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Cloth Diapers: Another Reason for Moms to Feel Guilty?
Breast or bottle? Co-sleeper or crib? Stay-at-home or working mother? Cloth vs. disposable is just one more hot-button issue parents are getting worked up about.
Maybe it was simpler when there were fewer choices available. Until the late 1960s when Pampers came on the market, parents had no choice but to rely on cloth diapers which they generally sent out to a diaper service for cleaning. Then, once disposables were introduced, only the diehards stuck with cloth.
Just as there are countless choices for every aspect of parenting these days, there are new options for cloth diapers. And with the variety of options comes more choices. Choices that inevitably lead to more stressed-out, guilty moms who feel that nothing they do is right.
According to The Los Angeles Times, the internet has introduced a new generation of cloth diaper options. Among the cloth diapers parents can choose from are: pocket diapers from brands like Happy Heiny and bumGenius, prefolds and covers from Econobum, and fitted diapers and covers from Thirsties. And those are just a few of the choices available.
Then there are more questions: Are hemp inserts better than bamboo? What type of diaper cover breathes the best? Which diaper cover is the best for the environment? Which will prevent leaks?
Why bother with cloth diapers at all? For one thing, depending on your choice, they can save money. Using disposable diapers for two years for one child would cost about $1,600, according to the California-based Real Diaper Association. Cloth diapers are generally considerably less.
When my daughters were born, friends who did their research on cloth vs. disposable told me that there was no great difference on the environmental impact because of the harsh chemicals used to clean cloth diapers (not to mention the fuel for the diaper service truck). But that has changed too.
Eco-experts no longer recommend diaper services which use nonorganic chemicals to sterilize diapers. Instead, they suggest that parents handle the job themselves. But, of course, that’s easier said than done.
In theory, it’s a wonderful idea — better for the environment and your baby’s skin. But in reality, I fear it’s just one more choice that leaves moms feeling guilty if they don’t do the absolute right thing.
Sharon Hays, a professor of contemporary gender studies at the University of Southern California and author of the 1997 book “The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood,” refers to “the extraordinary pressure of intensive mothering. Choice is supposed to be a good thing,” she continues, “but it becomes overwhelming when there is this nagging sense that you must somehow do it right.”
Will cloth diapering be yet another point of conflict among moms, with those who use them judging those who don’t as lazy or selfish? It’s a ridiculous notion since it’s a personal decision, but then so is breastfeeding or working outside the home and you see how judgmental moms can be about fellow mothers who come to a different conclusion on those issues.
Do you use cloth or disposable diapers? Are you happy with your choice?
Photo: Picasa/Samatlock
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[...] 12, 2010 Babble ( one of my personal favorite parenting sites) recently ran a post on their popular Strollerderby [...]
Do Cloth Diapers Make You Feel Guilty? « commented on Jul 12 10 at 10:44 am[...] Paula Bernstein “babbles” about the “hot-button issue” of cloth diapers and disposable diapers in her article, Cloth Diapers: Another Reason for Moms to Feel Guilty. [...]
Cloth Diaper Blog. The All In One Cloth Diaper Resource. | The Guilt Factor of Cloth Diapering commented on Jul 25 10 at 1:02 amann05 commented on Jul 05 10 at 10:05 amSince my husband does the laundry, and thus laundered our cloth diapers, I’m not sure why this is about moms. We bought our cloth diapers used on Craigslist. Sure was cheaper. We probably spent about $200 on diapers. Period.
paulabernstein commented on Jul 05 10 at 10:25 amanon5, that’s a reasonable question and I’ve got a reasonable answer. I realize that fathers also do laundry and buy diapers, but the majority of our readers are moms. Also, although dads increasingly do diaper duty, moms still bear the brunt of the responsibility. Plus, moms tend to feel more guilty than dads (not saying this is a good thing, but it seems to be the case). Thanks for the Craigslist tip re: cloth diapers.
goddess commented on Jul 05 10 at 10:29 amWhat about the costs associated with cleaning them? Water, sewer charges, gas (if you have a gas water heater), electric for drying them? The chemicals/detergent/soap? I’d be curious to know what those costs are cumulatively.
