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Is It Accurate to Describe Motherhood As An Actual “Job?”
Is motherhood a job, in the same way we think of other jobs?
We’ve all heard it. Most of us (myself included) have said it or written it at one time or another: motherhood is ” a job.” Sometimes, it’s “the hardest job,” and other times, “it’s the most rewarding job.” In this new Psychology Today blog post, motherhood is described as “the invisible profession.” But is motherhood actually a profession? Is it a real “job” in the same way that we think of other kinds of employment?
In her Psychology Today post this week, Mindy Greenstein, Ph.D definitely comes down on the side of motherhood as job, a job that is underpaid, undervalued, and unrewarded by society at large, despite the intensely personal gratification Greenstein gets from raising her two sons. She even refers to mothers with paid employment as having “two jobs.”
I definitely agree with Greenstein that many of the practical requirements of childcare are actual jobs, in the traditional, “some people get paid real money for doing this” sense of the word – tasks like grocery shopping, preparing meals, and doing laundry. However, I am put off by her job description for the actual mothering parts of mothering. She writes, “(mothers) must learn to be master interpreters of their child’s behavior, reflexively using hypothetico-deductive reasoning to decipher the secret codes of their baby’s cries, movements, facial expressions, connecting them to what had come just before and testing out their theories. Every mother is a Behavioral Scientist whose dissertation subject is her children, and who is regularly assessing the methodological errors in her ‘experiments.’”
(After I read this part of Dr. Greenstein’s blog post, I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s not a job for which I am qualified in any way, and there’s no way anyone would ever actually HIRE me for that position.”)
I recognize that the intent behind this sort of language is to grant mothers some much-deserved public respect and credibility – a little gravitas. After all, “Mom” sounds far less impressive than “Behavioral Scientist.” But recently, I have begun to consider the idea that women are are on the wrong track in continuing to try to justify the important relationships we have with our offspring by comparing them to an opportunity one might find in a listing on Monster.com.
If motherhood is indeed a job that’s even remotely similar to the (generally paid) positions for which there are specific benchmarks, performance measures and outcome-based job descriptions, well then, I think many of us – maybe most of us – would be considered abject professional failures. I know that I would. My own failure at this job – if that’s how we are characterizing our roles as mothers – would be considered obvious, extreme, and very public . But really, if there is some kind of job description setting benchmarks for mothers’ “professional” achievement, would any of us ever end up being considered a top performer?
So what do you think? Is motherhood an actual job? Is it a relationship? Or is it something entirely unique that deserves a new descriptive language in our culture? Is there continued value for women in how we so often compare parenting to paid employment? Or does this kind of characterization devalue and demean the very special role that mothers play in their children’s lives? Talk about describing mothering as a profession in the comments below.
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If Mothering Is An Actual Job, I’d Have Been Fired Already | mamapundit commented on Apr 13 11 at 12:58 amGib commented on Apr 13 11 at 1:45 amYou can quit a job. You can’t quit being a mother very easily.
And you don’t really get paid for it.It’s much more like slavery then… There were some really talented and hard working cotton-pickers back then.
The only real difference is that mothers chose to be slaves….
Christy commented on Apr 13 11 at 2:13 amAn interesting link related to this discussion:
Mothering, in my opinion, is much like my chosen profession of education…. it is more than a job, it is a way of life and it is life.
Shandra commented on Apr 13 11 at 3:25 amChristy, really interesting link – thanks for sharing. I agree with some of the premise of that article which is that childrearing has a lot of unpaid time attached and that families need to pay for childcare if they are not doing it and that that’s an issue when it comes to valuing that (and other forms of caregiving) in our culture.
