mundane. Seriously, if I spanked by son, I will say so. I am the mother and if my son throw a tantrum I will spank him on his butt, why would I need to lie about it? I was vindicated though, when she told everyone I beat my son, my son looked at her perplexed and said, “mommy never beat me, she was trying to pull me out of the car because I was screaming and crying.” Nobody believed her after that even when she tried to change her story. I moved out and that was when my MIL realized she single handily ruin his son’s marriage, especially when my husband was devastated. She even asked my son why I moved out and my husband finally told her the truth: “She was never happy here because you and Dad always yelled at her.” When she offer to make amend and ask my husband to tell me to come home, my husband said,” I know my wife, once she moved out she will never move back in again.”
My husband and I got back together and we moved out, my MIL now try to make up to me and is actually really sweet to me now but then again, we moved 3,000 miles away so I haven’t seen her for years.

My MIL was horrible but taught me how NOT to be a mother in law. She was mean but always did it with a smile and when called on it, she denied saying it or looked shocked that it was offensive. No one including my husband that this was a problem so no one had my back.
My son in law treats me with respect and there is nothing I would not do for him. I do not interfere or criticize anything that they do. I may offer a suggestion but I do not get bent out of shape if they do not follow what I suggest. I am invited on trips with them and his entire family has become my family. He even told me that he was thinking of changing their house so that I move in with them which unless I was ill or disabled would be a very unhealthy thing. He is a good man and he has made my daughter happy. I will be his friend for the rest of my life.

My MIL is pretty good except that we have to pay her to watch our kids, and shortly after my second daughter was born, she told me the older one is prettier. It’s true but for god’s sake you don’t have to say that **** aloud. She is my kid, after all, and that stung a bit to hear someone say that out loud, much less her own grandma. The irony is, that’s the kid that looks like HER! :-O

My In-laws 60th wedding anniversery was when it all came to a head. After joining them in church, we went to a resturant for dinner. I had gotten 3 bites of my food when he got sick. As I am a nurse, I took both of them to the hospital. While we were there She informed me that “if you did these things more often they would think more of you” meaning the rest of the family. At that point I had been maried 20 years to her son who didnt pay bills, help clean house or cook. I was the breadwinner, caregiver, ect. If they didnt think much of me then that was their problem not mine. After that I quit trying to excuse her comments and behavior. The last couple of years I have taken to calling her the other woman. For my own sake I have stopped this. Now I just feel sorry for her and try to do my best to be nice.

My inlaws own their own company and give T-shirts to the family. My MIL said to me one day as we were leaving a resturant, ” If you get any fatter we won’t have a shirt big enough to fit you.”

Personally, I can’t stand my MIL. My husband has a mother, and a step-mother. I have found that my SMIL is a great person to be around, and I prefer her over my kiniving, evil, bitch of a MIL. My husband and his mother have never gotten along. But, it was my “great idea” to ahve my husband re-connect with his mother when we were dating…BIG MISTAKE! After they re-connected, my MIL began to make my life a living hell in whatever way she could. On my wedding day, my MIL told me that we’d only be married a short while, and she’d get her son back soon enough. Well, two years after my wedding, my husband kicked her out of our lives for good! She had the audacity to tell me that I wasn’t a good mother. Seeing how she didn’t have a relationship with her son, or any of her children, I was pissed off! She doesn’t even know what it takes to be a mom, let alone a good mother. My husband and I have been married for 12, loving, peaceful years!!! The saddest thing is that my children won’t have their paternal Grandmother…oh well! Thank God for my husband’s step-mother!! She’s what a MIL should be!!!

Reading this along with the comments makes me very greatful that my MIL isn’t like that at all, neither is my mother; they both respect mine and my husband’s privacy & our decisions when it comes to our daughter.

PS- To all of the overbearing grandparents-
KNOCK IT OFF. I know you may think that what you’re doing is for the best(keyword here being THINK) but, by not respecting their mother you may infact cause your grandchildren to resent you. When my father was alive, for the longest time my grandmother was the MIL from hell towards my mother. She caused a lot of arguments between them and even tried to get my dad to leave my mom- and, while I have forgiven her past mistakes I am unable to forget them.

My ex-mother in law assisted my husband in moving my children around the country in an effort to hide them while we were going through a terrible custody battle. Also, when we were first married, she tried numerous times to introduce him to other women. I have to say, he did warn me- when we were dating, he said his mother didn’t like “women like me” because I was a college student. She is a certified hood rat and con artist. I know what kind of mother in law I definitely don’t want to be. I have a life to live and don’t really think it is my place to try to run my children’s lives.

Wow! Some of these comments are almost funny! Ive been married 25 years and the MIL started out having her picture in the dictionary under “nasty MIL” !

I could write a book, but here are just a few of her greatest:

We got married when I was 30, he was 32. Just before the wedding, she said to me, “are you sure you’ve never been married? How could you be 30 and not been married?” And it was not meant as a compliment.

And “you’re from Chicago? Don’t you feel unsafe living there? Is your father part of the Mob?” duh.

I was expecting my first child and my husband and I spent the weekend at MIL & FIL’s house. As I said goodnight, MIL said, “Julie, is that your real name? It sounds goofy, like a nickname.” Not a good thing to say to a hormonal pregnant woman, especially because I know the very personal reason why my parents chose my name. I cried my eyes out that night. It took me years of reliving that hurtful moment to realize HER name, MURIEL, sounds like a cheap stinky cigar!

When my daughter was 4 months old we drove 5 hours to have MIL and FIL meet the new baby. (She was a winter baby) My kids never slept in a car, EVER, so when we arrived she needed to cry a bit to unwind and sleep. Unfortunately we were in a restaurant, so MIL grabbed my daughter out of my arms and said I didnt know how to take care of her. We kind of wrestled with the baby and we almost dropped her on the floor. Husband said nothing and MIL won out and took the baby outside and of course she bragged that my daughter stopped crying in less than 5 minutes. I think it was from the cold weather outside!

When my daughter was almost 3 and I was 6 months preg with my 2nd daughter, we left the older one with MIL and FIL 4 days while I went on a trip w my husband. When I returned myself, (husb stayed away longer for a business trip) I barely recognized my child. MIL gave her a haircut and bought her new clothes. MIL also threw away daughters favorite shoes because they were ‘terrible”. As we started the 5 hour drive home, my daughter cried for her favorite shoes. I pulled over at the side of the highway looking thru her bags for them. She was so upset grandma threw them away and by then I didn;t feel very well so we spent the night at a hotel and swam in the pool. I thought I handled that well!