JZ commented on Jul 05 10 at 10:35 amYea, I probably know only one dad that changes diapers regularly. None that do laundry.
Anyway…I’ve come to the realization(sp?) that you cant please everyone and you need to do what works for you. No one can make you feel bad unless you let them.
kd commented on Jul 05 10 at 10:42 ampeople who use disposables tend to have more questions/ comments are whether cloth is “really” more environmentally friendly! Just make your choice and don’t worry about it. I don’t think it’s any reason to think you are a “good” or “bad” parent.
We do cloth, disposibles for travel (and tummy bugs now and then). We line dry the diapers, we have an energy efficient washing machine, and it hasn’t been a big deal to use cloth (2.5 years into it!). We use less than 1/8 cup of All free and clear detergent for each load… and no one is saying “oh no, you can’t wash baby’s clothes or towels because of the detergents and soap” – it’s all part of baby care.
In the end, it’s along the lines of reusable bottles vs. disposible plastic water bottles, reusable coffee cups vs. paper/plastic/styrofoam, paper napkins vs. cloth. So are you a bit more eco in your life or household? It has more to do with how environmentally conscious you are then what your parenting is like!
ann05 commented on Jul 05 10 at 11:06 amIt seems to me that articles like this just perpetuate the notion that this is somehow a mom’s responsibility to worry about. Moms probably only feel guiltier than dads because there is an entire media devoted to telling them all of this is their job. Just saying.
maresi commented on Jul 05 10 at 12:50 pmThe extra laundry with cloth is REALLY not an issue. We’ve probably spent $300 on diapers (spread out over nearly 2 years), we buy Rockin’ Green Diaper Soap for $13 every 3 months or so, and have $10 extra on our water bill each month. The costs next to what we would have spent on disposables are minimal. Our reasons for CDing have nothing to do with status or feeling good about ourselves – it was more of a decision of “Why not?” I’ll say it again, the extra laundry is really no big deal.
jj commented on Jul 05 10 at 12:58 pmMy husband washes our cloth diapers, changes most of the diapers and reads strollerderby much more regularly than I.
Heather commented on Jul 05 10 at 12:59 pmWe used cloth. We got the expensive Bum Genius Diapers and still came out way ahead in price vs. disposables. We saved close to $2,000 on two kids. I used the same detergent to wash them that I use on my regular clothes, Green Works Free and Clear, or All free and Clear, so no extra expense there. I lined dried, so again no extra expense there. My husband never noticed a huge increase in our water bill, believe me he would have told me. It really is better than disposables, every way around. They are not hard to wash either. We used flush able diaper liners so all I had to do was drop the liner in the toilet and drop the diaper in the wash. Easy as can be. I wish more baby stores would stock the easier cloth diapers so parents would see just how easy and accessible they really are.
Bean's Mom commented on Jul 05 10 at 1:19 pmIt’s funny, we are currently trying out a few of a friend’s cloth diapers to see if we are comfortable making the switch to full time cloth. My husband, however, is the one who will be making most of the diaper changes (he stays at home, and I return to work tomorrow), so I told him that the decision is up to him. I am sharing this to say that ann05 has a point: these types of posts that assume that all the responsibility falls on the mother do seem to dismiss how fathers are becoming increasingly more involved in caretaking in our society. I realize that my husband is unusual in that he is the primary caretaker. Still, I can understand why he sometimes complains to me that in spite of all of the rewards of being a stay at home dad, he also often also feels lonely, isolated, dismissed, and even judged.
Anyway, with regards to the cloth diapering trial, we have found that the laundering is not as bad as we had anticipated; however, my son does seem to be more fussy when he is wearing the cloth diapers. Perhaps it is just a coincidence and he is just fussing about something else, or maybe he is just used to the disposables that he has been using for the first 16 weeks of his life. Anyone else experience this?
