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Strollerderby
The Lasting Scars of a Colicky Baby
Mike Shields knows all about the Hell of colic. He and his wife are still recovering from the damage of dealing with their colicky baby. In his Babble essay, “My Son Got over Colic — We Haven’t,” Shields writes about how colic nearly destroyed his marriage.
He and his wife bickered endlessly. He gained weight. They doubted their own parenting abilities.
Reading Shield’s story brought back so many unpleasant memories. My first daughter, Jesse, now 8, had colic as a baby. Nothing seemed to calm Jesse’s wailing. We rocked her. We sang to her. She continued to cry. What were we doing wrong?
Even worse, when I took Jesse to “Baby and Me” class at the local Y, the other babies cooed and slept. But Jesse howled. What was wrong with my baby? I feared it was all my fault. I was doing something to make her cry.
For Shields, the worst part of colic was that nobody seemed to understand what he and his wife were going through.
People almost seemed to want to deny colic or bury it under the rug — the way society used to shy away from discussing post-traumatic stress syndrome. Often we’d hear, “Oh, your baby’s just fussy.” God, I hated that one. People who like salad dressing on the side are fussy; inconsolable crying babies are tormented. And they torture those around them.
Again, I can relate. I remember one especially difficult night when Jesse howled for hours. My husband and I were filled with a sense of dread. What had we done bringing this Demon Spawn to life? Everyone else’s baby seemed so calm in comparison and nobody seemed to believe us when we described Jesse’s inconsolable crying.
Luckily, things eventually got better. In July, I wrote about 5 Tips for Surviving Colic. The most important tip is to keep in mind that colic is temporary. Somehow we managed to survive that difficult time though, as with Shields, it left us shell shocked.
Occasionally, I think back to those first Hellish months of parenthood and am relieved that we don’t have to do it all again.
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Would You Spend $5,000 on Your Kid’s 1st Birthday Party?
Are School Lunches Making Kids Fat?
Should Parents Get Money for Helping Their Kids Learn?
Should Dads Take Paternity Leave?
Five Worst Fast Food Kids Meals
Do Working Moms Take Advantage of Work-at-Home-Moms?
Should Bars Refuse to Serve Pregnant Women?
Photo: flickr/Brazzouk
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[...] nurse my first born. She wasn’t gaining weight and cried incessantly. To make matters worse, she had colic and was one seriously pissed off baby. When I tried to nurse her in public, she’d pull away [...]
Bottlefeeding Baby Formula | Strollerderby commented on Sep 22 10 at 9:40 ame commented on Sep 09 10 at 9:34 amI think my partner and I have a mild case of PTSD from colic. My son is two and when I hear a crying baby I feel instantly nauseous and sweaty before I remember that it’s not my baby. We still plan everything around his nap and sleep routines because we remember so vividly what it was like to feel so out of control of everything. I had wanted to be a mom my entire life and we went through fertility treatments to have our son. And then he got here and it was HORRIBLE. I was crushed and convinced I was the worst mama on the planet. I think our memories of colic are what is keeping us from trying for another baby.
Anonimon commented on Sep 09 10 at 9:39 amI too had a colicy baby who literally cried for 6 months. The problem, as I see it, is that we have a collective fantasy about what having a child will be like. Everyone struggles. There is always a learning curve. Nothing is perfect. If we could all just accept this notion and stop comparing our babies to the false pictures of perfection that we see around us, we and our babies would be much better off.
Rosana commented on Sep 09 10 at 10:01 amWell said Anonimom!
ABB commented on Sep 09 10 at 11:36 amWow, what a painful story. I hope they can get back to “normal”. My little one didn’t have colic, fortunately. Even remembering the few times my son had crying fits makes me sweaty and nauseous. I can’t imagine dealing with that on a daily/hourly basis. I think that’s the point. People aren’t always understanding of struggles they haven’t experienced. Props to all the parents who have to go through that all the time. I hope we can all be sympathetic and supprtive of parents who have to deal with colic. As if having a newborn isn’t hard enough!
Mambo commented on Sep 09 10 at 11:42 amI feel for these folks. Our daughter was colicky, and cried practically non-stop for her first 8 months. Major acid reflux made her totally miserable. I hate to say it, but this is a big reason why we didn’t have a second kid! There’s no way we could go through that again. Some people were understanding about the constant crying and screaming, but others glared at us or even told us that if we just spanked her more she’d quit it. Good grief.
Minta commented on Sep 11 10 at 4:12 amComments My son, now 10, was nto jsut colicie, he was miserable to be a baby. I was very ill through out my pregnancy, my husband got a vesectomey right after our son was born so as to not put me throguh the misery of pregnancy ever again. So when our son’s incessant crying kicked in shortly after 3 weeks of age, It was so tramatic, as if 10 months of pure nausia was not enough, God had to punish me for some unknown sin in a past life even further. Now that he is 10, he has ADHD and a serious attitude issue, very verbally impulsive and very rude. So my guess is a very ill pregnancy, a colicie baby, a rude and bratty 10 year old will make for a painful adulthood. I will be glad when he is in his 30′s and I no longer have to take responsibility for him and his ways, by then he will be a full fledged adult and it wil be all on him.
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