I may be lambasted for my opinion, but I would prefer not to see you breastfeeding a four year old. There is no reason on earth that a child of that age needs a bottle or a breastfeeding, and it sounds like you were avoiding dealing with inappropriate behavior (fussing/whining/tantrums) instead of doing the tough job of applying appropriate consequences when you decided to offer up the breast.

If a child is thirsty, give them a drink, and at four that means a drink from a cup for heaven’s sake. If a child is acting out in a restaurant, they get to be removed from the restaurant till they can act appropriately.

This is one of the reasons I love living in Europe… I breastfeed in public at least once per day and nobody bats an eye. Actually I even breastfeed during some of my classes (i teach english privately and bring my daughter along) and nobody, not even adolecent boys, cares one bit.

I plan on breastfeeding until one of us decides to stop whether that be 12 months or 3 years. I doubt anybody would care here about how old my kid is when she´s breastfeeding just as long as she´s respectful.

It still amazes me, even now as my youngest nursling just got married and celebrated her 21st birthday (OMGosh I feel old!) and I have dusted off my old LLL Leader hat to support my step-daughters in nursing their babes, that the sight of a nursing child makes people “uncomfortable” or that people think it is wrong for a baby or young child to have constant access to mom. Go into any store where baby stuff is sold, and behold the endless display of contraptions and gizmos that create distance between mom and babe – baby seats and carriers, swings, cradles, cribs. There is even a car seat that can be placed in a stroller, or in a swing … with a bottle propped up and a pacifier at hand, baby need not be touched by human hands except at diaper or bath time! If the gadget could be made to handle those tasks with minimal parental involvement, I’m sure they would fly off the shelves as well.

As a society, we have forgotten how important it is that children have close, loving contact with their parents as THEY need it, and that includes nursing until they are ready to give it up. There is nothing shameful or wrong with nursing a 2, 3, 4 or even older child. If someone has a problem with it, the problem is all theirs.

I personally would be uncomfortable breastfeeding after 2 in public, but I wouldn’t tell anyone else not too. That’s just my own preference. After two I think I would just breast feed at home, but I’m not there yet so I guess I’m not sure. My first I breast fed only til 8 months. I wish now it would have been longer. My second is 8 months and we are still goin strong:) Definetly a breastfeeding advocate!:)

Sorry, this creeps me out. If they can unhook your bra, they are waaaay too old to be breastfeeding.

I am still breastfeeding my 12 month old & although I plan to breastfeed him for a while longer, we stopped nursing in public around 8 months old. There’s no need for it. He is perfectly happy with a cracker or sippy cup if he is hungry/thirsty & there is no other reason for him to nurse. If he was tossing a fit in a restaurant, I would do what all other responsible parents do: talk to him in the restaurant & if he continues, take him outside & calm him down. 3 & 4 year old children need structure & discipline when they act out…not a boob in the mouth. THAT is why I care. However, I don’t believe that the government should be involved with this sort of thing, so yes, the Sen was an idiot for trying to put an age limit on it.
I don’t think there should be a law against it & I applaud you for being forward thinking (especially when it comes to our rights), but I wish you’d make more of an effort to teach your kids what is appropriate & acceptable in public & what is JUST FOR HOME.

Aaaah, the breastfeeding debate. I can’t get worked up about what other people choose to do. I breastfed both my kids until they self-weaned right around one year old. I bf’ed anywhere and everywhere with no problems. Of course, if people were staring or commenting, I didn’t notice or care. And I wouldn’t notice or care when or where moms were breastfeeding now. I’m too busy with my own kids. :)

It is a personal decision but I think it is a little late to be doing it at 3-4 years old. If they can ask for boob then they are too old to be doing it. 2 years old would be tops for me.

Good for you Katie! I nursed my daughter until she was 26 mo old.It’s your child, your body. If people don’t like it they should not look. What’s next? We outlaw facial piercings because some people don’t like to look at them??

And – to “Tipahnie”, I am curious, did you breastfeed? Breastfeeding provides reassurance and comfort that a bottle or cup cannot.

