[...] on some of the recent posts on Strollerderby to know they continue to rage on. When my colleague Carolyn wrote about her discomfort with breastfeeding in public, more than 100 people jumped into the fray. Co-sleeping and the cry-it-out sleep method are [...]

Thanks for weighing in, Paula, and admitting your struggles. I totally agree that women should breastfeed in public and think that the more women who do it, the less shame we will all feel. I’m not saying breastfeeding is or should be just for the wealthy, I’m saying it’s much harder to get assistance with breastfeeding if you can’t afford that assistance. So I meant to impart the point that if you are poor and have trouble breastfeeding, you will very likely have to quit breastfeeding. I looked for free lactation programs when I was making the transition to formula and I couldn’t find any in the NY area. I also wonder if lactation help should be something covered under insurance. Maybe something for the Obama admin to include in healthcare reform. Clearly breastfeeding has health benefits.

P.S…I have to say I love your writing style and your posts, though.

I am expecting my first and while I am pro-breastfeeding in theory, I am totally freaked out about doing it in reality. It seems right now that there are a lot of resources, from the hospital offering free classes and regular drop in times for struggling moms to online resources. I would like to find a pump on craigslist, but I think I might have to spring for one out of pocket. For such a natural process it is completely overwhelming and so freaking weird. I don’t have a problem with public breastfeeding (for other people) but I am so uncomfortable with the idea (hopefully I will get more used to it when I actually do it) but I can’t picture myself not whipping out the nursing cover and being all nervous before I whip out the ladies to feed mini-me.

I think the problem is the guilt that we feel in feeding our children. People should not feel forced to nurse their children. And, mother’s should get support if they do attempt to breastfeed. In the long run, it really doesn’t matter as long as your child is eating (eating correctly via formula or breastmilk), and you and your baby are happy. As a working mom, I slaved myself to the pump BY CHOICE and was grateful that I could still provide milk for my children when I couldn’t be there to do it naturally. Breast or formula, it’s a family’s choice that shouldn’t be forced on anyone. The only people who should feel guilty about breastfeeding are the people who are against a mom feeding her child in public or who think breastfeeding is sinful or shameful.

ahem, I do not think that formula is evil. If a mother decides that formula is what her baby will eat, that is her decision. However, I condemend giving excuses to justify not breastfeeding. Again, I appreciate when moms say I do not breastfeed because I do not want to or I have a medical condition but all the reasons on this article are just lame excuses. I work full-time, made my decision to breastfeed way before I had my first baby, looked all over the Internet and then bought a brand new Medela In Style pump for $198.00 at Amazon.com even though it retailed for $329.00. After giving birth to my son I work with a lactation consultant at the birthcenter because I had already asked, if I could, at the birthcenter tour I took months before my due date. However, I guess the cost of the pump is even lower since I am still using it to pump milk for my 5 month old baby.
Finally, about the issue of mothers breastfeeding their kids in public, it would not be a problem if instead of staring at those moms’ boobs, people will just mind their own business. Believe me, if you see a mom getting ready to pop a boob out to feed her kid, look the other way and spare yourself the pain.

“. . . if you are poor and have trouble breastfeeding, you will very likely have to quit breastfeeding. I looked for free lactation programs when I was making the transition to formula and I couldn’t find any in the NY area.”

I work for the W.I.C program. The program provides low-income women (gross income must fall at or below 185 percent of the U.S. Poverty Income Guidelines http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/howtoapply/incomeguidelines.htm) access to breastfeeding classes, lactation consultants, peer counselors, and free manual breast pumps. We also have a free loan program for electric breast pumps for working mothers. This program has allowed many, many poor mothers to successfully breastfeed their children.

I had a lot of trouble too – with my first, I didn’t make it out of the hospital before I stopped breastfeeding (no support); my 2nd I breastfed until I went back to work and tried pumping and ended up quiting because of a hostile environment; then, with my 3rd and last, I’ve successfully made it a year. I didn’t “love” my breastfeeding experience until my 3rd was about four months old – that was the point where it got easier for me. My goal is to help as many mothers (of all income levels) who want to breastfeed their children through the early hurdles as possible, so that they can reach their personal breastfeeding goals. I think that its great that you give it your best shot; I’m sorry that you weren’t able to find help when you needed it. Thanks for sharing your experience.