Black Sheep commented on Jul 05 10 at 2:40 pmJZ, I can’t believe you only know one dad who changes diapers regularly! Where do you live?! Around here all the dads are pretty involved. My husband probably changes as many as I do.
Gretchen Powers commented on Jul 05 10 at 2:59 pmOh dear! Let’s not do anything that might make some feeble-souled mom feel GUILTY. “…this nagging sense that you must somehow do it right.” comes from within. Process it as you feel is right. As discussed in the post, there are arguments to each. I started with disposables because I felt that, as a new mom, I’d have enough to worry about without worrying about diapers. But then, my kids legs got chubby and the disposables were cutting into them so we explored the world of cloth and loved it. Later, she got a rash from a reaction to antibiotics and we went back to disposable because they stayed dryer. Then back to cloth…most of the time. There are lots of different reasons to do different things.
MaryAnn commented on Jul 05 10 at 4:48 pmwe use cloth diapers, but because we live in an apartment with no washer and dryer we use a diaper service. however, we researched it and our diaper service doesn’t use the really harsh chemicals and has won awards for their low water, enviornmentally friendly approach. when the babe is at grandma’s she wears disposables because grandma isn’t comfortable using the cloth diapers, and the babe almost always ends up with diaper rash.
another reason we use cloth diapers is because we try to use as few disposable items as we can. we use cloth napkins and dish towels also. cloth produce bags, and grocery bags. we try to reuse as much as we can too, so for us it just seems, better for our baby, and better for our planet.
and for people who would argue that the enviornmental impact of the diaper service truck, how do you think the disposable diapers get to the store? and then to your house? and then to the landfill that they sit in for 500 plus years.
i honestly don’t judge other mom’s about their diapering choices, we are actually the only ones we know who use cloth diapers, i just think that this is one of those things that you don’t need to make a million excuses about. educate yourself on your options, make a choice, and then don’t get all defensive about other people making a different descision.
Lindsay commented on Jul 05 10 at 8:35 pmI desperately wanted to use cloth diapers, but I had ZERO support from the father or family. They considered cloth diapering to be “insane” and a “waste of time and money”. They also said that they’d refuse to use them if I choose to buy them for our newborn daughter. So, I was forced to go with disposables. It stings spending so much on diapers…
JZ commented on Jul 05 10 at 8:40 pmLOL BlackSheep. I know its horrible. I’m in MI and I admit things seem to be a bit behind the times sometimes.
Lalalala commented on Jul 05 10 at 11:09 pm“Then, once disposables were introduced, only the diehards stuck with cloth.”
Funny, I doubt my mother would have considered herself a diehard or environmentalist for using cloth during the 1970s on my sister and myself. It was cheaper to use cloth diapers. Diaper service? Seriously, that was a rare thing reserved for the rich. My mother used cloth even after disposables appeared because disposables were extremely expensive. She scraped, washed and line dried too, and not to be “green” but because that was what you did back then.
Stephanie commented on Jul 06 10 at 8:06 amMy husband and I made the decision together to use cloth. We hate the thought of adding so much extra garbage to the landfill. We aren’t die-hard environmentalists, but for diapers, this is the right decision for us. What’s funny is that our friends and family expected it from me, but they tease my husband for going along with it. Why can’t it just be our decision for our family and no one else’s business?
JEssica commented on Jul 06 10 at 10:14 amI use disposables and I feel zero guilt.
Marj commented on Jul 06 10 at 11:06 amI have cloth diapers but have not used them in a few months. My husband started a new job and I fell behind on everything. I haven’t been using them because I haven’t been keeping up with the laundry, not mine, not the households. Until I get the laundry under control again, it’s gonna have to be paper diapers. And yeah, I feel a little guilty about that, mostly because my husband doesn’t always have clean shirts and I have cloth diapers sitting around not being used.
kittywhumpus commented on Jul 06 10 at 11:25 amWe’ve been using cloth almost exclusively for a little over two years now. We even found a day care that would do cloth. While I am looking forward to not laundering diapers every Sunday and Wednesday, it hasn’t been a burden, and I am glad we made this choice and stuck with it. There are so many options, we even found cloth pre-folds for preemies.
