My four-year-old adored Pink and not just the color.

When I was a kid, I absolutely hated being treated like I was just some dumb child. I had opinions and thoughts and felt that I had just as much rights as any adult did. I disliked being told to go away when the adults were talking. I didn’t like being laughed at for my opinion and I resented being pacified.

I swore I would never do that to my children. I would never treat them as inferior because they were young. I would always allow them to say what they felt and would not shush them or shoo them out of the room so the adults could talk. I would listen to and encourage their unique opinions.

As a teen, Tipper Gore and her music censoring group, the PMRC was a major source of my discontent. How they (the adults) could think that someone would kill himself or turn to drugs simply because he listened to a certain song was unfathomable to me. So I addressed in the best way I could at the time. I wrote about the absurdity of it in the school newspaper.

When my oldest daughter, Amanda started to listen to real music (beyond Barney songs) and getting interested in bands, instead of telling her the bands swore in the songs or sang about sex and violence, I used it as an opportunity to discuss those issues. More often than not, I was not only reassured that just because she was listening to these songs, she didn’t necessarily agree with them, but I was also given the chance to delve into topics like love, sex, heartbreak, and drug use in a very low key and non-threatening manner.

When she turned 14, I went with her to her first concert, Fall Out Boy. Later that year, we met them backstage and meeting Pete Wentz (her major crush) ranks as one of her favorite memories of all time. I eventually grew to love the songs myself and still have them on my iPod today. We have been to countless concerts together. Now she even goes with me to see Dave Matthews (my major crush). Had I been an uptight adult, I might have missed out on some of the best memories I have with Amanda.

My 13-year-old is now obsessed with MGMT and Arcade Fire, so I am starting to listen to them too. In June, we’re off to a Matt & Kim concert, another one of her favorite artists. Back when she was four years-old and graduating from Pre-K, all of her friends wanted a Barbie doll or some other toy for their graduation, but Katelyn wanted a Pink CD, and that is just what she got (edited version). Katie always was and still is a very independent gal and to her Pink represented a tough, no-nonsense woman.

Our kids may be young but they’re not stupid. They deserve more credit than we sometimes give them. I never wanted my children to feel as though I was talking down to them or seeing them only as a child rather than a full person. I realize that they have come into my life completely different and distinct in their own right and I am merely privileged to be their mother.

So if they ever have questions about anything, big or small,  I want them to know that I’m here. We have rules but I’ll bend for a good reason. Most importantly, I’m listening and I’m taking it all in because life is hard and I want them to know they can always come to me for a straight answer or even just to vent. I’m here and I’ll try my best not to judge or be preachy because that is exactly what I would want if I was a kid again.

Image: MorgueFile

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