I breastfed my daughter for 14 months – she weaned herself by pushing it away one day and never wanted it again, even though I tried to get her back on the boob! I breastfed everywhere, usually under a hooter hider because I’m fairly modest. Nursed/pumped at work meetings, shopping, parks, the car, etc. I ALWAYS got weird looks from people, some uncomfortable, some curious, some disgusted, and then the occasional perv trying to sneak a peak, which was the most annoying to me – those are for my daughter’s meal, not yours, sicko. To me, I could never nurse a 3 or 4 year old, it would be just too weird. I just don’t think a child should be able to remember sucking on their mom’s breast… 2 would probably be my age limit. But I’m only speaking for myself and my family – don’t really care what other mothers do!

This is probably the only subject I disagree with you on. Breastfeeding in public isn’t my issue……breast feeding a toddler that is old enough to go to preschool is beyond my comprehention…….Other than that I still love you and your blogs and believe if it worked for you fine!

I don’t think it is anybody’s business if a woman wants to nurse her older child in public. That said, in my experience it is rare for a four-year-old to need to be nursed in public. By then they are too busy and nursing is something for naps, bedtime, and comforting. With my first child I stopped nursing in public at six months! I’m pretty sure #4 and #5 were probably nursed in public until two or so, and at home or around family until self-weaning somewhere after they were four. I didn’t feel comfortable nursing them in public when they were that big, although if they really needed it (got hurt, for example) I would have.

I am pro breastfeeding all the way! I bf all my kids and so glad I did. However, I NEVER breastfed in public. I knew it made people uncomfortable and I wasn’t going to do that. If we were out and about, I would nurse in a private room or go back to the car!

A four-year-old? My opinion is that they don’t need to be nursing anyway and it would make many feel uncomfortable in public including me.

If my breastfeeding my child at any age makes someone uncomfortable, they are free to go sit in a bathroom stall or to throw a blanket over their own head.

I find it interesting that people always center themselves in this discussion. “I don’t like it because it makes me uncomfortable.” If a child of 2, 3 or 4 is willing to snuggle in and nurse in public, at an age when their interest is always all over the place, their attention spans roughly the length of a TV commercial, then imagine how uncomfortable that child feels in their surroundings, and the comfort they’re both needing and finding at the most natural place in the world for it.

I believe to each her own. I bf only 12 weeks and it was a horrible experience, but the closest I ever came to nursing my child in public was at my ob checkup just after she was born. It was awkward because I was feeding my baby (covered), and the doctor came in and actually looked uncomfortable. Maybe it just surprised him.

As for being offended by a mother nursing in public, I have seen it so rarely, that mothers must be doing an excellent job at being discreet. On the rare occasion I have realized that a baby is nursing, I have never felt uncomfortable or bothered by it. Not even curious. Now if the child can stand eye-level with the booby, I admit, I would probably stare, but just out of curiosity! Does anyone else remember seeing awhile back a story about a nine year old in Great Britain who still nursed. Now that was weird, but who am I to judge!

I feel so grateful that my mother breastfed all of us for years! She set such a wonderful example to all of us that it is natural, possible even in the face of general societal disapproval and negative medical advice, and a wonderful way to nurture children, body and soul. It also helps that we got to live in a lot of cultures where this was the norm, so I gained a different perspective on the matter.

Cultural conditioning is a powerful thing – I can understand and sympathize with the deep-seated feelings of discomfort some people express. Anything that is new and unfamiliar can be very hard to adjust to – especially in the abstract! – whether it’s being around same-sex couples, or nursing a preschooler, or differing levels of personal space (this varies a lot by culture).

But I’ve also observed that people can very quickly become accustomed to and comfortable with new cultural norms. It just takes time and exposure! A friend of mine managed to quickly desensitize her squeamish in-laws to infant breastfeeding and I know I changed the attitudes of some of my friends (my own daughter nursed until age 4.5)! However, we stopped nursing in public (i.e. among strangers who might make rude or negative comments) around the point where my concern that my daughter might absorb feelings of shame or negativity outweighed the advantages of public nursing. I honestly cannot remember about what age that was – probably 2 ish!