BTW, my 5 month old (daughter) is my second baby and I plan to feed her breastmilk for a year, like I did with my son. Also you do not need support to commit to breastfeeding. My husband had no clue what I was doing, sometimes I felt that I had no clue what I was doing but I asked questions to the pediatrician. My mom kept saying that I was not making enough milk because she had seen women that expressed more milk that I did so my baby had to be hungry. In the end, the only person I could count on was ME. I started having supply problems because my lack of sleep, staying up at night with the baby and getting up eeeaaarly in the morning to go to work, but I found the way to solve the problems with information from the Internet and made it happen.

Here are two things Americans aren’t good at: breastfeeding and math…100 bucks from 38 people is $3800, which WOULD be a very expensive breast pump. More women would breastfeed if they had the time—not just the pump—to do it. And, in the end, $380 pumps-to-go are not what we should be pointing fingers at. It’s our family leave policies. We see more middle-class and working-class women with a bottle not because they aren’t as comfortable with their bodies—Kim Kardashian aside, the “eww” factor has seriously faded—but because breastfeeding is time consuming and demanding and extremely difficult to work into a full-time work week. Even when breastfeeding completely stops being a taboo, it will still be an impossible ideal for many because 6 weeks of unpaid medical leave is just not enough time to “latch” onto “natural” motherhood.

You seem to mock and degrade La Leche League, the one place that breast feeding mothers from ALL socioeconomic statuses can receive all sorts of help and support for FREE or the small cost of a membership. I’m not going to read the other comments on here because as a devoted extended breastfeeder (Yeah, I’ll say it ~ My son is 5&1/2 and just weaned himself and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can stick it)they’ll probably just piss me off. It sounds to me like you received poor medical advice from the doctor (many do.) Was your daughter actually LOSING weight, or was she just not gaining at a rate your pediatrician liked?If she was gaining, there was no reason to supplement with formula. Tons of pediatricians don’t know squat about breastfed babies. It’s a myth that everyone and their mother has *low milk supply* and even if they have a legitimate issue, the way to fix it is not with a breastpump and supplmenting with formula is pretty much the death knoll of the breatfeeding relationship. See what you could of learned from all those La Leche league moms you chose to mock?

agreed LindaLou!

I felt embarrassed too – because my daughter would scream like crazy every time I tried it. Breastfeeding was a major disaster for me, and it made me SOOO depressed. I felt like a GIANT FAILURE. It really sucked.

It surprises me that so many moms are uncomfortable with breastfeeding, embarrassed, uninformed, and ready to turn to formula so quickly. I think it’s unfortunate that our society makes so many people view what should be normal as weird or embarrassing.

OK…since people are talking about work, babies and breastfeeding, I’m just gonna say it…mothers should really not be leaving their babies with someone else for long periods of time each day if they don’t really need to…alot of women in America work for their egos or because of material want and bad planning…if you are able to focus mainly on taking care of your baby when it’s born, and, like pretty much for at least the first year, then it is really not that hard. This is what nobody understands. It’s trying to do all this other stuff, plus the baby that is hard. The baby is not hard.

In hindsight, I agree with you anon. I know I tried to resume a normal life after my daughter was born, as if nothing was different, and if I had it to do all over again, I would have changed some things. Unfortunately, I don’t, but fortunately, my daughter (and I) turned out to be incredible just the same. TC’s right tho, some women just can’t afford to stay home for more than a brief recovery period, and you shouldn’t scoff at them from a place of privilege, whether that’s financial privilege or just thanks to good planning on your part. Real life happens to people every day. It’s best not to assume you understand other people’s hardships, especially if you’re not willing to be compassionate. Not saying that you’re being mean, but just echoing what TC said in that women have babies under less-than-perfect circumstances all the time, and they still have to do they best they can with what they’ve got.

Uhhh babies are hard! Weather you work or not. LOL

@Snarky I tried fenugreek (among many other things), which did increase my supply, but from a dab to a dribble. You may or may not have been implying otherwise, but: mileage may vary with any of the suggested methods for increasing supply.

