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Is Dr. Phil Dispensing Homophobic Advice on Child-Rearing?
Dr. Phil seems to be causing quite a bit of controversy lately.
A mother named Robby wrote to Dr. Phil worried about her 5-year-old son’s love of Barbie dolls and clothing for girls. (There’s some irony in a woman with a man’s name asking about gender-appropriate toys, don’t you think?) Dr. Phil responded via his website that her son’s behavior is “not unusual,” nor is it “a precursor to your son being gay.”
He then recommends that Robby direct her son “in an unconfusing way.” He says, “Don’t buy him Barbie dolls or girl’s clothes. You don’t want to do things that seem to support the confusion at this stage of the game. Take the girl things away, and buy him boy toys.”
Ugh. ”Boy toys.” Just the sound of that makes me shiver. The folks at Queerty and The Frisky suggest that Dr. Phil is trying to prevent the boy in question from growing up to be gay by advising his mother to give him “gender-appropriate” toys. The Frisky’s Jessica Wakeman thinks Dr. Phil is “delusional if he thinks parents can influence their child’s sexuality one way or the other.” I appreciate the sentiment wholeheartedly, but it looks like Dr. Phil isn’t trying to sway the boy’s eventual sexual orientation either way. In his response, the talk show host says Robby’s son will know if he’s gay “in time.”
Additionally, in another advice column, Dr. Phil responds to a mother concerned that her 22-year-old daughter may be rebelling by leading a “lesbian lifestyle” with the fact that “Homosexuality is not a learned behavior.” He tells her, “A sexual orientation is inherited; you are wired that way” and suggests this mother should support her daughter without judgement. So it seems that Dr. Phil is no homophobe. He does make it clear, however, that blurring gender roles makes him uncomfortable.
It might be interesting to see a sit down conversation between Dr. Phil and Cheryl Kilodavis, mother of the young man we’ve come to know as “Princess Boy.” I wonder what she’d have to say about Dr. Phil’s guns-for-boys and Barbies-for-girls advice. I concur with Wakeman, who writes, “the constructions of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ exist, but I think…. the problem, fundamentally, is this idea that ‘girl toys’ and ‘boy toys’ exist.” It’s so disheartening to walk through the toy aisles of any major big-box retailer and see the bevy of pink-for-girls, camo-for-boys displays. (At least those seem to be the trends with toys as I’ve noticed them lately. Occasionally you’ll see pink camouflage on girls items – you know, so your tiny lady and her dolls/sports gear will blend in at a South Florida nightclub.)
And yet, I fall prey to gender-based marketing all the time. My daughter enjoys all manifestations of Princess culture, and many of her clothes are pink and purple. I make it a point to buy her blue and green clothing as well, and to offer her toys that boys might traditionally prefer, like stickerbooks about pirates and Matchbox cars. By giving her an array of choices, she’s free to indulge in girlie stuff – which she does – and “boy toys” as well. I’ve observed that pre-schoolers do like to play with gender-specific toys (even without being prompted to do so), but they’re often just as comfortable with non-traditional play. In my daughter’s class, it’s not uncommon to see boys and girls playing with the toy kitchen (a “girl” toy?) and cars/trucks (boy toys?), though you won’t as often see boys playing with Barbies or girls playing with guns. In fact, my daughter said to me the other day, “I don’t like guns. Guns are for boys.” Rather than go near the gender reference, I simply responded, “Yeah. I don’t like guns, either.” I mean, what girl does? Oh, right.
Sources: Queerty
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Tweets that mention Is Dr. Phil Dispensing Homophobic Advice on Child-Rearing? | Strollerderby -- Topsy.com commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:22 pmdaphne commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:04 pmboy toys, not a good phrase
Jenny Ondioline commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:15 pmIt’s good to see that Dr. Phil isn’t a homophobe, but his advice to the parents of kids who like “gender-inappropriate” toys is whack.
carolyncastiglia commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:17 pmAgreed!
Hope commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:25 pmHomosexuality is mental/emotional disorder…he should be advising the child get professional help.
carolyncastiglia commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:33 pmUmmmmmm…. are you for real? And do you have kids?
Gretchen Powers commented on Feb 07 11 at 1:56 pmWhat about bisexuals? I think all folks have the potential to be bisexual, actually, some just focus on one rather than the other. Sexuality is fluid…and is nobody’s business except the consenting adults involved in it. If the kid is going to be gay, taking his Barbies away and giving him trucks will only help make him butch, these are all outer style trappings that have nothing to do with who somebody is. Geesh, Dr. Phil…so mainstream!
