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School Forces Students to Take Graphic Survey on Oral Sex
The X's in one school's survey have taken on a whole new meaning
I get that there are certain things kids have to do in school, like take tests and not interrupt the teacher and wear ugly uniforms during gym class. That’s standard stuff. However, requiring them to complete sex surveys? Um, that’s so not OK.
And yet, a middle school in Massachusetts did just that regardless. Without parental knowledge or consent, the school administered a “required” survey with questions about sexual partners and oral sex.
A complaint has since been filed with the U.S. Dept of Education against the Fitchburg School Committee about the so-called Youth Risk Behavior Study given to students at Memorial Middle School.
Other subject matters in the survey included suicide and drug use.
One of the questions? “Have you ever had oral sex?”
Now, I’m not going to say that no seventh grader knows what oral sex is, but I’m going to say that there are plenty of seventh graders who actually and really don’t know what it is (even if they’ve heard the term). Is this how they should have found out?
Another question asked students what “method they used to prevent pregnancy during their last sexual encounter.” The answer options included birth control pills, condoms and “withdraw.”
The school said they take no responsibility for what was included in the survey because they were required to administer it in order to fulfill a federal grant requirement, which they say was somehow tied to the Centers for Disease Control. The CDC denied any involvement in the survey.
The school’s principal also argued that parents were sent a “passive consent” opt-out form. Parents questioned for a story by Fox News, however, say they never received the form.
Can I just say that some schools turn down money when something doesn’t feel quite right. This might have been a good time to consider the same. Just maybe.
Would you care if your seventh grader took a graphic sex survey?
Image: Creative Commons
Birds and the Bees Talk: How soon is “too soon”?
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45 Comments
Sara commented on Jun 16 11 at 12:38 pmIf a seventh grader in this day and age hasn’t heard of oral sex they’re living under a rock and their parents aren’t giving them sex ed. Even if they hadn’t it’s not like it’s going to harm them. Do you think they’re suddenly going to start having sex because someone asks them about it? Assuming they’re raised a Christian/no sex before marriage type they should have already had the abstinence talk which would include everything and if not then perhaps this should be a wakeup call for parents to talk to their kids before they should up home with an STD or a baby on the way.
I see no issue with kids taking this type of survey. I remember doing one on drugs when I was a kid. It didn’t make me start huffing spray paint.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 12:48 pmYeah. My kids know All about those subjects. But it’s NOT the government or school’s business to require them to answer those types of s8urveys. And I THANK you for posting this as I am letting both of my younger 2 kids know that NO- they are NOT to answer sex, drug, suicide surveys at school. EVER.
Autoclave239 commented on Jun 16 11 at 12:49 pmI say that with sex education the way it is in this country (read: nearly non-existent), I have no problem with this. If my kid comes home with questions about the terms in the survey, we can discuss them. Really, they actually SHOULD know what all the terms are by the time they are in seventh grade. If they don’t, this means that they are uneducated about sex which means they are far more likely to engage in unsafe sex when given the opportunity.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jun 16 11 at 12:58 pmCouldn’t write a more alarmist headline. What specifically made the test “graphic” by the way? Were there photos or video of oral sex provided for those who “actually and really didn’t know” what oral sex was? Diagrams? Puppets? Live demonstrations?
rwee2000 commented on Jun 16 11 at 1:04 pm“The school said they take no responsibility ….”
Really it happened in your school, you handed out the survey, you picked them up and turned them in, and you’re not responsible? Come on put on your big person underwear and own up to it, you applied for the grant and took the money and didn’t do due diligence.
My kid can’t go on a field trip without me filling out a form, but you say “passive consent” is good enough for this?
If the school broke the law I hope a lot of people get fired or go to jail, saying I was just following orders isn’t good enough. Had I asked your daughter about oral sex I’d be in jail no questions asked, the school should be held to the same standard.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jun 16 11 at 1:05 pm@Autoclave239: you get the Citizen Kane slow clap. Bra-freakin-vo!!