Carolyn: Thanks for this article – your doubts and worries are mine and it is so useful hearing someone else air them in public. The only thing I would add, for what it is worth – since no one has mentioned it yet – is that science barely backs up many of the benefits ascribed to breastfeeding. When I had problems, my husband (and I, but his head was better in place) pulled the original studies off PubMed and read them. It is eye opening how they have been over interpreted over time.

So, yes, for any number of good reasons you should breastfeed but for those of us who struggle with it, and have to resort to some formula, our children will be just fine. It’s just (good) food! You (the mother) may feel crushing guilt. But they will be fine.

Wow, this post is bringing up all sorts of feelings in me. When I was pregnant I was dead set on breastfeeding. Even though I was going to have twins I did the research and it appeared to be totally doable. I even found out that my insurance would cover the Medela pump because I was having multiples. I was all set!

Except my body wasn’t on board. I have no idea what it was. The stress of having two newborns in the NICU? All I know was that I tried everything. EVERYTHING. I pumped every 3 hours. Then every 2 hours. I put the kids to the breast as often as the NICU schedule would allow, and once they were home as often as possible. My mom made me a sesame seed and milk concoction my grandmother swore by. I drank Guinness (excellent). I ate seven small meals a day. I drank 3 litres of water a day. I took fenugreek. I spent money I didn’t really have and rented a hospital grade pump. You know what the most I ever pumped in one sitting was? 4 ounces. You should have seen me. I was ecstatic.

When I was breaking down the NICU nurses (old hands and mothers themselves) told me I needed to relax. Drink wine and rest. Stop pumping every 2-3 hours and actually get a night’s sleep. When I asked the hospital’s lactation consultant if it was okay for me to sleep four hours at night, she looked me dead in the eye and said “not if you want to feed your children.” Months later after I had given up on pumping and nursing, I told a young mother/lactivist how I had tried so hard and I just couldn’t produce. She looked at me and said “it’s hard work you have to work at it, I have some tips you should try still.” Thanks for the “support.” Thankfully I had called La Leche League earlier and spoke with a consultant who was in her 60s. I gave her the rundown and she said “you know, sometimes it just doesn’t work out…you’ve tried very hard, you did it all right, and nothing is happening…you sound miserable, don’t put so much pressure on yourself, it’s okay to give up on this.”

Finally. Real support.

And that’s the thing. Support shouldn’t be about breastfeeding at all costs. It should be about respecting women’s choices.

GP-oh, I’m sorry, you are going by anon now, right? You always make comments like “Women should be doing staying home” or “They shouldn’t have the babies in the first place if they weren’t planning on it”. Also, my personal fave: “I did it this way and it wasn’t hard cause I’m skinny and my baby is perfect so why can’t you (you stupid fat lazy slutty woman!)”. Those are moot points–women are working and unplanned babies are being born. You aren’t gonna stop it. Get a new soapbox.

Annoyed, you kind of paraphrased my comments with a very unintelligent lack of subtlety…I am direct, I am strong in my convictions but I am more subtle than that, and I do explain my views…sorry you’re annoyed. It’s a big world, and I am part of it. And if you want to go ahead and “ID” me, fine, sigh…

I never even knew how much milk was coming out, I just put the baby on whenever she showed signs of wanting it. Another thing most people don’t get is when you’re breastfeeding an infant you really do have to do it ALL THE TIME…or what seems like all the time…at first. You can’t just do it every three hours or on any kind of time schedule. You have to BE WITH the baby, be AWARE of what the kid wants and be willing to give it. I have been at showers, parties, etc. whatever, where there is a nursing mom and people are holding the baby, passing it around, whatever, and its clearly wanting to nurse by its gestures and sounds and the mom is like…I *just* fed her. Well, feed her again! I didn’t really know that much when I set out, I knew the basic mechanisms of my body, I knew about supply and demand, but beyond that, I followed the baby’s cues and nursed her a WHOLE lot. Pumps are a godsend for working moms, sure, but in some ways, they create a lot of confusion. Babies also stimulate hormones in moms that help with the milk production, while, of course, pumps don’t. People just don’t get babies. I saw this young woman the other day at the pool feeding her tiny, tiny baby formula and she wasn’t holding it close in her arms, she had the kid on her legs and was holding the bottle over its mouth…bah…took her about 10 minutes or more to get the damn formula ready, too, while grama and sister passed the poor kid back and forth waiting.