Kikiriki commented on Feb 07 11 at 2:24 pmI would think that taking a kid’s Barbies and dress-up clothes away from him OR her for whatever reason is ridiculous, no matter whether the kid is a boy or a girl. This always makes me so darn mad. Why is it that girls can play with “boy toys” but boys can’t play with “girl toys?” Why can girls wear jeans and sneakers but boys can’t wear dresses or skirts? Why can girls hold hands and hug their friends but boys can’t? Why shouldn’t boys be allowed to do all of these things without it being a big deal in any regard? Come on! Anyone who is afraid that a Barbie doll, or a dress, or god forbid lipstick and nail polish is going to turn a boy “gay” or make him effeminate is not comfortable with who they are. In fact, I’ll venture that boys who choose to do these things have a better chance of growing up to be strong men, fully comfortable in their own sexuality and their own maleness than someone who wants to but succumbs to peer or parental pressure.
the original Sarah commented on Feb 07 11 at 4:24 pmWow, is Hope for real? If so, sad. I’m also thinking that she’s not going to find much parenting advice she agrees with on Babble and Strollerderby.
aalina387 commented on Feb 08 11 at 2:39 amHomosexuality is mental disorder.I think you should focus on one rather than others.
carolyncastiglia commented on Feb 08 11 at 12:10 pmI guess this post got linked on some weirdo right wing board or something.
Marj commented on Feb 08 11 at 12:40 pmHomosexuality is still considered a mental disorder by Scientologists, because Scientology is based on early pyschology texts. Originally the denouncing of psychology was started because it competed with scientology for the same consumers.
carolyncastiglia commented on Feb 08 11 at 12:44 pmHa! I knew John Travolta read Babble.
Kayla commented on Feb 08 11 at 3:11 pmMaybe he’s not a homophobe, but he does sorta come across as a transphobe. For transsexual children, being treated like he suggests is tantamount to child abuse and will leave psychological scars. A recent study showed that 41% of American transsexual people have attempted suicide in their life, and people like Dr. Phil aren’t helping that.
Jonathan Seydel commented on Feb 09 11 at 3:05 pmSo I am who I am by choice? Or is he blaming my parents? Either way, and probably th ways, I am throughly disgusted and ANGRY at someone like him using his celebrity to dispense anti-gay rhetoric. It insults gay people AND it gives a passive approval for more damaging anti gay rhetoric. And I am insulted that he puts the blame on my parents! Absolutely ludicrous! He most definitely IS a homophobe, and worse yet, he’s a homophobe with celebrity power and an audience.
Lydia commented on Feb 14 11 at 11:43 amI’m a girl, and I like guns. So does my mother and my sister. We’re out there, and we’re not all Sarah Palin.
oh please commented on Feb 15 11 at 10:03 amBOY PLAYS WITH DOLL; APOCALYPSE FOLLOWS
Why is Phil so paranoid about simple play? And foisting sexual meaning onto it? It’s weird, and kinda pathological. As long as the kid understands that he’s at risk of social ridicule because of very confused and afraid people, then you’ve done all that you can do to properly prepare them for what’s to come. Let the kid play. Uhg. Dr. Phil’s advice is the sort of thing that perpetuates the insanity that just got a six-year-old stabbed in the neck for wearing pink, or that 18-month-old killed for being to effeminate (and I don’t even know how an 18-month-old acts like anything, tbh).
D commented on Mar 12 11 at 11:19 pmYou can turn gay because of experiences. I did, and I’ve read about a lot of women who say they became lesbians or even chose to be lesbians because of sexual abuse.
Mamaof2boys commented on Jun 07 11 at 11:49 pmI’m not a Dr. Phil fan. He starts with okay advice/commentary (like that a boy playing with dolls and clothing for girls is “not unusual,” nor is it “a precursor to your son being gay.”) then veers into the crazy (all that bs about not adding to the confusion). How is the kid confused???? He’s not confused. He’s playing with things he likes! He’s not placing a judgment on himself for playing with them. At least not yet.
Dr. Phil should have told the mom to just to talk to her son to find out his likes, dislikes, his view of the world, etc. She might find out he likes dolls and girl clothes because he likes the way they look, feel, the colors in them, maybe he wants to be like his mom or sister, may he likes putting together outfits, maybe he wants to be a girl, etc. This may be just a phase or it may be things that he’ll be interested in for the rest of his life. Who knows? The point is to get to know your kid and to develop a relationship where he feels completely accepted by you. That way as he grows up and has problems and worries he’ll feel like he can come to you and you’ll accept him as he is. (whatever/however that happens to be) Otherwise you’ll have a distance between you and your kid and they’ll always have to hide a part of themselves.
We all have our gender biases, but I know I don’t want to pass along the biases I’ve learned. I think it’s okay to recognize that you’re not comfortable with something and maybe that way you can discover why you feel like that. It really only in having kids of my own that I recognized my own and didn’t like some of them. So I changed my views. I’m not perfect, I just try hard to teach my kids that they can try whatever they want. Hopefully that mom will realize she just need to enjoy the great kid she has.
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