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Mommyrexia: Since When Is Looking Pregnant A Bad Thing?
A baby bump is not cause for disgust, it's a sign of beauty.
We’ve been seeing this for years before there was even a word for it, especially among celebrity moms. You know the ones, like Victoria Beckham and Bethenny Frankel who barely look pregnant when they go into labor, and leave the hospital two days later with seemingly washboard abs again. Now there is a term for this new breed of mom. They call them Mommyrexics and they place extreme importance on getting skinny immediately after giving birth.
Keep in mind, they were hideously skinny to begin with, which has something to do with it, but they go one step further by intentionally trying to look as if they are not pregnant and purposely do all they can to stay looking that way. While any woman who has ever had a baby might look at these women with wonder, the idea that it is somehow bad to gain weight during pregnancy is ridiculous, vain and wrong.
Of course, the idea that a women who just gave birth to a little life should place all her focus on her looks rather than the baby is disturbing. With adequate nutrition and proper exercise, the weight will come off. Usually most of the weight is lost in six weeks, especially if you’re breastfeeding, so why the need to go crazy to erase all the remnants of pregnancy on such an immediate, desperate level? What they do sends the wrong message to women everywhere because being pregnant and giving birth to a baby is one of the most treasured times in a woman’s life.
Since this trend has exploded in the celebrity world, gyms and trainers are capitalizing on it and riding the mommyrexia wave all the way to the bank. One Manhattan gym offers MILF and Stroller Bootcamp classes. Really, because after giving birth, a woman’s priority should be on morphing into a MILF. That term in itself is demeaning.
As my colleague, Meredith Carroll wrote over at Being Pregnant, “women are spending thousands to restore to their pre-pregnancy sizes in record time.” Naturally the maternity stores have picked up on it.
Pregnant in Heels star Rosie Pope says: ‘I’ve seen a massive uptick in my clients feeling stress if they’re not down to their pre-baby weight.’ In response to this growing trend, many maternity labels are making smaller sizes. Pope, who gave birth to her son four months ago, said the expectations are not healthy. ‘I’m worried about this trend, because even I couldn’t fit into it, and I’m small!’
So the question is why are women allowing such impossible restraints on themselves? And what does it teach our young girls? That giving birth is OK as long as you don’t look pregnant? Maybe it’s even worse than that.
When I think of Mommyrexia, I think that no matter how strong and beautiful a woman is when she brings a life into the world, and no matter how remarkably amazing the human body is that it can house and give birth to a perfectly wonderful newborn baby, society still see judges women through their appearance first… and always.
What’s worse is that many of us have internalized it and now do it to ourselves. That’s the most tragic part of it all.
Image: MorgueFile
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13 Comments
Erin commented on Jun 18 11 at 8:01 amGreat article on a very serious trend. I think that there is definetely an unrealistic pressure put on pregnant woman, not to let there bodies change too much, or to get right back into shape. For those who don’t conform to this pressure it may lead to feeling badly about oneself. For others it may lead to unhealthy choices for both mom and baby. Your article is great, I think for needs to be written and said about this scary trend.
Erin
http://www.theintentionalparent.org
Andrea commented on Jun 18 11 at 9:32 amPictures of Pink should be plastered everywhere! She looks fantastic, and she looks like a woman who just had a baby.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2002914/Pink-takes-baby-Willow-beach-enjoys-motherhood.html
I don’t really care one way or another. I don’t think we should be slamming women for wanting to be thin any more than we should be slamming them for being fat. Personal size is a personal call.
Kristen commented on Jun 18 11 at 9:35 am“Hideously skinny” feels very insensitive to me. I don’t think it’s an appropriate description for someone who is thin for any reason, especially due to an eating or body dysmorphic disorder. That judgement de-legitimizes what is otherwise a very important and thoughful post.
Fremont commented on Jun 18 11 at 11:17 amVery good points here. When I was pregnant, my doctor was very clear on the amount of weight that I should gain — and that included making sure I gained enough, since too little weight gain is dangerous for the baby. My mother, on the other hand, obsessed over my weight. Apparently back in the 1960s the recommended weight gain was a lot less than it is now. So every time I had a dr. appt. Mom would grill me on my weight and lecture me on not getting too fat. Luckily I was able to ignore her. All worked out just fine in the end. :)
Bunnytwenty commented on Jun 20 11 at 9:25 amThese are all good points. It’s unfair to call someone with an eating disorder “hideous,” no matter what you think of their looks. Nor do we want to blame the women who are dealing with these issues. They’re not the disease, they’re the symptom. The disease is a culture that considers the purpose of women’s existence to be decorative, and expects us to go to great lengths and hurt ourselves and even our children in the quest for perfection. It ain’t Posh Spice’s fault.