It may not be for everyone, but it’s easier than many people assume.
Marissa commented on Jul 06 10 at 12:23 pmWe cloth diaper, and I really could care less about what others do. I get TONS of flack for cloth diapering, though. We find it super easy, cheaper and healthier (my son gets rashes from sposies when my parents use them on him) Plus another attractive thing about cloth diapers is that the kids tend to be potty trained earlier. My son is close to being trained and he is 18 months old.
Someone asked about cleaning costs and chemicals. I use Rockin Green detergent which is a natural cloth diaper detergent. My water bill went up $3.00 per month and I line dry them. I use cloth wipes with just water. This is my breakdown of costs to diaper my 2 children:
$600 diapers & wipes
$60 per year on detergent
$36 per year water billSince my son is almost potty trained at 18 months old, I can figure up total costs for 2 kids for 4 years of diapering $924. Plus I can resell the diapers for at least $200. That is a kick booty cost for 2 kids if you ask me. Plus they are so dang cute.
Cloth diapering works for use. We find it easy and honestly, they are super cute. You do what works for you, I do what works for me.
LindaLou commented on Jul 06 10 at 1:22 pmI don’t consider diapering a moral issue. We used cloth at home, disposies when we went out.
caroline commented on Jul 14 10 at 10:14 amI use cloth diapers, I even started making my own to save even more money and to make money by selling them. I didn’t feel the need to do cloth its just what I thought was better for my baby, I don’t think any mom should feel guilty for using disposables, that’s her own choice. As for washing the diapers, its actually very very easy, i use a diaper sprayer for the poo which washes off right into the toilet then I was all my diapers with a cold rinse then I do a hot wash with my cloth diaper detergent then line dry or dry on high heat and that.s it! My water bill has not gone up, nor has our electric bill. And besides to make extra money I sell my homemade diapers online and my other diapers that are used still have a resale value! I don’t think people I have talked to ever felt like a bad person because they don’t use cloth, actually most of them are intrigued because they have never seen it in action and most of them say its not for them.
Dallas mama commented on Jul 14 10 at 12:06 pmI recently switched to cloth and will never go back! We use Charlie Banana diapers and just regular eco-friendly detergent (very little) and add baking soda and vinegar to the wash to keep it clean/white. I am a totally modern mom, have my own at home business and am approached by decisions all the time as all moms are. However, the thing is, many moms don’t know about the ease of cloth diapers. They are seriously so easy, no big deal and SO much better for the baby, the environment and our wallet. I wash and air dry and it’s so not a big deal.
I think there needs to be more articles/information on how easy cloth diapers are. There are no pins, no need for a diaper service, etc. I mean, you have to deal with so much ickiness of a baby anyway (throw up, poo, etc). And Charlie Banana diapers are so easy to use and adorable….so just a thought mamas!
Also as for cloth versus disposable being another decision we have to make, parentss have so many life decisions and it shouldn’t be a big deal that you have to think about another one like this. Wait until college decisions!!!
Morgan commented on Jul 14 10 at 10:18 pmI use cloth and really enjoy it. No matter what when it comes to parenting, there will always be disagreements. I know I made the right choice for me and my son and that is all the matters.