Meredith Carroll commented on Jun 16 11 at 1:05 pm@Mistress — Anything talking about “withdrawing” as a birth control method is pretty graphic to me.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jun 16 11 at 2:17 pmI believe withdrawal is a pretty commonly known birth control method. A poor one, yes, but common. Again, I’m not seeing the graphic. If the survey asked what oral sex styles practices the child was familiar with and gave multiple choice selections, check as many as apply… then maybe we’d be in the same universe.
Meredith Carroll commented on Jun 16 11 at 2:27 pm@Mistress — We must hang out with different kinds of 12-year-olds.
Diera commented on Jun 16 11 at 2:52 pmBut the headline says ‘graphic survey on oral sex’, which seems to say that it’s being graphic in its description of oral sex. Which doesn’t seem to be the case. It mentions that oral sex exists, that’s all. I’d say from the description of the situation, the passive consent system isn’t adequate, and I would be pretty annoyed if my student answered such a survey without my knowledge – but it doesn’t seem like a graphic survey on oral sex to me.
Meredith Carroll commented on Jun 16 11 at 3:04 pm@Diera — We’ll have to agree to disagree about what constitutes graphic. Asking about oral sex —– period —– is far too graphic for my taste if it requires my kids reading and answering a question. You can split hairs all you want, but to me this is pretty black and white in its graphic nature.
Missy commented on Jun 16 11 at 3:15 pmMeredith, your prude stance worries me a bit simply because it was the parents that always seemed so shocked and offended by these things that had kids doing them. I agree w/ @autoclave that this can actually be a great way to open up a discussion among parents and kids about what terms mean, because kids should know what all of that means, and why option A is better than option B.
@Goddess I argue that the minute you’re children are enrolled in public school, it becomes the government’s job to discuss these issues. Know why? Not all kids have a parent that will sit down and go over how to use a condom, which explains the high number of middle schoolers having babies.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 3:18 pmMy kids know what he terms mean too Auto and MS- but the freaking government and school don’t need personal answers from my kids in a survey.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 3:20 pmFor example, one question:
“Have you ever had oral sex?”TOTALLY none of their business!
Bunnytwenty commented on Jun 16 11 at 4:05 pmI knew kids who were already having oral sex at that age, so I’m pretty sure that kids aren’t learning anything new from this.
I want to know what this info was being used for, and if it was collected anonymously. If it was being used for something beneficial, I wouldn’t have any problem with this. (Although the kids were probably mortified, especially a kid like I was at this age, who knew what oral sex was but couldn’t possibly imagine actually doing it.)
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 4:12 pmWell Missy- my kids will still NOT be filling these out. We will opt out just as we can for sex ed (which we do not), just as we can for immunizations (though we have not, as yet) and any other screenings (which we did in one case).
WE are the people behind the government, and it is our tax dollars paying for it. We can effect changes and do each day.
BTW- I think my kids are above the learning curve on most sex ed since we have an open question policy at home for them to ask whatever they’d like since they were pre-schoolers and ask how babies got in my tummy. I’d counter that they are more than aware of sex, conception and contraception, STDs, different types of sex (oral, traditional, anal, auto, etc), gay sex, along with some cautionary tales about being judicious and responsible about how they treat their sexuality- and my eldest even got a “Joy of Sex” type book in high school to cover the aesthetics of becoming a good partner to augment the factual and anatomical types of information we had been discussing since he could ask where babies came from. It’s not like a 16 year wants to hear about 50 different positions from Mom ;-)
However, they will NOT be answering these types of questions in school and I doubt the school can or will force them, LOL.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 4:13 pmSee, I don’t mind them TEACHING any of this- but requiring my kids to divulge their own sex lives- nope. Not going to happen.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 4:36 pmFrom Fox news:
Whitehead wants the Department of Education to step in and demand that the Fitchburg school follow the law when it comes to parental consent.