Over the years there were many comments about my house not being clean enough – (altho my own Mom thought my house looked amazing when I suddenly had to go in for an emergency appendectomy and my parents had to come stay with my girls while my husband was away on business) and multiple comments from the MIL that I needed to lose weight, no matter if I was at my thinnest or just a few months after having a baby.

MIL definately has a momma’s boy, in fact, she doesnt think any woman is good enough for her sons. He has never been able to set the record straight or stand up to her. The good thing is we have always lived at least 5 hours away, so visits have been infrequent. The really good thing is husband and I now live half-way across the country from each other most of the time, and it works for me!

One thing I noticed as I read all these comments is that those things upset, hurt and bothered me then when it was happening. Now some of those things are almost funny. Just remember, these things too shall pass and keep smiling!

My MIL was really bad before i left my husband and we got back together. The first year that i was married we went to a family reunion and she wouldnt even introduce me to anyone and when she did it was this is jeremy’s wife not this is my daughter in law. I have two boys from a previous relationship and my husband considers them his bcuz their sperm donor is a dead beat dad and when she introduced them it was these are cinnamons kids and these other two kids are his. When i was pregnant with my daugter which was my third child (you would seem to think with this being my third child that i knew what i was doing) she was always telling me what to do you cant smoke you need to start gaining weight even after she new that my dr said that i was doing just fine and the baby was healthy you cant drink any caffeine it was so horrible that i never wanted to even bring the grandkids over bcuz my two oldest ones she treated so shitty that they didnt want anything to do with her and the two that were biological didnt want anything to do with her. Until after i left my husband and we worked it out now after she realized that i was the best women for her son she doesnt do it anymore.

Fortunately, I knew (and liked) my mother-in-law years before I married her son. Even so, there were more than a few stressful times.

1) We came back “home” to get married. My future sister-in-law gave us a big room in a fancy-schmancy hotel for the weekend as a wedding gift. My mother-in-law cancelled the room reservation except for the first night – without telling anyone. Why? “Well, I want to spend some time with him too.” Now wasn’t that nice of her to want to share our honeymoon?

2) Every Saturday meant a phone call with my mother-in-law. Every conversation started with her asking, “What are you making for lunch/dinner?” Once my husband said I was making fried chicken. When it was my turn to speak with her, she informed me in a very terse voice, “Fried chicken is my meal – you may not make it for him again.” Whoa, Nellie…only one person within two states is allowed to serve fried chicken to him? Guess I missed that part of the wedding vows.

May they both rest in peace. I’m guessing she’s frying all the chicken she can for him, while I’m still down here walking on Earth.

I have so many things to choose from, but I think the point-of-no-return for me is the day before I had to go back to work after taking off 4 months off to recover from back surgery. I wasn’t ready to go back but I was about to lose my job. I elected to have this surgery since I have had severe chronic back pain for 22 years (16 years at the point of surgery). I opened up to my MIL about how scared I was to go back to work while I was still in so much pain, and her response was “Well, we all have to grow up some time and just deal with things”.

PS Also, 2 months ago, she booked a family vacation that we said we wouldn’t be able to go on because it was to expense for our family. Because that’s where everyone else really wants to go.

PPS My FIL is just as bad. One day we were talking about why we don’t have a recent family picture. I said “(my husband’s name) and I don’t like how fat we are right now so we don’t like ourselves in pictures”. My FIL’s response: “(My husband’s name) looks good”. Making it perfectly obvious what he thought of me.

Thankfully, my MIL has grown up a bit in the last 20 years. She now complements my parenting (even when I know better! ha!) and tells me I’m beautiful. But, she was much more like the blog in the early days. I could handle the comments about the messy house or my lack of ironing skills (she had even ironed her boys’ underwear!), etc… What nearly did me in were the times she threatened to legally take my children from me. Why? Well, one time it was because she had taken my 5 yo and 2.5 yo for the day and fed them chocolate cake and pepsi and who knows what else and gave them the run of her house and then they fussed when it was time to go home. Apparently that meant that I must beat them. It couldn’t possibly be that she spoiled them rotten all day, right? Have you ever met a 2 year old who wanted to end a fun time? She decided to wait a week to share this with us….until we had been through a flood and were living with the children in a small hotel room. So thoughtful at a stressful time! She was great with the timing….she also used to come over around 6 in the morning “to catch us before we left for work” to tell us about how ungrateful we were and unappreciative of her for all the things she did for us. I am now a firm believer in psychotherapy! She’s hardly the same person now and I am really grateful!!

5 months after a vaginal birth with third degree tears and sloppy stitch job, I was still in alot of pain. An OBgyn decided to reopen me and restitch me. I wasn’t to carry anything heavier than 15 lbs for 6 wks. My son was already over 15 lbs, so we asked MIL to help watch the baby when my husband was working…which she didn’t even do much and had my husband’s sister do most of the watching. Anyway, 6 wks came and I was still feeling off down there and I read online that some drs recommend not lifting anything heavy for 8 wks. So MIL calls me at the 6 wks mark and asks me nicely if I still need for her to help watch my son…thinking I was going to say no. I tell her I’m not feeling all too good down there still and would like her to help watch him another 2 more weeks as alot of doctors recommend 8 wks of recovery time. She replied, “well, as long as you can eat, sleep and sh*t, that’s all that matters”. Can you believe that? before the surgery I was battling depression from the terrible recovery I was having with the birth of my son and she knew how important this restitch job was for me and to recover properly. There is so much more to this story that made me so mad about her but it would fill the whole page. So lets just say, I know what it’s like to hav e MIL that you wish wasn’t yours.

Married to the eldest of 2 boys I was supposed to produce a boy to carry on the family name. We had 3 girls. My SIL’s 1st chid was a girl. When her 2nd was a boy my MIL, in front of my daughters and entire family at the hospital said (direct quote) “Finally I got my grandchild”

Hello to every1 there..am yet to be married, soon… In about 14 months… Well, I always look up to such posts so that I can better understand how to handle things if ever anything turns up…

(I live in Mauritius by the way)… & to be honest am very afraid that my MIL won’t appreciate me any longer as time goes by…

However since I got engaged, she was always on my side, still is, pampering me, take a great deal of care I would say…would pretty shout at her son if the latter does anything wrong & hurt me… However, I am afraid, am kind of different from her- 1 eg is that she likes to talk much- talkative, & I don’t, am the “reserve” type. no-nonsense tolerated. I dont know if she will und that I am not ignoring her or don’t want to talk, just that it’s all me to be silent…

Still, I completely und that I am much more ‘educated’ than her, so I must compromise & sometimes just ignore petty things..I love her & I know she loves me too…I just hope & hope that nothing happens to change things between us..what do u suggest to me? Prepare for a sudden change after marriage..? Thank you loads..& best best of luck to every1 out there… I know must be very very hard :/ or should I say, hell :|

I can’t belive the stuff people complain about. For the most part you need to put on your big person’s panties and get over it. Yes some people do not understand that just because they have a thought everyone else needs to here it. But as a comedian once said, “You can’t fix stupid”. Why are we trying so hard at our expense. The offending person won’t change, why stress yourself.

