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Forgetting Your Kid’s Birthday: It Could Happen
Born under a bad sign, baby.
Is there anything worse than a December birthday? Okay, sure, nuclear war and homelessness. But still, a December birthday is not only bad for the birthday-kid, it’s bad for the birthday-kid’s parents.
Brett Paesel writes over on Salon about the struggle of pulling off a party, year after year, for her 6-year-old son, born Dec. 10. In short, all of the obligations of getting from Halloween to New Year’s Day — all the costumes and parties and wrapping paper sell-a-thons, a turkey, travel to see family, more wrapping paper sell-a-thons (a problem when you have more than one kid and two different schools) — all of it keeps her from giving her little boy’s special day the attention that it needs. Mainly, she gives it no attention at all until … until the big day becomes the next day.
Then the scramble. Starting with getting kids to the party. Paesel writes:
By the time we contact Murphy’s friends only one is available, but he’s allergic to cats. We promise to lock up the cat, vacuum the whole house, turn the beds and open the windows. Then we start calling the outliers — random kids, ones with head lice and pink eye, anyone between the ages of 1 and 16. We could go as high as 18 and as low as 6 months. Gender is not important.
Things get worse.
Paesel is, as expected, getting tuned up over in the comments on Salon. There was a time when I also might have thought, “jeez, lady, what’s so hard about ordering a cake.”
Then I gave birth to Earl … on a mild December 8 evening. The boy is only 2 and, already, I find his birthday inconvenient and poorly timed. Not only is it right in the thick of the saturated October to January events calendar, but it’s one day before his father’s birthday — mercifully, his father is a grown man and the least likely person in the world to stomp out of the room and pout over being served Earl’s leftover birthday cake, half-burned candles bored into yesterday’s holes.
It’s also my December boy’s stupid luck that he’s my third kid. I started giving kid birthday parties nine years ago and sometime around year 5, I decided I was pretty much over it. Kids birthdays? Did I really ever give a rip?
This year, I did what I could with a Goodnight Gorilla cake, but there wasn’t much fanfare. Even his sisters have caught on to the fact that, being so close to Christmas, wouldn’t it be easier to go all out then? (Settle down, December birthdays, I reminded them they’re not supposed to say that — within earshot of the December brethren. I’ll never give a combo give, swearsies!)
I also swear that next year, and every subsequent year until the end of time, I will make his December birthday as special as the little guy himself is.
That is, if unlike Brett, I don’t forget his birthday. Which — let me hear you, December moms! — could happen.
Photo: Madeline Holler
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Forgetting Your Kid’s Birthday: It Could Happen | Family Health Corner commented on Dec 17 10 at 7:06 pm[...] When the Kid's Birthday Falls in December | Strollerderby [...]
Hip Hop For Kids: School House Hip Hop (Dance) | Hip-Hop Trendz commented on Dec 17 10 at 7:43 pmGretchen Powers commented on Dec 17 10 at 5:44 pmI think the real crime is that the kid is named “Murphy”…….
Sarah commented on Dec 17 10 at 5:45 pmwow, Madeline, we’re like creepy twins! Not only do I agree with nearly everything you write on strollerderby, my son (Henry Earl) was born on Dec 9, with his poppy born on Dec 10. He just had his first birthday and already I am anticipating lots of overstimulation in the next 17 Decembers.
Madeline Holler commented on Dec 17 10 at 5:57 pmSarah, get OUT!
Here, hold my hand and we’ll get through this as a creepy-twin family.
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 17 10 at 5:59 pmAwwwwwwww. My 6 year old was born on 12/5 and we make sure his birthday is special. This year it was smackdab in the middle of Hanukkah and he still had a party at the YMCA with all his friends and home baked cupcakes.
JesBelle commented on Dec 17 10 at 6:32 pmMy sister’s birthday is June 20, and my mom still forgot it one year. I know what you mean, though. After celebrating a kid birthday in mid-November, I’m mostly thankful that my MIL is handling Thanksgiving.
SeaMom commented on Dec 17 10 at 6:43 pmMy daughter’s birthday is Dec. 10th, and this time of year is crazy!!! We make an effort to focus on her birthday through the 10th, and only after that get into Christmas mode. But the stress and work of throwing a birthday bash and then rolling right into zillions of family Christmas obligations is exhausting! It doesn’t help that we have lots and lots of extended family near by, and they ALL expect to be invited to the birthday party and complain if I don’t provide enough adult-type snacks, etc. (even though we tell them it’s really just a kids’ party, not a family event). Urgh.
ALittleShort commented on Dec 17 10 at 6:58 pm*breathes great sigh of relief* I am one lucky SOB. I was born June 25th, exactly 6 months to the day from Christmas :) It doesn’t get any better then that. However June is a very busy month for my family. My older brother’s birthday is the first week in June, my mom’s is the week before mine, and then there is father’s day thrown in there which sometimes lands on my mom’s birthday, and my parents are divorced and I have a step-dad. So my mom tends to lump it all together, so it is a mini christmas almost!
Now my best friend is currently pregnant. Her due date is Dec 30th, so she as at the “any day now” stage in her pregnancy. And when she found out her due date, she and I sat down and talked about different ideas to celebrate her daughters birthday without it becoming an marry christmas/happy birthday thing. But until that baby is here and in her parents’ arms, nothing is for sure.