Rosana commented on Jun 20 11 at 10:37 amI think both extremes are bad. Not eating to not gain weight during pregnancy and eating for two is both bad for the baby. However, I wouldn’t be so hard on women that work hard to eat the right foods and exercise regularly, during pregnancy, to be back to their former sizes as fast as they can after delivery. A healthy body is very necessary to help mom be back on her feet sooner than later and after delivery and to help the body be more resilient to the demands of caring for a newborn (lack of sleep, etc.) I understand that some women risk their babies health for the sake of staying “beautiful” but not all skinny moms fall into that category.
BC commented on Jun 20 11 at 4:58 pmGood article.
When I was pregnant I remember being so upset at the doctor every time she brought up my weight.I felt like there was a lot of pressure to not “get fat” while I was pregnant and I felt like if I was eating healthy and taking care of my unborn child then what did it matter. In the end I gained 60 pounds and had an extremely healthy 10 pound baby. I didn’t eat for two and i ate healthy. My body just packed it on by itself! Now that my son is 6 months old I still have 20 pounds to lose and I feel like such a failure. I feel like I shouldve lost this weight months ago. I feel like everybody who sees me judges me- especially as my son grows older. I’m frustrated because I can’t fit into my clothes. I do feel that I feel this way because of the pressure society has put on women. I wouldn’t judge someone else for still having this weight….so why am I so hard on myself?
Also, I was told by everybody that you lose weight quicker if you breastfeed-NOT TRUE for me. I plan to go a year or maybe two but it hasn’t been a magical fat-melting weight loss tool for me.
A commented on Jun 21 11 at 1:52 amThis scares me. The extreme emphasis on not gaining weight during pregnancy can be truly dangerous. When I was in college, I dated a guy who had a half brother. His half-brother’s mother flat out refused to gain weight during pregnancy (and was very thin to begin with.) Because of her lack of nutrition during pregnancy, there were labor and delivery complications, and his lungs ended up collapsing during delivery, leaving him with permanent brain damage. There’s more important things in life than being skinny, ESPECIALLY during pregnancy. The fact that some women cant realize that makes me sad for them.
JP commented on Jun 21 11 at 2:49 amI was one of those lucky women who bounced back to my pre-baby weight and shape effortlessly and quickly. I should be thrilled right? Alas, I very quickly tired of being judged, critiqued, questioned and warned about the perils of fast weight loss. The presumption was that I must be extreme dieting/exercizing. Other women looked up to me like I held the secret to eternal life and seemed to resent me for losing weight easily while they struggled. Within a week of giving birth I knew to never ever mention post baby weight near another mother, but I was directly asked so many times it made things really uncomfortable. Like most things baby and parenting related, it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, someone is going to judge you negatively for it. Try to lose weight, don’t try, succeed, don’t succeed… why stress about it? You’re never going to win.
Mack N Gwen commented on Jun 21 11 at 3:27 amYou gotta find that perfect median staying healthy while keeping unborn baby, then nursing baby healthy…that’s the most important priority there should be…and only a celebrity would find the time to work out that much in the beginning of their brand new baby’s life…we should never compare ourselves to people who are only worth their on screen, on camera value and just take it for what it is…vanity…we live in the real world, so all we have to do is find that healthy balance…c’mon people, we’re women not icky super models! If there is ever a time that we deserve to let ourselves go is when you get pregnant or didn’t quite have a whole lot of time to work out…cause, guess what? You’re a mommy and you gotta take care of a needy, helpless human being…a baby
michelle commented on Jun 21 11 at 11:13 amThis is a problem among at best, what? 3% of the population? The rest of America gains way too much weight during pregnancy and was overweight to begin with. This can and often does lead to dangerous problems like preeclampsia. But if you posted about this, your readers would be all up in arms because it hits a little too close to home, so instead you post about “mommyrexia.”
Brandi commented on Jun 21 11 at 2:05 pmI would like to make the point that women have always been like this, will be, and will continue in that way to be. It’s just in our nature. Now you just put a name to it. I agree for your first child the mother should be only concerned with morphing herself into a fine mother in the works. After two or three kids, you have you motherhood down and hey….pick up a stroller workout class, sure why not. After two kids a momma can be concerned with herself and her own priorities, cook dinner, clean, and take care of her babies. Nothing wrong with trying to get back to being the woman you were for yourself and your family in my eyes. What happens is a mother takes too long dealing with the mothering of her children and losses herself in the midst of it all and waits way to long to realize she needs to gather herself together. I am pregnant now and I for sure don’t want to be called this hideous name of momrexics, lol. All just cause I want to get back to my running and mothering of my three children along with everything else I do. Just saying……………It’s always been this way and will always be this way; women and weight issues will never change. Just find you and figure how to maintain that for yourself and that benefits your family.
Carly commented on Jun 25 11 at 4:01 pmI agree with Brandi. I think it’s judgmental to label these women. As long as their babies’ needs are met, and their needs are met nutritionally, it’s none of our business what their priorities are. It’s much like the prying, judgmental, and inappropriate comments women often receive during the pregnancies themselves. A woman’s body condition is no one’s business but hers, and her medical provider’s.
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