“Parents send their children to public schools to receive an education; not to become subjects of governmental data mining,” Whitehead said.
Texas Educator commented on Jun 16 11 at 5:25 pmIf the school says it contacted parents, then they probably did. The question is though, how many parents actually read the paper to know to sign it saying they don’t want their child to take it? What probably happened was one of 2 options:
1 – Mailed letters home (trusts all parents have updated home address and actually read the mail), or
2 – Sent letters home with students (trusts the kids will actually take the paper home and hand it to the parent, and the parent will actually read it).The school can only do so much to keep parents informed. It is up to the parent to keep the school updated with their contact information and to actually read papers the school sends home (I know MANY parents who either toss school paperwork, or are “too busy” to read it at that moment and never get back to it).
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 16 11 at 5:45 pmThe 7th graders in our district all took this survey, including my daughter. I don’t have a problem with it.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 5:47 pmProblem is Texas Educator- my kids have an inherent right to privacy and to choose to NOT answer these whether I’ve signed a paper or not.
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 16 11 at 5:55 pm“The school said they take no responsibility for what was included in the survey because they were required to administer it in order to fulfill a federal grant requirement, which they say was somehow tied to the Centers for Disease Control. The CDC denied any involvement in the survey.” Also, this article could have been better researched. I can’t see how the CDC could be denying involment when the very first thing that pops up when you enter “Youth Risk Behavior Study” is a link to the CDC. http://www.cdc.gov/HealthyYouth/yrbs/index.htm
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 16 11 at 5:57 pm“We must hang out with different kinds of 12-year-olds.” So what 12-13 year olds (7th graders) ARE you hanging around with and well do you know them really? I’m asking because as a mom of kids that age, I totally don’t see what the fuss is about. It’s an observational study by the CDC trying to evaluate teen health trends, not a porno movie.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 6:19 pmThe fuss? Invasion of privacy. Data mining by a government entity.
Texas Educator commented on Jun 16 11 at 6:23 pmGoddess – The schools cannot force your child to answer anything, including questions on the mandated state testing. If a student chooses to not answer a question, that is their right.
Sara commented on Jun 16 11 at 6:32 pmSurvey’s like this are important so that the CDC (or other groups that study this type of thing) can understand what teens as a whole are doing so they know what the trends are like and what they need to push educationally. It’s how they get statistics on the percentage of kids that are sexually active, if they’re using BC ect. . . .
They’re obviously not going to have names on them and are almost certainly fill in the bubble (otherwise they’d take a huge amount of labor to collect the data). There’s no privacy issue if there is no name or ID number and there’s not going to be much identifyable data in a group where everyone is the same age . . . .
I’m also sure that if a kid said they didn’t want to do the survey because it made then uncomfortable that they could get out of it.
goddess commented on Jun 16 11 at 6:43 pmCorrect you are Good Texan- I’ve heard of parents opting their children out of state testing also.
It’s the principle of the practice of data mining my kids, and knowing some teachers will not follow it like that either, and will tell them they must participate. I’ve had to remind our actual school board that no, my kids will NOT be excluded from school if they do not have their 6th TDaP vaccine- that our state recognizes medical, religious and philosophical exemptions. [The exception being the event of an actual outbreak of one of those diseases within the district]. It’s no wonder that I do not trust the SAME school to recognize the right of the children to opt out of this survey, or their parents to do so on their behalf.
Gretchen Powers commented on Jun 16 11 at 6:46 pmSeems to me they might want to focus on teaching math, science and all that stuff the U.S. is so far behind on and leave the sex ed to the parents. If they wanted to help the gov administer a survey, they should send it home with the kids to give their parents and let them decide. I think 7th grade is young for this, too. When I was in 7th grade I thought oral sex meant French kissing–of course, this was over 30 years ago, but I guess it’s a different world we live in now…yikes (my mom totally set me straight on that one as soon as it came up in a conversation about some guy chewing tobacco and I said “Ew, I’d never have oral sex with him…” and my mom was like, “You what now? Do you know what that means????” and then she told me. Anyway, I digress.
