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Strollerderby
A New Lesson in Sharing: Breast Milk for Everyone
Some parents will go to great lengths to ensure their babies receive breast milk.
I know that it was meant to be a heartwarming story: Salma Hayek in Sierra Leone on a UNICEF mission in 2009 picked up another woman’s crying baby and breastfed her.
“It’s about women sticking together and we really need to help the children in any way we can,” Salma said of playing wet nurse for the day.
While I recognized her humanity, the act of seeing one woman nursing another’s child made me gag. Not cry. Gag. It was just a little too, well, personal. There’s something sacred about bodily fluids, and I feel strongly they shouldn’t be shared outside of the family. I don’t mind changing my kid’s diapers, but I really want nothing to do with someone else’s kid’s waste, nor do I think someone else’s kid should get my breast milk.
However, ABC News recently reported that sharing breast milk is more common than I ever knew (in fact, I had no idea anyone did it beyond in a few Shakespeare plays, and Salma Hayek). So common, in fact, the FDA is looking at it a little more closely, particularly since breast milk banks are popping up with increased frequency — particularly online — and there is no federal regulation governing how human milk is donated and distributed. And last week the FDA warned that there are risks of contamination and spreading illness by feeding a baby breast milk from a source other than its mother.
When my daughter was born I tried to breast feed, but I didn’t have a ton of milk (or patience), so I mostly pumped and supplemented when necessary with formula. Had another woman’s breast milk been available to me — either that of someone I knew or a stranger — I’m confident it wouldn’t have made a difference in my feeding routine.
My local supermarket throws away returned meat and dairy products because they can’t guarantee a customer has properly refrigerated the items once they left the store. Why is donated breast milk any different? I know I was often guilty of taking a bottle of breast milk out of the fridge for a feeding, only to have my daughter fall asleep. An hour or two later, I’d remember and toss it back in. Not ideal (and I can hear the “tsk tsk” of my pediatrician now), but she lived (and can tell her therapist all about it when she learns to speak in full sentences).
However, that was my choice with my kid. Who’s to say what you’re getting at the milk ATM also wasn’t left sitting out? Or parked in someone’s freezer for a few years? The benefits of breast milk are indisputable — it provides antibodies against pathogens and builds immunity against a range of illnesses. But do the risks of sharing it outweigh the benefits? And are there any moral implications on either side?
Would you feed your baby another woman’s breast milk?
Image: Wikimedia Commons
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0 Comments
laura commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:21 amI think you’re OK on leaving the bottle of breastmilk out for a couple hours. My lactation consultant (LC) said it is ok for 4-8hrs out of the fridge (just don’t re-refrigerate more than once if it’s been out a while) and if it’s bad, you’ll be able to tell because your baby won’t drink it. I know the breastmilk “rules” vary widely by source (and are probably based one some woman’s best guess in most cases), but I just went with the most generous ones and am luckily LC did too.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:28 amThat’s a relief. Thanks, Laura!
KittyKate commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:32 amI have always had an abundance with milk and have donated to three women through MilkShare. In all cases, I met the women and their babies, provided documentation of prenatal bloodwork, and we discussed at length pumping methods, dietary habits, medications, supplements etc… I had a coworker who used donor milk to supplement 6 years ago, which is how I got introduced to the whole idea. At first the idea of receiving donor milk creeped me out, but as I have had the opportunity to meet more moms (IRL) who breastfeed, I think I would be comfortable accepting milk from any of them with appropriate documentation and discussion.
Until milk banking (with bloodwork and pasteurization) becomes a viable and affordable option for “regular” babies, many women will choose to go the private donation route. We should support this but provide science-based information on the risks, benefits, and how to go about this as safely as possible given the human element.
IrishCream commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:42 amJust like cow’s milk, it’s pretty obvious when breastmilk has gone bad. The texture changes, and the flavor certainly does – just taste a couple of drops yourself if you’re worried.
Of course, if you’re squeamish about nursing to begin with, maybe the idea of tasting your own milk grosses you out?
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:45 amGood point, Irishcream!
Bec commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:47 amI feel there’s a significant difference between the mystery milk you worry about at the end of the article, and the fresh, straight from the source, milk Salma Hayek was offering with at the beginning. No worries about how it’s been stored, anyway, although I guess instead you could worry about where that mommy’s nipples have been or what she ate…
It’s not worth fighting about, though; of course you, like every mom, are doing what feels best for your own family.