This topic hits close to home–just this week I took my exclusively breastfed 6 month old son went to the doctor and they are concerned about his weight gain. He gained great until four months, then he kind of plateaued, even though nothing has changed! I nurse on demand, he has only had a bottle of pumped milk twice (once so I could be at my niece’s birth and once so I could attend a baptism) because I have been here almost every second of every day, but for some reason he just isn’t gaining weight. I’m devastated but I know I need to start formula because he needs to gain the weight–has any one else experienced this? It’s heartbreaking and so confusing.

I can totally relate to this article! It’s so hard when you’re a new mom, and getting all kinds of different advice about breastfeeding. With my first son, I was also embarrassed to nurse in public… so I made sure I would be at my own house, or a friend’s house every single time I had to feed my son… for an entire year! It was kinda silly, in hindsight! :-) With my second, I was chasing a toddler, and didn’t have time to slow down to feed in hiding every time. So I just pulled a nursing cover over me, and off I went. I nursed at the park, in restaurants, at the zoo… wherever I needed to! Are people only offended if they actually see the boob? Or does it bother them seeing a mama nursing their baby with nursing cover too? I really found mine to be a life saver!

Alright, I’m a little fired up myself now, because phrases like “if you only want it bad enough” get people into a lot of trouble. It’s the American Dream, right? Everything can be yours, if you only want it bad enough, if you only try hard enough. Try harder! You know what? That’s just not true. I didn’t want my Dad to die of cancer, but he did. Did he not try hard enough to cure himself? I didn’t want my marriage to end, but it did. Did we not try hard enough? Sometimes it’s precisely, as FriendofCastiglia (who clearly wishes to remain nameless so I won’t out her) said, the excruciating trying that prevents us from getting what we want in life. Everyone who reads this blog, it’s safe to assume, wants a happy, healthy child. And if you are unable to breastfeed your child, yet you continue to make yourself and your child suffer, you are not providing them (or yourself) a happy, healthy life. The bottom line is, if you haven’t experienced these difficulties, that may make you a doubting Thomas, but no doubt many women have suffered greatly from trying their heartbreaking best to do right by their children. Then they made the choice to give up breastfeeding and continued on to be great moms with great kids, just as moms who breastfeed til 5 1/2 years old are.

@@. What drama. Do you actually think that everyone who has successfully breastfed a child didn’t have sleepless nights and supply issues and bleeding nipples and babies who didn’t gain weight? The difference is that WE. KEPT. BREASTFEEDING. I understand that some women cannot breastfeed, but statistically it’s really, really RARE. The real problem is that people aren’t educated about breastfeeding and they get really bad advice from the people who are supposed to be helping them. I think that sucks! That’s why it’s so important for women to empower themselves with knowledge, instead, of well, what you do, Carolyn, which is personalize every damn subject to the point of ridiculousness then see how defensive you can be when someone pointsa out that you don’t actually know what the hell you’re talking about. Really. Your an expert because you tried to breastfeed for an entire 8 weeks. Give me a break.

“Women like you make women on the fence about breastfeeding RUN.”

Wow. Do you have any idea how completely stupid you sound when you say stuff like this? If you didn’t breastfeed it’s your damn fault, not the fault of the people who would have done anything to help you. Do you ever OWN anything? Such BS.

JTTH, the one reference to “bullshit” was mine, and, if you read, which, honey, I know you CAN, it said “I call bullshit on the wealthy thing”…Carolyn made the statement “Breastfeeding, in this country, for those of us who find it difficult – and, ironically, unnatural – is for the wealthy, I fear.” A totally bullshit statement. I know she said “I fear” meaning that is her opinion, but she is trying to make a case here, and the case is built on BS.

Somehow I escaped the superiority complex that comes with being able to breastfeed my kid.

I do feel embarrassed to breastfeed my son in public, but I do it anyway when I have to, because I feel that it’s his right to eat when he feels hungry (he’s five months old) and it’s my job as his mom to suck it up and do what he needs even when I feel like I have a big flashing “LOOK AT MY BOOB” sign over my head. I try to be very quiet about it and I do use a cover, because even though I realize that makes it really obvious what we’re doing, I would never be able to just whip out a boob. I’d be way to tense for the milk to let down. Plus my boobs are huuuuuge, so really the baby is not going to adequately block one while he’s nursing. I am definitely not an exhibitionist nurser.