We’re living in a society in which there is no real consensus on childrearing – this diversity is a great gift and it also comes with enormous challenges. Katie, I’m so glad that you are talking about this subject. I think that for many people just knowing that someone they like and respect has these views will plant a seed that will, perhaps, eventually grow into acceptance. This is true for so many topics. Bravo!

Well, I didn’t breastfeed (and for the record, I regret not doing so) but there is no reason for this to be up for any type of Government discussions. What a waste of tax dollars, in my opinion. I honestly think I would be more bothered by a 4 year old with a bottle, than a four year old cuddled up next to their mama discreetly eating.

PS…quick question, does your discomfort change when you see people of different cultures nursing in public?

Jennifer, no flaming necessary. I have no problem if you want to wear a lightweight drape while you eat. How wonderful of you to offer! Now, no one will have to be uncomfortable!

I was raised to not stare. Advert your eyes! Look away! Mind your business!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding Look under Global Practices. It says the average age of weaning world wide is 4 years old! Average people!

I breastfed my first, many many times in all sorts of public places until 18 months. I had to use formula for my second child. I got far more ‘looks’ when I pulled out and shook up a bottle than I ever did nursing. My memories of public interactions around nursing were almost entirely older women offering smiles, words of support and encouragement.

And in my Northwest town now, you can find 2-3 year-olds nursing in public all the time – the library, parks, etc. I don’t ever get the sense that they’re a spectacle.

Gah. Babies can “ask for the boob” before the age of one. That is such a ridiculous milestone.

The WHO recommends breastfeeding until at least 2 or beyond. And most of the pediatricians I’ve heard generally support bf from 1 year – whenever mom and baby want to stop. Among other things, the breastmilk changes as your child grows, so it’s still providing good stuff.

Katie, I’m with you and don’t understand why on earth someone else would care. And if they do, just don’t look? I know it makes people uncomfortable, but not for any health related reason so I’m a lot more concerned with my child’s well-being than a stranger’s discomfort.

It’s so interesting that folks think the ability to “ask” to nurse is an indication that they are too old to nurse. Newborns “ask” to nurse; they do it by rooting (feeling around with their head for mom’s nipple) and sucking on their hands. They just don’t use words. My theory is that many folks don’t consider a baby a person until that baby can use words. I really appreciate that most of the comments here, regardless of whether the writer would or would not nurse an older nursling in public, are pretty nonjudgmental about what works for others. Honestly, there is probably a lot more nursing in public than people realize because moms respond promptly to their children’s needs, it happens quickly and we’re all busy leading our lives and not minding everyone’s business.

this is only ‘abnormal’ in the USA. Just goes to show how cold we are as a nation

Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about this. Although I weaned my daughter at 1 year (I just wasn’t making enough for her, she quit on her own) I did kind of stop bf in public around 10 months for that very reason. “Ooh! a squirrel!” *POP* Yeah, I am not that modest, honestly, but when my entire breast is exposed because my kid is so distracted, its time to stay private.

I don’t think I would ever bf that old. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with it. I also am a full-time working mom and would probably run out of milk long before 4 anyway. I loved breastfeeding though and I don’t believe in judging other people.

If its good for you, I don’t care. Its not like a 4 yo is sexualizing your breast. And I really don’t get the whole public indecency thing. I never have and never will. My perception of being topless in public changes completely when I’m nursing. I told a male friend once who was talking to me while I was nursing and offered to go away, “If it bothers you, go ahead, but these stopped being for sex the second she was born. Right now they’re more like a soda fountain.”

oh, and to all those people who act like Europe is so wonderfully liberated about BFing (extended or otherwise), “Europe” is a big place, and in fact, in some European countries women don’t breastfeed very long at all…the only place I was EVER hassled about BFing in public was in France (in a secular museum)…and, also in France, I had my 1 yo in an Ergo and was in line at a grocery and an older woman didn’t hassle me, but she asked if the baby was nursing (she was) and she smiled and acted like it was so very quaint…

breastfed my first for 19 months when he self-weaned. still breastfeeding my second who is 12 months today. in public, nursed first child until he weaned, and the second until about 6-7 months, but only because she’s not interested and would prefer watching the world or sitting in my lap drinking water and eating solid food. you are the parent and as long as you are not harming your children, you should be making decisions without legislator intervention. i’m all for nursing older children and agree that people who don’t want to see should simply look away.

