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Judge: Severely Disabled Mom Abbie Dorn Allowed Visits With Her Children
Abbie Dorn
A judge in California has decided that a severely disabled mom has the right to see her children.
Abbie Dorn is allowed to have five-day visits once a year for three hours each day at her parents’ home in South Carolina. Only Abbie, her triplets and their father, Dan Dorn, are allowed to be present during that time.
Judge Fredrick Shaller also ruled that Abbie may Skype with her children for 30 minutes on the first Sunday of each month in the interest of maintaining a parent/child relationship. The kids are also permitted to watch their mom receive music therapy, or their grandfather may read to them while she is in the room.
The ruling also requires Dan to display photos of Abbie in the children’s rooms at his home.
Abbie suffered severe brain damage in 2006 due to human error and equipment malfunction while giving birth to her triplets. She is unable to move or eat on her own.
Dan divorced Abbie the year following the birth of their children and had offered her parents the same annual visits that the judge granted. However, Abbie’s parents sought to have the triplets visit their mother three times a year without Dan present. The judge has decided, however, that Abbie’s mother tries to impose her belief on the children that she will recover, and unless Dan allows it, she and other extended family may not be present during their visits with Abbie.
Dan had sought to prohibit the children’s visits with Abbie until they were six or seven years old, fearing the sight of her would traumatize them too much. The triplets turn five in June. The judge rejected the delay, however, citing how Abbie had already outlived her life expectancy.
“The children need to have a relationship with their mother established before she dies,” the judge wrote in his decision. “The court finds that even though Abbie cannot interact with the children, the children can interact with Abbie — and that the interaction is beneficial for the children. They can touch her, see her, bond with her, and can carry these memories with them.”
“We’re very pleased, the judge definitely understood our decision and ruled what Mr. Dorn said was best for the children,” said Dan’s attorney to ABC News.
“We think that this is just the beginning, that their time with their mother will increase as they get older,” countered the attorney for Abbie’s parents, also to ABC News.
It’s so heartbreaking to me that it had to take a judge to tell Dan Dorn that his kids should be allowed to see their mom. Since the circumstances surrounding his decision to divorce his wife are not known to me, I can’t necessarily judge him for leaving Abbie so soon after her life changed forever while giving birth to their children.
But to say that their mother will traumatize them because of her condition? That smacks of prejudice, as if the sight of any disabled person is too horrible to bear. And if he allowed regular and consistent visits with her all along, their mother’s condition would be normal, because it would have been all that they know. If he were a good parent, he would have been explaining to them all along about their mother so there were never any surprises or “trauma.”
For the sake of the triplets, I hope they aren’t traumatized later on in life knowing how their father sought to erase their mother from their lives.
Do you agree with the judge’s ruling?
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23 Comments
Autoclave commented on Mar 27 11 at 12:12 pmI have to say, I think something else is going on here. From the info in the article and others that I’ve read, the problem isn’t so much that Dan doesn’t want the kids to see Abbie, but he doesn’t want the grandparents (Abbie’s parents) imposing their beliefs on the kids. Look at the ruling. Only Abbie, Dan, and kids are allowed together, not grandparents. Dan resisted when the grandparents tried to get the triplets to visit WITHOUT Dan. Dan’s attorney said they were pleased with the ruling as well. I really think there is more to this and it has to do with Abbie’s parents and not as much about Abbie (although stating that it would be traumatizing for the kids does smack of prejudice).
Meredith Carroll commented on Mar 27 11 at 12:18 pm@Autoclave — I hear what you’re saying (writing), but if you also see in the article, Dan tried to put off the visits until the kids were older. And while it’s unfortunate that Abbie’s mom tried telling the kids their mom is going to recover, according to some of her doctors, she has improved and continues to do so. I think if Dan had been speaking to them all along about her condition and taking them for regular visits, her mom wouldn’t have become his enemy. The reality is should never have been about Dan and his former in-laws — this is about Abbie and her kids. And he’s the parent in this situation — it was his job to fight through the outside drama and do what’s best for his kids.
Agnieszka commented on Mar 27 11 at 1:18 pm“for better and for worse”, huh? I don’t know what kind of a man leaves his wife after she suffers from what is a result of giving birth to their children.