All 3 of my children were born via c-section following high risk, difficult pregnancies. My MIL repeatedly told me that only women that were “out of shape” required c-sections and that it was embarrassing that I was 41 when my last baby was born. Ironically, I was in great physical shape before each pregnancy, but had to be put on bedrest for 2 of the 3 babies. My last pregnancy, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Cancer early in my 1st trimester & was very, very sick for over a year. She & my FIL have never offered us even the smallest amount of support or compassion. Thankfully, we are very blessed with a wonderful church & many good friends. When my son marries, I want to make everty attempt to offer unconditional love to his wife. I started praying for my children’s future spouses when they were still tiny babies.

The worst thing my mother-in-law ever did? Where shall I begin! Actually the one absolutely unforgiveable was when my daughter (her grandchild!) painted a pciture for her birthday and we had it framed to give to her. My MIL looked at it and said, “Oh, well, we can always put something nice in the frame.” My daughter is now 49, and she never forgot it!!!! THAT’S REALLY BAD!!!!!

How about your mil asking you what you are planning on using for birth c. right after you have your first baby because “you guys don’t need another one right now”, or jumping in front of you on YOUR wedding to get their hair done first? Also have sister n law that she worships and can do no wrong, and babysits her child constantly and ignores mine? Sis n law also hates me, gave my daughter her bday present 2 months after her bday on another holiday!

I would add the following 2:

“You don’t have enough milk! I have never seen a woman who just gave birth without milk spraying all over the place, when I had my kids it was running down my arms!” I shut her up when before her eyes I pumped a bottle full to overflowing in 90 seconds.

“Oh, but then again, you didn’t actually give birth”. No, I took the chicken shit way out and had 2 emergency c-sections. I could write a book on my MIL’s bitchiness to me.

While preggo with #3 I called to tell her we were having another girl (#1&2 are girls). She said not to worry I would have a boy the next time. I told her there was not going to be a next time, we were done after this one. She said I said that with the last one and I would change my mind. I let her know that I was dead set against another and as a matter of fact I had it set up to get my tubes tied after that one was born. Her response? “That’s good, that way if anything happens to you, my son can still have more.” Her son then decided to have a vas done instead of me getting my tubes tied. We divorced a couple of years later and I told him I didn’t know which one I was happier to get rid of, her or him. He stood there shocked and I told him not to worry, usually it’s her.

My Mother in Law told me that if I lost weight then my face would look more “haggy.” thanks.

When I was planning my wedding, my soon-to-be Mother-in-law said that I shouldn’t wear a white dress. I couldn’t believe how rude that was!

Worst thing my MIL has ever said to me? “You know abortion is an option right?”

I have two MILs and I think they try to outdo each other with how horrible they can be to me. Here is just a sampling. A friend threw a big dinner for me and my husband the day after our wedding to welcome us into the married community. Not only did my MIL refuse to eat even one bite of food, she and FIL continually pointed out that I was on my period at the wedding (and obviously at the dinner as well) and how upsetting and inconvenient that was to THEM because we couldn’t be a proper man and wife until my period was over. I tried to change the subject many, many times, but they kept mentioning it over and over again to my friends and to people at the dinner that I had never met before. I was so embarrassed! I finally leaned over and asked her if we could please change the subject (I whispered because I was dumb enough to not want to embarrass her) and you know what she did? She started SCREAMING at me that I was a so rude and a horrible DIL and as far as she was concerned, I would never be her DIL. She and FIL stomped out of my friend’s house. I was so humiliated that I burst into tears. Everyone at the dinner was embarrassed by her behavior and no one knew whether to comfort me or pretend nothing had happened. The dinner broke up before the second course and I didn’t speak to MIL for a month or so. When she apologized, all she said was that she was sorry “an incident occurred” at the dinner. She did not take responsibility for her behavior at all. You would think with two MILs, I might luck out with at least one of them, but believe it or not, the other one is worse. While having some medical tests, the doctors found a lump in my breast. Unfortunately I had been laid off and our insurance expired the week before the mammogram (my husband’s job did not provide insurance). It turned out to be a tumor. Guess who went around telling everyone that we didn’t “deserve” children or medical care because of our lowered income? My husband no longer speaks to them and of course I don’t. At his urging, we are moving out of state as soon as he graduates from college so we never have to worry about running into them at the store or around town either.

When my ex and I visited his parents to tell them we were engaged, my MIL said, “Oh, gosh. He’s brought home lots of girls over the years and none of them were right, either.” Another time, we were visiting the in-laws and I took an apple from a large bowl of apples. As I prepared to bite it, she yelled, “Don’t eat that! Those are Bonnie’s (her youngest child) apples!” Another time when we were staying with the in-laws over Christmas, I poured some cereal for breakfast. As I sat down to eat, I asked her if I could get her something for breakfast, She answered, “Yes, but nothing nearly as large as your bowl of cereal.” When my son was born, her first question was, “Does he have flat feet?” What the H – - – does that have to do with anything? I didn’t answer the question. She asked me what I wanted her to wear to my wedding, and I said, “Since it’s daytime, probably not a long dress. And my least favorite color is pink.” So she wore a floor-length, pink gown. When she was dying of cancer, we visited many times. One time, I was sitting next to her, praying. She opened her eyes and said, “Oh, God. Are YOU still here?” I should have known that anyone raised by a crazed passive aggressive like this would also be crazy. But I was young. . .