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But…I have to say that I do see _parenting_ as primarily a relationship, and only secondarily a job. I think it’s a good question. Parents who have to or choose to work remain parents even though they are paying for someone else to do some of the work of childcare; parents who send school-aged kids to school are also fully parents. The closest analogy to me would be an entrepreneur more than a worker; someone who has an idea and invests in it. But even that isn’t that satisfying. There’s also a biological imperative at work for the perpetuation of the species and hormones and instinct, and other than a few professions – one of them the oldest – I don’t think you can really compare.
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I’ve never liked those charts that pretend that the mother’s a chauffeur, housecleaner, etc. etc. I think it’s kind of a crock designed to pay lip service to women who choose to stay home and doesn’t explore the intricacies of the parenting dance – whose career wins out if there’s a choice, what assumptions are made about the value of mother-time vs. other-caregiver-time, and that kind of thing.
Claudia commented on Apr 13 11 at 3:46 amSeriously?!! I don’t want to be disrespectful but the fact that you’re even discussing this seems kind of symbolic of everything that is wrong nowadays. Keep it real, folks!
Claudia commented on Apr 13 11 at 4:39 amSeriously?! I don’t mean to be disrespectful but the fact that you’re even discussing this seems kind of symbolic of everything that is wrong nowadays. Keep it real, folks!
Virginia commented on Apr 13 11 at 4:57 amI don’t know. I mean, I do VERY much consider this a job and a life style. I quit the boring job I had to actually take care and raise my kids. I work much, much, much, much harder than I ever did working out in the field. (Sales, reception, customer service). I can’t believe how many skills I had to gain with the six kids I have. It amazes me all the time. Yes, it’s a job and also relationship. I never, ever imagined how much work would come with being a mom. I’m not just cuddling a cute baby all day long. I’m cooking, cleaning, organizing, debating, driving, changing, etc. The list goes on. When my kids are all raised someday and I enter the work force again, working a retail job or any kind of customer service again will be a breeze for me. What? You want me to take that call? I get to sit in a chair uninterrupted with no diaper changing? Huh? I even get breaks throughout the day with no interruptions? Wow!
LOL, just some thoughts I had on this. Made me laugh thinking out loud about it.
Andrea @ FoxInFlats commented on Apr 13 11 at 8:09 amHi Katie,
Love your comment about ..” it’s not a job I am qualified for”. We are all thrown in the deep-end with mothering. Some of what we do is instinctual, and some is learned. Unlike the corporate world, there are no performance reviews, and yet there is no training either.
I think that is where mothers groups, mommy and me groups, sites like this, and mommy blogs play an important role. They all help to facilitate the sharing of information.
Andrea http://www.FoxInFlats.com Navigating motherhood in style
bearing commented on Apr 13 11 at 8:13 amI absolutely don’t describe mothering as a “job.” Motherhood is not analogous to anything except itself; to accept it is to make a gift of yourself, not merely to perform a series of tasks; and to compare it to a contractual, reciprocal agreement cheapens it terribly.
Anyone who wishes to “dignify” motherhood by calling it a job has a weird idea of dignity.
Now, I happen also to be a homeschooling parent. I think of the work I do to prepare lessons for my children, to maintain a learning space in the home, and to organize materials and schedules as a “job.” Arguably, it “makes money” (in that we would pay private-school tuition if I didn’t homeschool). I have a sort of mental separation between the time I spend really teaching each of my children (that’s mothering, my calling, not a “job”) and the time I spend preparing lessons and such (that’s the “job” of homeschooling). I did a time analysis of myself once and figured that if I divide it up like that, then homeschooling is a part-time job, about 20 hours a week. I’m cool with that.
