Meh. I guess I’m the odd man out. I miscarried twice and while I grieved- it was for the loss of the dream I had for that pregnancy. And really? With each one, the subsequent pregnancy certainly did finish the healing! Now losing our eldest at 6 years old- that left a hole.
While I can certainly understand how miscarriage affects some- maybe most, woman in the manner described above, it certainly doesn’t apply to all.

Though I believe every pregnancy loss is the loss of a child, I think the level of trauma can vary a great deal. I think a miscarriage after years of infertility can carry a heavier toll. I think miscarriage after previous loss can carry a heavier toll. I think an ectopic pregnancy, with emergency decisions about ending the pregnancy to save the mother, can carry a heavier toll. And I have experienced that loss further along in a pregnancy, whether it is a 2nd trimester miscarriage, a stillborn child, or an early infant death, all can carry a much heavier burden than an earlier miscarriage. Do I grieve the loss of my baby at 6 weeks gestation? Yes, but it does in no way compare to the pain I feel over the babies I lost after carrying them for over 5 months. They were all my children, and they all deserve to be grieved, but the level of trauma and pain is different.

For me, the hospital experience with the ectopic made things much worse. I was sent the emergency room at a Catholic hospital to get methotrexate by my doctor. The OB resident in the ER was ready to give it to me when the head ER doctor stopped her, and in fornt of me and my husband, said it would be like an abortion since the ectopic was indicated in my blood levels and my heavy bleeding and not big enough yet to see on an ultrasound. After hours of going back and forth, I was eventually sent away and for my troubles, my insurance co. was billed $1,500 bcause I took up an ER bed. (They fought it and never had to pay, though.) My miscarriage was 6 months later at 5 weeks along. Amazingly enough, I got pregnant with my now 8 month old son only 2 weeks after my miscarriage when my bc failed. When I never got my period and had a positve pregnancy test, I was worried that I would have to have a D&C beacuse I didn’t miscarriage fully. When I found out I was actually pregnant for real, I didn’t tell anyone but my husband for months, because I didn’t want to deal with having to tell anyone (again) if I had lost the pregnancy. Maybe other people would have had not as much of a problem dealing with all of this, but for me, it was a lot to handle in a very short time span.

we lost our first child at 14 weeks..it was the worst time of my life.. I was extremely depressed. I couldnt look at anyone prego or even children.. Three years later I have a beautiful baby girl whos 8 months old.. Til this day I still cry about it as if it were yesterday.. There is no worst feeling then to lose a child.. I was talking to a friend of my mothers who had lost a child years back at 3 months.. He was a healthy child at birth and he died from SIDS.. she told me she didnt know what was worst, to give birth to a child and to see their face, hear their laugh, hold them.. Or to have a miscarriage and never get to experience those things with your child.. The grief never goes away. We just have to wait patiently until we can see our little ones again.. R.I.P Baby Arevalo.. Mommy Daddy and Lily loves
and mImiss you :,(