My MIL is unpredictable. Some times we are best friends and can spend a day talking and shopping, but other times her comments and actions make me never want to see her again. First of all she is a functioning alcoholic,, she was actually proud of herself when she stuck to her resolution to no longer drink before noon (her morning coffee was usually spiked) but the level of alcohol in her system does have a lot to do with weather we will get along or not. Any family gathering is a nightmare, I (and my husbands sisters who i adore) are automatically doing everything wrong, we have chopped the vegetables to the wrong sizes, things aren’t stirred properly, we have put the wrong food in the wrong dish with the wrong serving spoon (she has extensive collections of yard sale serving dishes for each season which must be switched out four times a year) and after yelling at us about everything all afternoon if we walk away to so much as use the restroom then we haven’t helped her at all. My first Thanksgiving with the family she asked me to bring a dish my family usually had, so I did. First the name didn’t sound right so she renamed my dish,,then ‘warned’ everyone that I had made it and felt everyone needed to know exactly what was in it to decide if they wanted to eat it ( Its a simple fruit salad, three ingredients) then this year a week before thanksgiving she sends me an email where she found a similar recipe online that had added a few other ingredients so that I could make it ‘properly’ this year…Isn’t it just a shame that I already made other plans for Thanksgiving this year? And when we lived in the same town (we now live about 45 min away) she wanted our house key (which I never gave her) so she could drop in like she did to her daughter. We would also get a call at least once a week that she and her husband needed us to come help with something. It was never my DIL (who is amazing!) and it was always to get something out of the attic or re paint or arrange a room ( she does one at least once every two months even though it is a small one story house) We once spent an agonizing 4 hours setting up her artificial Christmas tree because she wanted the branches in a different pattern and had to lay each layer of branches with lights and tinsel before putting on the next layer of branches. But mostly we get along,, she just aggravates the **** outta me and my husband and her daughters and son in laws and grandkids….at least I’m not singled out

My MIL once said about my son (her grandson) that “he has good genes – from OUR side of the family.”
On another occasion she bought me a dress and said, “This should fit you – see, it’s really wide.”
Also, she used to bug me about why I didn’t call her/visit her/go out for coffee with her more often, but on the few times that I made an effort and did visit, she just gave me a lecture on why I didn’t do it more often, i.e. “Now, was that so bad? Why don’t you do it more often?” So I stopped trying altogether, not to get those lectures anymore.
She was horrible to me and my sister at my mother’s funeral. When I told her she should have been nicer to my sister, that she just lost her mother, she answered, “So what? My mother’s also dead.”
I suppose I should have known what I was getting into; when her son and I called her and his father to tell them we were engaged, instead of congratulating us, she said, “Why didn’t you come tell us in person?”
She also complained that we didn’t call while we were on our honeymoon.
Her mother was even worse, always saying that I didn’t cook or clean enough and talking about how much she did when she was younger.
My father-in-law is Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, sometimes generous and charming and sometimes a control freak with anger management issues. He likes to make jokes about taking our son and not returning him. When we were remodelling our apartment before we had any kids, he told the architect, “Make sure there’s room for two children.” As if it was any of his business how many children we have!
Both parents-in-law have criticized and questioned my parenting skills. Sometimes I feel like saying, “Well, excuse me for interfering with your education of your grandson.”
They used to just walk into our apartment without calling first or knocking (they live walking distance from us and have a key). I put a stop to that!
They are genuinely helpful but it’s a double-edged sword
She also – and I have never heard of anyone else with this MIL problem – touches me inappropriately, putting her hands on my breasts, thighs and bottom. So I am afraid to get too close to her and give her an opportunity.
I try to be polite and respectful to both of them and not badmouth them in front of my kid or my husband, but I also try to have as little to do with them as possible, especially her.

All of these mean comments would have been a compliment compared to what I had to deal with with my X mother in law. The situation was worse than a bad Lifetime horror movie. My son isnow 15 years old and she still sends me texts on what I should do “for her boy”. I have been treated like “The other woman sinceDay1″ Like I am a 12 year old babysitter!! I wanted to get away from her more than my X. He is a wimp and sided withher. Truly miserable…
NEVER AGAIN!!

Give up Girls (DIL)s:
I read this in a “Moms” newsletter shortly after my 2nd child.~”You will never have peace with your MIL because you did the worse thing in the world to her…YOU MARRIED HER SON!”

I’ve had two MILs. The first one actually stopped my vacuuming of the living room to teach me how to clean up my kitchen. “First you fill the sink with hot soapy water and put in the silverware and plates. While they are soaking you wipe off the table. The next sinkload is cups and glasses and while they are soaking you wipe off the stove…” That marriage lasted 9 months. Ten years later, after a rough start with my then future MIL, we agreed to wipe the slate clean at the wedding reception and build from there. Over the next almost 20 years we became very close and I learned alot of useful things from her about life, love, relationships, etc. She died this year at age 88 and I miss her very much. She and my own mother taught me how to be a good MIL. My personal rules:
1. STAY OUT OF IT! I get to hear both sides but I don’t take sides. When my opinion is asked they know they will get a truthful response, so if they really don’t want to know – they don’t ask.
2. STAY OUT OF IT!!
3. I offer to help and make sure they know it doesn’t hurt my feelings if they don’t want my help. You have to mean that “doesn’t hurt my feelings” part. There really is no reason to be hurt because someone wants to do things their way.
4. Respect is big with me and it is definately a two-way street. It doesn’t matter in the least if you wouldn’t do it that way. You don’t have to live with the result, good or bad. If she doesn’t want to give her baby sugar, then don’t give her baby sugar. Key words here are “her baby”. To do otherwise is disrespectful.
5. STAY OUT OF IT!
I have two DILs and one SIL, and unless they are really good actors, we get along great. I feel loved, appreciated, and respected and I hope they feel the same way.
Oh, did I mention that you should really stay out of it?

My mother-in-law informed me over lunch one day that my husband had hit rock bottom on his choice of women. I quote “Since he left (not saying her name) his taste in women has gotten worse and worse. He needs to pull his head out of his a$$.” Last I knew, I am the most recent woman he’s been with. Thanks, “Mom”

A week before my wedding my MIL asked my soon to be husband at the time when and where the wedding was because she didn’t think it was going to happen anyway so she didn’t bother to remember that information. I do have a problem with my weight but its my problem not hers, but she looks up some stupid lecture about weight loss and tells my husband about it. Then my husband gets pissed at me because I refused to go. She believed that my husband should have waited until he was 30 to get married, have his own home, and have a steady job. You can imagine how that made me feel, kinda like I was tearing her family apart. She also got one of my husbands brother’s to say the same thing to us.

Ok, beat this! My husband and I announced that we are expecting our 3rd child and I was only about 5 weeks along. Anyways she told us not to get too excited because we could have a miscarriage like my husbands counsins wife! um, I KNOW I could have a miscarriage. You dont tink that is in the back of every pregnant womans mind?!!! That killed my happy buzz for the time we were there. And all it did was make me worry! I am a positive person. I prefer to see things that way. When something goes wrong, I’ll cross that river when I come to it!

This is great advice. If there are MIL’s out there who truly hope to have a great relationship or at least recieve repeated invitations to come visit, they would be wise to listen to your advice. Neither myself nor my husband ever invite his mother to our home.I love her because she is my husband’s mother, I never actively invite her over. Neither does my husband.

MIL cut (badly) my son’s hair while my husband and I were gone for an hour. Because she claimed it was bothering him

I thought my ex MIL was horrible until I read some of these posts! :) My MIL (now ex) was asked by a mutual family friend at my wedding shower what she thought about her baby boy getting married, she said “I wish he wasn’t!!!!” I was standing next to her, I walked away from her went to the ladies room and sat in there and cried – she never came in and apologized.

