My parents spanked me all of the time. Raising a hand to one of their grandchildren however? Not in a million years. I frequently gufaw at issues they overlook when I would have gotten the racetrack. (You know, the orange plastic ones that hook together with a small red connector? Yup those. I still have “MATTEL” on my backside.) I spanked my oldest – and he, like me, is fine. I haven’t spanked my youngest as she is only 2 1/2 – but I am open to it if need be. My son got spanked when he put his life in danger ie: I spanked him when he was four, pulled away from me and ran out into the street. I would rather him feel my hand on his butt (and I explained this to him) than anything too horrible to imagine from a car. He never ran out into the street again. Remember as we discuss this, spanking and beating/abusing are different issues. Spanking is a personal issue but I think that you should not spank other people’s kids.

Amy, I agree that beating and spanking are entirely different issues, but I fear that the line occasionally gets blurred. I also agree that it’s okay to spank when your child puts their life in danger — as long as you save it for those extreme “never forget” situations when you intend to instill fear in them!

I think this is just another case of the media trying to create a “trend” out of an anecdote. If I were to use my own observations (which are just anecdotes, for the record) I would say that most grandparents spoil their grandkids, even if they were harsh on their own kids when they were growing up.

Without any stats, this is just a story about one family and should not be presented as a general issue.

The point is not that the grandparents approve of spanking. They did it their way with their own kids. Spanking their grandchildren against the wishes of their daughter and SIL makes them disrespectful asshats. If my kids grandparents ever touched my children, they’d only see their grandparents under my or my husband’s direct supervision. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

You are right, my parents should be under the jail and I should have had my son on a leash so he wouldn’t jerk his hand out of mine and run into the street. I am glad your kids are being raised by the perfect mom. I am sure their shrinks will appreciate it too when they are getting paid thousands of dollars to hear how your kids couldn’t live up to YOU!!! Your right – you do suck!

Amy- good for you for teaching your son to stay out of the street, rather than physically restraining him. Children should be taught how to take care of themselves rather than constantly being monitored. Which is why my 23 month old has excellent command of staircases. :)

I’m not sure it’s generational. I’ve known people close to my own age who spank, slap, or otherwise beat their children, some of whom are as young as one. I’ve told my ex if he beats our son, I’ll beat him.

I am totally okay with a smack on the butt to deter a small child from a life-threatening situation. Disciplinary measures depend on the personality of the child and on the consistency of the parents. JBoogie, you sound like you gave your parents a real run for their money!

I think it’s interesting that the psychologist assumes people reading this are already in her corner. We’re not. We spank one of our children. The discipline that works on his siter is not appropriate for him. And, I do have to say at 3, he’s finally turning the corner. Here’s my take: http://biglittledays.blogspot.com/2010/06/discipline-and-repeat.html

And Amy, you’re ridiculous. I think I’m perfect and my kids are going to need therapry because I’m not hitting them with implements and I managed to hold on to them next to the street when they were toddlers? You’re an ass. It must have been your upbringing.

I don’t understand people defending hitting their kids. I wouldn’t hit an adult, I teach my children “we don’t hit,” and I think the smallest people should have the most protection from violence instead of the least. I have given maybe 3 total swats with my kids, and I feel awful about it. I want them to learn the real reasons why they should behave a certain way, not that whoever is biggest and most powerful controls the situation with violence.

If my parents or my husband’s parents hit my kids, that would be the last time they saw their grandchildren unless closely supervised (and it would be a while before I would even want to see them at all).

Spanking Debate! BTDT.
1. You do not “have” to hit your children. No one is forcing you. If you choose to spank, be responsible for that choice. Don’t pretend that you were forced in to action because of some outside circumstance or your child’s disposition. You are an adult. Act like one.
2. On a related note, You were not “forced” in to spanking by your toddler’s inability to obey the laws of traffic or because you didn’t watch him in front of the hot stove. When your child is young, you are responsible for his safety. Since nothing you do will make a toddler “safe” next to a busy road or hot oven, spanking them as a deterrent is silly at best. You still have to hold their hand by the road and you will for several years to come.
3. “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is not in the Bible.
4. Sane people recognize that anyone willing to hit a child with a coat hanger belongs in prison. It does not matter if your parents did it to you and you think you turned out perfectly fine. You are not fine. You are a person who believes that it’s acceptable conduct for an adult to hit a child with a coat hanger. You are damaged. Feel free to apply this rule to your spanking implment of choice.
4. Spanking “as a last resort” is scary. What will you do when it stops working? Spank harder? Grab a coat hanger? Find effetcive forms of discipline that work as a first resort. That’s the point of discipline.
5. Discipline and punishment are not synonyms. Any form of punishment should only be a small fraction of your overall discipline plan. If you honestly don’t know the difference, the public library has parenting books you can borrow for free.
6. Spanking your child won’t keep him out of prison. 99.9% of prisoners were spanked, or worse. See #4.
7. People who believe that it is morally wrong to hit children are not likely to be swayed by your claims abuot it is effectiveness. We don’t care how it’s working out for or how effecive you think it is. Wrong is wrong.

