[...] it’s the phrase “ghetto parenting” that everyone from the New York Times to Babble and My Brown Baby is talking about. Mitchell says she knew that people would be offended by her [...]

[...] can turn out,” it’s the phrase “ghetto parenting” that everyone from the New York Times to Babble and My Brown Baby is talking about. Mitchell says she knew that people would be offended by her [...]

[...] to take the guesswork out of parenting.   Here at Strollerderby, we’ve written about “ghetto parenting,” authoritative parenting and idle parenting.  We’ve talked about helicopter [...]

I find the term offensive. It isn’t just that the term “ghetto parenting” comes off as racist, it also is classist. There is a middle class smugness inherent in the criteria which goes beyond simple racism. I feel like the judgmental tone smacks of class bias, as if the crimes committed never occur in wealthier families. Does the writer really believe that only parents in the ghetto swear in front of their children? Does the author believe that abusive relationships only exist in the ghetto and/or that keeping the “brawling” away from the kids protects them from any of the damage that abusive relationships cause? Don’t the free range kids fans encourage us to allow our children to explore the world on their own the way many of us did as children? For those of us who prefer not to pay a sitter and have friends/relatives available, should we ignore all the magazines which encourage us to make time for date nights and girls night outings with pre-baby friends? Obviously, there are bad, neglectful parents, but what exactly is the point of this article and the need to create a new term except to feel superior to people to author considers to be not like her? If she wanted to make a point about the sad case of Derrick Lemon, she could have taken the time to discuss how poverty and marginalization has lead some people to make bad parenting choices and this harms children and society at large and THEN she could have, maybe, offered some solutions to prevent these situations from happening again. But that would have actually meant she had to see people not like her as human beings as opposed to stereotypes to whom she can feel superior.

The term Ghetto Parenting is very offensive. Derrick Lemon’s story has been told in different settings, among different classes, in many parts of the world. Parental tragedies class and color blind. Bad parenting should be called just that BAD PARENTING.

So Kat, since you wouldn’t hesitate to use the term, perhaps you can tell me the difference between Redneck Parenting and Ghetto Parenting. I’d like to understand the differences.

First, I find the term offensive, Haunani said it nicely.
Second, wouldn’t redneck parenting be exactly the same as ghetto parenting, except with a different racist description?
Finally, I was struck by this phrase in the post, “I wouldn’t use it in front of my child for fear that she might assume the same thing so many others have: That I am referring only to bad black parents.”

Really? Maybe my oldest, who is 8, just hasn’t been exposed to enough racism yet, but I’m pretty sure if I said the word “ghetto” in front of him he would have no idea what I was talking about, much less wrongly associate the word with a group of people.

Do rich people make bad parents? Rich parents care just as much as poor parents. but rich parents need more than caring. http://j.mp/am9NB7

lack OF privilege and education

Those comfortable with the phrase are quite content in their privilege and superior attitude. They are comfortable with the racial implication because they don’t know and don’t want to know of any of the exemplary parents that might live in a ghetto. Oh, they love the stories of people who have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps because it proves that if the rest of those ghetto dwellers could do it too, if they really wanted to. Otherwise, they can stroke their ego with the knowledge that no one from *their* socioeconomic class, and certainly not anyone they relate to or know would be a ghetto parent. Smug satisfaction… it’s not a good look.

Mitchell also followed up these racial criticisms with some examples of rich white parents who would be considered “ghetto.” When I taught in the South Bronx, this term was used in the exact same fashion as Ms. Mitchell used it, describing neither race nor class, but unwise behavior. I was even accused of being ghetto (as a white, middle class woman) for having a box of cereal (for a hungry student) and a can of coke (for a tired teacher)–aparently mixing coke and cereal is quintessential “ghetto.” I am hesitant to even loosly associate something so negative with “predominantly black” or “inner city,” but I also think that this is upsetting a lot of white people who don’t really get it. They are projecting thier own understandig of a word onto others. Living in the ghetto does not make one “ghetto.” Before we start accusing and judging, maybe some of us should actually step into the inner city. You might just learn a thing or two.

We should just replace the adjectives “ghetto” and “redneck/white trash” with a good race-neutral catchall for all this foolishness. I nominate “daytime talkshow guests” and I’m open to other suggestions. Also the list should expand to include people who refer to their child’s other parent as “baby daddy/momma”, people who move a boyfriend/girlfriend into a home they share with their kids (or worse yet, their momma and their kids) after knowing him or her less than six months, and the practice of using your kids as a sympathy card to get free stuff.

I think it’s silly to try to pretend that the word “ghetto” is just a popular turn of phrase and not a word loaded with social and racial implications, Laura.

Living in the ghetto and actually being ghetto are not the same thing.

The way I understand it, “ghetto” is one of those terms you are allowed to use only from the inside. I’ve often described myself as “trailer trash” (like ghetto but more bucolic) but woe unto the person who calls me that. Still, we’ve all met parents who are 2 steps from the daytime talkshow appearance. Do they need a handle? Maybe it’s more productive to the conversation if we skip the shortcut and describe the behavior.

How about “non-parenting?” I see some excellent parenting and some non-parenting everywhere I go, regardless of the extremes of wealth and variety of geography. Or maybe in the absence of adult clarity of decision-making, call it “co-childhood.”

within poor communities the word “ghetto” has bad connotations, and I think the use of “ghetto parenting” is an apt way to describe parents that just don’t care. not everyone that’s poor is ghetto. they’re not calling it “inner-city parenting.” “ghetto parenting” could just as easily describe negligent white parents.

It’s just not a term I would feel comfortable using, as it seems to be inherantly loaded with racial stereotypes. ‘Bad parenting’ is too broad; ‘non-parenting’ reminds me of laissaz-faire parenting which annoys me, but is different from what this post describes…
I would like to propose ‘offensive parenting’.

M_S, I don’t think there was anything smug about my comment. I clearly said that bad parenting spans all income levels. I just don’t think there is any point in pretending that lack of opportunity (I said privilege) and lack of access to education don’t contribute to many social problems, including neglect and abuse of children.

Oh! Thanks for clarifying! Sorry I misunderstood. And I agree the term is offensive and not helpful.

I don’t find it to be racist but I definitely find it to have negative socioeconomic connotations, as others have already said. It seems to assume that this type of terrible parenting is limited to those who have low incomes. I saw a well dressed (seemingly middle class) woman at IKEA the other day who smacked her son (he looked about 8) and repeatedly called him retarded (which is a slur, btw) because he got excited about the self-checkout lane and wanted to help. How about “Trashy Parenting”?

Sometimes the truth hurts; “ghetto parenting” is a very apt term. I understand how it might be “racist” or “classist”, but that doesn’t change how true it is. Furthermore, we all need to put our big girl panties on and stop getting offended at every little thing.

And yes… at ten year old white blonde girl is gonna go tell all of you bitches something. Think about it ” black” people were forced from africa to work their asses off… we never gave them the money they needed. Yet some are very successful! Though when you look on the news you see very many black people on there! Because they are probably raised to hate white people! I hate that. it’s not only black people that are ghetto.