My mother in law announced she was moving in with us when I told her I was pregnant. I assumed she was kidding. At the hospital, both my husband and I told her she could NOT stay with us. However, when we got home from the hospital, I walked past our guest bedroom and I saw a couple of suitcases on the bed and all of her clothes hung up in the closet. She had actually moved in!! My husband had the very uncomfortable job of telling her she had to leave. She demands to be holding our son at all times when she is visting. When our baby cries and I tell her it’s time for him to eat, she ignores me. Like I am not even in the same room. I have to get in her face and say “GIVE HIM TO ME NOW!” Before she will look up and say “You know he won’t starve, right?” or “You know he won’t die, right?” or my favorite “You must let babies cry for at least 20 minutes or you will spoil them!” She is nuts!

We picked my MIL up at the airport 6 days after the birth of my first child. As we got into the car she looked at me and said, “It looks like they one of the babies inside you!”. I will never forgive or forget the comment. I should have put her back on the plane.

After seeing Becca’s post, maybe my MIL being a hoarder who needs Psychiatric medical attention, isn’t so bad. My Mother in law is said to be the sweetest little lady in the whole family and, for the most part she seems to be. That is until, I went to stay with her under my Husband’s pleading with me so she could spend time with our daughter who, is her first and only Grandchild. I labeled my MIL, “The Sweet Little Old Lady Hansel and Gretel went to visit in the Gingerbread House” First off, she lives in Detroit which is the east side of hell. The homes are burnt out and, the crime rate is visible meaning, you actually walk outside and witness a crime happening right before your very eyes. I did not want to visit there, let alone, stay there until my husband was back home from deployment. My MIL’s home is not child safe because, she is a first degree hoarder who, deserves her own segment on TLC’s “Hoarders” show. Against my better judgement and a crap load of begging from my MIL and Husband, I went, with the condition that his mother clean up her home. I even offered to help her find someone to clean up and carry things out of the home. She declined and said that she would take care of it. When my Daughter and I arrived, her home was untouched. I took a deep breath which, almost caused me to kill over, and said to myself,”well I have to make the best of it since I’m here” My Daughter was 9 months ( the age of exploring). I could not put her down on the floor to crawl for fear of an immediate trip to the hospital and, I always had to carry her. My arms are ripped ( I could enter an arm wrestling contest and win). Since I was there, I tried to clean up and make pathways to get through the house. While my MIL sat around and called me names like, Typical Southern Girl and OCD, she even bragged about how she did not keep house because, she didin’t want to waste a good mind (She was a Registered Nurse not a Dr) She told me about how she worked and kept her money and made her husband pay for everything, I woke up early one morning to find her and her sisters, talking about their DIL’s and how they are all worthless and don’t come visit (By the way, all of my MIL’s Sister’s keep they’re home just as philthy, I found out from my MIL’s Older Brother that, their Mother was lazy and nasty too.) So, once I heard how she and her Sister’s really felt about their DIL’s, I packed me and my daughters things and, left. I used to wonder why my Husband didn’t care if I cleaned the house or not, now I know why. He never thought anything was wrong with a trifiling Mother who had a nasty house. Living with someone who, prides herself on keeping house and having dinner on the stove when he gets home, is a culture shock for him since, his Mother didn’t cook either. For this, she has done me a huge injustice because, My Husband has a hard time appreciating and understanding the kind of appreciation/ love, I express to him by making his home comfortable and, taking pride in how he looks and feels.

My MIL (now deceased) was wonderful. My husband always thought my mother was also wonderful. When we got married my MIL said (while laughing) that she was glad that I now had the duty of getting him up in the morning. My MIL & I always talked on the phone every morning while doing the crossword puzzle together. She lived only a couple miles from us and was always happy to see us or take care of our 2 boys anytime I needed to shop etc. without the kids. She would ask , if she had not seen us or the kids for a few days, if there was any thing she could do or invite us to dinner. We swapped recipes frequently, she asked for more of mine then I did of hers, because she always said I was an inspiration to her. As a MIL myself, I have a great relationship with “my girls”, even the ex of one of my sons. They live several states away and are always calling to ask when we can come to see them because it has been too long. You can choose to have a good relationship with MIL’s & DIL’s or you can choose to find fault with everything that they say. I choose to think they are (or were) the greatest ladies ever.

My future MIL’s are fine…it’s the future FIL that’s a nightmare. He told my fiance that his ex was wonderful and “you are being a fool.” Then he told me that it was nothing personal. This was three days after my miscarriage. He also threw in that I shouldn’t have been pregnant in the first place and “birth control works.” This was last month. My fiance’s grandmother wants me to come to Thanksgiving dinner. I’m trying to figure out how to do it without it being awkward, because I have no plans to interact with him at all. The fiance, btw, took him to task for it, and told me not to worry about it, that if he felt that way then he had no place in our lives. On the one hand, I’m glad he loves me that much, on the other I hope it does not have to come to that.

After 43 years of marriage and two grown sons and two daughter in laws and I love them but the daughter in laws never would accept me as “mom” and now the one is jealous of my grand daughter from his previous marriage and has cut us off. Bullying is done to old and young alike now. It hurts an it kills when things like this are done. Best to get counsel if it gets out of hand.
I found that my mom in law was not and is not ‘perfect” and neither am I, but I do not “live” with her. We have grown to love each other and it is this way as I know she does not mean to be mean to me, and she is like me ” Doing the best she can” and I do not see her ” all” the time. Even my mom was so hard to have around and could be mean to me. I took in though my mom and grandma and my husband must be an angel? But my mom an grandma was never satisfied so how could I expect a mom in law to be happy with what I do? Or a daughter in law in fact? Mother s and daughters do at times ” gang up” on a mother in law and it is not good at all or fair.

A Mom in law should not ever, I think, tell a daughter in law how to go about cooking, cleaning or even taking care of baby. I knew enough to not do any of those things.. lol.. But I loved too much and got into trouble for loving my grand daughter a step daughter to my daughter in law and for this I am never to see my grandson now one year old as it is a punishment for loving our grand daughter more than her niece and nephew whom we knew for two years barely. This seemed to be her problem. It is sad as I thought we were really great together and got along so well and once she got pregnant she began and she got so cruel and mean, to “me” and what is worse my son who was brought up respectful is going along with her yet!!! He is afraid am sure of her ( anyone would be) lolI just pray she is nice to my grand daughter as she was screaming bad things about her as of fact her bathing suit was too small, my grand daughter told me, and I asked if they knew and she went crazy and was mean before that but I never raised my voice even when she was holding our grandson and never offered me a chance and when I touched his hand she said ” Do not touch his hand he does not like it” I played with my hat to get him to laugh and never said anything bout it.. She would not talk but when I mentioned the bathing suit, and my grand daughter felt uncomfortable, she screamed and blamed her for telling us etc. We did leave and now we are punished for the rest of our lives! I am sick about it and they will not go to counsel or talk about it either. She is hiding now. I offered to go all of us for help ( no answer about it at all they do not want to reconcile. ) Leaving me sick as we were such a close family and did everything for our children all our lives. We barely ever visited them unless invited and tried hard to be liked. She used our love of family to hurt us. This is bullying .