And the judge, thinking that 30-minutes a month via skype would make a parent-child relationship? ridiculous. better than nothing but still…
Laura commented on Mar 27 11 at 1:44 pmThe only other thing I might add is that if he did not divorce her he would be financially devastated. This woman’s care probably has cost close to, if not more than, a million dollars. Nobody has insurance that will cover that type of long term care (check out your lifetime cap!!). We rely on medicaid to cover these costs- and medicaid is only available after all your funds are exhausted. You are allowed to have only $2000 in savings – everything else is taken for your health care. If they were still married he would have to be paying for her care – and that would be difficult to do when you also are paying for the care of three young children.
Her parents sound sick. They are trying to tell these babies that their mom will get better. And she will not. For every 1 miracle story (which is usually bogus) there are thousands more who never recover substantially. It is cruel to these children to give them false hope that one day their mom will be functional. I don’t think they should never be allowed to see her- but I think the Dad is really trying to protect them.
Personally – I would NEVER want my kids to see me like that. They need to grieve and move on. And I would not want them to waste all their money to pay for my tube feedings, the nurses aids to wipe my butt, and the hospital bed I will live in. I would prefer to be left to die in peace rather than live in a state like hers. Her parents are the selfish ones who can’t let go.
Prudy commented on Mar 27 11 at 1:44 pmSince we the Public are allowed to make comment’s..
Here’s mine.. Children adapt to life.. What’s tramatizing to me, is that there father divorced there mother after she need’d him most. Of course I understand that with 3 newborn’s to care for and there mother becoming instantly Disabled seem’s to much for the husband/father to bare.
The whole story is completely sad. The best theropy for any living thing~
is love. The mother could have recoverd somewhat if the babies where close to there mother. As when a child is ill the Doctor’s~ Scientist’s~ Research say Putting the baby on the MOTHER’S BODY to BOND, Can you imagine what the children think of there father when they find out he left there mother after she almost died and was disabled after giving birth~ granted it was the doctor’s/Hospital Staff’s fault. The Children will blame there father & there selves! What Beliefes are the greandparent’s? what Beliefes are the father’s? A bond between parent’s and there children are a absolute MUST. My heart goes out to the children & Mother. And the mother who may not be able to take care of her children she can’t even see them, but a few times a yr? But I sure bet she crys and has a broken heart. And ppl do die from a Broken Heart.
Meredith Carroll commented on Mar 27 11 at 1:46 pm@Laura — Abbie received a $7 million settlement for what was done to her during childbirth.
Autoclave commented on Mar 27 11 at 1:47 pm@Laura, I believe there is a settlement paying for her care, so I don’t think Dan or her parents or the government are paying for it (tho, obviously, I don’t have all the details.)
AC commented on Mar 27 11 at 1:57 pmi think the whole situation is heartbreaking & i think that no one really knows the what they’d do in a similar/same situation, nor do we know all that happened – thing is, i think everyone has the kids’ best interests in mind.. They are on opposite sides of the country; it’s going to be hard, no matter what! itz too bad both sides of the family couldn’t have stayed in touch better to keep the communication open and honest & then the kids wouldn’t have to ‘meet’ their mother & adjust via court order
Ri-chan commented on Mar 27 11 at 2:02 pmI would hope that if something similar ever happened to me, my husband wouldn’t let my child anywhere near me. He knows this, maybe the Dad and Mom had a similar understanding? I would not be me, I would not be the person he fell in love with and wanted to start a family with, better that he think of me as dead, better that I be dead. Even if she retains full control over her mind, it is still trapped in a body that cannot move, and to me that would be worse than death. And if she “had already outlived her life expectancy” and “The children need to have a relationship with their mother established before she dies,” then does that mean that she is close to dying? I can definatly see how that would be increadably traumatic for the children, letting them bond with their mother just to see her die soon after. If that’s the case, maybe the Father was just trying to put off the meeting until she died so that their children wouldn’t have to suffer that trauma? That’s what I would want…
Jennifer commented on Mar 27 11 at 2:26 pmNo settlement of money can settle what happened- she lost her family and her functional life. It is just so sad for all parties involved!!
