This is a tough subject that we are struggling with right now. I have one son who is a very healthy eater–stops when he is full on his own and likes to eat a variety of foods. He has a healthy weight and body mass. My other son is very picky. He has sensory issues so we attribute some of this pickiness to that. However over the last couple of years this child has gotten heavier than he should be. He is always hungry and always looking for something to eat. He does not like vegetables and it is just difficult to fill him up with low calorie foods. I do sometimes tell him it is okay to feel a little bit hungry. As I said, we are struggling as a family with this right now. It is also difficult because we have one child who eats healthy and burns calories very efficiently so he is very lean and muscular while the other one is not. How do you allow one to have ice cream and the other not? How do you punish the child who has been eating healthy all day by not giving them a treat when the ice cream truck comes by? It is tough and we don’t have the answers yet that we are comfortable with as a family.

Sorry, but Dr. Meeker is just dead wrong on this one. All people need to learn to listen their internal cues regarding their own hunger, not have someone from the outside tell them when they’re hungry or not. I’ve never heard such hogwash. Also, if you only keep healthy food in the house, picking a piece of fruit or some baby carrots out of the fridge to snack isn’t a horrible punishment, it’s just what-we-eat-at-our-house.

Ellyn Satter, I think, has the most commonsensical approach to eating, especially forming a healthy relationship with food (and she developed this approach after years of talking with people who had eating disorders of varying kinds).

“What Is Normal Eating?” From the book How to Get Your Kid to Eat
… But Not Too Much, by Ellyn Satter, R.D., A.C.S.W.
“Normal eating is being able to eat when you are hungry and continue eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it-not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to use some moderate constraint in your food selection to get the right food, but not being so restrictive that you miss out on pleasurable foods. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is three meals a day, most of the time, but it can also be choosing to munch along. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful when they are fresh. Normal eating is overeating at times: feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. It is also undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your emotions, your schedule, your hunger, and your proximity to food.”

Comments

Amy – your readers’ comments are far more reasonable (and consistent with the research) than Dr. Meeker’s. I love what Donna Fish writes about teaching our kids to be “body detectives” – paying attn to the physical and emotional clues. If we, as parents, create a context of mindful and moderate eating (eating at the table, for example) we will help them develop these skills.

Comments
I came across this site because I do childcare and try to provide healthy and limited snacks. The parents are wonderful, they contribute to snacks but I usually get not too healthy of snacks. I also watch after a family member at times who is overweight and the contribution for snacks that day are donuts. I finally said no donuts. . . maybe carrot sticks, apples, etc. I think, as parents, we are too caught up in the “gotta give em’ snacks” thing. Who are really doing it for, the kids or for us to make us feel like we’re doing a great job as parents and getting the latest, coolest snacks on the shelf? I totally agree with some comments from other parent on this topic. . . do your child a favor and offer an apple or something else healthy and the child doesn’t want it, then they really aren’t hungry. What happened to the ol’ fashioned way of thinking and common sense before we had a society where we have obese children. As I firmly believe, it ALL STARTS AT HOME! Responsibility, accountability, creativity, longetivity. My kids still get their fill of the ice cream, candy, smores, etc. but they we make sure they have a balance. I cringe when I see Lunchables with green nasty fruit juice, candy bar and is a recommended for lunch as stated in a parents magazine. I see other stuff that is used very sparingly. Should never replace a meal. I’m 40, my parents were right on the money when they gave us a homemade dinner, had a garden to eat from and we played and played and played for our snack time. Somewhere, we as parents, lost our innate ability to believe that WE CAN make better decisions for our children and not manufacturers of junk food.