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Silent Birth Doesn’t Mean Mom Can’t Scream
Is a silent birth for you?
Kelly Preston and John Travolta are getting ready to have their baby, and apparently they’re planning a silent birth. That’s right: silent.
When I started seeing the headlines about this, I was appalled. I’ve given birth twice, and there was nothing silent about it. What woman could labor in complete silence? Who would dare ask her to?
It turns out, that’s not what silent birth means at all. It’s not the mother who has to be quiet. It’s everyone else. No doctors urging you to push. No “helpful” advice from your mom or your sister. No one reminding you of the rules.
Silent birth is a Scientology thing, which sort of suggests it might be creepy. But in fact it sounds kind of cool. There was a lot of chatter during my labors, and I could have lived with less.
Cerridwen over on Being Pregnant says she wouldn’t want a totally silent atmosphere. There’s a place for spoken encouragement and words of love. But it’s so easy to get that wrong. My midwives said things to me during my labors that were meant to be encouraging but in fact made me feel bad, or were just annoying and distracting. Double that for my mom and husband, who were both totally there to help.
If talking in the labor room had to be a purely yes or no thing, I think I’d go with “no”. Though what I really love is Cerridwen’s suggestion: let the mom lead the way. She wants to chat, go ahead and chat with her. If she’s quiet, keep quiet. A laboring mom should be the queen of the labor room.
Photo: jaredandmelanie
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0 Comments
Annie commented on Nov 18 10 at 6:39 pmI am so there with you on it. I needed more folks to just shut up and let me focus on what was hard but rewarding work.
Steph commented on Nov 18 10 at 6:49 pmEveryone was calm during my daughter’s birth. And I didn’t have to join a cult to enjoy it. I think it was just common sense: there was no reason for anyone else to be screaming, so they didn’t. They didn’t have to join a cult either.
Sugar Land Gynecology commented on Nov 19 10 at 4:18 amhi,
it is our duty that to take care of a herself & her fetus & provide a better facility for her. so, find a better doctor for her care who can hold her all problems in easy going give her a healthy baby with calm environment.
anon commented on Nov 19 10 at 7:34 amI agree, but it would be great to hand out buttons – silent and not silent. That way, you could be selective. I had a L and D nurse that was awfully chatty, and I could have done without her.
Maria commented on Nov 19 10 at 6:32 pmWhat’s with all the people attending the birth anyway? My husband and I were the only ones there and it was fine. I don’t recall “screaming” but during some of the pushes, grunts were required. And I had no epidural, etc. Some things are private, and to me, this is one of them. AFTER the baby makes his or her debut, people can stop by by for a visit … but not too many, and no “advice” please!
Liz commented on Nov 19 10 at 10:09 pmI completely agree that the woman in labor should be in charge. When I had my daughter nearly 3 years ago I sometimes did and sometimes did not want anyone to speak to me, just depended on how hard the labor was. My grandmother was in the room with me most of the time and kept quietly telling me, “Don’t fight it honey. Just breathe, squeeze my hand and breathe.” Considering she had been through two babies, one in which the labor was 36 hours, this helped.
My ex boyfriend was no help and I literally had him thrown out of the room. When he found out my daughter was in distress he started panicking which made me start to panic. There were other reasons why I had him kicked out but that was the main reason.
My nephew, poor thing, cried when he heard me in pain and wanted to cuddle with me. He was 9 and wanted to see what I was going through. It didn’t traumatize him, he was actually interested and excited about the whole process. He just didn’t and still doesn’t understand why it hurt so bad.
All in all I’d say let the one in labor decide what happens. Those are her hours and her moments!
I may have more to say later so watch out!
Elendy commented on Nov 21 10 at 4:25 am“A laboring mom should be the queen of the labor room”
I love it!
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