Oh, sorry. I was going to say something, but what’s the point?

Spanking Debate! BTDT.
1. You do not “have” to hit your children. No one is forcing you. If you choose to spank, be responsible for that choice. Don’t pretend that you were forced in to action because of some outside circumstance or your child’s disposition. You are an adult. Act like one.
2. On a related note, You were not “forced” in to spanking by your toddler’s inability to obey the laws of traffic or because you didn’t watch him in front of the hot stove. When your child is young, you are responsible for his safety. Since nothing you do will make a toddler “safe” next to a busy road or hot oven, spanking them as a deterrent is silly at best. You still have to hold their hand by the road and you will for several years to come.
3. “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is not in the Bible.
4. Sane people recognize that anyone willing to hit a child with a coat hanger belongs in prison. It does not matter if your parents did it to you and you think you turned out perfectly fine. You are not fine. You are a person who believes that it’s acceptable conduct for an adult to hit a child with a coat hanger. You are damaged. Feel free to apply this rule to your spanking implment of choice.
4. Spanking “as a last resort” is scary. What will you do when it stops working? Spank harder? Grab a coat hanger? Find effetcive forms of discipline that work as a first resort. That’s the point of discipline.
5. Discipline and punishment are not synonyms. Any form of punishment should only be a small fraction of your overall discipline plan. If you honestly don’t know the difference, the public library has parenting books you can borrow for free.
6. Spanking your child won’t keep him out of prison. 99.9% of prisoners were spanked, or worse. See #4.
7. People who believe that it is morally wrong to hit children are not likely to be swayed by your claims abuot it is effectiveness. We don’t care how it’s working out for or how effecive you think it is. Wrong is wrong.

@Amy – “…I should have had my son on a leash so he wouldn’t jerk his hand out of mine and run into the street.”

I am one of those parents who do use a leash for my child. (One of those kiddie ones with the monkey.) Maybe I am reading you wrong, but you seem to be saying that this is worse than spanking. I find this extremely odd. Personally, I would much rather use this leash (and prevent him from running into the street, which he for sure would do) than hope he won’t get hit by a car and then spank him to teach him some kind of lesson.

time outs and redirection and all the other forms of punishment just don’t work on some kids.
our child thinks redierction is the best game ever, and time outs are awesome. she happily sits in her naughty spot when she’s in trouble. she gets over us taking away her favorite toy in about a minute and then it’s forgotten. so most of the the time our options are to ignore bad behavior (which we do way more often than i like, but honestly can’t figure out a way to punish her that isn’t too big for the crime), or if it’s really bad or dangerous she gets flicked on the hand. i don’t love doing it, but it’s the only thing that works, and i’d rather her hand sting for a minute and her know that mommy means business, than for her to burn herself on the oven door, or for her to hit one of her baby cousins and hurt them.
and the reason she gets a flick on the hand instead of a swat on the bum is because that too she finds hilarious and i’m not comfortable with spanking her with the force that would be required to make it sting her.

I’m not condoning spanking/beating, because it doesn’t work for everyone. But parents who do spank are not child abusers. I would make the argument that putting your kid on a leash is way more mentally damaging than quick swat. “No, you can’t walk by yourself, and you won’t be able to until I decide that I’m ready to cut the umbilical cord and actually let you grow up. Which will be never.” And I don’t think it’s just a generational divide–I think there is probably a large regional divide.

I grew up being hit on the rear with belts, wooden spoons, extension cords, and occasionally slapped in the face, so I’m not really comfortable with even a little spank on the butt.
We did use a “leash” (which was attached to a pink backpack that our oldest daughter picked out when she was two) for a while. She loved that thing…gave her a bit of freedom, but prevented her from sprinting away from us. Now, we don’t use the leash part of it and she just uses the backpack. I still make sure she gets her heartworm pill every month, however, and we frequently take her for grooming so that her coat will stay nice and shiny.

Just to the last person who commented… that whole use of “ur” instead of writing out “your” made your post stupid and a waste.

I grew up in the south where your daddy would hand you a pocket knife and tell you to “pick a switch” when you were gonna get your butt beat. From the time I was very small I never respected my parents, feared them yes, respect never. I learned to be evasive and sneaky. I never considered they had my best interest at heart, just that they wanted compliance and I learned to do that in the moment and once their back was turned I did what I wanted in the first place. Now I am over 40, professionally successful, and the proud mother of a 7 month old. I promised myself before he was born that he would NEVER grow up in the fear filled environment I did. I want to have a life long loving and respectful relationship with my son. Respect, in my opinion, goes both ways. I implore those parents who were spanked to critically look at that behavior. I for one, will not perpetuate that example for my son.