I am perfectly fine with it. Maybe if more people breastfed older children in public, it wouldn’t be such a taboo. As far as the legislation, I do think that it’s important to have laws that protect mothers who breastfeed in public. I would be more comfortable with there not being an age range at all.

For me this is not really about BFing at all, but that it was used instead of actual discipline. People should be able to BF as they see fit and at any age. But that is SO NOT the issue. If your 4-year-old is being super-disruptive in a restaurant, the right response is to leave the restaurant or use some other age-appropriate discipline, because a 4-y-o is at an age where s/he is learning how to behave in public. If instead you whip out the boob (or a cracker, or a toy, or whatever) you send the message that they can behave however they want and inconvenience others at will, and you will just accommodate them.
By the way, ITA with Gretchen. France is not very liberated when it comes to BFing.

@Annika, it’s an interesting theory, and while that may be the source of your discomfort, I sincerely don’t believe it’s at all universal. I believe that Americans, in general, are very uncomfortable with the idea of breasts being used to nourish even newborn babies, so the older the child is, the more people are squicked out because they don’t understand on any meaningful level that breastfeeding is not sexual. I think it’s an erroneous view that can only be overcome by completely normalizing breastfeeding by doing it openly and frequently. Whether you wish to believe it or not, there are loads of benefits to extended breastfeeding for both mother and child. If you’re interested, do a quick google search. I find that very concept that really young children need to “deal with the world” without a mother’s comfort (in whatever form that might take) to be absurd to the point of stupidity. Secure attachment in young children is the very thing that allows for independence when it’s developmentally appropriate. Just because Americans tend to be somewhat obsessed with early “independence” (Get that baby in his own crib all night long! Don’t let her rely on the breast for comfort! Suck it up and head off the daycare at 6 week old!) doesn’t mean that’s the correct or natural way to do things.

I’m so tired of people waving the average worldwide age for breastfeeding stat around. It’s because in a large number of countries, it’s the best/only source of nutrition for those kids and keeps them ALIVE. So not the case here.

I breastfed both kids and in public when necessary, just for the record, and don’t think it’s any of the government’s business who does it and where and at what age(can they just fix our schools, please?).

That said, breastfeeding a 3 or 4 year old? Tell yourself what you want, but it’s kind of creepy. And when the majority of society gets icked out by something that’s so widely supported as a general practice at the “right” age, maybe
there’s good reason.

You know, it makes me uncomfortable when I see 3/4 year olds in public sucking on bottles or pacifiers. Tell yourself whatever you want, but sucking on a plastic nipple substitute is kind of creepy. Once they are old enough to unzip the diaper bag and get it themselves, I think its time to stop. I also don’t want my children seeing that type of behavior and thinking its normal. Can’t you just give them a cup or a cracker?
Seriously, I have no problem with mothers nursing children of any age anywhere they happen to be. If the government wants to regulate who can eat what, where and at what age, they should start with the folks who feed their toddlers McD’s. And, to the folks that think this is a discipline issue, there are many methods of discipline and many schools of thought on what “discipline” means. Some folks choose to go with “teach” and not “punish”.

I don’t have much new to add, but wanted to lend Katie the support of another mom who nursed her toddlers in public as well as at home.

And yeah, I’m pretty offended at being called creepy for nursing a 3 year old (Anne’s quote: “Tell yourself what you want, but it’s kind of creepy.”). Way to be judgmental of others’ choices, folks.

You’d like my kids, I assure you.

I’m pretty libertarian on most things and certainly support the right of the author to breasfeed her 4 year old in public, but personally, I find it strange. I would never complain about it or ask that it stop, but honestly, I would do a double-take and then talk about what I saw in the car on the way home, as would most people who saw what was going on, I’d imagine.