I think for those who are stay-at-home parents, even the ones that are not homeschoolers, it is possible to have a similar mental division. It occurs to me that it is reasonable to consider the work of homemaking as a “job” (shopping, meal preparation, tidying, scheduling, perhaps making clothing, all that). It adds economic value, after all. Homemaker counts as a “job.” But the work of homemaking is not identical with motherhood. Once you invite your four-year-old to help you roll out the pie crust, you’ve gone from “performing a task” to living an expression of love, which is a good thing to remember when she knocks over the flour canister…
deanne commented on Apr 13 11 at 8:43 amMy disagreement with the article is the description of motherhood as a “job” but not fatherhood. My husband does all the things the author describes with our children. We both work outside the home and we both are deeply involved in the role of raising our children. Why is only the mother described as the “behavioural scientist whose dissertation subject is her children”? I’m very happy with my (paid) job and love what I do, but raising my children is a whole different role, one I will never retire or have a day off from, and one I could never describe in a job description. Going to work is what my husband and I do. Being parents is who we are.
GP commented on Apr 13 11 at 8:44 amI frequently get annoyed with the calling parenting a “job,” mothers, it seems especially are often carrying on about it being “the hardest job in the world” or “the most important job” or, people who are maybe trying to stroke a woman’s ego say that as a misplaced compliment. I think of “raising” my child as having a relationship with her, not a job. But it’s very clear that parenting means different things to different people. I thought about this again recently when I read in Babble and Motherlode about the number of children/economics book coming out, purporting that people should feel freer to have more kids because they don’t really need to be as focused on them as parents today often are. From my personal perspective, If I were to have too many (which to me, is any more than one, but I could see two), it would become a job and that’s definitely not what I want my job to be. With one or two, you are still you, and can probably manage a career, hobbies, a life, etc. while still “raising” your own child, but with three, four, five, SIX (!) I can see it becoming more “job-like,” absolutely.
GP commented on Apr 13 11 at 8:48 amall that said, from a very academic standpoint, the PhD in parenting/Nancy Folbre thing is very interesting and I liked Mindy Greenstein’s piece, it had alot of interesting points, even though I disagree about the whole “job” bit…and in contrast to Katie’s being put off by the part where she talked about “reflexively using hypothetico-deductive reasoning to decipher the secret codes of their baby’s cries, movements, facial expressions, connecting them to what had come just before and testing out their theories” I thought that was actually kind of cool and knew just what she meant…I think the key word there is *reflexively* you don’t even realized you’re doing it, but you ARE, that is, IF you are actually engaged with the child and paying attention
bearing commented on Apr 13 11 at 8:48 am“With three, four, five, SIX (!) I can see it becoming more “job-like,” absolutely”
I have four, and I can still tell the difference between the “job” and the “relationship.” Back when I had one it was difficult to imagine, sure. But mothers of many children are still their mothers, not their wardens.
andrea commented on Apr 13 11 at 9:14 amFor me, it is absolutely a job. I’m in Canada, where we are currently facing an election, and if the current administration takes a majority (fingers crossed!), one new policy will be that a husband can pay his wife up to $50 000 of his own salary, which then becomes her income, if she is a stay at home mom. The government recognizes it as a job. (And of course, this also applies to dads who stay at home, as well). The entire income splitting program can be used by anyone, but is very clearly designed to encourage families to raise their children at home. The tides are shifting. It’s wonderful to see.
PeekyToe commented on Apr 13 11 at 9:18 amBeing a parent is being a parent, that’s it, it’s not a “job”. Parenthood is completely voluntary and optional but a job is not, at least for most people who want to eat and have a roof over their head.
I also disagree (and this is my personal opinion and from my personal experience with raising 6 kids) that parenting is the hardest “job” in the world. I do think it’s the most important thing a person can and should do well if they are going to be a parent but for me, some of the actual jobs I’ve had have been much more demanding and hard than parenthood has been. Parenting can be frustrating and heartbreaking, but I don’t consider that “hard work” like a job.
