Most parents think a little competition is good for kids.  It motivates them and teaches them how to win  – and lose – with grace.  But a recent study of the effect of competitiveness on teenagers’ psychological well-being and social functioning finds that all competitiveness is not created equal.  In fact, the wrong kind might actually be harmful to girls.

Dr. David Hibbard from California State University and Dr. Duane Buhrmester from the University of Texas compared the effects of two different kinds of competitiveness on 110 high school boys and girls.  Looking at kids who compete in order to excel and surpass personal goals and those who compete in an effort to dominate others and win, they found a distinct difference in the impact such competitiveness has on girls as opposed to boys.

Based on questionnaires completed by the students and their parents, they determined that both boys and girls who competed to excel and prove something only to themselves had higher self-esteem and less depression.  But when it came to competing to win and dominate others, girls suffered emotional and social consequences with higher levels of depression, loneliness and fewer close friendships.

“The overarching issue this study explored was whether competitiveness as a motivational orientation is good or bad for males and females. The findings clarify, to some degree, western cultures’ ‘ambivalence’ about competitiveness. The view that competitiveness is the road to emotional well-being is supported to the extent that one is talking about competing to improve oneself or excel. On the other hand, if one is talking about competing to win or show dominance over others, then females seem to pay a socio-emotional price.”

The study authors don’t attempt to explain just why competing to win is harmful to girls and their social relationships, but I’d venture to guess it has something to do with how winning and losing makes them feel about themselves.

My own girl is super competitive and plays to win.  And when she does come out on top, she feels not just physically superior, but totally superior.  For her, winning isn’t just about being better at a particular sport, but being better all around.  Likewise, not winning makes her feel like a total loser.  This attitude about winning and losing can’t help but impact her relationships with her friends and fellow competitors.

Perhaps boys are better able to differentiate what they do with who they are?

Image: terren in Virginia/Flickr

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