Nicky's mom commented on Dec 09 10 at 11:02 amI really can’t believe you’re comparing breastmilk to bodily fluids found in a diaper. And saying salma hayek nursing a sick baby made you gag?!? What a negative way to start your article.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 11:05 amThanks for reading and commenting, Bec and Nicky’s Mom.
Marina commented on Dec 09 10 at 11:39 amSeeing Selma Hayek feed a starving baby from her breast made you gag (even though you “recognized her humanity”) because you think bodily fluids are sacred and shouldn’t be shared outside one’s own family? You know what’s also sacred? A human life. Would you rather have had the baby go hungry?
The entire third paragraph of this article makes you sound like a jerk.
AnnieM commented on Dec 09 10 at 11:58 amWhat should make you gag is that SO many babies are ill, desperately ill, around the world, and not that Salma Hayek was doing one small thing to help one baby.
TC commented on Dec 09 10 at 12:49 pmWhat’s so wrong about a woman feeding a hungry baby? Does a mama fox taking in a baby squirrel make you sick? Or mama dog feeding a baby wolf? Why should it be any different for a human woman to feed a hungry child (regardless of parentage?)
Jeannie commented on Dec 09 10 at 2:09 pmI’ve been lucky enough to be able to nurse both my babies but if I hadn’t I might have used donated milk from someone I knew very well. I offered my sister mine when her son was born very premature. And I’m lucky enough to live in a city with a very good milk bank. But I would draw the line at milk from a stranger, even though someone who has milk to donate is likely someone who is successful at feeding her own kids, knows a lot about breastfeeding, and is less likely than many to eat or drink things that aren’t good for a baby. It still would worry me … And formula is not poison!!
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 2:33 pmThanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Jeannie, TC, Anniem, and Marina. I appreciate your points.
Angela commented on Dec 09 10 at 3:23 pmI agree that there are legitimate health and safety concerns when it comes to sharing breastmilk. I personally would not do it, but I also was able to breastfeed my son and live in a place where formula is readily available. In the case of Selma Hayek she was in a part of the world where babies frequently die of malnutrition because there is a stigma surrounding nursing and formula (and clean water to mix it with) is not readily available. The newborn she nursed was literally starving. Regardless of how squeamish you are about milk sharing, I can’t imagine you would feel that starvation is preferable.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 3:26 pmYou’re right, Angela. I’m not arguing for letting starving babies go hungry. I just said it’s not something I would choose for my baby, and that seeing Salma Hayek breastfeed another baby wasn’t something I found to be visually appealing.
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 09 10 at 3:30 pmYour ignoranace and attitude both make make me GAG, Meridith. Kindly go back under whatever rock you emerged from.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 3:32 pmThanks for reading and taking the time to comment, Linda, The Original One.
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 09 10 at 3:32 pmAlso, since you fed your child formula, clearly your disgust for those sacred bodily fluids doesn’t extend to the mammary secretions of a COW. Seriously, in one sentance you’ve made yourslef a person I never care to hear from again. I hope they won’t be soliciting you to post here regularly because it’d be a shame to have to inadvertnetly associate with you.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 09 10 at 3:34 pmAgain, thanks for the taking the time to post, Linda, The Original One!
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 09 10 at 4:37 pmOh, you’re so very welcome. Go drink some nice cow puss and crow some more over what makes you gag. :/
IrishCream commented on Dec 09 10 at 6:17 pmOh, Linda. Always so gracious and open-minded!
mbaker commented on Dec 09 10 at 8:21 pmI had a huge surplus of breastmilk and hated getting rid of it when my son was done breastfeeding. I plan to research donating breast milk this time in case it happens again. If I can help a sick baby with my milk I would feel great.
Any advice from anyone who has done it?
Tara commented on Dec 09 10 at 8:27 pmI too was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed both my children until they self weaned, however, had I not been able to I would have strongly considered using donated breastmilk. I believe that a majority of the programs have a strict screening process, including blood testing of the donating mother. Both Unicef and WHO recommend another woman’s breast milk over using formula. We’ve all seen in the news that formula certainly isn’t always safe and powdered formula is far more at risk for bacteria and other elements dangerous to babies.
