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Losing Sleep Over Babies – Lots of It
If you’ve got a newborn, you know parenting isn’t always a dream.
A recent study by Iftikhar Mirza, sleep scientist at Silentnight bed company, says that parents of infants miss out on 912 hours of much-needed sleep, based on a minimum of 5 hours a night, before their child turns 2.
Effectively, that’s six months worth of sleepless nights, in case you’re counting.
The Daily Mail reports that most parents clock “fewer than four hours a night as they get up countless times to feed or soothe the little one.” 12 percent of parents surveyed “get fewer than two and half hours” of shut-eye a night. Ouch.
It’s no wonder, then, that “a third of new parents admit to arguing at least five times a week, a quarter of mothers say they suffer from mood swings and depression and a fifth say they are often irritated by their other half simply because they are so exhausted.”
Five percent of couples admit to having called it quits due to exhaustion. I know in my own marriage, sleep deprivation certainly made a bad situation worse. Experts recommend exercise and eating healthy as ways to try to combat the grumpiness that comes along with sleeplessness. The only problem is, who has the energy to exercise when they’re sleep-deprived from taking care of an infant? I know some Alpha Moms make it happen, but I never found the time. I was too busy during those years working and performing, which is why now I get winded on stage during a particularly inspired freestyle. It’s embarrassing to need a nap after a three minute rap, but maybe I can finally catch up on all those winks I missed.
Photo: edenpictures via Flickr
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[...] Losing Sleep Over Babies – Lots of It – Babble (blog) [...]
Sleeping Help commented on Jul 25 10 at 8:05 pm[...] commenter on my post Losing Sleep Over Babies wonders if sleep-deprivation isn’t the fault of parents who stay up late. She writes, [...]
Take It From One Who Knows: Your Baby Does Not Belong in a Bar | Strollerderby commented on Jul 28 10 at 2:20 pmGretchen Powers commented on Jul 23 10 at 4:25 pmA seriously great tip is to sleep *with* the infant (rather than getting up and going to a crib in another room) and breastfeed on demand through the night while the infant is young. For certain people, you can sleep through the nursing and wakings or only wake mildly for a minute before both mom and baby doze off to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, many people will poo poo this idea, and you can do what you want, but I am telling you, I did this and I very rarely was sleep deprived or tired and I managed to exercise regularly as well as conduct business on a part-time basis during my child’s infancy.
Nicky's mom commented on Jul 23 10 at 9:11 pmAmen!
Linda commented on Jul 23 10 at 9:26 pmMy husband and I co-slept and I learned how to night nurse while barely waking.
Linda commented on Jul 23 10 at 9:27 pmI wanted to add, this was with the third child. With the first two, I was so sleep deprived that wished for death.
Andrea commented on Jul 23 10 at 11:37 pmI agree- I slept with my son with my breasts exposed and he practically learned to attach and nurse without waking me up. It was brilliant!!
Samsmomma commented on Jul 24 10 at 4:24 amSorry, I disagree that co-sleeping helps. We had a queen size bed and Sam slept between us for 3 months. I never got any quality sleep because I was always so careful not to roll over onto him. Even when I was asleep I was aware of him next to me. That concern prevented me from falling into a deep, restful sleep. Things got much better when he moved to a bassinet next to our bed.
Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jul 24 10 at 6:24 amLinda, I was right there with you on the wishing for death thing. People would tell me to sleep when the baby slept, yet after the new baby novelty wears off on all the volunteer bodies recruited to help have gone back to their own lives, you’re still facing several months of sleeplessness. Samsmomma, I was sold the cosleeping/nursing combo as the end all, be all solution as well, and it ended up not being worth it in the long run. In the short term it wasn’t all that worth it either, it’s not like I ever hit that deep level of restorative sleep necessary to truly feel rested. I’m doing the bassinet next to the bed next time.
ChiLaura commented on Jul 24 10 at 9:18 amI do not understand these stats AT ALL. We didn’t co-sleep, though I did doze while I nursed lying down. We had a bassinet in the room until about 4 months, by which time my kids were basically going thru the night, and at minimum a 6-hour stretch. And I have 3 kids, so it’s not just some lucky fluke with one of them. Is it because I’m a stay-home mom, so I’m not playing catch-up when I get home from work? Are my kids just super-amazing sleepers? Sure, during the first couple weeks I’d believe the 5 hrs/night thing, but after that? Honestly, I wonder if it’s not “the parents’ fault,” either because they’re not finding a sleep solution that works for them, be it co-sleeping, or a crib down the hall, or because once the baby’s in bed, they just stay up to late. This latter option is my problem. If I went to bed within 3 hours after my kids were asleep, I’d get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep. I don’t, though, I procrastinate and waste time on-line. It’s my own damn fault.
I just hate the whole, “Oh, a baby will change your life [implication, "for the worse"], and you’ll never sleep, or travel, or do ANYTHING FUN AGAIN!” Which is exactly how this study makes things sound.