Do not resort to it, just go get counseling if you and mother in law cannot agree. Much easier than to cause any problems in the family. Trust me I know this. I never was mean to my mom in law and never would act like this to my parents even.I think something very much is wrong, and it has nothing to do with any of what it seems? I now wonder why she over reacted but cannot understand it?My husband thinks ” if they will not communicate there is nothing you can do?”

So please make up with mother in laws or go to counsel or at least try to find out why they say or do what they do or say first, and talk it over. Sit down and discuss how much it hurts you and yet you do love them and want it to work out. Once they know, see if you both can at least compromise. This is how I feel, after being married to the same man after so long and yet with problems I never dreamed would happen and know if one day this ever happened to my daughter in law she would go crazy! It hurts to loose a child you have loved and brought up all your life. Some oms might think they know their sons better than anyone but they need to give the daughter in laws time to get to know all those idiosyncrasies.

This saddens me. I don’t think you should ever punish a MIL by not allowing her to see the children. This is the mother of your husband, you obviously love him, why not try loving the MIL also- you will find out that it’s not so easy (if you have a son- or even a daughter) to give them up right away. You want to make sure that the person they marry loves them like you do. I was blessed with a wonderful MIL but I always gave her the respect she deserved. Saying that, I don’t agree with a lot of the stuff the MIL’s have said to the DIL- just awful things that I can’t even imagine. But Family is the most important whether your a mother in law or a daughter in law. I hope there is forgiveness on both sides.

From the moment my MIL found out we were expecting she started planning the babies life out. Her husband would ahve to get a second job so they could afford to send the baby to private school. They would be taking the baby on mondays and tuesdays so they could go to the zoo, museum, etc so that the baby would be “Educated”. She even joked to friends and family right in front of me that she was just going to take the baby and raise it herself after it is born. She insists holiday dinners are always going to be at her house and when I brought up that we might go to my family this year for thanksgiving she threw a fit over it. While at her house for dinners she will pick apart my husbands every word and move right down to telling him that when the baby is born SHE will be making the babies food plates because he cannot make his own to her standards. Excuse me but I WILL be making babies plates once she is old enough to eat solid food, tyvm! All this and more and the baby is not even born yet!!! Oh lord…..

I have the worst mil. she says hurtful things then a few hours later, wants you to forgive her. two days ago, she said I was evil, this is a evil apartment, I changed her son, I Am fake towards the family and I Am fake towards her. wow, such nice things said. then when I was telling my husband what she said, she is going to come in the room and say she didn’t say any of that! this is just one thing of many. she has given his ex his number, has told me to my face that his ex is the only one that loves her. I can’t wait until November and I will be away from her!

After 22 years of marriage, my ML secretly told my husband “you know, she’s never been much of a cook or a housecleaner.” I was mortified!
She has been supportive and nice our relationship. At least, so I thought. I know she does have a big mouth and if she said this to her son-she has told the whole family hurtful things about her DL.

BTW: My house has always been spotless, even though I go to school AND work. I will accept the cooking part. I don’t enjoy cooking but do make the basics. I do however, LOVE to bake. AND, she has always had a maid do her cleaning. A little pissed-off, you can tell?!

She said this in July and now it’s December. I haven’t said anything to her but am really angry inside. My husband does’t want to get involved. Should I let it go?

My MIL said many things that I didn’t agree with, and thought went against the way my parents brought me up. With the clarity of hindsight, I realize that it was a warning that my husband and I were from very different backgrounds, and unfortunately neither wants to change. Beware of the little clues that she may be dropping and watch how he responds before you get in too deep in the relationship!

I once had a MIL that thought I forced her son to get me Pregnant, she new nothing. She complained I was to strict with my children, because they had to behave and sat down when we went anywhere,they had to stay by me in stores and anywhere else we went. There was 6 of them, they were happy creative children. My MIL told me 10 years later that she was proud to take our children anywhere because they were so well mannered. I think I am a good MIL, I am sure I have stepped on toes without meaning to, but I do get along with them. MIL s have issues too.

The worst thing my mother-in-law ever said to me, really floored me. How anyone, never mind a woman who claimed to adore me say something so hurtful and not realize it? It’s been 20 years and I still find it mind boggling.
We were going shopping the next day and I mentioned needing a new bra. She looked at my chest then my face and said, I swear, without a word of a lie, “Why? You’ve got nothing there.”
My retort was instant, “They may not match your DDD’s, but I’d still like to keep them where they are supposed to be.” This was followed by cancelling our shopping trip and leaving the room.
I get shocked, collective gasp every time I tell this story.

My MIL was a model of how to be non-judgmental and helpful. But, when I interviewed some mothers about what they would like to say to my Boomer generation of mothers or MILs, the first one was, “Your son is not perfect.” Well, I have two sons, and of course, they’re both perfect. But, as Danielle points out, there is a very different role for a mother in her adult son’s life than for his wife. and we need to respect that.

Over x-mas my MIL kept referring to our unborn daughter (I was 32 weeks at the time) as HER baby. Um, am I the one that’s pregnant or are you? She also looked at me over dinner and said “You are not feeding MY BABY any vegetables?” Vegetables? You picked up mac and cheese, fried chicken, and coleslaw for dinner and you’re mad I’m not eating the coleslaw? Really? Then she scolds me for taking the skin off the fried chicken and says “that’s the best part!” Really? She also did not give us any gifts for x-mas because she is all out of money because she’s already bought the baby x-mas presents for next year and couldn’t afford anything else. How nice. We gave her money for x-mas. Ug. Oh, and the best part? She bought a plane ticket for the week of my DUE DATE and has announced that she is staying with us. What about my mother? My mom is too nice and doesn’t want to cause an argument so she is staying at a hotel down the street. That crazy lady better not even dream of being in the delivery room with us. I will kick her out and my husband if he does not grow some balls between now and Feb. 20.