Katie Allison Granju commented on Apr 13 11 at 9:53 amExcellent, excellent point. Thank you for making it. – Katie
Christine Martinello commented on Apr 13 11 at 10:09 amI totally agree that Motherhood for our generation needs redefining – that’s why I published the book,’The Momager (mom & manager) Guide; Empowering Moms to Leave a Loving Legacy.’ Women use the term ‘Momager’ on their resumes to show the leadership skills they’re developing as a mom. I’ve heard from countless moms who are thrilled to have a new term when asked, “What do you do?” I’m a Momager – mom and manager! Think you would love to check it out: http://www.momagerclub.com
Traci Whitney commented on Apr 13 11 at 10:27 amI don’t know – we have to plan ahead, delegate tasks, manage a household, run schedules, make and attend appointments – it’s sort of like any job I’ve ever been to. But way more frustrating, cause I’ve never asked anyone to do something at work and then had them blow raspberries at me. (at least to my face)
I actually think it takes a lot more effort, skill and patience to be a parent than a lot of jobs, which come more naturally to some.
Either way, it doesn’t really matter if you call it a job, or if you get offended by even the thought, it is still the most important thing you’ll ever do!
Shandra commented on Apr 13 11 at 10:31 amChristine, FYI I’ve done hiring and if I saw “momager” on a resume I would throw it out. I have no issue interviewing and hiring moms coming back into the workforce, but they have to behave professionally and that includes not putting stuff like that on a resume.
amy commented on Apr 13 11 at 10:48 amI think you’re saying that if it were a job, some of us could be considered professionals failures (that you would) and thus, it’s not a job?? Well, I disagree. It IS a job and yes, you can fail at it. I know many many mothers who are beyond-fantastic mothers, some who are great, some who get it done (that’s me), some who don’t really get it done, and some who are failures and really probably shouldn’t have had kids (and some who have said as much to me).
Diera commented on Apr 13 11 at 10:49 amI agree with Deanne: Why does this only get applied to mothers? My husband and I both work, and when we’re home, we both do jobs for which people get paid when you outsource them. I think both kinds of work (paid, for other people, and not-paid, for your family and self) should be valued, but there’s no reason to act like they’re exactly the same, or that unpaid effort toward the family’s well-being is only a mom thing.
PeekyToe commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:08 amI agree about the “momager” on resumes–looks silly and would not fly in my industry. Look, people take time off to raise kids and then return to the workforce all the time. No one looks sideways if you present an absence from the workforce for what it is. For the majority of jobs knowing how to plan, delegate, manage, and schedule are minimally expected, and THEN there are usually specific skills that are required to do the actual job you are paid for. Does being a parent qualify me to do any job just because I put a silly title on my resume? Of course not. I have to have specific skills. It’s silly to equate a parent’s communication with their child with being a Behavioral Scientist. It’s actually enough to just be someone’s parent without trying to make it sound “professional” because it’s not, it’s a personal.
Having said that, I do see parents (mostly moms, but some dads) who act like they are working when they are parenting and that’s because they treat their kids like a product that they are readying for a big public launch, e.g., getting into Harvard. Yep, that’s hard work, but it isn’t a job.
LK commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:12 amParenting is certainly a lot of work, and you definitely develop certain “skills” (i.e. multi-tasking, building interpersonal relationships, etc.) that would come in handy at most jobs, but I don’t think it really makes sense to describe motherhood (and for that matter fatherhood) as a “job” or “profession.” I would come down in the camp of it’s something entirely unique.
Claire R commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:17 amRight, Diera, I agree with you and Deanne. Being a mother is different from being a father? It is, in my opinion, only until birth and if you are nursing. What about in a same-sex marriage? Which woman would be considered “more” of a mother? I agree that my job is my job, and being a mother is my life. And now that my children are grown and gone, I am still a person with a life that includes my grown children-it’s just that my activities and focuses have changed.
I also agree that those of us who choose to be parents, (“choose” being a huge factor here) choose to do something very important and need to pay attention to how we do it, because it has a huge impact on the world, for better or worse. It’s why I think that nobody should be forced to give birth. But that’s another issue. :-)
Teresa commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:19 amAndrea- your situation intrigues me. Though I understand that the money would then be “yours,” wasn’t that money coming into the household anyway? What difference does it make whether your husband symbolically believes you have a job and brings home the money to show you how grateful he is or whether he attributes his salary to you?
