You make it sound like you can’t have a kid who is well behaved and has a personality. They either express themselves loudly or sit in a corner with their thumbs in their mouths. I disagree. I have a well behaved child with a personality and a mind of her own. She lets us know what she thinks and feels, but she does it in the manner appropriate to the situation. Rolling on the floor throwing a tantrum in the middle of a holiday party isn’t a personality or being opinionated, it is misbehaving. Approaching Mom and Dad to tell them you are bored and would like to leave using words is well behaved and speaking your own mind. You can have both.

Given my own experience, I think the parents are right on. They believe their child is well behaved by their definition of the words which probably isn’t as ridiculous as yours.

Kelly makes a good point, though: how do you define “well behaved”? Did the survey include a checklist, so that parents would evaulate their kids on a point by point basis, I wonder? If not, then personal definition is totally a relevant factor.

All in all, I think most parents are delusional, or in denial, yes. Everyone likes to think that their kid is the good one, it’s the others who are a problem. Similarly, StrollerDerby reported this summer about how 1/3 kids in the US are obese, but 84% of parents report that their kids are a healthy weight. It’s not malicious, they’re not deliberately lying to look good to the researchers… they’re just biased. (As they should be. If there’s anyone in the world who should be biased towards your daughter, it’s you.) And it’s easier to understand your own child’s motivations, too, and make excuses for their less-excellent choices.

Anyone who honestly says their child never misbehaves is either lying or delusional. If I had a two-year-old that never had a tantrum, I do believe I’d be worried.

Speaking as a teacher–parents are delusional. I’m sure that includes me, because when it comes to our kids we don’t ever want to admit that they aren’t well-behaved because that comes back on us and our responsibilities as a parent. And no one wants to admit they’ve screwed up their kid. But, again, as a teacher (who had three parent conferences today!) who deals with other peoples’ kids all day–parents can be totally blinded to their kids behavior issues.

I actually worry a lot about my child being a “brat.” She’s only 2 though and I’m not sure how much serious talks get through to her, so she’s usually given a one sentence line and a distraction. I fully admit she’s bratty a lot of the time, but I also think she’s developmentally normal.

All kids have their moments but an occasional tantrum doesn’t mean they’re overall poorly behaved. Adults have their not so hot moments too! I think we all pretty quickly forgive and forget the not so great stuff and focus more on all the happy, sweet, well behaved and polite things our kids do and say!

Meredith is half right which means she is half wrong. Sometimes you want to kill the monsters and ten minutes later you want to cuddle. Parents are always forgiving. As my mother used to say “when it your own it smells like perfume”.

Good points by both Meredith and Irv. Oftentimes I’m the last one to realize my children are a little hell cats. Perhaps when they enter their 20s I’ll emerge from denial.

I think it’s important to note that having tantrums and misbehaving is actually normal behavior for most little ones and as parents shouldn’t we admit as much instead of judging each other? Thanks to Meredith for sharing the truth! As a mother of a very strong-willed, opinionated, spirited child, I appreciate it!

Most parents want to believe that their child is “generally” well behaved, kind, beautifully articulate and gifted and talented. It is amazing to note how many parents look the other way as their child grabs another child’s toy or takes a swing at a playmate. Ignoring the behavior means that they do not have to deal with it. So what else is new!