Jennifer P commented on Jul 24 10 at 11:53 pmI love that there has been research showing how little sleep parents really get! My SIL was lucky in that her newborn slept 5 hours at night within a week of coming home, but according to anything I’ve heard, MOST kids don’t sleep that much that early. My child had medical issues, and never slept more than maybe 3-4 hours maximum at a time at night, would wake up to have a bottle, then it was so difficult to get him to go back to sleep so we didn’t get much sleep! Most nights I only had to get up twice to give him a bottle, but some nights it was as many as 4 times before morning came! I walked around like a zombie for months! He was more than a year old before he ever slept through the night (i.e. 6-7 hours). And then I still had to get ready and go to bed also. And now that he’s 2 1/2, he still only sleeps about 9-9 1/2 hours at night (then makes up the rest during naptime.)
I learned to actually take a nap at the same time he was sleeping, instead of doing dishes or any housework, because otherwise I would have literally died from exhaustion. My husband and I were at each others throats all the time because we were just so incredibly sleep deprived, all the time, so everything irritated us. (I’m glad to hear we weren’t the only ones that happened to!) I suffered from depression due to lack of sleep. Who knew lack of sleep could cause so many problems? I sure didn’t, until it happened to us.
Linda, I completely understand your statement- “I was so sleep deprived I wished for death!”
Jennifer P commented on Jul 25 10 at 12:04 amChiLaura- it’s not just that you’re a stay-at-home mom. I am also, and my experience was completely different from yours. My SIL works outside the home, and her baby slept well from the time he was born. It just depends on the child. I think you were incredibly lucky that your children slept so well since that’s not something I’ve heard from very many mothers.
It’s not just “the parents fault.” My mother had 6 kids, and only the oldest ever slept decent enough at night for my parents to get sleep. She said none of the rest of us kids slept 6 hours until we were close to a year old.
And it sure wasn’t the issue that I stayed up too late after putting our baby to bed- I would literally drop into bed after putting our son to bed. I did such a poor job at taking care of myself due to exhaustion, that I developed cavities from not taking care of my teeth enough because I just didn’t have the energy. According to my MIL, my husband was similiar when he was a baby- she could only count on him sleeping from 6-10 am every day. The rest of the night was up in the air- sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. So I’m guessing sometimes there’s a genetic component to it.
bob commented on Jul 26 10 at 10:01 amJennifer P has it right. All kids are different and all parents have different sleep requirements, family circumstances and options at their disposal. My kid had severe reflux that the doctor refused to treat for 9 months. Wished for death that entire time. Though much better and now weaned, he still wakes several times a night, and rises early in the morning. He seems to require much less sleep than other kids his age to function well. That’s my Dad’s superpower, too, needing very little sleep. Unfortunately, he passed that trait on to his grandkid, but not to me. I’m a weakling who needs 7-8 hours if I want to be friendly, intelligent, flexible and reasonable.
MsC commented on Jul 26 10 at 11:12 amOne thing I’ve always wondered about the co-sleeping, breastfeed in bed as a sleep saver thing is: didn’t your baby pee? Even if she had been in bed with us, one of us still would have had to get up to change her diaper. Maybe my kid just excreted more often, but she needed to be changed either before or after just about every feeding.
Huh? commented on Jul 26 10 at 4:16 pmOh dear lord. My kiddo is 15 months, has been sleeping through the night (with a few exceptions due to illness) since 9-10 months, and I’m still so friggin’ tired I just don’t know what to do with myself, other than hope that I get fired so I *only* have the one job at home instead of the 2…or 1.5, to be fair. zzzzzz…….
Gretchen Powers commented on Jul 26 10 at 5:08 pmMsC…do you really change your baby in the middle of the night for just pee? No way. It can wait til morning and its no big deal. Poop, of course, but no wonder people are tired if they’re changing pee diapers in the middle of the night.
MsC commented on Jul 26 10 at 5:33 pmGP, yes I changed her when she was wet! If I didn’t she would have been too chapped to believe. Sensitive skin runs in my family, so maybe her bottom was more tender than most.
Gretchen Powers commented on Jul 26 10 at 7:09 pmWow…kudos to you. I guess this is another instance where all babies are different. After I wrote that, I thought, too, that some people would say being wet caused the baby to be distressed and not sleep anyway. Oh well. Around here, liberal smears of A&D took care of preventative irritation.
MsC commented on Jul 26 10 at 11:31 pmAt any rate that explains how that situation could save sleep!
Becca commented on Aug 09 10 at 4:06 amMy kids slept through the night at 12 & 8 weeks respectively but I was still tired a lot of the time. I would try to jam so many things in to there sleep time. P.S. Our kids never got diaper rash at night, from pee we only changed them for poop and only if they woke up otherwise we didn’t know it was there. A little diaper cream before bed and they never got a rash.
Cindiego commented on Dec 02 10 at 6:12 amI love our cosleeper bassinet as the best cosleeping compromise. When I can, I put the baby back in so I get more thorough sleep. Our second baby is a MUCH better sleeper than the first, our situation with him matched what the article describes.
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