Manjari commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:23 amBearing, I love this: “Once you invite your four-year-old to help you roll out the pie crust, you’ve gone from “performing a task” to living an expression of love, which is a good thing to remember when she knocks over the flour canister…”
I think of parenthood as a relationship with my children, but I see some of the stuff I do as a SAHM as my “work.” I don’t have any paid work to do right now, and we would have to pay (quite a lot) to hire people to do all the things I do. If a penny saved is a penny earned, then I’m earning a lot by doing everything myself.
Moi commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:54 amI often joke (but not-so-jokingly) that every.single.thing. I do at my decently-paid meaningful professional job comes back to skills learned while either doing laundry or raising teenagers.
Seriously. The interpersonal skills, the prioritizing, organization, figuring out how to get buy-in from warring combatants to get them to do something they don’t really want to do … it’s all household-management skills. And here at the office, I actually get to eat lunch uninterrupted, and go to the bathroom without having to referee any disputes.
Sarah commented on Apr 13 11 at 12:04 pmOk – is it a job in the way that mowing the lawn or cooking food or cleaning your house is a job? I mean, can’t everything be considered a “JOB” under this definition? I do things every day that I could pay someone else to do for me, but it isn’t me fulfilling a job.
I would say parenthood (don’t even get me started on how father’s are considered invisible) is a lifestyle. Having kids very much affects your way of life, and everything that you do. But its not a job. I don’t have 2 jobs now that I have kids. Nor does my husband.
My husband is washing diapers, cooking dinner, going to doctors appointments, etc., right along side me. The idea that being a mom is so different, and special, and more work, than being a dad doesn’t make any sense to me.
Debbie commented on Apr 13 11 at 12:54 pmAnd what about other caretaking roles? Disabled family members? Elderly parents? And what about persons who dedicate themselves to unpaid vocations like religious devotion or athletics or community service? To consider connecting and caring a job kind of misses the point. We do things for pay primarily so that we can provide material needs. We live life to connect with those we care about.
Clisby commented on Apr 13 11 at 12:57 pmSure, put “Momager” on your resume. Maybe you can get a job cleaning toilets somewhere. Let’s get real here. Real managers have bosses. They have periodic evaluations. Whether they keep those jobs depends on how well they meet their goals (not how well THEY think they met them – how well their superiors thought they met them.)
There’s a lot of work involved in taking care of children. Both mothers and fathers, regardless of whether they have paying jobs, do it. And in my experience, it’s nowhere near the hardest job in the world. For Pete’s sake, how many people out there who love to navel-gaze over raising their children have ever worked 10-hour days in a coal mine? How many of you have spent hours hammering a new roof on a house in 100+-degree weather? How many of you run into burning buildings to put out fires? Sheesh. Give it a rest, already.
jennamom commented on Apr 13 11 at 1:21 pmKatie, there’s a lot I could say about this subject, but everybody else has already covered it… except for this. I hope you are not thinking of yourself as a failure as a mother just because your kid made some bad decisions and you couldn’t fix everything for him. You seem to me, from what little I know of you through your blogs and articles and fight for Justice for Henry, to be a freakin’ amazing mom. I know you’ll be dealing with the pain of losing him every day for the rest of your life, but you gotta know that you did all you could to save him. I send hugs from afar.
PeekyToe commented on Apr 13 11 at 2:21 pmThis is what it comes down to for me.
Parenting is a choice, done out of love.
Jobs, for most, are not a choice and are required for material gain.
When I retire I’m going to volunteer as much as I can but I won’t call that my “job”. It will be something I choose to do out of love for the cause, not because I have to do it, like a job.
