I often admire my daughter’s beauty, and I can relate to thinking, “Oh man, she just wore this tee-shirt a few days ago,” so don’t be *too* hard on the poor girl. But I agree that there’s a balance we have to strike between letting our children know they’re good-looking without encouraging them to be shallow.

I often tell my daughter “you’re beautiful but I’m not supposed to tell you that in case you get a big head”. Then I tell her it’s more important to be beautiful on the inside. Sometimes though I find myself thinking that she (and I) am in a lot of trouble because she’s GORGEOUS and the teenaged boys are going to be pestering her forever.

I tell my boys they are beautiful, handsome, and the cutest boy in the whole world. Yup, they both are, depending on which one I’m talking to at the time. But I figure since I also call them funny face and monkey boy, they’ll learn that these are mostly just affectionate comments. Although, they are really cute boys.

I should also add though that we did have a dangerous moment when she was 3 and told her nanny that she didn’t have to listen “because I’m pretty”. At that point I had to explain to her how that wasn’t going to fly and we had to dial it down awhile. It’s a delicate balance.

only THING about them

I guess it could come back to bite you if your child suddenly “discovers” they aren’t the most beautiful thing in the world. I was never told I was pretty as a child — my parents might have thought I was but they just never felt the need to say it. I grew up being fine. I don’t think I’m gorgeous but I’m okay with the way I look. When both of my children were born I was just stunned by their beauty. I’m sure it is a case of the beholder and all that, but gosh, I just love looking at them. I used to tell them they were beautiful all the time, but as they’ve gotten older I find I do it less. Not because they are any less beautiful but because I’m finding that there are so many other things about them that are fantastic.

I tell my son, all the time, that he is beautiful TO ME. He is beautiful to me. I don’t make any claims to how the rest of the world evaluates him. For the same reason I think my spouse is the most handsome man there is. Somehow People magazine seems to overlook him every year for their hottest guy issue.

Up front admission: I’m male and not a father (though married and straight). Having gotten that out of the way, I have to say the author’s conclusion makes sense. Also, though I realize there may be a difference between how a man’s perception of his appearance affects his (for lack of a better word) psyche, and how a woman’s perception of her appearance affects hers, my mother always told me that I was good looking (specifically her words were “tall, dark, and handsome,” evidently a winning combination in her eyes) and I think it helped to know that she found me attractive, especially when some of the boys on the playground told me that I looked like Frankenstein (Yes, I believed them, not literally, but I believed that I was ugly because they told me so.) By the way, to make my story clear, it was my Mom telling me I was good looking later in my pre-teen and teen years, long after the boys had stopped saying such stupidity, but before I figured out that they weren’t necessarily right (though I am under no illusion that I’m a “10″ or even a “9.”). Frankly, I think it’s more important to praise children for good character traits, behaviors, and beliefs, than for their looks, BUT I do think children should tell their children, especially their daughters that they are good looking and that they delight in them.

I’m terribly vain and my kids are starting to be too. But I have to tell them stuff like “you are beautiful” and “i just love looking at you.” i’m a sucker for them :)