Gretchen Powers commented on Dec 17 10 at 7:47 pmtwo things: first, it seems like the birthday expectations may be WAY too much…whatever happened to a gift and some cake and their favorite dinner? second: how the hell can you *forget* your child’s birthday? no matter what time of year it falls in!
Alyson commented on Dec 17 10 at 9:26 pmI’ve got you all beat: My twin daughters were born on December 26th. They not only have to share their birthday with each other, but with the little baby Jesus, too. That’s a whole lot of sharing for 4 year olds! The thing is, by the morning of their birthday I’m WIPED OUT. Wiped out. Got nothing left. So we do a celebratory breakfast out, followed by some sort of fun outing (bowling, the zoo, etc.) and home for cake with family and/or close friends. And then, sometime in March or April, I start planning their 1/2 birthday party for the early summer. And that’s been working for us.
Manjari commented on Dec 18 10 at 8:35 amI don’t understand how someone could forget their own child’s birthday. I don’t think anyone has to have a party every year, but to forget? Seems like it’s time to say no to some of the events from Halloween to Christmas and slow down a little
if it will help you remember your child’s birthday.Alyson, that sounds like a good idea. I have always wanted to do an outside party for my twins when the weather’s nice.
Manjari commented on Dec 18 10 at 8:39 amOkay, I just read the Salon piece. I feel sorry for that poor kid. His parents have a twisted set of priorities, in my opinion.
Janel commented on Dec 18 10 at 12:25 pmDecember is such an unfortunate birthday month. I am due to have my 6th child on Christmas Day, and the third child of ours born in December! I could tolerate an early December birthday, but our kids are the 28th,30th, and now, yet to be determined. My husband’s birthday is December 22nd also. My doctor gave me the wonderful idea of picking a day in the summer and having a huge birthday bash for everyone so they feel special instead of getting mixed up in the Christmas mayhem!
Lisa commented on Dec 18 10 at 12:26 pmMy daughter’s birthday is Dec 29 and we still celebrate the way we would if it were in any other month. The first thing to remember is that you have to start early. I have two children one born in July and my other in Dec. Each child has a $1,000 between their birthday and Christmas. Having the set budget really helps and I know exactly how much I have to spend and no one gets the bad end of the stick. I also send out SAVE the Date emails for my daughter’s birthday in October, this helps to get everyone to have a heads up and provides the information for me for planning.
How sad is it that the one day that everyone celebrates your child, a parent forgets. What makes me laugh is Christmas come the same time every year, peopl act like it springs up on them. A little creativity and balancing can create a great day for your child, December born or not.
Ashley commented on Dec 18 10 at 12:40 pmHere’s my Oct-Jan:
Halloween
Son born 11/3/10
Thanksgiving
My Cousin’s B-day 12/10
My b-day 12/11
Anniversary 12/20
Christmas
New Years.I didn’t have a birthday alone for 16 years – my cousin and I always had joint parties. I only had about 3 friend parties. And I’m ALWAYS sick on my birthday. Oh fun.
Elizabeth commented on Dec 18 10 at 1:03 pmI have three children, one born on the 4th of July, one born on October 31, and one born on April 4th and once had his birthday on Easter. For me and my family the holidays come secondary to the child’s birthday. We always plan the birthday first, and whatever holiday it is just has to fit around the celebration. My advice to parents of December babies, focus on the birth of your child, let all the holiday hub-bub take a back seat.
Meagan commented on Dec 18 10 at 3:22 pmI don’t get why a kid needs a party every year. I had only a handful of VERY low-key parties during my childhood… for my late July birthday. Never felt particularly cheated.
Aunt Kim commented on Dec 18 10 at 9:21 pmCourse the kid could have their birthday just 1 week before their sister’s birthday…and always have combined birthday parties (if any parties at all!!!) Not that I’m speaking from experience here or anything.
;)
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 19 10 at 3:15 amI throw birthday parties for my kids every year (I know a lot of people don’t, and that’s fine too.) I grew up having a only a few parties and it was something I really wanted my kids to have (memories of fun parties with childhood friends.) I usually set a (smallish) budget and the kids can decide what they want to do. They’ve learned that if you want to invite a lot of people, then you’re probably not going roller skating and that making cupcakes with mom eats up a lot less of your budget than ordering a spider-man cake from the bakery. At any rate, we have *no gift* parties so the experience really is about friendship. We don’t have any relatives nearby, so friends are our community. My older two have summer birthdays a month apart and I’ve never combined their parties.
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 19 10 at 3:21 amI wanted to add that I like the idea of celebrating the *half birthday* in summer. We know a few families who do that. To do that with our December birthday boy wouldn’t work for me because our other kids have summer birthdays already. Also, once your kids are school aged, where I live, June tends to be an insanely busy month. I find it much more challenging, logistically, than I find the month of December.
Rebecca C commented on Dec 19 10 at 11:08 pmMy hubby’s birthday is December 23. Thankfully, his parents were always careful to not combine his birthday with Christmas, even though that usually meant celebrating around December 10th.
K commented on Dec 20 10 at 6:52 pmMy daughter’s birthday is November 27. It’s sometimes fallen right on Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law always makes a special cake on Thanksgiving for her anyway, since there are lots of friends and family there. People generously bring presents to Thanksgiving dinner.
We have a party for her friends a few weeks later, alternating between a bigger all the kids in the class party and a small sleepover each year. It works well for us!
JesBelle commented on Dec 22 10 at 8:43 am@Janel – Sounds like you have a pretty exciting April as well.
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