I have only nursed him in a bathroom twice — once at a restaurant that we frequent that has chairs in the ladies’ room, and once when he absolutely refused to eat quietly under his cover. I hate nursing in there, though…I know it’s a cliche, but I wouldn’t want to eat my sandwich on the toilet, so I don’t really want him to have to eat his food on the toilet either.

I did have a lot of trouble nursing at the beginning. My milk was very late and there was hardly any of it at first. Luckily for us, there is an amazing team of lactation consultants at our hospital that nursing mothers can visit for free any time they need to do so. We took our baby in to get weighed every week at first and I still go to a monthly support group. He was on formula supplements for about five weeks, and then with the help of a breastpump — a rental for the first month and then a hand-me-down that I was so grateful to have — my supply finally finally increased enough that we were able to wean him off the supplements.

But dear Lord, it was not easy. Feeding him was all I did, all day long, for weeks. I would feed him, give him his formula, use the pump, and then have literally fifteen minutes to myself before I had to feed him again. I fully and completely understand now why some mothers quit. Breastfeeding is effing HARD and can be both physically and socially uncomfortable.

I think the superiority thing usually predates the breastfeeding, Scorpio. I’ve seen a few normal women turn into lactation-harpies after having a kid, but mostly it seems like the women who were insufferable and judgmental before having kids just shifted the focus of their tirades.

Grow up. All of you. If you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t write it.

Laure68, according to LindaLou your body must adhere to her beliefs on breastfeeding. If you cannot produce milk, you must personally visit LindaLou and anon, since they are medical professionals, and can advise you on how to get to KellyMom.com. They will also be on hand to let you know if you’ve tried hard enough (never!) or if your nipples have bled heavily enough to their satisfaction (WHINERS!).

Anyone who doesn’t is lazy and hates their baby.

Oh, I guess I was just having a temporal lobe seizure when I read this chestnut:

I call bullshit on the wealthy thing. Further, in this day and age of the internet, libraries, la leche league, etc. seriously, what is the problem? You don’t need any of the pumps, the accoutrements, etc. All you have to do is care enough and be aware enough to nurse the kid. I always say, people and animals have figured out for ages how to do this. And, resources abound if you’re having trouble. I think many people don’t just try hard enough. Many people have no idea what trying hard–at anything–is anymore. And the whole shame thing, I just can’t get my head around. Honestly, what is the big deal. I guess, I too, applaud your honesty, and I know you are not alone. I just think that what this means is that people are completely out of touch with what is normal, natural and basic…

anon commented on Jun 24 10 at 2:29 pm

Further, I don’t judge you in the big picture, I don’t necessarily think you’re a bad mom, I just think people like this are common today and we have a society of whining victims. This applies to so many areas…the “I want government to pay me for my maternity leave” the “I overbought a mortgage and now I need a bailout” the “evil food industry is making me fat” take some freaking responsibility for yourself!

“Do you actually think that everyone who has successfully breastfed a child didn’t have sleepless nights and supply issues and bleeding nipples and babies who didn’t gain weight? The difference is that WE. KEPT. BREASTFEEDING. I understand that some women cannot breastfeed, but statistically it’s really, really RARE. The real problem is that people aren’t educated about breastfeeding and they get really bad advice from the people who are supposed to be helping them.”

This is so true. I really don’t care if other women breastfeed. Well, I care in that I will do my best to educate others with the knowledge that I have… but if you don’t make the choice to breastfeed, I’m not out to make anyone feel guilty. But women are constantly saying they weren’t medically able to breastfeed when really they were and they just gave up. Which is fine (I really mean that), but call it what it is instead of leading other women to believe that they “can’t” do it either. And for the record, I bought a $30 breast pump on sale for Target that worked awesome. It was a little noisy, but it was great. I also had a Medela pump in style advanced that my insurance covered 80% of, and my insurance sucked for the most part. And as someone else mentioned, WIC rents out breast pumps to working mothers if that is what you need to do. As for support, WIC will also provide that. Online you can look at KellyMom and other forums. Pediatricians offices (although maybe not yours because they sound anti-breastfeeding) often have LCs on staff at no charge.