Meagan @ The Happiest Mom commented on Apr 13 11 at 4:22 pmI look at motherhood as a relationship that is performed alongside other “jobs”, whether that job is paid employment or caring for a home or volunteering. I think professionalizing parenting raises the stakes and puts way too much pressure on us, plus it’s not really accurate for all the reasons you point out. You can’t quit (not really) and you can’t get promoted, and you’re still a mom no matter how you ‘perform’.
I tackled the “is motherhood the hardest job in the world?” topic here on Babble a while back and the responses were interesting!
andrea commented on Apr 13 11 at 4:30 pm@Theresa Income splitting reduces household income tax, by quite a bit (we would get about $5000 rebated). This is because 2 people earning $50 000 pay less tax than one person earning $100 000. Income splitting allows the husband to pay his wife, which reduces the taxes for the whole family.
Christy commented on Apr 13 11 at 5:30 pmI absolutely think that parenting is the hardest “job” I’ve ever done, hands down! I’ve just returned to work after my third child and I have to say that going to work on my work days (I work 50%) is a break. I’m competent, no, actually good at what I do. There is a “proven” way to do things and I get it. Parenting has no manual, I’m often terribly sleep deprived (none of my kids are good sleepers), I have constant “battles” about anything and everything, I have little control over how my day with turn out. Having said all that, however, I would gladly stay at home 100% so that I could be fully present for my children and still have time for me. Yes, it can feel like a job. But so can a marriage, which is also primarily a relationship. It is a job only in as much as it takes lots of work. My husband and I debate this all the time. After a hard day I say how much work it all is (work as in effort). But something that is primarily a relationship, a relationship that I desperately wanted for years and now I have three of them, can still be hard work and sometimes feel like a job (on those “thankless” days. Seeing parenting as a job and only a job commits the mistake of viewing relationships in purely economic terms, which is unfortunate. But I still sometimes see my role of Mother as a job.
Artemisia commented on Apr 13 11 at 7:38 pmNO, it’s not accurate.
“Someone somewhere gets paid good money for this” doesn’t make a something a job. (There are a lot of things you can outsource, but no one decides doing her own nails makes her a nail technician or cooking for his child’s graduation party makes him a caterer.)
“I take it very seriously and use important skills doing it” doesn’t make something a job. (There are a million things that draw on your talents, but tending your garden, blogging, teaching religious schools aren’t jobs unless someone is paying you to do them.)
“It requires a lot of work and time” doesn’t make something a job. (Taking care of a sick friend, training for a marathon, advocating for your special needs child aren’t jobs.)
Parenting is enormously important – but it’s a relationship and a responsibility, not a job.
When did we decide anything important or worthwhile had to be seen through the lens of paid work to have genuine value?
Katie, I don’t think you are a failure at all but you make a good point – if you see motherhood as a job, our children become our products. Take that further and other parents become competitors in producing the best product – I guess we do see some of that, don’t we? – and whoever supports the household financially becomes our boss.
Shandra commented on Apr 13 11 at 9:16 pmAbout Andrea’s point – actually this is a policy I fully support (I’m Canadian too) because I think it also allows the mother to collect points towards CPP (the Canadian Social Security) which is a big deal for her future financial health.
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On this: “and we would have to pay (quite a lot) to hire people to do all the things I do” – I just want to say that I’ve been a SAHM, a WAHM and a WOHM and while there are costs associated with working (commuting, some clothing) the only line in our particular budget that gets hired out is childcare. Childcare is considerable for sure.
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But – when I’m working full-time we don’t hire a gardener, a chauffeur, a cook or a housekeeper (wish we could afford the last) – my DH and I just muddle through. Our lawn may not be as immaculate but being home (as I am right now on a generous mat leave) to do it gives me personal satisfaction…but doesn’t actually save us money. I’m sure there are families where their budgets haven’t been as trimmed as ours where someone staying home does save expenses other than childcare. We use a breadmaker for bread and crockpot and meal plan and all that, so…yeah. This is one reason I don’t like the argument that it’s economically a job to stay home.