Lorrie Eubanks commented on Mar 27 11 at 2:31 pmThis is really hard. When I first read it I was outraged over the father. I mean this happened during childbirth, and I do believe the children do have a right to see her. I’m trying to put myself in the childrens shoes. I think I would be hurt if I knew my father deliberately kept me from seeing my mother because of her condition. If they had seen her from the beginning they would not be scared or anything like that because it would have been normal to them. Kids are very resilient and can handle much more than most adults give them credit for. Nor do I agree with keeping someone on life support in a situation like that. But that is my opinion and not everyone has the same one. I mean it does seem like he just ran out on her. I would be pretty upset (from up above) if my husband divorced me that quick, jezze giving birth to his children, this happening, and see ya later? what kind of relationship did they have in the first place. Now don’t get me wrong I could understand it after some time had passed but com’on. They should absolutely have pictures of the mother in their rooms. It’s like the father is pretending she never existed and I don’t see how that could be good for the kids. I would not want my kids to have to see me like that for a long period of time, but I also would not want them to have never seen me. it is a tragic situation, but since it is what it is I feel the judge is right. (however the skype, that’s just stupid, I don’t get it so they can just watch her lying there?)
Hanna commented on Mar 27 11 at 2:32 pmThis is so unbelievably sad. Most people do not know how difficult it is to raise triplets, let alone, triplets born in the midst of this tragedy the mother suffered. To say that Dan Dorn has his hands full is an understatement. Abby Dorn is lucky to have parents to care for her and attend to her needs 24/7. I do believe she should be allowed to see and bond with her children and that it would be less of a trauma while young than waiting. However, I also wonder how this father is coping to raise three children on his own? The main concern is for the children and what is best for them. I agree with the judges decision.
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trista commented on Mar 27 11 at 3:17 pmI sorry, but this lady didnt ask for this to happen! It was an error on whos part? The doctor? Not her fault! Why shouldnt she get to see her kids, they will suffer more from not having contact with their mother! There are disabled people everywhere in the world, and people take even the most sever to WalMart to shop, and they have the public eye on them!! Why not allow that mom to have that human contact with her children, no one would want to be denied that no matter what! How sad that her own husband didnt man up and try to help take care of her!! She may have something to teach those kids that no one else can and deserves to have a chance! I dont agree that she should have only a few visits here and there I think those kids should see their mom when they desire to!
Susan Baxter commented on Mar 27 11 at 3:21 pmI’m sure the money awarded to these kids has nothing to do with how controlling daddy dearest is,does it?! Hopefully someone is overseeing how he manages it!! Divorcing the mother so soon after her trauma shows this guy is lower than pond scum!!!!
Keri commented on Mar 27 11 at 4:31 pmI cannot understand how in the world this father lives with himself! I’m trying to see both sides here but I just cannot fathom why this man divorced his wife when she needed him most. These children may not be able to hear their mother talk with them and she may not be able to take care of them, however there is a strong primitive maternal and child bond that will always hold our children to us. These children have the right to know who their mother is, who she was in her life before this tragedy, and how much she obviously wanted and loved her kids.
I agree with a prior post that possibly the grandparents have something to do with the father divorcing the mother and moving the children away. I would think though, that the man’s love for his wife didn’t die the day the children were born, and divorcing her may have been the only way to protect the children from them? Wish we had more details so we wouldn’t be so quick to loathe this father for leaving his wife during a tragic time:(
Sylvia commented on Mar 27 11 at 5:23 pmher children have the right to see her …that dad is just shady probly being selfish ….
that’s all i have to say
April commented on Mar 27 11 at 5:24 pmI am more judgemental and angered about him divorcing her right after this awful thing happened to her. What a monster! Would he want her to divorce him if something like this had happened to him instead? Probably not. Its sick. Your marriage vows say “Through sickness and health, till death do us part.” He has spit in the face of his marriage vows.
How awful that she only tried to give life to her children and that is pretty much ended her life. This pulls at my heart strings especially because when I had my twins we knew it was dangerous for me and there was a chance I could have died or had something awful happen to me. It would make me sick to think my husband would just drop me like it was nothing. Gross.
I am not sure though if the Dad does not have a point about this could be disturbing for the children. Since their mother was always this way, that might make it easier for them to deal with. So it might be okay for them to kiss her and hug her and talk to her. But it is still very hard for children to understand things like this.
If the mother was herself for several years and then suddenly became like this, I would think it might be better for them not to see her as they will just not understand why she no longer will talk to them or play with them and it would cause serious mental trauma maybe much worse than if she just actually died.