Sharon commented on Jul 25 10 at 2:07 amI don’t worry about other moms. If they feel guilty that’s their own issue to work through, no one can make them feel guilty. I just listen to my instincts, do my research, and make the decision that’s right for our family. We do use cloth. For me it was a no-brainer. Much cheaper, better for the environment, more comfortable, healthier, and cuter too! I love looking at my son’s cute fluffy bum. And I don’t like having uncomfortable paper product on my bottom for one week out of every month, so why would I put paper on my kid’s bottom continuously for 2ish years? Just doesn’t make sense to me. We never deal with rashes and we’ve only had 2 blow-outs in 8 months. Washing is easy peasy. Just like all my regular wash with an eco-friendly detergent, 3 extra loads a week. And hubby shares a lot of the diapering responsibility. He changes about 1/4 of the diapers (that little only because I’m with the baby while he goes to work) and does at least one load of the diaper laundry every week. In fact he just switch a load to the dryer for me. I’d like to air dry more but we live in a tiny apartment which makes that more complicated, but eventually we will. I love cloth diapering!
Lisa commented on Jul 25 10 at 1:05 pmSince when is it only a mother’s responsibility to worry about the environmental or financial impact of her family’s decisions. We cloth diaper, and I happen to be the one to throw the diapers in the wash machine every other night. However, my husband does a lot of work around the house and is a very involved parent. We both work full-time. I think that every family has to make a decision about diapering based on budget (and hopefully environmental impact). There is no right or wrong answer. If someone chooses to spend more money on disposables, that’s their choice and I do not fault them for it. However, I hope that parents realize that cloth diapering is not as much work as some perceive it to be. It really can be quite easy!
Sarah commented on Jul 27 10 at 1:38 pmmeh – we use cloth b/c it works for us. I don’t care if other people use cloth or not. It is becoming a “guilt” issue – but just because some hard-core cloth-diaper moms are turning it into a “right” and “wrong” choice. I don’t think that people feel guilty about using disposables, but its one more reason not to try cloth when people act so divisive about it.
And my husband works from home, and I’m pretty sure he changes more diapers than me. Although I tend to do around 75% of the laundry. I don’t know any families where the Dad doesn’t change diapers though! I’m trying to imagine how hard any of my friends would laugh if their husbands even tried that!
harri vane commented on Dec 10 10 at 5:38 pmI use cloth diapers because I’m cheep and they are so cute. When we travel, I use disposable becuase I think it would be rude to wash diapers in someone elses machien (even if it’s just my mothers).
I have to say, all this mommy judging boggles my mind. Do other mothers really have time to critique how their peers raise their kids? I’m quite occupied raising my own.
JudiAU commented on May 26 11 at 5:03 pmWe bought mostly used cloth diapers (sized fuzzi bunz) for about $300. Washed in gentle detergent. Then used them on the next kid.
Cheap. Cute. Easy on the environment. Not difficult at all to care for. Earlier potty training. A+
JudiAU commented on May 26 11 at 5:05 pmOh, and my husband does almost all of the diaper laundry. He loves them for all the same reason I love them…He actually thinks they work better than disposables.
Farmingtheburbs commented on Oct 16 11 at 10:43 pmThe interesting thing here is that CDing is by far the minority in this country. As per my experience in diapering and mothering, the last 4 years has been one of judgment. People laughed when I looked into alternatives to disposables, except my husband. When I say judgment, I haven’t been stone over it but yet I am the one who has to defend my decision to do something different. I have never held my friends’ and family’s feet to the fire over their use disposables. If many CDing parents share my experience and are the minority and find it hard to get support outside their home, where is this guilt coming from?
All I can say is this, if I find fault in any of this, it is the lack of knowledge and understanding. Most families do not know about modern CDs, their ease of use, your finacial savings and the benefit to the environment not to mention the benefit to baby. The only real support many of us find is on message boards and retail websites.
Hyman commented on Jan 22 12 at 11:13 pmI knew I wanted to give cloth diapers a shot. So I bought into a try and buy/return what you do not like program for CD’s.
I brought organic disposies to the hospital for our baby. The day after I got home from the hospital I realized my baby was starting to get the worst diaper rash. So I let fresh air and sun shine on his butt and applied my breastmilk and coconut oil. For diapers I used cloth. The rash eared and I stuck with cloth and never once have gotten another rash.
My sons five months old and I LOVE cloth diapering him. Most likely I will use all my cloth diapers that i use for him on my next baby one day. :)
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