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Talking to Kids About God
Child asks "Is there a God?"
“You know what I’ve been wondering for my whole life? Who is God?” my five-year-old daughter Ruby asked the other day.
Ahhh, the God question. It was only a matter of time before she started asking big theological questions. (She’s deep that way.) How to answer her?
I responded the same way I did when Ruby’s older sister, Jesse, 8, asked a similar question at around the same age: with a question, rather than an answer.
“A lot of people believe different things about God. Who do you think God is?”
“I think God was the first person on Earth, and he made the rest of the world and then he died,” Ruby said.
“That’s an interesting idea,” I said. Luckily, my response seemed to satisfy her and she moved on to more pressing matters — such as what she wanted as a snack.
When it comes to meaning-of-life questions, I tend to use the Socratic method with my kids — asking questions rather than providing answers — in order to encourage them to develop their own beliefs.
When Jesse was younger and she asked me directly, “Do you believe in God?” I responded honestly. “I like the idea of God, but I’m not sure if God exists.”
Since my husband and I are agnostic, we’re among the 5 percent minority of Americans who aren’t certain about the existence of God, according to a recent Pew study.
Religion writer and dad Bruce Feiler recently admitted in a New York Times essay that he envies the fact that fundamentalists are so certain about their beliefs. I occasionally feel the same way. When fundamentalists’ children ask them about God, they know exactly how to answer.
“But what about the rest of us?” Feiler asked. “Are we supposed to share our uncertainties with our children or pretend we know all the answers and let them discover their own ambiguities in due time?”
Feiler talked to several learned men who responded to his question in different ways. I tend to side with Rabbi David Wolpe, the author of Teaching Your Children About God.
“When a child asks a question about God, they are not coming to you as a blank slate,” Rabbi Wolpe told Feiler. “They already have thoughts. It’s more valuable to evoke what they think than it is to insert something and preempt their own thoughts.”
It’s been interesting to watch Jesse’s religious beliefs (or non-beliefs) develop. When she was Ruby’s age, she told me that she was sure that God exists, but she has since changed her mind.
“God is just a story people make up to explain the world,” she said recently.
“But you used to believe in God,” I reminded her.
“That was when I was younger,” she said.
What’s most amazing to me is that while she no longer believes in God, she continues to have faith in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus (and, for the record, I never told her either of them were real, either).
How do you talk to your children about God?
photo: flickr/avlxyz
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9 Comments
bob commented on Oct 19 10 at 4:33 pmI don’t think any kid comes prepared to interpret the onslaught of messages that we are bombarded with, many of which tell you that thinking interferes with ascertaining truth, or that you will be punished if you don’t conclude x and behave accordingly. Authoritative books, impressive buildings, beautiful art and music, magical holiday traditions and impressive adult figures all conspire and compete to persuade them.
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I don’t think it’s fair to expect my kid to reach the same conclusions that I have over my lifetime, but I do intend to teach what I’ve learned about how to think and assess, and provide a broad perspective of the many belief systems out there competing for our intellects.
paulabernstein commented on Oct 19 10 at 4:41 pmOf course, as my kids get older, I hope to have real discussions about religious beliefs. There’s no guarantee that they’ll reach the same conclusions that I have, but I’ll certainly share my point of view.
Manjari commented on Oct 19 10 at 4:49 pmWhen my kids ask me, I tell them that God is an idea that some people believe in. When they ask if I do, I honestly answer no. I don’t see it as any different from the tooth fairy or any other made up idea. Because so many people do believe (and feel very strongly about it), I want to teach my kids to be sensitive if/when the conversation comes up with other people.
Leanne commented on Oct 19 10 at 6:03 pmI’ve used the “what do YOU think that is?” and always answered honestly “no, I don’t, I believe in science.” I have no qualms, though, with asserting my atheism at home. When you are an adult and want to believe in a magical man in the sky, go for it. At my house, the only magical creatures are the ones who bring us money and toys!
Linda commented on Oct 19 10 at 7:29 pmIt seems like you can only answer honestly and in accordance with your beliefs.
Jenny commented on Oct 19 10 at 10:22 pmEven though I *do* believe in God, I use the “what do you think?” approach with my daughter often. I want to know what she’s heard and what she’d been comtemplating more than I want to do religous education in the car on the way to school. It is more important to connect with her and find out what is influencing her and in which way that anything else. As children I believe that beliefs are flexible and subject to whim and growth. I just think it’s neat that kids ask these questions of us, not because they don’t know what they think, but because they respect us and trust us as their parents.
Elizabeth commented on Oct 19 10 at 10:37 pmJesse and Molly can have a good talk about God. Molly is quite the atheist these days – though she went through a phase a couple years ago when she wanted to be a Catholic (one of her friends was a devout Catholic). Let’s hope Santa and the Tooth Fairy don’t come up, though – Molly doesn’t believe. :-)
Rosana commented on Oct 20 10 at 3:51 pmWhile I do believe in God, I will try your approach, when the time comes, because it does not impose my beliefs in her mind. At the same time, I think it will be helpful not to make unnecesary comments about atheists or agnostics because it will just defy the purpose, right?
Lina commented on Nov 05 10 at 12:32 pmi’ve always believed that the earlier you talk with your children, the better, even as awkward or hard the conversation may be. there are many books, online resources, educational programs to help parents face these tough or awkward questions with their children. here is a great one from whyzz.com pertaining to religion: http://ow.ly/355uz
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