My mil (aka dumb “C”) yes, she knows that is the only way I refer to her, hasn’t seen our son since he was 3 months old. When he was 2 mths old she was overheard telling her sisters I was a bad mother ( I quit talking to her after that) then at 3 mths while she stood talking to my husband and her friends (I had my back to her) she complained to my husband that my son was not blonde ( I have brown hair). After that I told my husband under NO circumstances will she ever be in the presence of our son with out me standing there to oversee the visit. She has also done similar things to my other 2 sisters-in-law but for some reason they keep trying to get her to like them. It is funny how her 3 sons and her 2 older grandchildren want nothing do with her even though she claims to have “NEVER said anything nasty to anyone” To my dumb “C”: rot in hell.

For Christmas, my lovely MIL gave me an egg-slicer with a $1.99 / made in china tag on it, but put it in a beautifully-wrapped bag with her perfect, fancy pants penmanship on the gift tag…and she had the audacity to ask us for pearls for Christmas…who does this? I’m not materialistic, but I am against passive-aggressive behavior!

My mother in law accused me of betraying her when I did not invite her to be a part of my daughters delivery…

My MIL sent an email with our recent, and first ever, family photos saying, “Here are the photos I photoshopped so you all don’t look so washed out.” Yep, she totally stole and edited our family portraits to bring them up to her standards.

Let’s see..2004, I had invested in some real estate 4 yr. previous that allowed me to cash out in the bubble. I met an elemetary school crush who was a contractor. Sounds perfect right? With one exception..he still lived at home at 40 w/his very um, jealous school girl rather it seemed, mom. As I was cleaning out his bachelor pad room, donating clothes that Zac Morris definitely wore in Saved by the Bell…she stood over me like a hawk waiting for roadkill. She didn’t clean or cook, but made sure when we visited the first Thanksgiving after his brother’s wife complimented him on being thinner that ” well he misses his mother’s cooking”… what cooking?? (I had finally convinced him 2 liters of soda a day were not good & he switched to diet then water. ) But here’s the topper then I’ll let you nice folks go..I’d bought my own wedding ring since I could afford it then & also paid for the wedding. When we announced we were engaged & she saw my ring..her remark was: ..& I promise she actually said this:”….oh…did you get that at the 99 cent store?” Why I didn’t walk out at that moment I often wonder.

I had a MIL like Marie Barone. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her son. After about 2 years I had had enough, let her have it (in as pleasant a voice as I could muster with a smile) and she never intruded, bothered, offered suggestions, told me how to take care of her son etc…etc…etc… again. It was a relief! I hated to do that but enough was enough.

OMG!!! my mother in law has said many mean uncalled for things starting with “I DONT WANT YOU TO MARRY HER.” never mind we already had 2 kids together ,a house was wanting to try for our 3rd time for a boy she flat out told him in front of me she didn’t want him to marry me.She is very rude

My dear Mother-in-law asked me what my husband and I were going to do with all our artwork when we got a divorce. At the time we had been married 28 years and had no plans for a divorce. I was so upset I couldn’t respond with anything but “I don’t know” Later after stewing over her comment I decided I should have responded, ” I don’t know. What are you going to do with all your things when you get a divorce?” I got the best revenge we are still married and I don’t think my husband likes her any better than I do.

Omg I could write a book on the bipolar crazy embarrassing things his step mother says while obsessively licking and smacking her lips. She’s possessed my a little evil leprechan like the one in the Jennifer aniston movie I swear. There’s never a time I don’t dread seeing her…shes. publicly embarrassed me tells me always what to eat…last time called me lude because of watching jersey shore. Before going to deep detail about her and her husbands sex life. I’ll write a book someday I swear. Were not married but will next summer and lemme tell ya world….she’s going to get an extra special talking too… And if she doesn’t listen….tossed out

I am very lucky were my husband’s family is concerned. My mother-in-law is wonderful. I don’t think I would have made it through my pregnancy if it hadn’t been for my sister-in-laws. I had a very difficult high risk pregnancy. Two of my sister-in-laws are nurses, one a OB Nurse Practitioner. But I can not say the same for my sister-in-laws on MY side. One who chained smoked all the way through her pregnancy, had to the nerve to tell me taking my asthma preventive inhaler was bad for the baby and questioning not once but repeatedly whether or not I was actually pregnant.

My MIL used to talk about the girl my husband was best friends with before he met me – he wanted more, she didn’t. I’d have to hear about “oh, I always thought she’d come around and they’d end up together” and so on. “She’s wonderful – I hope you meet her someday.” NICE. She also told me “You’re not like the other girls he’s dated. He usually goes goes for those real skinny size 2 girls, but you’ve got meat on your bones.” Yes, NOT kidding. After we got engaged and put off for three months picking a date she followed me around my nephew’s birthday party and constantly brought it up in front of every guest she could, “Did you hear they are engaged? Yes, but they don’t have a date yet. SHE doesn’t want to pick one – don’t you think that’s strange.” SERIOUSLY! Or when we had been married three months she asked me why we had decided to “put off” having kids for two or three years. I said, because we want some time to ourselves and to get more established financially. She told me it was selfish of me to insist on that because my husband’s biological clock was ticking (he was 30 and it was a mutual agreement before we got married). The first time I met her, I didn’t know about her irrational hatred of my step-mother-in-law, I mentioned my step mother-in-law in conversation twice (she had asked what I had done the day before and who I was with, so I told her) and she started yelling about me about how she was tired of me talking about her and that we don’t talk about “THAT WOMAN” in HER home. BTW, she kicked out my FIL and filed for divorce so “that women” didn’t do anything but meet a nice guy and marry him and make him happy for 25 years. My husband lived in our townhouse a month before we got married I was gradually moving in. She stopped by that house at least three time a week with things to “decorate” our house with so when I did get fully moved in things were on the wall that were not my preference but how could we take them down after she put them up – they were a gift. BLEH. There’s more, but I’d be here all day….