Meredith Carroll commented on Jun 16 11 at 6:58 pm@Linda — Two of them are in my family and one of them lives in my house.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jun 16 11 at 8:33 pmGoddess, I can see your point if this survey identified respondents. I can even concur as a matter of teaching kids to value and protect their own privacy as a general rule. It’s not just the government out to data-mine for sinister public health studies. Corporations are ceaselessly chipping away at privacy culture as a means of coming up with just the right formula to create a more perfect consumer. So I get that as a worldview.
Barton Fink commented on Jun 17 11 at 12:21 am“The school” administered the test. I wonder if the vagueness behind this statement is deliberately obtuse, or if details about the situation in which the test was administered are unknown. Was it one class? Was it the entire student body? Was it a teacher’s decision? Was it a school board decision? The charge is phrased in such a way that it immediately prompts paranoia and fear on the part of everyone who hears it — and then when you see it’s Fox and people from anti-psychiatric and anti-psychological Scientology front groups, it’s kind of odd that such deliberately vague, disturbing descriptions are floated to maximize the fear. When L Ron wrote about “merchants of fear” years ago, he meant to criticize news organizations whose stories were designed to create fear. Now, Tessitore and Van Susteren work in the “merchant of fear” industry, merchandizing fear. Hmm. I’m a little wary here.
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 17 11 at 12:29 amOkay, if you have a 7th grader living at your house who doesn’t know what oral sex is, then someone needs to start educating that child pronto before some gross 8th grade boy tries to get her to, you know, perform it on him. My guess would be that she know exactly what it is, but picks up on your squeamishness regarding the topic and chooses to discuss it elsewhere, which is really a shame, because when kids are comfy talking to trusted relatives about sex, said relatives can use the opportunity to teach said kids about the ehtics of sexuality. If you can’t talk about it, you miss out on the window and they learn everything from their friends.
Heather commented on Jun 17 11 at 1:35 amWOW. I feel really sorry for the loss of childhood innocence depicted by the comments thus far. I’m a well-educated adult with a background in both biology and education, and I can say with total honesty that I didn’t know what oral sex was with any certainty until college. It doesn’t come up in Bio 2316 because it has nothing to do with reproduction, folks. Like Gretchen, I thought it was kissing with tongue. And, by the way, I managed to keep my pants on until I had graduated from college, worked for a year, met the man I loved, and married him. Not all of us are raising a bunch of promiscuous teenagers, and a twelve year old isn’t even a teenager! No, I didn’t know what a condom package looked like when I was twelve, and if some pervert had propositioned me he would have gotten an earful of what was wrong with him and his sick, disgusting disease-spreading ways. I had goals in my life that didn’t include venereal disease or pregnancy and the only 100% sure way to avoid those is to stay away from other people’s genitalia. I certainly hope my daughter won’t know what oral sex is when she gets to be that age (for crying out loud, you don’t even get your period until you’re 13), and I would be livid if some school presumed to normalize illegal underage sexual activity by assuming that all of these CHILDREN are involved in it. By the way, I’m under 30 so I’m not some ancient grandma preaching about the “good ol’ days.” This stuff makes me sick and causes me to wonder if I’m going to need to homeschool my girls if I don’t want them victimized by perverted, predatory teachers.
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 17 11 at 3:42 am“Not all of us are raising a bunch of promiscuous teenagers, and a twelve year old isn’t even a teenager!” Nice, Heather. It’s so ncie to see that you can discuss this topic in a civil manner. Knowledge does not = promiscuity. How completely ridiculous & insulting to boot. I’m glad your so impressed with your own virtue though. That’s always a nice touch.