JTTH…this is a “discussion” board, where we, uhm…”discuss” things…like philosophies on parenting and maybe some tips or ideas are shared in the mix…I am not really trying to convert anyone to do anything, because as I see it, most are too far gone. You write “since Carolyn said specifically she had low supply, and her doctor asked if she was pumping, I’d say it’s pretty clear that she needed a pump to continue breastfeeding.” Well, there are many that would argue points of that with science based information about how breastfeeding works, etc. etc. etc. I am not an LC, it’s not my job, I wouldn’t want it to me my job, because my core believe is that MOST people (yes there are exceptions) could BF if they wanted to. Sure, it’s a different choice, that’s fine. Like I said, I don’t really care how you feed your kid, although these choices do impact national health, and of course, will cost us all money if we are paying for national healthcare, but OK, that’s a burden we’ll all just have to accept. I get that. Just like the cost of diabetes when people out there are drinking sodas for breakfast. But, I digress…since this is a “discussion” board, and Carolyn makes alot of points all over the map in this post, I think it is enitirely appropriate for those of us who disagree with some of them to say so. Her lines about “But if for some reason you’re not producing enough milk or you can’t get your baby to latch on, you need some serious and pricey equipment or to afford a private lactation consultant or to buy breast milk online at a premium. These things function as the wet nurse of the modern era. And if you ain’t got the do-re-mi for that kind of luxury, you’re not participating in the breastfeeding movement, and therefore you’re less apt to understand it…” are ideas I strongly disagree with and are a cop-out. Like I said, these are college educated women, by and large on Babble, capable of hunting down all kinds of data about how it’s fine to put kids in daycare, how there’s no damage in sleep training, how vaccines are good (yes, they are) etc. etc. Yet they couldn’t find information on breastfeeding? OK. Fine. I guess y’all aren’t as smart as I thought.

@JTTH: you are probably right re: superiority complex predating breastfeeding. It’s one of the other reasons breastfeeding is far from gaining the “normalcy” that it’s advocates claim to be striving for. I admire your ability to keep tossing out intelligent commentary in these discussions like so many pearls before swine.

I was lucky to have one of the premier lactation consultants in Manhattan as a friend. It was by watching her struggle to nurse her own child (yup, with all her vast knowledge, SHE still struggled) that I had some idea of what I was in for. It was by her kindness and support that I was able to get through the first three tough months.

I never had an issue nursing publicly. I attribute some of that to being fairly breast-comfortable in general. I never covered up and by the time I tried it in an attempt from keeping the action around him from distracting him, he would have none of it. No one ever gave me as much as a side-eye as far as I noticed. Being 6’2″ it’s rare that strangers mess with me anyway.

@Samantha: I totally get feeling so bullied by the advocates that you want to go running to the formula companies. I was a manager at a health advocacy non-profit that behind the scenes was so dismissive and derogatory towards the public they claimed to want to educate that I wanted to go running for the companies making the products we protested against!

you keep casting intelligent commentary like pearls before swine, but the swine

I think sharing different view points about breastfeeding, parenting, womanhood and all other life stuff is a great start. i appreciate your story, and i think that shame over public breastfeeding is one of the reasons more women end up not doing it. i was not shy nursing in public, mostly because i saw more boob walking around the mall or wherever i was, than anyone ever saw when i was nursing…and because i realized early on that until i had a baby i had NEVER seen a woman breastfeed! ever! how messed up is that? Of course we worry about it when we are asked to do it in corners and bathrooms…

My only concern with your post is that i do not think that returning the judgement back at women who do nurse babies or toddlers helps the discussion, which you seem to want to have. i also do not think that calling out la leche as those who would have “pitchforks” helps the matter either.

I am pro choice in all things. Pro love, pro information, pro women, pro mothers and pro support. Against judgement, shame and anything that pits women against each other at a time when we should be holding each other up. i am sure you are a wonderful mother with a lucky child. How we put food into our babies bodies is just one of the many paths we all take.