I don’t think I would want my little ones to see me if I suddenly became like this. I would rather they remember me as I was when I could laugh and smile and talk to them, not like this. But if I was always this way, I would expect my husband to stay with me for one thing and I would expect them to be able to grow being allowed to visit me if they handled it okay.
April commented on Mar 27 11 at 7:22 pmWhat a terrible story! I grew up with an older brother who had sever cerebral palsy. Rather than being a “traumatizing” experience, I feel that this experience allowed me to be more accepting and open to those who are not “normal.” What decent father would want to keep his kids away from their mother regardless of her physical abilities? Such a shame!
Rebecca C commented on Mar 27 11 at 7:29 pm“I have to say, I think something else is going on here. From the info in the article and others that I’ve read, the problem isn’t so much that Dan doesn’t want the kids to see Abbie, but he doesn’t want the grandparents (Abbie’s parents) imposing their beliefs on the kids.”
This is exactly what I was scrolling down too say. When this article first came out I was outraged that the father would do this to his ex-wife and children, and while I still believe it is wrong, I totally think there is more going on than is being reported.
Yes, it is possible she will recover. No, it isn’t helpful to the kids if the grandparents spend all their time with the kids absolutely insisting that she will definitely get better (not saying that is happening, but I wouldn’t exactly be surprised). For example, what if the grandparents say something like “if you pray hard enough, she will get better”, implying that it is the kids’ fault that she isn’t getting better because they aren’t praying enough/being good enough (even if they don’t mean to imply that). That would be pretty traumatizing.
On the other hand, maybe the father really is a jerk. Don’t know.
shannon holcomb commented on Mar 28 11 at 6:14 amoh this is sooo sad. i have 4 kids and i do not know what i would want my husband to do it that situation.
since i dont know the whole story i’m not going to judge… but i would want my kids to remember be always.
Paige Anderson commented on Mar 29 11 at 11:56 pmWOW, what a dichotomy of views here from those completely unable to understand a man’s desire to protect his children, from his witch of a mother-in-law out to control everything, to those can can emphasize (aren’t you a parent too?) a man left on his own with three babies in the midst of a tragedy. Luckily, he had tons of friends and family, from what I’ve heard who have supported him and helped him. Susan Cohen, Dan’s mother-in-law was suing him for FOUR weeks with his children, essentiall CUSTODY, not visitation. Visition he was, and is fine with- he recently went to South Carolina on his own accord to show in good faith that he is willing to make the trip to his BRAIN-DEAD ex-wife. I have to laugh every time I read someone said, “In sickness and in health”. Those people would want to be married to a rock, UNABLE to communicate, interact in ANY way (even the judge recognized this.) No eye contact, no ability to follow directions. You can’t compare a BRAIN-DEAD person to a disabled person with Cerebal Palsy or ANY kind of disorder. HER BRAIN IS GONE, FRIED! I would NEVER want my children to see me like this. My husband and I agree and have written a health will to have the plug pulled if we were every like this.
Hooray for Dan Dorn! Finally he wins and gets justice after being attacked by his in-laws and villified in the media regardless of the facts. The Cohens wanted and sued for FOUR weeks WITHOUT Dan Dorn, the father, the sole parent which is for custody of his children, not visitation while Dan Dorn offered to visit his brain-dead ex-wife at least once a year. Other more balanced articles discuss how Dan Dorn has complete control over the visits: when to go, who can be in the room! I also read that Susan Cohen, the witch, is not even allowed on the monthly skype calls! Yeah to Dan Dorn- the Father of the Year! How many men do you know who can bring up three children on their own to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted? Hats off to Dan!
Meredith Carroll commented on Mar 30 11 at 12:50 am@Paige — I hardly think Dan is the first person to dislike a controlling in-law. But this isn’t about him or her — it’s about his kids seeing their mother. A parent with his kids’ best interest in mind will set aside the personal drama and do what’s best for his kids. But because he didn’t, a judge did, thankfully. I also can’t say I blame the grandparents for asking for visitation without the man who divorced their daughter after she became paralyzed giving birth to their kids.
kris commented on Mar 10 12 at 1:47 pmThese are her children and she was not like this before she gave birth. Blame the doctors, not her. Also, her ex-husband is a douche bag. What a horrible example of a father.
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