Charlie Sheen

Oh. My. God.  What is my mother gonna do???  Her favorite television show, Two and Half Men, has been shut down thanks to a bizarre and anti-Semitic rant from Charlie Sheen in which he referred to the show’s creator, Chuck Lorre as “Chaim Levine.”  (Ugh.)  Lorre has been more than patient with Sheen as he dealt with his drinking and drug problems over the years, but CBS has finally had enough and decided to halt production on the show for good.  Poor John Cryer.  My heart goes out to the rest of the cast, who have to suffer because of a toothless megalomaniac.

So what exactly did Sheen say?

According to TMZ, Sheen contacted them from the Bahamas (where he’s “recovering?”) to say: “I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre).  He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a p**sy punk that I’d never want to be like.  That’s me being polite.”

He added, “All these guys told me to ‘clean it up.’  Well this is me cleaning it the f**k up.  That piece of s**t [Lorre] took money out of my pocket, my family’s pocket, and, most importantly, my second family – my crew’s pocket.  You can tell him [Lorre] one thing.  I own him.”

Ouch.  Lorre fired back in a very nonchalant way, using the slate at the end of last night’s episode to say, “If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.”  (Update: Apparently TMZ was wrong.  According to The Hollywood Reporter, that “vanity card” was from earlier in the month.  Last night Lorre showed a picture of his knuckle.  The one on his middle finger, I wonder?)  Sheen responded with an open letter to Lorre, which he gave to TMZ, saying:

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me.  I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon.  Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.  I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

I think the world wants to know one thing, Charlie: what is your octagon, and why have you hid it from us for so long?  Also, are you sure your fans are going to stand with you if you continue to be a douchenozzle?  You have to remember, Charlie, my mother just found out you were a boozer.  I don’t think she’s gonna like this!

Two and a Half Men has been a TV staple in households across the country for years, despite the fact that it’s not really a kid-friendly show.  My mother likes to watch it with my daughter from time to time, which always made me a bit uncomfortable, but you know, you have to give Grandparents a little leeway, I suppose.  I just don’t know what my mother is going to talk about now…

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