I was disappointed to see the words “gag” and “diaper waste” used to describe milk sharing. A wet nurse was an honourable and lucrative job for a woman only 40 years ago. They were able to provide a service for mothers and families who weren’t able to feed their own babies. I know a few people who grew up in Italy and Eastern Europe who speak about their “milk siblings”.
Maybe the biggest problem is we’ve moved so far away from a natural way of living. More processed food, more genetically modified food, more immediate gratification. I hope that one day something as loving as donating breastmilk is more common than gag-worthy.
Hallie commented on Dec 09 10 at 8:56 pm@MBAKER try Eats on Feets on Facebook.
Monica commented on Dec 09 10 at 9:17 pmMy Meredith…I’ll start with, not many writers or moms would have the courage to be so honest. You had to know the word Gag…would get you in trouble!!! I think you are the coolest friend I have right now for speaking your mind. With that said…. we are just spoiled entitled Americans (thank God I’m not offering to live in Somalia for a year) but we have the privilege of complaining about Airport searches, mothers sharing breastmilk, time outs, tea Partys and the Ozone!
Salma did what was natural, what she had prob seen done many times in her country. Your reaction was a natural one for you and your experience. I know you….have disagreed with you (seal, miss Garret, Macy Gray) fought with you and still I know….in that very situation, you would have done the same….yes, caged literally while you were doing it but you would have done what was natural in that moment.
dot commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:11 pmThe Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin is an amazing organization where I donated my milk. I was tested, the milk was pasturized andthen scanned fir nutrients that could help the most fragile and duck infants. http://Www.milkbank.org for lots of good info and feel free to call with questions. They help moms ship the milk at their expense in not in Texas or can refer you to a bank near you.
Sharing milk outside a bank is risky and their are plenty of reputable milk bank across the US. HMBANA is the north American milk banking association that reputable milk banks belong to.
Check it out!
dot commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:13 pm“Fragile and sick infants.” Sorry, phone typing.
Helen-Claire commented on Dec 09 10 at 10:14 pmI recently became a milk donor for a mum with low supply (one of many). I’m not strictly anti-formula, but I definitely believe breast is best and am glad we could all help out to keep her baby well fed. If I was in her situation I would use donated milk.
Andista commented on Dec 09 10 at 11:44 pmI think this is just a issue with societal ‘norm’….after all….cow’s milk is the bodily fluid/breastmilk of an entirely different species and seen as perfectly acceptable for human consumption by many people, myself included. Why? Because we are used to it. We grew up drinking (cow’s) milk. But in this day and age when breastfeeding isn’t considered the ‘norm’ by some people the idea of sharing human milk is odd or even gross. Yes, there are risks, but I don’t think they are any greater than the risk you take when you buy food at the supermarket (whereas it seems each week SOMETHING is contaminated and recalled).
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 10 10 at 12:51 amMabaker — Thanks for writing and reaching out. Looks like there are others who might have some good resources for you.
I’m sorry if anyone was offended by my uses of the words “gag” and “diaper waste” — I wasn’t going for shock value, just my gut reaction and honest opinion.
Salma is clearly a better woman than me — as are so, so many. Andista — you’re so right, a mother’s milk is probably way less gross than a cow’s milk, but I’d known cow’s milk for 33 years before my daughter was born, so it didn’t seem so bad to me (and the visual was less offensive in my little mind).
To clarify — I believe in a woman’s right to choose before anything else. My choice was, and would again be, to provide what I can and supplement with formula beyond that. For other woman, I applaud their right to choose what they feel is best for their children, and for what they’re able to provide for other women’s children. I’m not passing judgment, just my own opinion and choices.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts, Helen-Claire, Dot, Hallie and Clara. To Monica, you’re more right than you know. And that’s why I can genuinely call you a friend — because you REALLY get it and know. :)
Tanya commented on Dec 10 10 at 1:36 amI don’t think there is much that Selma Hayek could do that would make me gag, including nursing my baby.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Dec 10 10 at 5:23 amI wonder about the humanity of a person who would have such a visceral negative reaction to “the visual.” So much that it would cause them to gag. So much that they would compare it to other situations the found less offensive visually. The fact that it was your gut reaction and honest opinion do not magically make such a reaction okay. Perhaps you should meditate on the reasons you found the visual of Ms. Hayek nursing a starving child so gag inducing.
