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Elusive American Dream or Incredible Parenting Failure?

Posted by madeline holler on July 7th, 2010 at 5:35 pm

adult children living at home the american dream elusive 300x222 Elusive American Dream or Incredible Parenting Failure?Oh dear. The New York Times promised in a headline to show us how elusive the American Dream is for this generation of college graduates. Instead, we see a portrait — a cautionary tale, really — of how kids who are never exposed to risk, are never expected to do for themselves, and have never acted outside the confines of a structured program (pre-paid registration required!) will turn out.

Summary: not good.

The Times visits with Scott Nicholson, a Grafton, Mass., 24-year-old who graduated from Colgate and can’t find a job. Well, he can’t find one that he wants. He’s turning down an insurance company, which offered him $40,000 for a very entry-level position. His brother’s making $75,000 per year. That’s more like what Scott has in mind.

Scott’s living at home with his parents, who don’t charge him rent. They’re paying for his cellphone. He does odd jobs for a little spending money.

Scott’s father and grandfather, who, incidentally, paid for all of Scott’s college — Scott’s not one of many, many new graduates already saddled with unimaginable student loan debt — didn’t have this kind of struggle when starting out their careers. And I suppose this is where we’re supposed to see an enormous shift in the history of work in the U.S. and how The American Dream is no longer possible for Scott and his peers. The grandfather got a job from an old army buddy. The father, likewise, was hired by a friend. The two took a chance on jobs, worked hard and turned them into careers. Son Scott? Nah. That’s not really his style.

See, he’s entitled to more because he:

“worked hard through high school to get myself into the college I did,” Scott said, “and then I worked hard through college to graduate with the grades and degree that I did to position myself for a solid job.” (He majored in political science and minored in history.)

What’s interesting is that Scott knows he’s being coddled, ahem, supported.

“As frustrated as I get now, and I never intended to live at home, I’m in a good situation in a lot of ways,” Scott said. “I have very little overhead and no debt, and it is because I have no debt that I have any sort of flexibility to look for work. Otherwise, I would have to have a job, some kind of full-time job.”

He knows he’s privileged. Which is why you want to take Scott by the shoulders and shake him a little. Live it up, Scott! Go try something new! Take a chance. Follow a dream. For you, baby, everything’s going to work out!

And that’s what makes this piece so scary. And why it has nothing to do with the American Dream.

I’m not a baby-boomer (too young) and I wasn’t raised by baby-boomers (smidgen too old) but my and my kids’ lives are certainly impacted by the structures and expectations and habits of the baby-boomer parenting generation. While some of what we’ve inherited is pretty cool — kids’ menus and car seats, for instance — the part where we micro-manage the kids from cradle to law school, fear for their lives on a daily/hourly basis, and believe that our healthy and smart 24-year-olds with job offers still need our shelter and cellphone money, that’s what I can see has no pay-off for the child, the parent or society.

To even call the American Dream elusive for Scott is to miss the point of the American Dream, which doesn’t say you’re entitled to do better than your parents from the comfort of their living room. It’s that the possibility is there for those willing to walk out Mom’s front door, get in a crappy car and go to work.

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 Elusive American Dream or Incredible Parenting Failure?

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[...] Elusive American Dream or Incredible Parenting Fail? [...]

Angelina Jolie and Cinderella Role | Strollerderby commented on Jul 07 10 at 7:01 pm

Scott=asshole.
I took a job for 29K out of college, granted, this was over 10 years ago…but within a few months I negotiated a 50% raise by identifying needs at the organization and creating a new position in which I’d handle them. You’ve gotta start somewhere. (He majored in political science and minored in history? bwahahahahaha!!)

Gretchen Powers commented on Jul 07 10 at 5:43 pm

Warning, I’m very pregnant, very hot and feeling very profane. I’m a big advocate of reading the linked article. But I can’t bear to read about this privileged little shit, or pretend to boo hoo over those like him because they’re not receiving all the blessings they believe should be raining upon them because “he did what he was supposed to do.” You know how many people do what they are supposed to do and never achieve the American Dream? The NYT had an article recently about consultants who are hired to teach these little boils on the butt of humanity the value of a dollar because they have so little concept of working for what they receive. Screw em. I’d hope that they’d continue reaping the loser crop they’ve sown, but “rich people’s affirmative action” will ensure that after he’s done sitting out the recession, this ass will be fist in line to be employed while the not-as-privileged population continues to languish until the trickle down effect makes its way down to them.

Mistress_Scorpio commented on Jul 07 10 at 6:00 pm

I have to agree. “[The American Dream] doesn’t say you’re entitled to do better than your parents form the comfort of your living room. It’s that the possibility is there for those willing to walk out Mom’s front door…” A-freaking-men to that! Brilliant.