My MIL has several times told me that while she carried her babies just in her belly and was told all the time that people couldn’t tell she was pregnant from behind, I seem to carryy babies “in my hips” (with hip-patting motion). Rich.

my mother in-law tryed to force me to get an abortion with my daugher and told me i was destroying her 29 year old sons life. then again his family hates me anyway and it has been a few years and 2 beautiful children and they still hate me but yet i got her lil boy off drugs and to this day he is clean it is rediculous theres sooooooooo many more things than that she broke up with me for him insulted me every way she could along with his sister i am to the point of throwing in the tail but if i leave they are going to take my babies from me they will make sure of it they made that clear and they have the funds to back them too

I’ve been married 19 years to the sweetest, kindest man. His father was the sweetest, kindest man also. But his MOTHER is the most miserable human being I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I will share some examples of why I say this: When we planning the wedding, we took 10 months to do it. My mother only had the one daughter for the big fairytale wedding and we were having a lot of fun with it. We told MIL what colors to buy for her dress and what style easy 6 months before. My mom had back problems and sort of leaned when she stood and so it was difficult to find a dress that made her comfortable and beautiful. Well, we found the dress! She was happy. Hung up the dress. Continued with wedding plans. 3 DAYS before the wedding my MIL calls and says she bought a dress and would I like to see it? I did…and it was the same exact dress I had told her my mother bought. She bought the same dress!!! So, my mom and I went on a hurried shopping trip and found another dress that actually made my mother even more beautiful than the first one. It was not burgundy or dark green like all the others…it was royal blue. And we decided not to tell dear sweet MIL that she was going to look like the only one who didn’t coordinate.
Following right after our wedding came Mothers Day. I took my mom out on Saturday since she wanted to do the spa thing. So, on Sunday when I found out that my hubby was not doing anything for his mom that weekend, I decided to go buy some tulips and take them to her. I took them to her house, knocked upon the door and said “happy mothers day”. She eyed me up and down with her usual scowl,and snapped “I’m not your mother”. I think my mouth hit the sidewalk. I said something about her being so right as I tearfully ran off to my car carrying the tulips. I cried all the way home and when I walked in, my hubby asked about the flowers. I slammed those down on the dining table and said ” do not EVER ask me about those flowers. End of story.
Ther are so many of these little snide, evil things that have gone on over the years. She complains about happy people, she complains about mad people, she complains about every house or apartment she lives in and she is plain not happy unless she is unhappy.
When her husband was living she treated him like a dog. She yelled at him constantly, he was never doing what she wanted him to be doing. He drank ( and yes, I would too if I had to live with her) and she hated him. When he died, she wailed and carried on for years about how she missed him so…YEARS. It was unbelievable after how she had treated that poor man most of his adult life.
So, now, 20 years into it, I say no, I ignore her a lot, I refuse to answer her phone calls because it will simply upset me, and I have the worlds best boundaries. She gets so mad and that then makes it entertaining, to be honest.
She’s evil. E-V-I-L. I’ll keep the hubby though. He’s still very sweet even with an evil mother.

I could go on & on about my MIL, but I will stick to the day I delivered my daughter.
We told everyone that no one was allowed at the hospital until she was born, possibly not until the next day, depending on how I was feeling. She showed up 2 hours after SG was born and when I told her I was exhausted, she exclaimed “you’re tired? I was up all night waiting to hear if my granddaughter had been born!” (Totally the same thing, right??) She then told us she had invited the rest of the family to come down. When I told her visiting hrs were almost over she threw a fit and said family should be allowed in, and she didn’t care if I was tired. She brought booze to the hospital & was mad I wouldn’t allow a “celabratory” toast in my room.
She then told my husband that I know nothing about babies and anything he needs to know he should ask her, not to listen to me.
His entire family gives me grief about not liking his mom… It’s caused more than a few fights to say the least, and I do wish he’d grow a pair :)

It’s not my mil (I have a wonderful mil who looks after my twins while I work part time and when my baby was sick and not sleeping she would look after them both while I got out of the house or slept for an hour).

No mine is my mother and father.
1) She told my then boyfriend when I moved in. She has every reason to take you for all your worth now.
2) Accused my then boyfriend of physically abusing me constantly for about 3 months until other half put his foot down and told her to keep her mouth shut.
3) Our whole wedding was about her including photos of her before I arrived making a big specticle of herself. And verbally abusing my dad during his speech.
4) Told me I was verbally abusing her constantly because I got angry when she was ringing/texting/facebooking and I couldn’t respond because I was looking after my newborn twins.
5) While waiting to go in for a c-section with the twins none of my family would leave the room even after I had to get undressed my dad told me “I have seen it all before” – umm not since I was a kid.
6) My father greeted us as we came back from surgery with the twins even though we asked people to stay away because the girls were unwell.
7) My father demanded I take photos of the girls with his camera not taking into account one of my twins was in NICU in another hospital and I was on the pump every two hours got very angry when he had one photo.
8) My father told me my husband and I looked horrible in our wedding photos because we hadn’t lost any weight. He still goes on about how hubby and I need to loose weight.
9) The worst of the things said to me was by my mum “when you and your brother were younger I could of easily drove the both of you off the bridge”
I don’t have a very healthy relationship with my parents and they get to see their granddaughter once a fortnight at our house and that is it.

My MIL is a nightmare – she is only interested in herself, never asks how we are or my daughter [who is her only grand-child] cuts us off mid-sentence and totally treats me like an idiot.
She very obviously favours my husbands brother and his wife – even though my hubby has achieved amazing things in his career and personal life, it’s never spoken of.
We have had numerous fertility cycles including IVF and 3 miscarriages – not once has she ever mentioned the babies or said ‘sorry for your loss’ or something as simple as that – it’s like they have never exhisted.
I have brain-washed my husband into Christianity and she has also ostriscized herself from extended family and wants us to do the same [which we most certainly will not] She has totally ignored my birthday for the last 4 years and treats me like an intruder – picking at my choices and deliberately disagreeing with everything I say – she can’t even remember her own lies and the FIL is just as bad.
Best news I have received in the past 12 years we have been married is that they are moving 800kms away – OH! But this is ‘not for public knowledge’ they don’t want anyone to know until it’s all over and done – not that anyone we know would give a rat’s about what they do or where they go – we think it’s something to do with the extended family!!

Wow! My MIL isn’t really around and we don’t really know each other but every time my husband talks to her she tells me she loves me and asks if I’m doing ok. My mother also is far away and sometimes tries to help out but is never rude. She thinks I should experience family life in my own way. My father however is exactly like this! He pisses me off! He’s always telling my husband and I how to raise our daughter and what I should and shouldn’t do while being pregnant with my son. Which is funny because he wasn’t really a father to me at all! He was an irresponsible father who always tried to act like a teenager and still does! He even tries to tell me how to discipline my kid! So when I lead her to her room for a time out or something like that he tries to baby her and tell me she’s ok and doesn’t need it! Oh! But here’s the best one! My daughter was very sick a year or so ago and had to take medicine that did not taste good! She wasn’t taking it so I told the doc and he told me she had to take it or she would get severely worse and told me what I could do, that it wasn’t pleasant but it was probably the only way. So when it was time to give her the medicine I did what he said. I laid her on the floor on her back, pinned her arms to her sides, pinched her jaw and poured the meds in her mouth as I blew in her face. She was not happy but she drank it. My father was there when I did this and FREAKED out! He started yelling at me saying I was abusing my child and if I continued he would take her! I kicked him out of my house but then started receiving phone calls from all of my family members and friends asking me if I was really abusing her! Can you believe that! My own father told everyone he could that I was ABUSING my kid! What a flippin nut case!