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That said, I do think having a parent at home can be a really good thing. I just get frustrated at the economic comparisons to this idealized world where when both parents work they suddenly are paying for someone to shovel the walk. Err…no. Not us anyway.
Bonnie commented on Apr 13 11 at 11:26 pm@Artemisia: “When did we decide anything important or worthwhile had to be seen through the lens of paid work to have genuine value?”. Exactly! I don’t need any comparisons to paid work to feel that motherhood is important.
And, some kids grow up to do well in life despite horrible parents. The child’s success in those cases doesn’t magically turn their parents into a success. And a parent isn’t a failure either, if their kids run into intractable problems. Besides, how would you judge my husband’s parents then? By his drug use and rebellion when he was young? Or by the way he eventually turned himself around? The first 30 years or the last 15?
Kaitlyn commented on Apr 14 11 at 11:04 amI read your blogs regularly but don’t often comment. This compelled me for one main reason. What happened to Henry was NOT YOUR FAILURE. It was not your fault.
It was horrible and heartbreaking in a way I can’t even being to understand. And you are such an amazing woman for the way you are seeking justice for him and raising your children and doing your paid jobs. Your strength amazes me constantly.
S commented on Apr 14 11 at 3:46 pmI don’t think it’s healthy for your children to hear (or read) that you believe you’re a failure as a parent. That would seem to give them permission to be ‘failures’ as well.
Manjari commented on Apr 14 11 at 9:35 pmShandra, I get your point. I wasn’t suggesting that we would outsource anything but childcare if I were working, but that I feel like I “work” and contribute a lot to our household, even though I don’t get a paycheck. I wasn’t comparing the economy of working vs. staying home. I was just answering the question by saying that parenthood is a relationship, but the household stuff feels like work.
Christine commented on Apr 15 11 at 7:44 amI am a SAHM. I really do wish that being a mother could be on your resume and that employers would understand how much work goes into it. I’ve learned so much from being a mother and I feel that I have skills I didn’t have before. I think of motherhood and homemaking as a lot of jobs rolled into one. I am a caretaker, a receptionist, a manager, and a slew of other things. I work part time now, and I will say that job is so much easier. No, I do not earn income by being a mom, but a penny saved is a penny earned (as another poster also said). Motherhood is a job/undertaking/thing that takes thought and energy.
Lauren commented on Jun 07 11 at 11:59 pmI think we’re mixing up terms here. Parenting is not a “job”…but it is “work”. With a “job” we have accountability…expectations…a sense of order… routine…assigned tasks…stability…peer-to-peer interaction. Parenting gives us none of that. But there is no doubt that the “parts” of parenting are certainly the “work” that some get paid to do in the workworld. How sad is it that I have to pay someone to change my child’s diaper, feed them, play with them, instruct them, or entertain them…when these are all tasks (work) that I am capable of doing on my own. I must say, too, that this is really about stroking the ego of the caregiver when we have to give ourself a “title” to find our esteem in the home. I confess that I wish I had parented in the 50′s…when life as a mother was easier. Caring for your child was the “norm”, not the “exception”. Mothers today who choose to stay home sacrifice in ways that working mothers do not. The stay-at-home mom sacrifices personal accomplishment, time with peers, adult conversations and adult stimulation. She chooses instead to find her reward not in the day-to-day tasks of motherhod, but in looking at her grown children…and grandchildren…and knowing that it was all worth the effort. As a grandmother now I know that I never needed to “prove” myself then like I thought I did. The world mad me think that. Reality is…I loved my children enough to believe that raising them and giving them some sort of decent start in this world was more important than anything else I could do. When I leave this world, I leave it a better place and in good hands because *I* raised my children…and not someone else. It wasn’t a job…but it was work. Yes, it was the hardest work I think I could have ever done. But IT WAS WORTH IT.
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