The American Dream isn’t eluding Scott…he’s running away from it.

jenny tries too hard commented on Jul 07 10 at 6:06 pm

This young adult, who is apparently still a child and his parents disgust me.

Jen commented on Jul 07 10 at 7:20 pm

I am of the millenial generation, and these types of articles blow my mind. I cannot imagine turning down a job in this economy. I hate that an entire generation is characterized by this guy; I believe most people my age understand that you have to work (hard) to get where you want to be.
http://where-is-my.blogspot.com

jessica commented on Jul 07 10 at 9:12 pm

Scott’s parents have failed. They need to kick his butt to the curb! WTH?

Linda commented on Jul 08 10 at 12:31 am

He turned down a job making 40k?? My first full-time job out of grad school started me at $27k, and I had a Master’s degree. The only reason I’m able to make over 40k now is because I have two jobs (granted, I work in education, so I’m not expecting to make 100k/year). I just can’t imagine why anyone would turn down a job. This makes me very sad, but hopefully someone else who would appreciate that position was able to step in.

MomofBeans commented on Jul 08 10 at 7:46 am

Same warnings that Mistress_Scorpio prefaced her comments with apply to me (very pregnant, very warm, very cranky, feeling quite profane over this whining sniveling little twerpola). In no particular order, this child turned down a 40K job, pays no rent, pays not many other costs, and thinks he deserves 75K because he did as he was supposed to? Glad he’s not in Michigan or might find the need to smack him upside the head. Parents too. Way to raise a winner folks.

PlumbLucky commented on Jul 08 10 at 8:53 am

Turning down that job was probably a mistake. Not sure I can blame him for much else, though, putting jealousy aside (student loans give me less flex). Well, majoring in Poli Sci was unfortunate, too.
His comfortable situation is permitting him to deny the unfortunate reality longer than others could. He had expectations about his immediate future that aren’t panning out. Those expectations may have been more realistic in a different economic environment. In any case, now he has to compromise and revise his expectations, which is painful for anyone.

bob commented on Jul 08 10 at 9:04 am

His parents completely deserve to be saddled with him since they raised him to be so entitled and silly.

Manjari commented on Jul 08 10 at 9:33 am

There’s nothing inherently wrong with majoring in Poli Sci, but maybe he should consider grad school right now…and kids who major in stuff like that need to make sure they know how to actually DO THINGS that businesses need. Working in a business environment while finishing school helps, in my opinion.

Gretchen Powers commented on Jul 08 10 at 9:35 am

The only thing wrong with majoring in poli sci is coupling that with the expectation of a high starting salary out of college. I greatly value everything I learned as a poli sci major, although my employers generally have not.

bob commented on Jul 08 10 at 10:42 am

He’ll have a lot of good things to include on his resume when those great paying jobs come back.

Bluster commented on Jul 08 10 at 10:47 am

I was silly enough to have an esoteric major in college- history and art history. That’s why I’m now a phlebotomist. I’m married with 2 kids, just starting a new job (which I am so totally stoked about, I’ve been trying to get a job for a year!) and barely scraping by on my husband’s paycheck. I get pissed at myself every month when I have to shell out another 133 dollar student loan payment, what a waste. If I knew then what I know now, I would have pursued an education in something that I could earn a living at without going to graduate school, which in the end I couldn’t afford. Do I blame my boomer parents? No. However- they, much like Scott’s parents, are completely supporting my sister, who is an art major with no job living in one of the most expensive cities in California (San Francisco). They pay her rent, her car payment, her car insurance, her cell phone, and every time she overdrafts at starbucks they pay for the fees for chrissake. Will I blame them for her not being able to take care of herself? Absolutely.

kristen h commented on Jul 08 10 at 3:38 pm

I thought this article was relavent to the times until I read the part about him turning down a job for 40K…my first job out of college paid a wopping 18K…. I had expected to receive at least 30K given what I had researched while in college. I was beyond disappointed, but I took the situation and worked hard and have changed jobs twice and now make almost 40K. I am currently job hunting again and will hopefully make 50K with the new position. I have no idea where this kid gets off thinking he deserves a 75K job like his brother. And the article said that his brother NOW makes 75K, not that he started out at that. It is sad that there are so many graduates that can’t find anything, but it REALLY sad that there are so many parents that enable their children and allow them to continue living at home even after they turn down a perfectly good entry level job. Wake up Scott! I’m 29 and still struggling to get that “perfect corporate position to start my career.”

Michelle commented on Jul 09 10 at 10:48 am

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