Yvonnie Ametin-Castro commented on Dec 10 10 at 7:55 amI can’t believe you write baby articles…breastfeeding is as natural as life. “Gag” Are you serious? I suppose sharing and caring for others is just as disagreeable.
Stephanie B. Cornais commented on Dec 10 10 at 9:15 amWow, something is not right in your head, if you wanted to gag when you saw Salma breastfeeding another baby other than her own.
Shame on you for this post. Instead of such a negative post, you should spend your time educating women on how to properly pump, store and share their breastmilk.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 10 10 at 10:10 amThanks for the post Stephanie, although since it appears as I don’t agree with women sharing breast milk, I stand by my piece.
Thanks to you, too, Yvonne for sharing. I never said breastfeeding wasn’t natural, just that I chose not to share my breast milk with others, or allow my baby to drink another woman’s breast milk.
Mistress_Scopio: I’m not much into meditation, but I appreciate the suggestion!
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 10 10 at 4:01 pmLadies, this individual is someone who held her infant daughter responsible for failing to succeed at breastfeeding and who complains about her child, publically, in print, for a living. While I applaud Strollerderby for a least attempting to hire an actual writer this time, based on past articles, there’s little chance that any content with heart or insight will be forthcoming.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 10 10 at 4:05 pmWho blamed her infant daughter for failing to succeed at breastfeeding? Where? Surely you’re referring to another post, because there’s no such referral in mine, Linda (as evidenced by the actual post above). But again, thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 10 10 at 6:21 pm“The Will She Successfully Breastfeed Stage (no)” You have a public webpage. Anyone with Google can find your content in about 3 seconds. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to point out that someone who says their INFANT wasn’t successful at breastfeeding (as if it were the responsibility of said infant) versus the reality that YOU, the mother, weren’t successful at breastfeeding, speaks volumes about your attitude toward the topic at hand. A semantic distinction, to be sure, but valid nonetheless.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 10 10 at 6:29 pmI’m thrilled and flattered that you’ve taken the time to research and read my body of work, Linda. I would gently suggest, however, that you recognize what you’re using as ammunition is taken from a humor column. Nevertheless, I’m confident you’ll believe what you want, so I don’t see a point in arguing.
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 10 10 at 7:00 pmDitto. Where did “No rest for the weary mother” go? It’s not linked anymore. How very curious.
Meredith Carroll commented on Dec 10 10 at 7:16 pmLinda: On my website? On one of the newspaper sites that published the column? I had no problem finding it anywhere. However. if you can’t find it, send me your email address and I’ll send you the link. Again, I’m SO flattered that you’re taking the time to cuddle up with my body of work. Thanks!
Linda, the original one commented on Dec 10 10 at 7:43 pmThe link to that one doesn’t work. Look, you’re a good writer and quite funny. So far, it just isn’t translating to Strollerdebry. And the “gag” bit and comparing breastmilk to shit is just really, really dreadful. So hey, good luck getting the hang of it!
Mariana commented on Mar 21 11 at 11:51 pmI had my first child only 5 months ago and before that I knew very little about breastfeeding and even less about milksharing.
I can understand how in today’s world milksharing may seem “unnatural” although even with my little knowledge of the topic I would never associate it with the word “gag”.
I will tell you that my view on milksharing changed as I educated myself about the topic. Likewise, my view of cow’s milk changed also.
I am proud to say that we are now a cow’s milk free household and more importantly that I have been blessed with the privilege of donating breastmilk to two different infants through Eats on Feats -Texas-
On both ocassions, I’ve had plenty of contact with the mothers. I have happily provided blood test records showing that I am disease free and my milk is safe. They have both been welcome to my home to get the milk they needed right out of my freezer. The exact same milk that I give my precious only son expressed and stored with the exact same care.So my two cents to you is educate yourself objectively about the topic and be open minded to let yourself learn something that is definitely making a comeback. It is not by any means a new trend as it was done with honor many years back.
While you are at it, educate yourself on cow’s milk… why we drink cow’s milk (as opposed to any other animal), and why its consumption is not the best idea. BTW, just the fact that it is what you have always done is not a valid reason for continuing…. if that was everyone’s attitude where would we be?
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