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Strollerderby
Should Dads be in the Delivery Room?
In the olden days (say, anytime before 1970), dads-to-be weren’t allowed in the delivery room. Instead, they had to bide their time in the waiting room before they could break out the cigars. Think of Ricky Ricardo and other sitcom dads pacing in the waiting room as their wives did the hard work off-screen.
But times have changed and nowadays, most fathers I know would never agree to miss out on the big event.
I certainly wasn’t planning on going through labor without my husband by my side. After all, it wasn’t just my baby I was having. It was ours and I wanted him to be part of the experience. But I was admittedly, a bit nervous that he would be grossed out by the actual event.
Sure, he was quite familiar with my body by that point, but he had never actually seen a baby come out of my vagina before. How would he take it? Would he ever be able to see me as a sexual being again?
Taffy Brodesser-Akner (who, by the way, happens to be a friendly acquaintance of mine as well as a Facebook friend) had some of the same questions before she giving birth to her first son.
“As my first pregnancy progressed, I became more anxious that whatever went down in that delivery room would burn an image on my husband’s retina that would make it impossible for him to ever see me as a sexual being again,” Brodesser-Akner writes in an essay for Babble (coincidentally, I worked with Brodesser-Akner’s husband years ago).
Ultimately, in Brodesser-Akner’s case as well as my own, having my husband by my side during childbirth (or in her case, her C-section), only brought them closer.
Brodesser-Akner did anecdotal research on the topic by interviewing some guy friends. Turns out that none of them were weirded out by witnessing childbirth — bodily fluids and all.
She also interviews Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of The Male Brain, who says that men aren’t repulsed, but rather, in awe of their partners. “ His level of admiration and respect for her physical courage and ability to get through that kind of physical feat that he will never have to do overpowers all the other stuff, said Dr. Brizendine.
Meanwhile, a recent study suggests that it may not be such a good idea to have dad in the delivery room because his involvement in childbirth might actually set him up to fail as a new father. It certainly didn’t work that way in my case — instead, being in the delivery room set my husband up to be an active participant in his children’s lives.
Was your husband in the delivery room with you? And if he was, did he see you differently after witnesses you give birth?
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Photo: flickr/rbphalen
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0 Comments
Rosana commented on Sep 02 10 at 8:52 amIf they want to and they are ready, why not?
Rosana commented on Sep 02 10 at 8:55 amYes, my husband was with me for both births, he cut the umbilical cord for both babies and did not want to leave the hospital at night :)
He was really excited but at the second birth he got a little dizzy when he saw me in so much pain (I was in pain but more afraid that he was going to hit the floor when I saw no color on his face, LOL). He got better quick and was ready by the time my daughter arrived.
ashley commented on Sep 02 10 at 11:27 amMy boyfriend was in the delivery room and stayed the whole 2 days with me in the hospital. He is an awesome father. I think if he missed out on the birth of his son, he wouldnt be the great father he is today. I think that study is bullshit.
IndigoSabrian commented on Sep 02 10 at 11:53 amMy husband was pretty weirded out beforehand, thinking about things. But when we actually were delivering, he said it was about the coolest and most amazing thing he’d ever seen! He doesn’t seem to be scarred by it afterwards.
Jennifer commented on Sep 02 10 at 12:21 pmMy Boyfriend had just been through the past 70 hours of labor (we had a labor that lasted from 7/1-7/4), and between him having to practically pick me up out of the bathtub and rescue me from an Ambien-induced hallucination while I was on the toilet (prescribed second day of laboring, I didn’t think there was much more that could make me loose my sex-appeal lol. He was great in the delivery room, better coach then I could have asked for! He even stayed the whole time I stayed, which made things a TON easier (our son had some problems at delivery and had to spend our hospital time in the NICU).
I wouldn’t go through it again if i didn’t have his support before and during childbirth :)
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