For context, i own a nursing bra company, nursed three children all into toddlerhood and tandem twice. but don’t worry, my pitchfork’s in the shop ;)

thank you for a great post. i’m for the dialogue any time. i didnt really pay a second of attention to Kim Kardashian, why would i start now…lol

The thing is taht it is usually a mistake that any woman “does not make enough milk”. There are very few rare diseases that could cause this. The problem is this recent Western tradition of timing feedings and leaving baby away in some other room or in a crib away form mother’s arms. A newborn should be carried all the time and fed all the time.

There is also the problem of wrong expectations from doctors – either they are using the wrong standards for fattening up (from formula fed babies) or they just ignore the WHO growth curves and say baby should fatten up X grams per day or week or whatever, which is also false. Baby should follow her curve, and that only more or less after that 20th-30th day, because losing weight is normal in the beginning.

that stats are 2-5%, that is a small amount, and it seems a disproportionate number of them are on Babble!

well, it is misinformation, because anyone who’s read anything about breastfeeding will tell you that it can take up to a week for what we call “milk” to come in and that a child can survive on colostrum, because colostrum *is* milk, actually…you’ve got to put the kid to the breast all the time to get the colostrum and to stimulate the production of the milk that we recognize as “milk”…did the baby cry from a crib? your arms? how did you know he was “hungry”? did he tell you? is it possible something else may have been making him scream? it’s normal for a baby to lose some weight in the first week…did you read anything at all before you gave birth?

Smug and self-righteous awards can only be obtained by alienating other women and insinuating that they don’t know their bodies or babies as well as you do. Bonus points for announcing that doctors (y’know the folks who go to school for a decade to learn the human body inside out and backwards) don’t have a clue what they’re doing and for asking in the tone of exasperated church lady if other posters ever, ever cracked a book before giving birth.

people very obviously do not know their babies

Thanks for the interesting blog post, Carolyn. It’s time for me to invoke my “do not engage with blatant a$$holes on the internet” rule, so I’m leaving now, but I did enjoy reading your point of view.

I might be bad at math, but I’m good at history. For all those who think that every single woman who ever lived before formula breastfed without any problems, think again. Throughout history, as far as Ancient Egypt it was not uncommon to supplement or even in certain cases, entirely feed babies on goat’s milk. Now, this is not generally recommended these days, but it was done, and usually the child survived. For those wealthy enough there were wetnurses, who were women whose child had died, or who abruptly weaned their older baby, rarely sharing the milk between their own and their charge. Then of course, there was the unfortunate with neither goat nor adequate milk, and their child died. In such cases, where the child was nursing and not getting enough milk, the ignorant would not realize the child was starving, leading to mythologies like changling childen. All I’m saying is, it’s not as easy for every single woman who has ever lived and who ever will live as simply trying hard enough.
For the record, I nursed my twins for only two months. By that time I was falling apart physically on no sleep, little food and no time, energy or brain power left to adequately hydrate. So, rather than sobbing hysterically for hours and hours and cursing myself as a bad mother, I picked up the bottle and never looked back.

A friend of mine told me last night her grandfather was raised exclusively on goat’s milk… and he’s 96 years old.

I think breastfeeding in public is ok if done discreetly.

I have a two year old and a 5 month old and I breastfed the first one for 6 months and my 5 month old is slowly going onto formula for varous reasons. Anyway my point is that breastmilk is best but there is a way to do it without over exposing yourself. Personally I couldnt breastfeed in public because I never really got the hang of feeding easily so draping myself with blankets would be too difficult. Another reason was that I felt too nervous feeding in public or my baby latching off and milk squirting everywhere.

I strongly disagree with feeding a 2year old in public though – that is just wrong

Not to belabor this, but, just because I have to show you ladies a few things about reading comprehension (although much can be forgiven in a 90+ comment thread)…JBoogie and others, I am not presuming to know what you read, how much you read, how much you tried, etc. However, velocibadgergirl’s comments SPECIFICALLY indicated a lack of knowledge about breastfeeding that would impede her successfully progressing with it, so I commented on that. As I said, if you tried your best, you tried your best…sometimes things just don’t work out. I would not try to make someone feel bad or guilty for that and only they know how much they really tried and I admit it is none of my business. My beef is with Carolyn Castiglia (and others who would agree with her) who try and place the blame on all these outside factors, like money, lack of info, lack of access to LLL/LCs, when that is really just not plausible to me, especially for middle class, educated women.