Diera commented on Jun 17 11 at 9:39 amHeather: Maybe *you* didn’t get your period until you were thirteen. I got mine when I was eleven.
goddess commented on Jun 17 11 at 9:54 amOh good goddess Heather- I marred the only man I ever gave oral sex to- we just happened to meet at age 15. We lived together for 4 years, saved money to pay for our won wedding, then saved up for a house. We made sure we had a house, life insurance and good health care insurance- AND-0 I was able to be a SAHM- since 1987 when we had our first. Every child was planned and wanted. And I’ve only ever had sex with one man. No STDs, no unintended pregnancies, no adultery. How does this fit the stereotyped diatribe above?If you’d better homeschool your kids of you think they won’t know what oral sex til their 20′s! But hide your books, magazines, television, iPods, cell phones, etc. I learned what oral sex was in the 7th grade from my grandma’s historical romance novels, LOL!
One can impart knowledge, responsibility, a good moral base and a healthy enjoyment of sex- even outside of marriage- all at the same time.
daria commented on Jun 17 11 at 11:14 amwonder what heather would say about masturbation. doesn’t involve another person’s genitalia and is completely 100% effective against pregnancy and STDs.
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 17 11 at 1:28 pmIt’s lovely to check Strollerderby and see someone telling you that your teenage daughter (who has never even kissed a boy) is essentially a slut because you’ve shared information about sexuality with her. And, hey, Babble is okay with this, yet if I called her an smug a$$hat in response, I’d probably be banned for not being supportive enough or some crap.
Becky commented on Jun 17 11 at 1:46 pmHeather, I wasn’t a promiscuous teenager either, just a curious one. I checked out a book on psychology at the age of 11 that described oral sex, as well as a lot of other concepts that the schools and even my parents hadn’t bothered to tell me existed (e.g., female masturbation [I knew boys did that sort of thing from playground talk, but girls?!], homosexuality, the concept of orgasm). Do I feel I lost my innocence because of the things I read? No, I feel I was educated.
Looloosmommy commented on Jun 17 11 at 2:56 pmIt wasn’t just one school in MA, my friends son who is in middle school in Sandwich Ma received a similar survey, and it also included detailed questions about drug use. I was shocked.
Meredith Carroll commented on Jun 17 11 at 3:31 pm@Linda — I have to remove threats, but I am supposed to leave *most* everything else in.
Gretchen Powers commented on Jun 17 11 at 3:39 pmI think it’s grand that some people’s kids know about these things at 7th grade. Their parents must have felt like they were ready and it was important to them at that point in their lives. Like getting a period, getting pubic hair, etc. It happens at different ages to different kids and different families have different values. Therefore, it should really be on the parents to discuss this with their kids–not the school. I think it might be appropriate for a school to give flyers to Jr. High and older saying that they can talk to a counselor about sex if they would like to and have an open door policy that’s voluntary. I don’t know that they should be “forcing” this on 7th graders as institutional policy (although judging from the post it doesn’t sound like policy or anything organized, it sounds like a mishap of some kind). Like Goddess, I think that, no matter what they teach these kids, what these kids actually DO is certainly nobody’s business. I also think there is something to be said for Heather’s remark about “normaliz[ing] illegal underage sexual activity by assuming that all of these CHILDREN are involved in it” not that I think it is illegal if both parties are underage, but the “normalizing” part…
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 17 11 at 4:01 pm@Meradith, I know that you are really good at the whole freedom of expression thing. Some of the others, not so much. ;)
Linda,T.O.O. commented on Jun 17 11 at 4:02 pmAnd sorry I mispelled your name!
Jenna commented on Jun 17 11 at 4:06 pmI’m having trouble imagining a 7th grader who doesn’t know what oral sex is unless maybe they have no friends and have been removed from every sex ed class by their parents. Also, as long as the “opt out” letter really did get sent and it was anonymous I see absolutly nothing wrong with this and would have no problem with my child answering it.
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