[...] was replaying that scene as I read How to Give Parenting Advice to Strangers from our friends at Babble.com. The gist of it is, if you see a parent with their hands full, even [...]

[...] wrote last week about how annoying it can be when strangers (especially childless ones) offer parenting advice.  Sierra’s suggestion to would-be experts?  Rather than criticize, “think about what [...]

I don’t have a worst story, but I have a best one. I was in the Beijing airport late at night. Our flight from Guangzhou was miserable – the AC in the plane was broken and my son was badly overdressed. His sweatshirt and pants were soaked with sweat. And he was starving. I had some light clothes and food for him in the suitcase, but he was screaming and flailing and I was too dead tired to do it all myself. I carried him to a row of chairs and collapsed, and tried to ease the suitcase open with my one free hand, which wasn’t really working.

An elderly couple saw me and came over to sit next to me. They didn’t know a word of English and I couldn’t remember my few Mandarin phrases, but they helped me change my son and fish the baby food out to feed him. My son calmed down eventually. The couple and I sat there smiling at each other for a while – I wish I could have said something other than, “Xie xie, xie xie.” The wife said something to me – maybe it was advice, or maybe it was encouragement. When they were sure we were all right, they left us.

We don’t tend to attract advice-giving strangers in general, though. My son is a charmer rather than a crier when he’s out in public.

And AwesomeCloud’s mom, that is an awesome story.

Mistress_Scorpio, people told me the same thing when my daughter was born! They told me that at 3-weeks-old, I should put her in a pack-n-play alone while I go take a shower. The advice was to let her cry while I relaxed. Um, yeah, NO. I held and fed my daughter on demand for the first 8 months or so, and now she’s a very secure and well-developed fourteen-month-old who is NOT “spoiled”.

PS I think a lot of people–especially when it’s coming from grandparents–say the spoiled thing so you will put them down and they can pick them up. What they didn’t realize was that all it did was piss me off and make me never want to let them get their hands on him.

JBoogie, I totally agree with you about the grandparents thing! I once had my MIL practically inhale her Easter dinner so that she could take my son from me (he was 4 weeks old and sleeping on my chest as I sat on the sofa) without asking first. Just before dinner he was crying and my FIL said to just let him cry or he will be spoiled. It turns out the poor child was developing serious reflux and had every reason to cry. Needless to say, I left feeling very angry that day.

Wow, there were times where one of my kids did have to be put in the crib or the pack-n-play so that I could take a shower or start dinner. Luckily there are all well-developed 10, 12 and 21 year olds who are not *damaged*.
To each. I don’t think one way or necessarily better, but each parent needs to figure out what’s the best way for all concerned.

Oh definitely, goddess, there have been times when I’ve had to put my son down and let him cry so I can go pee or pour my tenth cup of coffee for the morning, but when I was holding him I didn’t appreciate anyone telling me I’m spoiling him. You can’t spoil a baby with love from mama. :-)

Gotta agree with you there JBoogie.
One of my favorite times was when my 3rd, my daughter was a newborn. She used to love to snuggle with her head up under my chin and fall asleep after feedings. It’s the closest feeling to pure bliss I have ever felt. I’d just scrunch down and cuddle her there for at least an hour. My grandma probably would have said I was spoiling her. She was just a snuggle bug- and still is. Not spoilt at all either!

While pregnant with my second child, a woman at Target told me I should be buying aluminum-free deodorant instead of anti-perspirant, because it was healthier.

Meanwhile, her daughters (around 6 and 8) were running around the store BAREFOOT. No shoes in sight, they’d walked through the parking lot that way. Tetanus, anyone?

GRRRRRRRR!!!!

Yeah, confronting strange people in public is never a good idea. I might make an exception in the case of abuse, but I’d probably just alert store management or something. That being said, I seriously hate it when people leave their tny babies to cry in their car seats when out in public. I’m not even nursing anymore and I get those false letdown pangs. I always think those parents are so freakin’ clueless. If a total strnager is having pangs over your baby crying, how can you feel nothing???

tho i have no kids of my own yet people are alway saying how good i am with them i’d like to think i dont try and advice people on there kids i do however if i’m say in the supermarket behind a tired looking mum and a crying child i’ll keep the child entertain usually with something like peekaboo while parent sorts out the check out i like to think it’s helpful

@JJ: to the mom or nanny question, I would have answered “none of your damn business,” in the most menacing tone I could muster. Her choice of words to inquire about your son were already questionable. To her second statement I would have replied that I was already doing a better job than her mother had done with her. I love to point out to snobby people just how poorly raised they appear to be. In any case, so sorry you had to go through that.

JJ: I am impressed that you didn’t punch this woman in her mouth. I’m 7 months pregnant and I think I would have either a) went into hysterics or b) told her to shut the f*ck up.

PlumbLucky–I can’t even come up with a coherent response to those out of wedlock remarks. I would have been so freaking stunned if someone would have actually said something like that to me. If I could have gotten my wits about me quickly though, I would have loved to say something like “I would have married him…if I only knew who he was. I just can’t remember if it was Jim Bob or Billy Ray…..”

@JBoogie – well, I considered the source and the rest of the context of their rant and (hopefully not offending anyone with this analogy) went “Southern” on them. Example? Turned the “unmarried teenage high school dropout with no home training” to “really? Try married professional woman in her late 30s who had a mother and grandmother who taught her that respect is EARNED and who pays for your social security?”

PlumbLucky/mamaoftwo: I am floored by the gall of the people who subjected you to these experiences. It isn’t the kids in need of physical discipline, it’s these adults!!

The strangest thing a stranger said to me wasn’t really advice. I was standing in line at Target buying a baby monitor and the woman behind me said very rudely, “How big is your house that you need to have a baby monitor?” I just looked at her with ‘are-you-an-idiot’ eyes and then turned back around.

I’m 8 months pregnant and wear my wedding ring on my necklace chain. I’m waiting for somebody to say something because I have the perfect response stored up: “You saw I was pregnant and your first thought was to look at my HAND rather than my FACE, where you would have seen my ring around my neck? You judgmental asshole.”

Also, I look young, so I’m also waiting for somebody to tell me to practice safe sex or something so that I can point out that I’m 30 and married and this baby was planned, fuck you very much.

And now, reading these comments, I have to say I think I may be arrested for battery if somebody has the nerve to tell me some of these things during the parental boot camp period.

Course, I say that, but I’m rather shy so my usual response is to avoid eye contact, shake my head, and get away.

Didn’t see any discussion of carseats. I have a hard time resisting telling people that they are out of line with a 5 month old facing forward. Sometimes I do it, hoping they will hate me, but go home and google it and realize they are being dipsh*ts.

And I overheard a lively 5 year old girl repeatedly asking her grandmother why there were no chicks in the eggs they bought. Grandma kept getting more agitated with her, insisting they talk about it later… I so wanted to answer the damned question. Chicken reproduction: clearly a taboo subject.