@JBoogie, actually you got some really good advice on here and you could have gotten more if you’d contacted your local LLL. It isn’t too late if you want to try and hope you do. People who say they regret giving up breastfeeding are a dime a dozen, but you never hear anyone express regret over continuing to nurse. Either way though, I do think people should own their own choices instead of telling GP to eff off, even though she is annoying. I’ve totally been where you are, and you do still have choices.

I was less embarrassed and more concerned that I would need to JUSTIFY my nursing in public. My husband had no problem with it…any time my boobs are exposed…he’s happy. My mother, pro-nursing as she was (though, in a weird way…she wasn’t, but that’s different all together) still made a big deal about me covering up. Sure that *I* was the one that would be embarrassed. No, mom, I’m really not…but you’re making me uncomfortable by standing there with a blanket held up to cover my entire personal space! When I gave birth to my first, I sat in on an LLL meeting, and just about flipped when an almost school aged kid STOOD there and nursed while mom held her shirt out of the way for him. Now, my stance is, “If you want to…you want to, but no thank you, my toddler & pre-schooler has learned to use a cup.” My first baby also had the most milk issues. When I pumped, I got very little, but she seemed satisfied at the breast, so I wasn’t concerned. Breastmilk is different than formula so you don’t always end up with a chubby kid. Both of mine stayed long & lean looking…until sometime after we quit nursing. Their weight gain for a BREASTFED baby was normal. The first, would gain about 6-10 ounces per month. She’s 6…And even now, her weight will plateau for MONHTHS. And then it will creep up just a little. Her height she gains in whole inches at a time. Baby 2 gained EXACTLY 1 pound every month. And she didn’t even start solids until 9 months. She refused them until that point. She would gag, choke, then spit out her food. And refuse the next bite. I started giving solids at 6 months, and by 7 months I just gave it up all together. I wasn’t working, it wasn’t really a problem for her to be nursing exclusively. Then at 9 months, I was eating ice cream…and she opened up her mouth & leaned forward! After that she ate solids like she’d been doing it forever. I am a large girl…I have large boobies, it does take a little work to get everyone situated. Often, for that part of the process…I will use a cover, or blanket to get us started…then I move the cover, and go on like normal. I really enjoyed the nursing tank & the belly bands to cover my tummy while I nursed…And my shirt covered most of my boob…and the baby’s face covered the rest. Yes, there were times when someone would distract the baby and she’d jump up, dropping my nipple and spraying milk all over…but I always kept a little burp cloth with me…and I would just use that to cover my nipple (and dry us OFF) until the baby turned back to me. The only time I ever had a hard time producing, was when I was working. The less hours I worked, the better my supply was. Not working at all for baby #2 was awesome. I even considered donating, but I still had a worry that my supply would dip, so I stockpiled at home instead. Even now, I joke with my friends that if they need to hire a wetnurse, they know how to get in touch. I haven’t nursed for more than 18 months…but if I hold a nursing baby who reflexively turns towards me or starts sucking on my arm…I will sprink a leak. :)

No wonder you’re a feminist!

Hi Carolyn. This is Rebecca from the BBC World Have Your Say. We’re looking at breastfeeding this evening and the comment made that it is “creepy”. We are interested to hear from women that feel that breastfeeding doesn’t feel natural or women who have felt pressurised to breastfeed. If you are interested in contributing please contact me asap.

@JBoogie: so sorry to read about your baby not gaining enough. However, is there is possibility (s)he is gaining enough for a breastfed baby, but not for a bottlefed baby? I’ve heard that there are different WHO growth curves for breastfed babies (http://www.who.int/nutrition/media_page/en/). Might be worth to check it out? If my suggestion isn’t helpful, just ignore it; the most important thing is that your baby grows enough!

I LOVE my nursing cover–they go by a number of names including bebe au lait and hooter hiders. They are cheap, lightweight, and make public breastfeeding a breeze. I can comfortably nurse my child without feeling like I’m naked to the world. I don’t use them for other people’s comfort, though–I do it for my own. I was never good at discrete nursing without one!